Not to be a Debbie downer . .

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But I really feel alone for the first time ever during the holiday season. Like I'm 24 years old and my parents are at the beginning stages of divorce and nothing has been the same since it's been announced. At first I was good, things didn't seem to bother me but literally there's no one here (meaning home) with me. No tree, no decorations or gifts, there's nothing but weirdness where this comforting, happy, warm feeling should be.

My dad is pretty hard to speak to and always has been and my mom is my best friend basically. She's in the process of moving out and I feel forgotten. I don't know how they stayed together for 31 years . . I really don't.

I should be happy tomorrow's Christmas, but I know I won't see either of my parents. Just my dog and me, like on Thanksgiving and I'm sad and I feel lonely.

I don't know what to do or how to shake it . .
last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

YTChannel: http://www.youtube.com/user/papiermachecurls


I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Christmas is a hard time to be alone, when we're constantly told it's a time for family and togetherness. I have my SO and kids but the rest of my family's in the UK and I always feel the distance more at Christmas.
(((pprMACHEheart)))
curlypearl likes this.
3b in South Australia.
Big hugs to you. If you are alone, please go for a walk with the dog (several times) greet people with a smile. It will help you feel connected. Also if you are able to go out for a meal (on holidays alone I typically go to a diner and get a big breakfast around 4pm). Chatting with people will help you get through the day.
I hope you see your parents

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curlypearl likes this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
I was just talking to my sister about this around Thanksgiving. It is rough being single and disconnected sometimes, even when you're like me and don't really care for Christmas. Sometimes you just feel lonely when everyone else is with their families. I used to go out for Chinese on Christmas. Haven't done it in a while. I was actually thinking about going to Dave & Busters or the movies, too.

I agree, it helps to make connections with people. It's just me and my dog, too. I'm glad that some businesses are open on major holidays.
curlypearl likes this.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
The responses made me feel good. I'm glad we are a caring community. {{{pprMACHEheart}}}. I understand and I hope you find a way to feel less sad and alone. Post again if it helps.
rouquinne and Zinnia like this.
2/c and some 3A. Modified CG.
Protein sensitive
Highly porous. Color over grey.
Best 1st day method: Super Soaker
Conditioners: Curl Junkie Beauticurls Strengthening Conditioner,
Deep condish: Curl Junkie Curl Rehab
Stylers: Mix Curls in a Bottle into everything for shine. Terrible pj
Sometimes try roller sets - classic glamor but I prefer my curls.
Every day is a gift
I deal with it by watching copious amounts of fluffy television, food and knitting. Hang in there (((((hugs)))).
Yes! I had Chinese, Japanese, Thai, and Vietnamese food for lunch today. Did my hair. Decided against Dave & Buster's and the movies. I'm watching Alex Haley's Queen and kind of shocked by how horrible Halle Berry's makeup is/was. HOT mess.

Going to watch Spirited Away next, and then read a book.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

4a, mbl, low porosity, normal thickness, fine hair.
I feel lonely too. Just hang in there and remember, Christmas is just a day like any other, we put way to much meaning into it.

((hugs))

P.S. I'm a Debbie and hadn't heard that expression before. Jeeeez
claudine191 likes this.
Many (((hugs))). I am sorry you are feeling so alone. Christmas can be a tough one, for many people and for several reasons. I hope you can talk to your parents *at some point* and let them know how you feel. I am sure everyone is going through their own thing right now, but it still wouldn't hurt. Most of my friends parents who divorced went back to some form of (new) holiday normalcy. It just took a little while to make adjustments.

Last year my mom and I cried the whole time we cooked. It was the first Christmas (and only 4 months) since my dad passed away. This year we held it together a bit better, but there is still a large emptiness. I just had to take a deep breath and keep going. I hope you can do that too. Get out and about, and do something you enjoy.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

I know just how you feel. For thanksgiving I was away at school and spent the day in my apartment with my dog. I'm home for Christmas but we don't do anything for it (I'm an only child so it's just me and my parents here) anyway. I always hate the holidays because they make me feel lonelier than ever. Seeing others with family and friends and hearing all the "what did you do for the holidays?" stories doesn't help either. Not to sound spiteful, but I'm glad to see I'm not "alone" in how I feel. I know what ur going thru, OP. I hope u feel better. I am at least happy to have my dog at least. She's my best friend
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity

Last edited by sKorpio1190; 12-25-2013 at 07:26 PM.
Really sorry youre feeling alone. I also feel really down although not going through anything as bad as yourself. I just broke with my bf and keep thinking about our last Christmas. I didnt grow up celebrating Christmas but I still feel lonely thinking about him. Im actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I just want the holidays to be over. Not looking forward to Nye either.
Hey pprMACHEheart! I'm feeling you. My sister lives far away in WA and she is going through a divorce after being married 23 years. Her daughter is 17 and just about ready to leave home. I know she is going through a lonely time so I try to be the best big sis I can. All of us know what lonely feels like. I feel for you and your parents. I've been married a long time but know there would be much loneliness if we split. Your parents have been married just a little shorter time than we and that is a very long time to be together - this is so hard for them no matter how it is ending. Your life is just really starting and you will not feel lonely for long. Help your parents by letting them know how much you love them both. Hope you and your doggie have a great day together.
curlyprincess1 likes this.
I've had many lonely holidays. So many, in fact, that I came to embrace them and being busy for the first time in a few years feels a bit strange.

