What should I do about my friend?

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Speckla
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I tried but I think I stuttered because I had a room full of girdles made from turtles.

I am still waiting on the pizza to be delivered. How much do you deduct from the tip if they're 24 hours late?
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^^ I just wouldn't give him the tip!
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I am still waiting on the pizza to be delivered. How much do you deduct from the tip if they're 24 hours late?
Originally Posted by Speckla
was murr the delivery person?

if so, i think you're out of luck!

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Adding the present participle of the "to be" verb doesn't change the meaning of a statement like "You are terrible" vs "You're being terrible".
Originally Posted by annabananalise
I actually really think it does. It's a subtle but important distinction.

"Being [whatever]" is a description of a transitory act, a behavior that can change. "You are [whatever]" is a description of the very person, goes right to the core of the person's character.

The latter is much more stinging. And much more damaging when said to someone who is young and still trying to figure out who they are.

I can tell my SO he's being a jerk and if I say it in a soft tone, it can be a gentle admonishment that he should check himself.

If I tell him he IS a jerk, no matter what my tone is, it's going to come off as the character assassination that it is.
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There is another phrase that I learned to help me deal with him, "don't reward bad behavior". I stopped yelling at him for doing wrong and I didn't tell on him. I just stopped acknowledging him until he decided he wanted to play nicely with us.

What I am saying, is that your friend is acting out. She enjoys the attention, even if it is bad and you are feeding into it. She needs kindness
Originally Posted by scrills
This is really good advice.

And bonus: it works with pets just as well as it works with people!
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Adding the present participle of the "to be" verb doesn't change the meaning of a statement like "You are terrible" vs "You're being terrible".
Originally Posted by annabananalise
I actually really think it does. It's a subtle but important distinction.

"Being [whatever]" is a description of a transitory act, a behavior that can change. "You are [whatever]" is a description of the very person, goes right to the core of the person's character.

The latter is much more stinging. And much more damaging when said to someone who is young and still trying to figure out who they are.

I can tell my SO he's being a jerk and if I say it in a soft tone, it can be a gentle admonishment that he should check himself.

If I tell him he IS a jerk, no matter what my tone is, it's going to come off as the character assassination that it is.
Originally Posted by wild~hair
I agree with this, huge huge difference in how it's said.

In one you're saying who the person is, in the next, you're staying that's only something they're doing and that can be a one off or more easily changed.
medussa likes this.
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I try not to name-call (I might think something, but I won't post it). If someone is being stubborn or unkind or whatever, I'll try to point out the behavior. I also agree about people changing, particularly teenagers. I'm certainly not the same person I was in middle school and that gives me hope because my son acts like a turd a lot of the time these days.

Even here, I've seen individuals change as they age. We each have a voice, and I've seen many of those voices change for the better over the years, if that makes any sense. Sometimes a spammer will bump a thread and you see in black and white how different someone was years ago. So there's always hope.
Her mom is pressing charges on the guy.

The girl and I had a long talk about how we felt about each other and stuff. I gave her a little bit of advice and she may be pregnant.
I take it you're in the states? I kinda feel sorry for the guy in this scenario, in the UK we have a law where if an underage girl passes herself off as older then she is (our age of consent is 16) and he has a reasonable expectation that she is telling the truth, there is an exception in rape law. This girl's lies have ruined this guys life, he will be labeled as a sex offender for ever, he may not be able to get a job, or housing and could be persecuted, all because he believed your friend when she said she was 17. Such a sad situation for everyone involved.

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If you're concerned about her safety let her 22 year old boyfriend know how old she is, so he'll back off.

If you are just concerned about judging what you deem to be actions of a "whore" or a "slut" *I suggest you listent to Salt n' Pepas "None of Your Business" and back off.

salt 'n pepa - none of your business (original video) - YouTube
I take it you're in the states? I kinda feel sorry for the guy in this scenario, in the UK we have a law where if an underage girl passes herself off as older then she is (our age of consent is 16) and he has a reasonable expectation that she is telling the truth, there is an exception in rape law. This girl's lies have ruined this guys life, he will be labeled as a sex offender for ever, he may not be able to get a job, or housing and could be persecuted, all because he believed your friend when she said she was 17. Such a sad situation for everyone involved.

