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Old 09-03-2013, 09:56 AM   #61
 
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That is a tough situation. I am sorry that you and your grandchildren are going through this. I am glad that Jim is sticking with you through this. I will pray for strength for you. ((Hugs))

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Old 09-03-2013, 10:04 AM   #62
 
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Oh Lotsa, I'm so sorry to hear this.
Big hugs to you.
Thoughts and prayers coming your way.
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:16 AM   #63
 
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I'm sorry, Lotsa. We're here...
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Old 09-03-2013, 10:28 AM   #64
 
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OMG, just no words

Your grand kids are lucky to have you, hopefully this isn't too hard on them.
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:21 AM   #65
 
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The grandkids don't know what is going on, of course. They think their mom is at a sick friends house taking care of her. More lies, but that's to protect them. It's sad, because they want her home. My SIL pretty much said I had to help him with the kids. I told him they got themselves into this mess and it's up to them to clean it up. The kids are their responsibility. People can't continue coming to their rescue. I'm doing tough love right now. If I feel he/they aren't taking care of the kids I will step in. He thinks people should come over and cook dinner and help him do homework with the kids and get them ready for bed. He's capable of doing this.
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:29 AM   #66
 
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Is this the same son/daughter that just had the suicide attempt, or your other daughter?
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I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
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Old 09-03-2013, 11:49 AM   #67
 
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The same. Her husband said he knew he didn't take enough pills to die. He was doing it as an attempt to wake her up so she will get help. I know...stupid move.
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:03 PM   #68
 
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Again, I am so sorry, Lotsa.

I mean no offense, but the fact that your SIL thought it was a good idea to take pills show he is not in his right mind and is not making good decisions. The kids need someone stable right now. And it sounds like you are all they have. Please know I mean no disrespect.

I hope you are okay and it sounds like Jim is there for you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.




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Old 09-03-2013, 12:30 PM   #69
 
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No offense taken. I feel the same way. They both are f'd up as far as I'm concerned. Just thinking of themselves and blaming each other for their problems. I'm here for the kids, but I'm not letting them get completely off the hook. They both need to be here for the kids too. They haven't had their best interest at heart thru this.
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Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:32 PM   #70
 
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What an awful, awful situation. Are his family around to give support? I understand what you're saying about it being their mess and them needing to sort it out for themselves (and I think I'd feel the same way) but sometimes people just can't do that on their own - they don't have the coping skills and strategies. Can your SIL get help from somewhere besides you?It's so hard when kids are caught up in such a mess.
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:34 PM   #71
 
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Is CAS or someone involved? I think it's pretty clear the suicide attempt wasn't just a wake up call attempt for your daughter, there are many other avenues he could have tried. He's obviously in a pretty bad place to have done that, even if he thought it would have helped. If he knew their mother was a coke head, and he tried killing himself (even if he didn't mean it to go that far), the kids are not his priority. Doesn't seem like a very safe place for them. Is there any other family that would be willing to help out?
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I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:43 PM   #72
 
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It just doesn't seem like the adults are in a good enough place to be on the hook. One day, yes. But not right now.

I know you are trying to protect the kids, but they probably know more than you think. I strongly urge you to call their school counselor and let him/her know what is going on. At least something. It will be good for them to have someone to talk to.

((((hugs))))



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Old 09-03-2013, 01:58 PM   #73
 
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The reason I'm putting them "on the hook" so to speak is because they have used me before to care for the children without me knowing what was going on. And I'm now finding out that they have used their friends, also. This has just enabled them to continue with their "partying" and yes, I believe he isn't as innocent as he says. She met her dealer thru him. And he hasn't stopped her from going to his place and hasn't cut off her money supply.

I've been called upon to either come over and help take care of the kids or take them home with me, because she didn't sleep due to her anxiety, etc I've even taken the kids becuz they have both been in bed "sick".. He can take care of the kids, but he'd rather unload them on someone else. I think she feels she can leave and I will step in and take care of the children. He didn't ask for my help. He told me I had to help him. The reason he had her do an outpatient program is becuz he didn't want to take care of the kids on his own. She is angry at him for that.

He has no family here. His parents are both dead and his siblings live in Kansas.

I can't enabled them, but I will not let any harm come to the kids. I will be monitoring the situation. If I feel I have to I will take them home with me. They won't get them back until I feel it is safe for them.

I don't feel I can contact the school or anyone in case they decide they should come in and take the children. They could end up in foster care and I won't take that chance. I'm going to check online for counselors I can talk to to help me do what is best in the situation.
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From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."

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Old 09-03-2013, 03:05 PM   #74
 
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Stop coking up or I will kill myself??? A grown man? He sounds very manipulative! What's he gonna do if you don't help w/ the kids? Hold his breath till he turns blue?

So is your daughter in re-enrolling in treatment now?
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Old 09-03-2013, 04:40 PM   #75
 
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She's on a waiting list. There are 2 ahead of her.
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Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
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Old 09-03-2013, 05:29 PM   #76
 
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I can not say this strongly enough: the mother is an addict and the dad is suicidal and possibly an addict. Those children do not belong in that house.

I feel terribly for you and everyone involved, but someone needs to step up for those kids.
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:20 PM   #77
 
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Good God is all I can say. I had no idea about your daughter, Lotsa. I honestly didn't get the impression that your son in law tried to kill himself. If he pop's them regularly... That's not too far over the line. It really isn't. People who take 20+ mean business. Someone who takes 6 was just out of it for a bit. I had a regular who did that every few weeks, for years. It does sounds like a ploy for attention, but that can work several ways and be for many reasons. He does need help. They both do. I do not blame you for being angry or for wanting to force them to buck up and care for their kids. I really don't know, based on what you have said, if either are capable right now. It sounds like they are not ready to grow up and quit being selfish. And until they make that choice their selves...

PSS- DSS (CPS) typically looks for a family member to assist. They don't just take the kids and place them in FC unless no one else is willing. At least, that is how they work in my state.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:29 AM   #78
 
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I'm so sorry, Lotsa.
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Old 09-04-2013, 07:57 AM   #79
 
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She came home last night. Not sure if she will stay until she can get checked into a facility. She is still on the waiting list. She isn't talking to me so I'm getting the info from her husband.

Just to be more clear. I'm not the onlyone involved in this. Her best friend and her mom and sister, plus the next door neighbors (who are very close friends) are helping me monitor the situation. We would not let any harm come to the children.

CPS may give the kids to a family member, but there is no one here, but me and I can't take them on. I work from 6:30am to 6 or 6pm Monday thru Thursday. This doesn't coincide with their school schedule. This could jeopardize my job if I took time out. I know that may sound selfish of me, but I already told my son in law that I was not going to lose my job over their irresponsibility.

I really do appreciate everyone's support thru this. It's hard to air private, personal things here, but it really does help to get some insight and support. Thx.
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Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
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Old 09-04-2013, 08:01 AM   #80
 
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Glad she's home, Lotsa, and hopefully she gets into treatment quickly
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I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn
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