Image in dating!!

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Why are people today so focused on image instead of getting to know each other? Dating these days has become a little difficult because men and women want the "full package" or what I call the "ideal" man or women. People only want someone who makes them look good. No one wants to just get to know anyone anymore its all about looks.

I understand that looks are important and that's what attracts us to our companions. But when looks is all that everyone is searching for, then how are you going to know if that person is compatible for you.

Looks are important but so is trying to find a companionship that is just more than the surface.
Does anyone else have this same issue?
Just want to know others opinion about this.

Last edited by Lanikai; 10-18-2013 at 09:52 PM.
Looks have and always will play a Factor in dating.


For me looks are what attracts me but personality makes me stay. Like looks Arent everything because if a persons personality is unpleasant they are no longer attractive.


Im not exactly sure what u mean but Good Luck ツ
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scrills and sixelamy like this.
I'm not to focused on looks. I never really feel an attraction to a guy until I get to know them.

But I don't think a lot of people are this way. Especially men. Most men I know and meet are shallow and seem only concerned about appearance. Never mind the fact that they are not perfect specimens themselves but that's a whole other topic....
rouquinne likes this.
Physical attraction is the difference between your best friend in the world and a boyfriend/ girlfriend. Looks are important to me, although I actually don't like standard supposedly handsome men, I always go for someone unusual looking, quite a few times people have said to them they have done well to get with me/ punching above their weight which is kind of rude (sorry if that sounds big headed, I don't see it that way).

Part of it is probably how quickly people expect to get intimate, often before they have had a chance to get to know the person or fall in love.
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As already mentioned, looks and physical attraction are important. Sometimes people are attracted to those who aren't the best looking because physical attraction isn't the same as looks. I don't think there is anything shallow about this. You can't always help what you're attracted to. It's not always PC.

Are you online dating? That is where I can see guys only caring about looks. Online dating is weird because you can't see attraction usually until you talk or see a person.

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@multicultcurly

No I don't online date. This is just things that I have been observing since I became single. I just noticed that getting dates has changed a lot.
@Firefox7275

Interesting about the men you are attracted too. That's cool. I totally agree with you that now a days people are trying to be intimate way too quickly. A lot of guys that I have met are all about intimacy and not a relationship. Which is very annoying in my opinion.
Firefox7275 likes this.
@Curlisue1

I agree with you. I think a lot of guys want women who makes them look like they are the best. Some women are like that too. Too bad dating is not as simple as it use to be. Sometimes now it feels like dating has become a job. If you don't have all the right qualifications you get passed over. LOL
@multicultcurly

No I don't online date. This is just things that I have been observing since I became single. I just noticed that getting dates has changed a lot.
Originally Posted by Lanikai
Dating has changed quite a bit, in several ways. I feel bad for younger girls now. Not that it was anywhere near a picnic before, but many of the changes have not been for the better.

I have dated some guys who also dated a few women younger than them (nothing new in itself but...), and they seem to want to keep most of their conversations between texting or something online. I like to text, have no problems with it in general, but when it comes to getting to know a guy it's not the way I like to communicate. It's too easy for people to put on an act. I miss taking on the phone, having the need to see someone more, and hearing someones voice. That can clue you in to much more. As I mentioned in another thread, some guys also spend a great deal of time attached to their phone on dates. They are constantly checking to see what else is going on, and much of this is image/social media based. I have met far more shallow and easily distracted guys in the past few years than I ever had before. Why not? They have a catalog of possible dates to flip through at their finger tips. It's very hard for some to resist, and an immediate killer for me. If you can't make it through dinner, take your ADHD and get out.

For me, I might see a guy and think he's handsome but what attracts me is always so much more than appearance, and the more I get to know about a guy, the more attractive he becomes in my eyes. At the rate my dates have been going, i'll never get to know anyone again. Lol
Firefox7275 likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Sincerely though (and just generally speaking), I wish girls in the younger generations knew what it was like to have no cell phones, no distraction, and just each other for entertainment.


PS- I don't know how old you are (i am in my late 30's) but word of advice... Avoid the younger ones like the plague. I typically only date people 3 years younger or older, but anytime I have strayed out of that in the past few years it's been rather pathetic.
Firefox7275 and sixelamy like this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I agree Fifi that cell phones, online dating and social media has changed dating and communication skills. I am in my early 30s and I am not attracted to the guys who can't talk on the phone or who ignore me in favor of playing on their phones. It does seem that the girls in their early 20s and younger have lower expectations and the guys seem to act more like guys did before the equal rights movement.

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@fifi.G
I agree with you. I'm 23 and I prefer to date guys at least 4 years older. The younger generation and my generation seems to be living in a crazy dating world.
Sincerely though (and just generally speaking), I wish girls in the younger generations knew what it was like to have no cell phones, no distraction, and just each other for entertainment.


PS- I don't know how old you are (i am in my late 30's) but word of advice... Avoid the younger ones like the plague. I typically only date people 3 years younger or older, but anytime I have strayed out of that in the past few years it's been rather pathetic.
Originally Posted by Fifi.G
Omg I feel the same!! Like how do you get to know someone over texting? He's probably texting multiple women at once.

My friends think im weird for wanting to call than text but oh well.

When I start dating I hope the guy wont mind me calling, but I feel like if I did I'd seem easy or desperate. Because a phone call is more of a big deal than texting, its seen as 'oh they're really interested'.

I started college a few months ago & guys that hit on me seem kinda forward. They ask when they can see me or what im doing later on……when they barely know me!

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Firefox7275 likes this.
It has seriously messed with attention spans.

