Feeling kind of lonely.

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So I am looking for advice. I am done with feelings of loneliness and sadness, So here's my story. I used to live with my parents on a farm way outside of town. All I have ever known is the country life, so I am not really into parties or anything that the "city" kids do..raves....clubbing and so on. My friends were just people I knew from all my years of 4-h and competitive horse shows.

Well, 8 months ago I scored a great job in the BIGGEST city in my state. I moved out of my parents house and got my own apartment. The first couple of months were good. I was just starting to figure things out and start to live on my own. I started dating a guy who I met through work.
He was quite a bit older than me, to be honest he is seven years older than I am. Well after dating him for a few months we parted ways because I found out he actually had a girlfriend he had been with for 3+ years and unfortunately got her pregnant. I did not know any of this until later in our relationship a few months after he wanted to be exclusive.

So after I broke up with him I felt relived knowing I didn't have to deal with his drama anymore. But then the whole summer I started to feel lonely because I have no other friends up here in this huge city. It got so bad that I would cry myself to sleep almost every night because I never had anyone to talk to or see.

Even though I work full time and am surrounded by thousands of people, I can't get over my loneliness. My coworkers are all marred with kids and much older than I am. They all have family and work related responsibilities and don't want to hang out with someone who is 20. Lol.

I am really shy and naturally a quiet person. I have never been the type of person who can just join into a group of people and instantly make a ton of friends. I never go out, and when I do it's just shopping and I am always by myself. I can't just walk up to strangers and start a conversation.

I feel like I am in such a rut. I feel extremely awkward if I try to go somewhere by myself to try and meet people. I feel like crap....it's like what am I supposed to do? I know a lot of young people meet friends through school, but unfortunately with all my bills there is NO way I can afford school. I am going to take one non-credit class though to help, but It won't start until January. I've tried to volunteer at a cat shelter but they have never called me back. So I guess I could try looking for other opportunities that could help me make some friends.

I am sorry for the long message. I just feel like I am wasting my young life staying in all the time and not experiencing what life has to offer. The last time I actually went out and enjoyed the city with company was 4 and a half months ago.. And I am getting to point where I just want to have some fun. I get tired of always being by myself. I was hoping you guys could give me some tips to making friends that will help me feel less awkward.

Thanks in advance.
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Although I live in a big city and can't relate to the whole situation, I'm very much an introvert myself. Very quiet, used to being alone . . but about two years ago I had begun to experience the very same lonely feeling. I wasn't the type to walk up to people and make friends, I was always on the outside looking in. It got old and I cried about it often.

Eventually I had to FORCE myself to approach people and go out and try to meet people. It wasn't easy at first and yes it feels extremely awkward, but since then I've found it easier to be in social situations and the approaching aspect has become easier as time has moved on. I can say that I've gained 6 new friends since doing this . . so it doesn't hurt to take yourself out of the box. Try cooking classes, volunteering, get a pet and walk in the park (dog park/run), and I've even made a friend while shopping (she had beautiful curly hair and I approached her to talk about that and we hit it off). Sometimes simple things make the difference too.
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Hi Frankie. Here's a hug for you {{{Frankie}}}

I'm also shy and introverted and I know what it's like to feel lonely. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. PprmacheHeart had some excellent suggestions.

I very much hope you are able to connect with some friends. Loneliness is terrible and if it is so bad that you are crying yourself to sleep at night, it's really kind of a crisis for you.

I hope other curlies respond to you so you don't feel so alone. I know it isn't the same as connecting in person, but until you are in a better situation, hang out with us and hopefully, it will help a little. At least, know that we feel sympathetic and loneliness happens a lot. Volunteering doesn't cost anything and it is one way I coped when I went through a very lonely period. Usually the people who are also volunteering are very friendly. Good luck with all this, and please stay in touch with us. You aren't alone.
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I too, am exactly like this. I've recently felt lonely myself. I don't have the best friends, and only have 1 friend I can truly count on. My boyfriend got a new job at the beginning of summer and works the entire weekend, so I work weekdays, and he works weekends. If it wasn't for the time we spend during the evenings, I would be crying myself to sleep as well.