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Originally Posted by Yoshimi
She told him the truth about her age before she had sex with him. He didn't care so he had sex with her, she asked her to wear protection and he said no supposedly.

I told her not to blame herself for him going to jail because the moment you told him your age, he shouldn't have had sex with you. If he really liked you then he would've waited until you're the legal age.
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A lot has happened with your friend in the last nine days......She was bragging about her sex life, somehow parent's found out, school found out, older bf lost his job, she may be pregnant. Busy, busy.
She's an attention white who just wants to get a rise out of people. Unless she's she's an old friend...then you might wanna reconsider...I vote to ditch her she'll only bring you down!!
A lot has happened with your friend in the last nine days......She was bragging about her sex life, somehow parent's found out, school found out, older bf lost his job, she may be pregnant. Busy, busy.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
Most likely she's not pregnant because her doctor gave her plan b then again it my not work.
She's an attention white who just wants to get a rise out of people. Unless she's she's an old friend...then you might wanna reconsider...I vote to ditch her she'll only bring you down!!
Originally Posted by curlylifestyle
It's ok...they're not really friends. BiM just feels sorry for her and is trying to get her on the right path in life!

Most likely she's not pregnant because her doctor gave her plan b then again it my not work.
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
I think PlanB is only good for the first few days afterwards. Unless she's only had sex with him for the few days before her Mom found out, then she's good to go!
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
She's an attention white who just wants to get a rise out of people. Unless she's she's an old friend...then you might wanna reconsider...I vote to ditch her she'll only bring you down!!
Originally Posted by curlylifestyle
It's ok...they're not really friends. BiM just feels sorry for her and is trying to get her on the right path in life!

Most likely she's not pregnant because her doctor gave her plan b then again it my not work.
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
I think PlanB is only good for the first few days afterwards. Unless she's only had sex with him for the few days before her Mom found out, then she's good to go!
Originally Posted by CurlyCanadian
She had sex with the guy one time (from what I know. She gave up her v-card to him and her mom found out the next day after and made her take the pill.
I'm really worried if she is preganat because I have a sister who got pregnant
I'm 14 and I'm not into dating right now because I feel as dating in middle school is pointless. My friends all have boyfriends, but I have a few who are very...slutty.

One of them is dating a 22 year old (he thinks she's 17) and has about 3 other guys one the side. She always brags about her status with them and I don't like to sugar coat things so I usually say this to her "You're a whore, you think what you are doing is really cool but deep down in side you're a wreck. You're easy, naive, and again a whore..You get mad when people call you out on your foolishness but then try to act as if everybody does this. I'm not hoping this, but one day you'll mess with the wrong boy and something bad will happen too you." I don't say it to her that harsh, but it goes along the lines of that. Most of our friends agree what I'm saying, but she always turns ignores it and gets into even more trouble.

Sometimes when she knows what I'm saying is right (she hates to be proven wrong) she'll comment on my body and tell me things like "Shut up, you should be worrying about yourself since you'll never be able to get a boyfriend."

"How do you know so much unless you've done all these things yourself? I'm not shocked with the way your body is shaped only. Your ass is fake everything about is fake" I'm really self conscious about my body and I wonder why I consider her my friend when she says rude things to me. I've been asking for advice and nobody has helped me so I thought I should give here a try.
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
Hummmm I am a bit confused because as I have read, your very first post about your friend is not consistent with your last post. First you said the 22 year old guy thinks your friend who is 14 is 17 because she lied about her age and now your story has changed that he knew her true age?? I am confused and it seems like your not able to keep your own story consistent. Its hard to offer advice on something so serious when the story bounces all over like it has. I think at this point their really isnt much any one could advise on this matter as I am sure your friend will now get counseling since charges are being pressed.

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I'm really worried if she is preganat because I have a sister who got pregnant
Originally Posted by BeautyisMiree
When she a teen and she never took care of the baby. I had to take care of the baby and till this day she thinks kids are just toys.

The girl likes to play a lot and a baby is a huge responsibility.

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