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Old 08-28-2013, 11:01 AM   #21
 
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I can't even begin to imagine how your daughter feels. Betrayed? Alone? Like you think you have a partner to go thru life with and the person has one foot out the door? So sad. I feel awfully bad for both of them.

I wonder what, if anything, they will ever tell the kids. Will the kids ever know?
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Old 08-28-2013, 12:13 PM   #22
 
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The kids are only 8 & 91/2, so we aren't telling them. One day? I doubt it. I would see no reason to.

Yes, Renee is feeling confused and lost right now. I wish I could be with her more, but I have to be at work. She's been thru so much the past couple of years. She had been down in the dumps and I've been worried about her. She had been isolating herself. She was so different on Sunday. She had energy, was laughing. She wants to get healthier and picked my brain on nutrition. I felt so good that she seemed to be moving past her depression THEN he does this. She looked so broken last night. I didn't want to let go of her. I'm worried about him, but I also want to kick his butt.
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Old 08-28-2013, 12:48 PM   #23
 
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The kids are only 8 & 91/2, so we aren't telling them. One day? I doubt it. I would see no reason to.

Yes, Renee is feeling confused and lost right now. I wish I could be with her more, but I have to be at work. She's been thru so much the past couple of years. She had been down in the dumps and I've been worried about her. She had been isolating herself. She was so different on Sunday. She had energy, was laughing. She wants to get healthier and picked my brain on nutrition. I felt so good that she seemed to be moving past her depression THEN he does this. She looked so broken last night. I didn't want to let go of her. I'm worried about him, but I also want to kick his butt.
Understandable!

Is this the daughter who moved to Columbus while the husband went to law school?

I had a coworker whose husband attempted suicide the week before we both started working at the job. She was always worried. Always checking up on him and babying him. He couldn't work due to the depression and he just stayed home everyday, in the in-laws' basement, where they lived, working on this business idea that never got off the ground. I think he had always suffered from depression but had been trying his hand at day trading, miskeyed something and lost their entire savings and a lot of money they didn't have. I think he felt so guilty and worthless after that, he just wanted to end it all.

It's got to be tough on both sides. Maybe there is a support group your daughter could go to, to blow off some steam?
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Old 08-28-2013, 12:57 PM   #24
 
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I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my brother just have Memorial Day to suicide and no one saw it coming either. In fact, he seemed happier than ever. This is going to be tough on all of you, so my best wishes to the whole family, especially your daughter who may be playing herself and your son in law who felt so desperate.
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Old 08-28-2013, 12:57 PM   #25
 
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This is a different daughter. Her husband sells and leases commercial real estate. Hasn't been easy with the economy.

She went to therapy after the ****e hit the fan in Texas, but it didn't really help. Not sure if she would consider it again.

My other daughter went to Ohio while her bf got a masters in art history. This is the one who doesn't talk to me.
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:06 PM   #26
 
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Lotsa,

I want to again say how sorry I am that you all are going through this. What I'm about to say is very hard and I've vascillated on whether I should say it or not, but it really would bother me if I didn't.

I think the family is making the wrong decision in not talking to the children about this. They are old enough to realize that something isn't right, and they'll be angry at you and their parents when they find out the truth (and I think it would be much more likely that they find out than not). This is an issue that needs to be talked about openly, candidly, and honestly. It shouldn't be a deep dark family secret that is swept under the rug.

I found this in a quick seach online, I hope you find it helpful/useful.
Talking to your 9-13 year old about a suicide attempt in your family

Again these are just my feelings, but know that you and your family are all in my thoughts.

TRBL
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:24 PM   #27
 
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Lotsa,

I want to again say how sorry I am that you all are going through this. What I'm about to say is very hard and I've vascillated on whether I should say it or not, but it really would bother me if I didn't.

I think the family is making the wrong decision in not talking to the children about this. They are old enough to realize that something isn't right, and they'll be angry at you and their parents when they find out the truth (and I think it would be much more likely that they find out than not). This is an issue that needs to be talked about openly, candidly, and honestly. It shouldn't be a deep dark family secret that is swept under the rug.

I found this in a quick seach online, I hope you find it helpful/useful.
Talking to your 9-13 year old about a suicide attempt in your family

Again these are just my feelings, but know that you and your family are all in my thoughts.

TRBL

I think the above advice is for when a child already knows about the attempt. These children have no idea anything happened.
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:38 PM   #28
 
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TRBL, I really do appreciate you wanting to help. That is very thoughtful of you. I have to agree with Spider. The kids have no idea about what happened. They were in school when this all happened. If they were aware of a suicide attempt then yes, it would be very important to talk to them about it.
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Old 08-28-2013, 03:03 PM   #29
 
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Sending my prayers to all of you, hopefully everyone will be ok
(>^_^)><(^_^<)
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:29 AM   #30
 
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Lotsa,

I wish the best for you and your family. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

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Old 08-29-2013, 07:45 AM   #31
 
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Sorry to hear this! Sending prayers.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:06 AM   #32
 
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How were things last night?
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:10 AM   #33
 