The last guy I was in a relationship with, who was in his mid 30's, only texted. He was also an extended co worker so I talked to him on the phone at work, but that is completely different. It was quite a change, and he had mainly been in relationships with girls in their 20's, so it was the norm for him. Before that he was married and had a son. It was jot the norm. The majority of my serious relationships took place before cell phones or when only a random few had one, or with guys who still preferred to call. I was used to not talking to a guy until after school/work/whatever obligation. You were not bothered during that time and he texted non stop. Where are you? What are you doing? Are you mad? Why haven't you texted back yet? Hello? Good grief! It was all or nothing. Not even remotely used to that. It was not hard to figure out when his attention had drifted. He got quiet.

In fact, the two guys I went out with before him just wanted to text and were all over the place. I agree, it seems like standards have been lowered and almost impossible to have a good face to face conversation with a guy. I'm not going into a date with too many expectations. Just put down your phone and actually talk. That's supposed to be point.

One more ETA: It makes it so much easier for people to not actually think of the other person, too. Just stop texting them and start texting someone else. Move on. You can bow out of actually talking to them, and you don't have to see them. It's worse than the old have his friend call you to break up with you in elementary school. Lol. At least someone called.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??


Last edited by Fifi.G; 10-20-2013 at 12:52 AM.
@Johari

Wow!! They are really forward. What do you do when they ask you questions that makes you uncomfortable? I know I have had men who hit on me ask me about what sexual positions that I like, just talking to me for like 5mins. It's crazy!!
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Last edited by Lanikai; 10-20-2013 at 12:49 AM.
It has seriously messed with attention spans.

The last guy I was in a relationship with, who was in his mid 30's, only texted. He was also an extended co worker so I talked to him on the phone at work, but that is completely different. It was quite a change, and he had mainly been in relationships with girls in their 20's, so it was the norm for him. Before that he was married and had a son. It was jot the norm. The majority of my serious relationships took place before cell phones or when only a random few had one, or with guys who still preferred to call. I was used to not talking to a guy until after school/work/whatever obligation. You were not bothered during that time and he texted non stop. Where are you? What are you doing? Are you mad? Why haven't you texted back yet? Hello? Good grief! It was all or nothing. Not even remotely used to that. It was not hard to figure out when his attention had drifted. He got quiet.

In fact, the two guys I went out with before him just wanted to text and were all over the place. I agree, it seems like standards have been lowered and almost impossible to have a good face to face conversation with a guy. I'm not going into a date with too many expectations. Just put down your phone and actually talk. That's supposed to be point.
Originally Posted by Fifi.G

Yes!!! It's like phones have taken over everything. My ex used to text during just about everything. It's like his phone was attached to his hand. We would go to the movies, he would text threw the whole thing. He would text in the bathroom, driving, dinner, work, it got so bad that he would even try to text during sex. Which was my breaking point. I never understood why he needed to text so much. But I guess whoever he was chatting with was more important. I totally agree with you, good old fashion face to face dating really needs to make a come back and fast.

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Last edited by Lanikai; 10-20-2013 at 01:02 AM.
^ Nothing has changed there Those guys will always be around.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

It has seriously messed with attention spans.

The last guy I was in a relationship with, who was in his mid 30's, only texted. He was also an extended co worker so I talked to him on the phone at work, but that is completely different. It was quite a change, and he had mainly been in relationships with girls in their 20's, so it was the norm for him. Before that he was married and had a son. It was jot the norm. The majority of my serious relationships took place before cell phones or when only a random few had one, or with guys who still preferred to call. I was used to not talking to a guy until after school/work/whatever obligation. You were not bothered during that time and he texted non stop. Where are you? What are you doing? Are you mad? Why haven't you texted back yet? Hello? Good grief! It was all or nothing. Not even remotely used to that. It was not hard to figure out when his attention had drifted. He got quiet.

In fact, the two guys I went out with before him just wanted to text and were all over the place. I agree, it seems like standards have been lowered and almost impossible to have a good face to face conversation with a guy. I'm not going into a date with too many expectations. Just put down your phone and actually talk. That's supposed to be point.
Originally Posted by Fifi.G

Yes!!! It's like phones have taken over everything. My ex used to text during just about everything. It's like his phone was attached to his hand. We would go to the movies, he would text threw the whole thing. He would text in the bathroom, driving, dinner, work, it got so bad that he would even try to text during sex. Which was my breaking point. I never understood why he needed to text so much. But I guess whoever he was chatting with was more important. I totally agree with you, good old fashion face to face dating really needs to make.a come back and fast.

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Originally Posted by Lanikai
It does. I had one poor guy just freeze. He could text just fine, but could not say two words on a date. It was different than being shy. I've gone out with shy people. He was lost at sea.

Yes, that would be my breaking point, too. Breaking something over his head.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

[QUOTE=Fifi.G;2217158][QUOTE=Lanikai;2217155]
It has seriously messed with attention spans.

It does. I had one poor guy just freeze. He could text just fine, but could not say two words on a date. It was different than being shy. I've gone out with shy people. He was lost at sea.

Yes, that would be my breaking point, too. Breaking something over his head.
Originally Posted by Fifi.G
Omg yes! LOL. Guys who are so shy is like a deer in the headlights lol. I should have broke something over his head LOL.

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They have done some rather interesting studies on the addictive nature of texting/social media/smart phones in general. It's not good at all when you can not turn your phone off during a movie, dinner, whatever. If you literally can not go an hour without it being right by you, it's time to rethink.

I enjoy connecting with people but I turn it off when need be, and leave it home when I can. I know people who go into full blown panic attacks if they forget theirs, and refuse to turn it off, ever. Did you forget that we spent the majority of our lives without one? It's like they have a constant paranoia that something will happen unless it is in their pocket.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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