What I do to cope is everything I like. French toast for me, Frosty Paws for the gang, movies, sleeping, no chores, admiring nature, and being sloppy (or neat; whatever works for you). Something that helps me too is attending midnight mass. I do it not because I'm a staunch believer (I'm not), but because the act of singing with other people and wishing strangers "peace" helps me feel connected, and because every now and then, a priest says something I feel to be true. But it's mostly the singing of such lovely music.

And I also try to do one really good deed. Right now I'm working on a complex dog rescue, and that brings me happiness. If I can play a part in saving this dog, my Xmas wish will have come true.

So, for me, it comes back to making myself happy in a deep or sincere way, regardless of whatever Hallmark crap we're "supposed" to have or want. I don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating with a beloved pet. The source of the love we feel or receive really doesn't matter; love isn't qualifiable, in my mind.

And lastly, you're not alone: we're all here for you, and wishing you the best. Do whatever makes you happy. You're the one who really matters.
Josephine, rouquinne and Starmie like this.

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com

Last edited by claudine191; 12-26-2013 at 10:33 AM.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm sorry your parents are going thru a divorce, as well. Try to focus on the sacred aspects of the holiday...even if everything seems sad and lonely. And be sure to check in w/ your parents; they might really be grieving. Sending prayers up for all of you.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Thanks so much guys. I kind sunk into it after posting yesterday. I cried a little in my room, made a big breakfast and ate until I was stuffed. I had a migraine to boot as well. My oldest cousin on my mom's side called me out of the blue and asked what I was doing and invited me over to hang out with some of my family and I took her up on the offer. I had to fight to go cause honestly at that point I wanted to just lay in the bed with my dog and be sad all day. I know that wouldn't have been helpful but . . . it seemed like a nice pity partying idea.

But I forced myself to get dressed and went to the city to her place. I had a good time, I ate and laughed and honestly didn't feel so bad. I could feel the loneliness still looming around, but I kept pushing it away.

I spoke to both my parents yesterday, but as for spending time with either it didn't happen.

I would've gone to my exboyfriend's house but we're just working on things now and I feel it's too soon for us to jump into that. He checked on me all day which I appreciated. But I still feel that Christmas should be spent with family, so Idk . .. idk.

Yesterday was decent, but it was different. My parents seem to think there's nothing wrong with it though. I suppose I have to get over it since I'll be 25 in February. Eh.
last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

YTChannel: http://www.youtube.com/user/papiermachecurls


Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.
"But I still feel that Christmas should be spent with family, so Idk . .. idk."

This is what I would work on reconsidering, but not everybody will agree.

http://geaugadoggy.wordpress.com
I think I'm going to have to with the way things are going.
curlyprincess1 likes this.
last relaxer; 082708, BC; 081810, CG; 122410
high porosity, med/coarse texture, high density, color treated
condish;TN, DevaCurl Heaven in Hair stylers; Heaven in Hair, DevaCurl Curl Cream oils;Castor Oil

YTChannel: http://www.youtube.com/user/papiermachecurls


Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.
Originally Posted by Josephine
What if you don't want to bring other people down though? I mean I struggle with this myself because I don't want to make people feel bad because I'm sad when I'm out with them. I feel like it's better to avoid people when I am depressed for fear that I will make them have less fun or ruin their good time/mood. It's hard for me to fake being happy. I don't mean to make this forum about me, but I was just wondering what others thought about that
Medium texture, normal porosity, normal elasticity
Hey, it's a good thing you got out. Even if when you feel sad when you are out, it's still good to be around other people. Slowly you'll get used to it and get stronger. As someone told me here once you gotta 'fake it til you make it'. I doubt your parents think there is nothing wrong, it must be really hard on them too but they want to be strong for you.
Originally Posted by Josephine
What if you don't want to bring other people down though? I mean I struggle with this myself because I don't want to make people feel bad because I'm sad when I'm out with them. I feel like it's better to avoid people when I am depressed for fear that I will make them have less fun or ruin their good time/mood. It's hard for me to fake being happy. I don't mean to make this forum about me, but I was just wondering what others thought about that
Originally Posted by sKorpio1190
I don't think you should worry about that. They could end up turning your mood around. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself, and crying it out (that's normal when you are upset by something) BUT there comes a point when getting out is better than sitting around and wallowing in infinite sadness.

I do not think it becomes a problem unless someone is sad for months and months on end and not open to a helping hand. I recently had to take a little breather from my best friend. I hated to but he is very depressed, has been for some time, can not and/or will not get back on his meds, and will not listen to any advice. He's in a dark and defensive place and is perfectly happy staying in it. That can become hard to handle when you love and care about someone.
Josephine likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

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