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So last night was a little uncomfortable. Jim and I were pretty tired last night after staying up so late the night before. After dinner we settled in to watch a movie we had recorded earlier. He was very quiet and didn't touch me. Usually he has to be holding my hand and caressing me. I asked if anything was wrong and at 1st he said he was just tired and had a lot on his him mind concerning work. He had said earlier he'd had a frustrating day with his boss. Later on he said that last night was pretty rough. I asked if he could handle it and he said I don't know. I told him that one of the reasons we are living together right now is to see if we want to marry one day. If we are compatible. I told him that if we have a situation with a family member and the other one is uncomfortable or not wanting to deal with it, then that should say our relationship isn't that strong. What I really wanted to say was that if you think relationships are going to be all rainbows and puppies and are going to bail when it's not then there's the front door. Don't let it hit you in the ass. He was all over me this morning. Knew he was wanting to have sex. Said he loved me. When I let him know I didn't have time, because I needed to get ready for work he asked if I was still attracted to him. I just rolled my eyes. . Looks like there is going to be a very long talk tonight.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:22 AM   #34
 
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So last night was a little uncomfortable. Jim and I were pretty tired last night after staying up so late the night before. After dinner we settled in to watch a movie we had recorded earlier. He was very quiet and didn't touch me. Usually he has to be holding my hand and caressing me. I asked if anything was wrong and at 1st he said he was just tired and had a lot on his him mind concerning work. He had said earlier he'd had a frustrating day with his boss. Later on he said that last night was pretty rough. I asked if he could handle it and he said I don't know. I told him that one of the reasons we are living together right now is to see if we want to marry one day. If we are compatible. I told him that if we have a situation with a family member and the other one is uncomfortable or not wanting to deal with it, then that should say our relationship isn't that strong. What I really wanted to say was that if you think relationships are going to be all rainbows and puppies and are going to bail when it's not then there's the front door. Don't let it hit you in the ass. He was all over me this morning. Knew he was wanting to have sex. Said he loved me. When I let him know I didn't have time, because I needed to get ready for work he asked if I was still attracted to him. I just rolled my eyes. . Looks like there is going to be a very long talk tonight.
Men!!!

IDK if tonight is the best time to have a long talk. Maybe table the long talk and just chalk it up for a future discussion?

Could he be worried that you're planning to ask that the kids live w/ you for a while?
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:41 AM   #35
 
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I like to nip things in the bud, so I don't think I can wait on talking with him. I definitely can't have sex with him with this hanging over us.

I don't think he is concerned that my daughter and the kids would move in. Not exactly sure what his problem is, but I think part of it stems from him wanting a "perfect" relationship.

It really is nice to have our relationship tested early on. That way neither of us are wasting our time.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:50 AM   #36
 
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I like to nip things in the bud, so I don't think I can wait on talking with him. I definitely can't have sex with him with this hanging over us.

I don't think he is concerned that my daughter and the kids would move in. Not exactly sure what his problem is, but I think part of it stems from him wanting a "perfect" relationship.

It really is nice to have our relationship tested early on. That way neither of us are wasting our time.
I'm the same way about wanting to resolve things directly and quickly. I just wouldn't want to see you and Jim have an argument now, and then you're not able to totally focus on your daughter and the grandkids and be in a good frame of mind.

But you know better than I do.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:55 AM   #37
 
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Lotsa, I am so sorry (& relieved that he was unsuccessful). I know from personal experience how painful suicide is for those left behind, and I'm glad your family did not have to endure that.
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:13 AM   #38
 
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I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this, Lotsa

Big hugs to you, your daughter and the kiddies (((Hugs ))))
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:14 AM   #39
 
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I don't have much to add, but I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:16 AM   #40
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves View Post
I like to nip things in the bud, so I don't think I can wait on talking with him. I definitely can't have sex with him with this hanging over us.

I don't think he is concerned that my daughter and the kids would move in. Not exactly sure what his problem is, but I think part of it stems from him wanting a "perfect" relationship.

It really is nice to have our relationship tested early on. That way neither of us are wasting our time.
I'm the same way about wanting to resolve things directly and quickly. I just wouldn't want to see you and Jim have an argument now, and then you're not able to totally focus on your daughter and the grandkids and be in a good frame of mind.

But you know better than I do.
My daughter and her family will be my main focus. I've already contacted her this morning to let her know I will be available to her. If I need to watch the kids again I'll just go to their house alone and maybe spend the night. She won't know there is a problem between Jim and I unless we break up and even then it will be after her life is more settled. I don't want her to feel guilty, because this isn't about her, but about him/us.

I don't plan to argue with Jim. Arguing doesn't change the situation or his mindset. It is what it is. I just need to take care of my life and either he's here with me or not. If not, I can easily move on. No hard feelings.

ETA: Spider, I know you have faith in God, like I do, so I'm sure you will understand when I say that I believe God will put situations in our lives that are not too comfortable. If we have faith we can become stronger because of this and make better decisions and choices.
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From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."

Last edited by Lotsawaves; 08-29-2013 at 09:19 AM.
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