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Old 05-12-2013, 10:05 PM   #1
 
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Default The number of sexual partners your SO has had

Do you think it's good to discuss/ask how many people your SO has slept with in life? Or is it a bad idea? Neither? Nunion? Other?
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Old 05-12-2013, 11:11 PM   #2
 
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I don't care how many partners my partner may have had. But I HAVE encountered partners that had a problem with my having existed in a sexual manner before them. Which I've always thought was strange. I didn't just start existing as a sexual woman when I got together with Ms. X or Y.

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Old 05-13-2013, 05:43 AM   #3
 
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this is a constant topic on the Plenty of Fish forums.

i am firmly in the None of Your Business camp!

the only thing that should matter is the person they are with at the moment. period.
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:50 AM   #4
 
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I also do not think it matters. I dont care.
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:37 AM   #5
 
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Nothing good comes of answering it either way. Too few and you're inexperienced, too many and you're a slut/player.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:20 AM   #6
 
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Nothing good comes of answering it either way. Too few and you're inexperienced, too many and you're a slut/player.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:50 AM   #7
 
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I think its typically a bad idea. Ironically, my bf and I had this conversation this weekend. In our case, I answered his question because i knew he wouldnt have a problem whether the number was high or low. In my past, most men I've dated were extremely weird about any number at all, as if they like to pretend they're your first or second.

As a general rule, I would skip this question all together.
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Old 05-13-2013, 08:02 AM   #8
 
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I have no idea how many he's had, and he has no idea how many I've had. I don't think either of us would have a problem with having that conversation, and I know neither of us would care what the numbers were, but it's totally irrelevant to our relationship.
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Old 05-13-2013, 09:23 AM   #9
 
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One of my friends told her fiance: "Oh, three or four," but giggled with me about her true number: "more like three or four hundred!" (She was exaggerating, of course.)
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Old 05-13-2013, 09:30 AM   #10
 
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I don't think stating an exact number is necessary or really even useful. But it would be informative to know roughly whether he or she is a virgin or has very limited exprience or an average amount or has been very sexually active or has been the victim of nonvoluntary sexual experiences or whatever. It's all good info to help you know what you're working with, and especially if your respective levels of activity don't match.

Sex (or lack of it or dissimilar levels of interest in it or incompatiblity or mismatched levels of experience with it) can KILL a relationship. So discussion on the topic is important IMO. Not asking for a number, per se, but really trying to understand your partner's history.
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Old 05-13-2013, 09:39 AM   #11
 
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Never!!!
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Old 05-13-2013, 09:39 AM   #12
 
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I don't think stating an exact number is necessary or really even useful. But it would be informative to know roughly whether he or she is a virgin or has very limited exprience or an average amount or has been very sexually active or has been the victim of nonvoluntary sexual experiences or whatever. It's all good info to help you know what you're working with, and especially if your respective levels of activity don't match.

Sex (or lack of it or dissimilar levels of interest in it or incompatiblity or mismatched levels of experience with it) can KILL a relationship. So discussion on the topic is important IMO. Not asking for a number, per se, but really trying to understand your partner's history.
I agree We don't have any problems in that department so for us, there's no real need or desire to discuss numbers.
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Old 05-13-2013, 09:46 AM   #13
 
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Yes. We discuss everything. We even share in detail how good/bad the previous sex was and the when/where/how. I wouldn't date a guy who was uncomfortable talking about it or had any qualms with the number of guys I've slept with. I noticed that these type of men are usually sexist and believe in the double standard. It puzzles me when others have a problem with it or even consider this a debatable question. What is the point of being in a relationship with someone if you can't even talk to them about personal things? Especially if you're married to them.

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Old 05-13-2013, 11:29 AM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
I don't think stating an exact number is necessary or really even useful. But it would be informative to know roughly whether he or she is a virgin or has very limited exprience or an average amount or has been very sexually active or has been the victim of nonvoluntary sexual experiences or whatever. It's all good info to help you know what you're working with, and especially if your respective levels of activity don't match.

Sex (or lack of it or dissimilar levels of interest in it or incompatiblity or mismatched levels of experience with it) can KILL a relationship. So discussion on the topic is important IMO. Not asking for a number, per se, but really trying to understand your partner's history.
This. I don't know exact numbers, we never asked each other exact numbers, but we both have a good idea of each other's past romantic history and patterns.
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Old 05-13-2013, 11:30 AM   #15
 
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I don't think the number is anyone's business other than your own, but I think if you're getting into a relationship with someone, it's understandable to want to know about their life history, which includes dating/relationship history. I want to know if they guy has had 2 long-term relationships in the past 10 years, or has been dating around without anything serious for the past 10 years. It just helps to understand someone, and where they're coming from, if you understand their background.
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Old 05-13-2013, 12:51 PM   #16
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Who Me? View Post
I don't think the number is anyone's business other than your own, but I think if you're getting into a relationship with someone, it's understandable to want to know about their life history, which includes dating/relationship history. I want to know if they guy has had 2 long-term relationships in the past 10 years, or has been dating around without anything serious for the past 10 years. It just helps to understand someone, and where they're coming from, if you understand their background.
Yep. Our dating histories came up naturally over the course of getting to know each other, as well as some history about our more significant prior relationships with other people. That was especially important as we are both still friends with one or two of our exes so in the interests of open and honest communication, we talked about why those relationships didn't work so there would be no jealousy or suspicion.

But as for a specific number of sexual partners - nope!
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Old 05-13-2013, 01:30 PM   #17
 
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I haven't asked about a specific number in about 20 yrs. But if, for some reason I did, and he knew it but was unwilling to tell me, I'd think it was rather strange.

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Old 05-13-2013, 01:48 PM   #18
 
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a dating and *relationship* history is one thing - especially if you are in the process of developing a new relationship with someone. that's important to getting to know someone and seeing if your relationship styles will work together.

but a specific number of lovers - NO WAY IN HELL!

no one needs to know that but me... ever.

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Old 05-13-2013, 02:00 PM   #19
 
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I would never ask a boyfriend how many partners he has had and wouldn't expect him to ever ask me. I've known my current boyfriend since grade school so he knows I've had "alot" of boyfriends/partners but would never ask me a number. We talk about sex all the time but not about specific previous partners.
If a boyfriend did ask me I would nicely say "It's none of your business and of no importance to our relationship."
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Old 05-13-2013, 10:10 PM   #20
 
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I don't think I have ever asked that question before. My first love and I had the discussion because he was my first, we were young, but he was not a virgin. Other than that... I have known specific former partners ex's had, because it's a small town, but I have felt no need to ask further.

I have had several men ask me for specifics. If asked, I will answer honestly. If he has a problem, or suffers from delusions, he should not have asked.
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