Why do so many people assume that simply because you're nice you're a pushover?

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  • 1 Post By claudine191
  • 1 Post By Fifi.G

Honestly, it is so annoying. Just because someone is kind doesn't mean they don't have a spine or do not know when they're being taken advantage of. Sorry for the rant. It's just I see it all the time and I'm annoyed on behalf of man- (or more frequently) woman-kind right about now.
3A - C, HP, ME, HD. (Coarse, High Porosity, Medium Elasticity, High Density.)

CG since Nov. 2012

Poos: SM Moisture Retention + Yucca Baobab, TJ's Tea Tree Tingle
Condish: TJ 'sTea Tree Tingle*, SM Moisture Retention* + Curl & Shine + Yucca Baobab, Yes to Blueberries
Stylers: KCKT*, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie* + Curl & Style Milk*, KCCC*, FSG*, CJ Pattern Pusha, Curl Keeper
Sealers: Jojoba* or Grapeseed* oil

* = HG

Thanks. What's even more frustrating is that if you do deign to speak up for yourself, you have to be super diplomatic about it all because if it's a man speaking up, he's assertive, if it's a woman, she's a b*tch. I think I'm finally gonna go pick up that Lean In book today. I'm in the right mood for it.
3A - C, HP, ME, HD. (Coarse, High Porosity, Medium Elasticity, High Density.)

CG since Nov. 2012

Poos: SM Moisture Retention + Yucca Baobab, TJ's Tea Tree Tingle
Condish: TJ 'sTea Tree Tingle*, SM Moisture Retention* + Curl & Shine + Yucca Baobab, Yes to Blueberries
Stylers: KCKT*, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie* + Curl & Style Milk*, KCCC*, FSG*, CJ Pattern Pusha, Curl Keeper
Sealers: Jojoba* or Grapeseed* oil

* = HG

Exactly. For some reason I'm considered lenient yet I'm the only one out of three that hasn't caved in and let an employee get his way. (When the employee gets on a topic, if he doesn't get his way he gets louder and starts going up the ladder. This last go around he went to my boss's boss and HR and I still didn't give in yet all he has to do is threaten my coworkers and they do what he wants )
I think a lot of work-related self-assertion depends on the culture of the company.

Diplomacy can be a real pia, sometimes.
dusalocks likes this.

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
I get the, "well I didn't know you were like that " a lot when I speak up.
I used to get it more when I was younger.
They imply I am not expected to speak up and I am supposed to let people take advantage. Almost like it's their entitlement to take advantage of me.
Honestly, it's a conundrum. I'm not happy when I have to be unkind or when I lose my temper, and yet, sometimes people just push until it's required.

I think they defend themselves and deflect attention from their provocation (@ violets, here) by making remarks like "I didn't know you were like that" or whatever b.s. they come up with.

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
I don't know why people assume that, or why "nice" has become such a loaded word. Now more than ever.

I've never been remotely close to a push over, but there was a time when I had an extremely high BS tolerance level. Things didn't get to me easy, and I was generally easy going. I've always gone above and beyond for my friends, and been used as door mat by more than one, but who hasn't when growing up? My understanding of another persons reasons has always guided the way I reacted. There have been times that I should have gone off but didn't because I knew the person was in a bad place. I've heard the "you're just too nice" excuse in breakups or "you have one of the kindest and biggest hearts of anyone I've ever known BUT..." (note all that was before I turned cold after my job. hehe). I wasn't a big fighter in relationships when I was younger. At the same time, no one has ever really been shocked when I snapped. If they know some of my family members, they expect it, and if they have known me a long time, they have seen it... A few times.

All that said, the older I get the less I care what comes out of my mouth.
B-wavy likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Yes it is annoying. I generally don't get upset easily and am a nice person, so I get the "you are too nice" all of the time. People are always shocked when I tell them off and sometimes a little afraid because they don't expect it. I hate when someone tries to take advantage of me so it always pisses me off. Nice is no longer appreciated, which is sad.

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3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
I have the opposite problem; ppl assume bc I am opinionated or fiesty or whatever that I'm not nice. Maybe it's bc I'm a displaced NYer? I'm just more overbearing?

In general, I hate when ppl make assumptions about me at all. They are usually wrong and it's annoying.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I'm with you there. I tend to get a lot of my supervisors to think they can walk all over me, because I don't speak up. I've spoken up before when it started to really get to me, and it wasn't pretty. It's not really worth it. I think you just have to learn to "take it", ignore it, and move on. Sometimes I listen and say "ok" and then do the opposite anyway. Don't know if that's the best way to do it. I've also lost a lot of friends, but you know what... you have to be your own positivity. It's a pain in the butt for people to do this, but you have to have confidence in the person that you are and know you are of a kind heart, and just move on from it. Hard to do, but well worth it.

