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Old 02-23-2014, 10:22 AM   #1
 
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Default One ugly comment

I am texting with my neighbor about the snow we ve been having . A bit more than usual for NJ. She is texting me she can't find salt but she has heard cat litter does the same thing as far as traction.
I say yeah I will go buy some.
Then she says " seriously, why isn't todd doing this for you? I have met his parents I am sure they didn't raise him this way. You are his woman,he should be taking care of this for you."
My neighbor is single and I live with my SO, my son and stepdaughter.
I know she has seen me out there cleaning out my car and the back steps. I like to do them because todd does have to be told to do it and I usually like to go out there and get it over with before it melts and the snow gets harder to clear out. I don't do the driveway because there is a plow normally coming. If I do need to get out before the plow comes todd has done the driveway shoveling by hand. That is not often so she normally sees me out there doing the steps (5 or6 steps) and maybe my car and SHOCK you ladies, yes, I confess, his car.

The comment doesn't surprise me because I know she is always looking at our house from comments she has made before. She has noticed Me shoveling but trust me, it is not back braking work or anything than takes me more than 15 minutes. If the snow is really bad and it need to be dug out, Todd shovels AROUND my car. Most of the time he doesn't need to do this.
Don't you people agree this is one ugly comments rom her? If it would have been me years ago, I would have agreed with her and probably ripped his head off. It would have caused a huge fight. Thank God that is not me anymore.
I just laughed it off and told her didn't you see him shovel the ENTIRE driveway the day the plow didn't come until late. She kind said oh ok. Wow. Some friend I though I to had. I mean she kind of has a point but it's not like I feel offended I have to pick up a shovel. I am sure some men would not let me pick up a shovel but that is not him. He only does it if I really can't do it.
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Old 02-23-2014, 10:47 AM   #2
 
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Shame on you for being self-reliant! That is an absurd comment to make. Isn't part of the meaning of love - doing things for each other? She sounds pretty selfish, IMO.
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Old 02-23-2014, 11:18 AM   #3
 
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The first comment she ever made was last winter. He took a job that ended up being a nightmare. He was there late nights and Sundays. He didn't get home until 8,9,10 everyday. Out the door by 6 , 7 am.
She asked my why he was never home. He ended up quitting that job when after working all those hours the guy laid him off temporarily a few weeks because they were " slow". He went on an interview and got an offer. When the guy called him to come back , he had another job already.
I mean for all she knew he was out partying every night and me home crying. You just don't ask that. She is an very subtle instigator.
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Old 02-23-2014, 11:21 AM   #4
 
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ugh....why do people feel the need to comment when it is none of their business.
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Old 02-23-2014, 11:30 AM   #5
 
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Your neighbor needs to get a life. This is none of her business. She is probably jealous of you and that is why she makes such comments.
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Old 02-23-2014, 12:01 PM   #6
 
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I had a neighbor similar to that. To be honest, I think these people want to put things in your head so you can be miserable like them.
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Old 02-23-2014, 12:46 PM   #7
 
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Some people , regardless of whether they are a man or woman, have very stereotypical views of what each gender should do.

One of my mate's mother's was easily wound up by the fact that it was a group of women sorting out her son and his wife's garden. He is a builder and does heavy stuff during the week while we all basically have non-manual jobs and like gardening.

You can't change these people's minds but you can repeat to them again and again why it is completely normal for you, as a woman, to do something like dig out your car.
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Old 02-23-2014, 01:31 PM   #8
 
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Bluebood you might be right but this neighbor really needs to get a filter and keep her comments to herself.
All you can do with socially backwards people is ignore them or confront them. I would do the former though.
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Old 02-23-2014, 01:51 PM   #9
 
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Quote:
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I had a neighbor similar to that. To be honest, I think these people want to put things in your head so you can be miserable like them.
This
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:28 PM   #10
 
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[QUOTE=The New Black;2253031]
Quote:
Originally Posted by sixelamy View Post
I had a neighbor similar to that. To be honest, I think these people want to put things in your head so you can be miserable like them.
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:29 PM   #11
 
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Then she says " seriously, why isn't todd doing this for you? I have met his parents I am sure they didn't raise him this way. You are his woman,he should be taking care of this for you."
Comments like that actually really p*ss me off, because they are so anti-feminist it's unreal. Women are self-reliant and can do the same things a man can; we're perfectly capable. It's just perpetuating gender stereotypes.

"You are his woman, he should be taking care of this for you" - no. You are a COUPLE and you should both be helping out.

Also, why is it her business? And talking about his parents not raising him that way? LOL. It's just such a ridiculous thing to say.
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:31 PM   #12
 
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aint that the truth! smh, just keep doing what works for you until it no longer does....then maybe then you can seek advice/constructive criticism/opinions
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Old 02-23-2014, 03:10 PM   #13
 
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I would not even think twice about someone who is prone to over reaching and making grand assumptions about your life based on snow shoveling. Meeting one of your neighbors parents in no way equals knowing how a person was raised. Perhaps she has cabin fever. It does sound like she needs to get out of the house.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:24 AM   #14
 
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It sucks that it offended you but I would think her comment is so ridiculous that I would laugh and ignore it. There are some pretty backwards people out there.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:35 AM   #15
 
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Don't get me wrong, my husband almost always does this for me when we have snow. Is it because I'm not capable of doing it? No. Is it because I think a man should wait on a woman? Certainly not! It is because he can clear off the car/shovel the driveway way faster than I can (he used to do snow removal).

I am offended by the comment your neighbor made though. This is not the 1950's. Women are just as capable of doing labor as men. While I think it is nice when a man offers to do it, she shouldn't expect him to. And the fact that you are both doing it, means you believe in shared duties. To me, that says a lot more about your relationship.
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Old 02-24-2014, 10:56 AM   #16
 
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Quote:
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And the fact that you are both doing it, means you believe in shared duties. To me, that says a lot more about your relationship.
What she said!
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:58 AM   #17
 
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Busybody
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:14 AM   #18
 
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Busybody
LOL!
I had to look this up to see what it meant.


The other day I stayed in the car in the driveway a bit after I came home. It was raining so I had my lights on during the day. I was there for maybe 10 minutes before I turned off the car/ lights. She sends me a text telling me I left my car lights on. Apparently she didn't see me IN the car.

Ladies she does need to get a life. She is single, works from homeand goes out on the porch to smokes every hour. She doesn't get out much.
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Old 02-25-2014, 09:20 AM   #19
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000 View Post
Busybody
LOL!
I had to look this up to see what it meant.


The other day I stayed in the car in the driveway a bit after I came home. It was raining so I had my lights on during the day. I was there for maybe 10 minutes before I turned off the car/ lights. She sends me a text telling me I left my car lights on. Apparently she didn't see me IN the car.

Ladies she does need to get a life. She is single, works from homeand goes out on the porch to smokes every hour. She doesn't get out much.
Wow. Yeah, she has nothing better to do than see what is going on outside!
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