I don't know how to make friends, but I met this totally awesome girl working at a store and asked if I could get her on facebook. I think I'm failing right now, but I'm trying to make a new friend. I asked her if she'd like to do something sometime, and she said yes, but it hasn't happened yet. That was a huge thing for me, because it's like - how do you ask a girl to hang out without feeling like you're hitting on her? lol

Like someone mentioned previously, you have to go out of your comfort zone. Strike up a conversation with someone in a store and exchange fb's or ask them out for coffee and say you're new to the area and don't know many people. Go hang out at a coffee shop or a bookstore on a regular basis, you're bound to see some of the same people, and get to know the workers.

Hmm.. I think I need to take my own advice!
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Starting a convo with someone isnt as hard as you think & sometimes people will start taking to you!

You can start off with a compliment maybe.

And for getting out the house more try exercising like going to the gym or walk/run around a park.

Or traveling around to see what's out there, you could find a new restaurant or store. Taking public transportation might be better for that so if you get lost just hop back on the train/bus.

Im still somewhat shy and it was hard to make friends at first but now its not too bad. Keeping in touch is another story.

Good Luck ツ
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A fellow introvert here. Sometimes it does get lonely. I find that volunteering helps. I volunteer at a rescue facility for poodles and it helps me to help them and the people are very very nice. I'm not friends with any of them outside of volunteering, but I'm okay with that. I get my fix and go home. And I can go as often as I like.

Also I had to teach myself to go to movies alone or out to dinner. The first couple of times it's pretty unnerving but sometimes I actually prefer that.

I joined a yoga studio, it's a nice community and I've made friends there. (Groupon has some good deals)

Sometimes just being out in public, walking through a museum or even the grocery store helps me keep the lonelies at bay. Touch is important. If you don't have friends to give you a hug, pedicures or massage help.

We have a local paper here that lists all of the things going on during the week and weekend. Many are free.

Push your comfort zone. Set small goals for yourself. Find a small park and go sit and read. Go for a late lunch at a small diner. Don't beat yourself up if you need a day feeling bad. One foot in front of another. And days when you don't think you can do that, we're here

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I know what you mean about the loneliness. I live in the same city I went to college in, but all of my friends except a couple have moved away. I've been pretty sick over the past while, and some days the only person I see is my boyfriend. I miss having a group of girls to do things with, and I'm not into the loud night life thing either. One suggestion I've meant to try but haven't yet, do you like reading? Would you consider seeing if your local library has any book clubs or discussions? These typically happen in a quiet environment, and tend to attract those who otherwise have trouble being outgoing. Hopefully all of us who have mentioned this loneliness can find some ways to try getting through it.
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Would you be open to trying to meet people through meetup.org?
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These are all wonderful suggestions. I don't really have any else to add but just wanted to chime in and let you know that I can relate and understand how you feel as well. 😊
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Would you be open to trying to meet people through meetup.org?
Originally Posted by Josephine
hey i just checked out that site! thanks lol
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Oh my gosh I swear you must have been listening to my thoughts or something I was litterally 99.9% I was going to make a foreveralone post on nc like 45 minutes ago but I decided not to. Girl I feel the same and I'm not nearly as wise and experienced as you are. I'm quite introverted and a quiet person until I get to know people. I am exactly like sixelamy and everyone as well. This is unreal we curly sistahs are seriously interconnected or something.
I honestly being indian have issues too I'm the girl version of raj from bigbang theory no lie.

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Find out about mutual interest groups in your area, maybe physical activity/ fitness get togethers, other volunteering opportunities. Chase things up, even if via email if you struggle verbally.

Consider moving into shared accommodation to meet other young people and to free up cash for socialising. A gym can be a great place to meet people, especially if you attend classes or go to any social events - some gyms do more of this than others so pick carefully.
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I honestly being indian have issues too I'm the girl version of raj from bigbang theory no lie.
Originally Posted by bringingcurliesback?
lol.. Raj is awesome!

---

Heyyy, I just checked out that website too, never heard of it. Found a group of interest, so let's see how this works.
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You are in a transition, and those will happen often. You lose touch with people you once hung out with, people get married and have babies and things change, etc. You just have to go with it. If you have made friends in the past, you can make them now. As others mentioned, you might have to step out of your comfort zone, but it will be worth it.