I've started speaking up lately and a lot of people don't like it. But I find the ones that understand and truly know you for you won't be offended by it, because it's so out of character.
This is good advice in general but as a woman in particular, I've found it's important to raise your voice without actually raising your voice. Any time you do show anger someone else can twist it and say that you were "emotional" or in "hysterics". I'm seeing this happen a lot to a friend of mine in her workplace and it frustrates me on her behalf. She shouldn't have to play gender politics at this level. She's earned her place. People should just respect her, you know? And as for me,

" I get the, "well I didn't know you were like that " a lot when I speak up. "

yes, yes, YES, violet I always get that. I think it's because to look at me I'm very laidback and I give off that air of being open and serviceable. (That may change when I get older, too, because with age comes authority hopefully. I don't know.) And I honestly do enjoy making people happy. I'm not selfish about my time or my patience. But it doesn't mean I'm a pushover. Period. Sometimes I wish I could just don a t-shirt that says, "I'm not your b*tch!"
3A - C, HP, ME, HD. (Coarse, High Porosity, Medium Elasticity, High Density.)

CG since Nov. 2012

Poos: SM Moisture Retention + Yucca Baobab, TJ's Tea Tree Tingle
Condish: TJ 'sTea Tree Tingle*, SM Moisture Retention* + Curl & Shine + Yucca Baobab, Yes to Blueberries
Stylers: KCKT*, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie* + Curl & Style Milk*, KCCC*, FSG*, CJ Pattern Pusha, Curl Keeper
Sealers: Jojoba* or Grapeseed* oil

* = HG

I had to learn at a very young age to raise my voice without actually raising my voice. Hysterics get you nowhere in a big family of mostly redheads with tempers to match (and are all exceedingly proud of that fact). I'm a quiet person usually, not really shy, but pretty laid back, which people try to take advantage of. They're usually shocked when I tell them off, especially in my normal voice, like I'm asking them to pick up a gallon of milk. Lol

I never really had any work problems with it, maybe because I've mostly worked alone or directly with customers, rather than closely with other employees.

My friends .... Different story. They all seem to start out thinking they can walk all over me. And sometimes I let them get away with stuff I know I shouldn't, especially if they're going through a rough time. But there's a line, and if they cross it, everything changes.

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Mostly 2C (?). Med-fine, not sure about porosity.

Started CG 9/6/13

CO/LI: SN Everlasting Sunshine
RO: Vo5 Herbal Escapes Pomegranate
Stylers: HETT mousse, Vital Care Mega Hold gel

Can't wait to start trying new products!!
On behalf of redheads, I would just like to say that not all of us have strong tempers.

However, when it comes to certain issues, I'm definitely a hothead. This site actually helped me work on dismissing deliberate provocation (at times).

I've heard the "I didn't know you were 'like that'" remark, too. It was back when I drove an old Beetle people liked. A neighbor asked me if she could drive it some time and I laughed and said, "Get in line." Wtf? Why should I let a stranger drive my car? And saying "no" means I'm like what, exactly?

We as women don't owe other people anything beyond treating them the way we wish to be treated (aka The Golden Rule).

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
Lol, I meant the stereotypical redheaded temper.

I've given up treating people the way I want to be treated, for the most part. Now they pretty much get what they give.

Sent from my Event using CurlTalk App
Mostly 2C (?). Med-fine, not sure about porosity.

Started CG 9/6/13

CO/LI: SN Everlasting Sunshine
RO: Vo5 Herbal Escapes Pomegranate
Stylers: HETT mousse, Vital Care Mega Hold gel

Can't wait to start trying new products!!
Well, yes.

But I try to start out following The Golden Rule.

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
Years ago, I used to put up with friends who were all Me Me ME! all the time. Eventually I realized if they were all take, no give, they weren't worth my time. So now they're not getting anything.
3A - C, HP, ME, HD. (Coarse, High Porosity, Medium Elasticity, High Density.)

CG since Nov. 2012

Poos: SM Moisture Retention + Yucca Baobab, TJ's Tea Tree Tingle
Condish: TJ 'sTea Tree Tingle*, SM Moisture Retention* + Curl & Shine + Yucca Baobab, Yes to Blueberries
Stylers: KCKT*, SM Curl Enhancing Smoothie* + Curl & Style Milk*, KCCC*, FSG*, CJ Pattern Pusha, Curl Keeper
Sealers: Jojoba* or Grapeseed* oil

* = HG

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