I have never been shy, or afraid to strike up a conversation with someone, so I can not relate to that but I am introverted, often burnt out on people after work, and very much so enjoy my alone time. I have my moments where I need to get out and be around people. That used to be constant, in my teens and 20's. You are right when you say that you are too young to be cooped up. Get out there!! Try new things. Have some fun.

The thing I have the hardest time with now is most people seem to want to interact more online and not in person. It can be almost impossible to get someone to speak to you face to face. For that reason, I would avoid sites. It creates an awkwardness all it's own. You need to work on actual conversation, and personal situations. There are plenty of people walking around who feel the same as you. Plenty of women who would love to meet a new friend and do something as simple and normal as going out for coffee. You just have to find them.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Bible studies
gyms
laundry room/pool/clubhouse at apt complex
art/cooking/auto mechanics/scarf tying night classes at community college
browsing at Barnes & Noble
sketching at art museum
dog park if you have a dog
at your job - ask someone to go to lunch or get coffee
at your job - if assigned to project w/ others
volunteer activities
dating site - friendships can develop and romantic relationships
other interests - ski club, small business association, political campaign, etc
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I second or third meetup.org. you can choose activities that you want to attend, and many involve doing things other than happy hours, which makes it easier to talk to people. I have done meetup in two cities, and it made me feel comfortable going to new places and meeting new people because I was in a group and not walking around a new city by myself talking to complete strangers.

I also agree with Spiderlashes' suggestions. If you're religious, join a bible study. If you like team sports, join a team. Take dance lessons. Try volunteering with another organization if the cat shelter won't return your calls.

I also agree with Fifi that you ate in a transition phase, and change can be scary and lonely. However, look into doing something you like or attending a couple of meetup groups. Even if you don't make great friends, you will have a great time while there and have something to do.

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The sports team thing is a great idea if you have one you like to play. When my sister finished high school all her friends went away for further studies and she stayed in our home town. She was pretty lonely at that point and quite discouraged. She joined a soccer team for fun, and that's ultimately how she met her new friends.
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Thank you everybody for your support and suggestions. I will take all of your ideas into consideration. I guess one reason this is so hard for me is because I am not used to city life. I guess I just don't know what is out there. I've always known mudding, hunting, horse back riding, fishing, and four wheeling as fun my whole life. Then I am thrown out in this city and I just don't know what to do. Like for fun and stuff. I mean I like the city and everything, I just don't know yet what it has to offer. It's hard too when I start talking to somebody and they ask my interests and they have no clue what I am taking about when I say "taking my truck mudding". So sometimes I feel a little out of place.

I definitely am trying to step out of my comfort zone. I go out to places like book stores and coffee shops but am usually too shy to talk to any one. But I'm working on changing that. You all have given me great advice.

As for meet up, I have actually considered that. It's intimidating though.Do most people go by themselves? I've always had a fear that if I went to one of those I'd be the only one there without a group of friends with me.

I understand that it is a transition phase, but sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I should have accomplished more in the past 8 months. I feel like I haven't done anything except work. Sometimes I wish I could just break away from the seriousness of my job and have fun. But at least now I have some ideas to help me get started.
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I'm considerably older than you and still struggle with the "what do you like to do for fun" question. Most of what I like are solitary activities that make me sound like a hermit.
Go online and type in your city name and museums or festivals. Exploring the city is a way to know it. I have one friend who is always doing stuff but honestly I don't like to go non stop. One or two things a month and I'm good. It's important to do what you like not what you think you should like (and you'll probably have to explore to find out what you like)
I've never been to a meet up group but I get the idea that the purpose is for people to meet others. There's one group in my area that was created by a woman who just wanted someone to go out with now and then. I think it's over 200 members now. People want friends!

Good luck. Keep us posted

Oh I forgot to add that going mudding is something many people have never done so you can use it to your advantage. Instead of being self conscious, say "you know I grew up in the country, we did things like mudding, etc. What kind of things do people our age do in the city? " or "my frame of reference is completely skewed, I have no idea what to do In the city, any ideas? I mean, it's not like I can go mudding on (insert name) street" also, guys will probably like that you enjoy that!

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Many people go to meetup events by themselves. I have multiple times. The point is to do something you like with people who are interested. Most people at meetup groups are nice and inclusive. There are some groups whose purpose is to explore the city, so they go to museums, festivals, restaurants, etc.

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