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Old 06-12-2011, 10:21 PM   #23701
 
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How do you deal with a bully at work?
Can you give an example of what kinds of bullying behavior s/he engages in?
I'm a bartender, she's a waitress.

Waitstaff is to tip out minimum 15% to bartender. There are nights she has told me that she thinks I've made enough money already, and will not tip me out. And, then, have me make her anywhere from 2 - 4 "staff" drinks.

She has told me she thinks people in their 20's brains are not fully formed. I am in my 20's, she's in her 60's.

If I arrive before her, she will scream at me if I don't turn on the fans in the dining room & I turn on only the fans in the bar. The dining room fans are way out of my way to turn on. (She has never turned on a bar fan for me though...)

Screamed at me once when there was no iced tea made. It's my job, she claimed. I had been working there about 5 or 6 weeks at the time, & no one ever showed me how & the occasion never arrived (and was only working one day a week!), so I simply didn't know. I asked her to show me how so I could get it set for next time... She said she didn't know & had been working there 7 years at the time...

And the kicker is, I'm stuck with her. Tried to find someone to cover my shift tomorrow night so the BF & I could have a date night (we work opposite shifts & rarely see each other) and everyone told me a big, fat NO because they don't want to work with her. So sorry, they said, if it wasn't her shift also...

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Old 06-12-2011, 10:24 PM   #23702
 
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How do you deal with a bully at work?
Stand up to him/her? If it's applicable?
I have tried to confront her over a specific issue in the past. I calmly said that I did not like the way she was treating me & if she wants or needs something from, she needs to ask me before it gets to the point where she just screams. How can I fix something if I do not know it needs to be fixed?

She told me that I am inconsiderate & need to stop pouting & get over it.

eta: Actually, this incident was regarding the 'fan issue' I outlined above.
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Old 06-12-2011, 10:53 PM   #23703
 
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How do you deal with a bully at work?
Getting bullied on the job is an absolute NO GO!!!

You need to check her @ss in advance or ask your boss to check her for you. Tell her the Bull5hit ends now and that you don't give a d@mn what she feels about 20 year olds.

Tell her in front of everybody that you all have to get along and learn to work together and there's no room for her tired drama.

Tell your boss that you will not tolerate another employees childish behavior.


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Old 06-12-2011, 11:14 PM   #23704
 
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How do you deal with a bully at work?
Can you give an example of what kinds of bullying behavior s/he engages in?
I'm a bartender, she's a waitress.

Waitstaff is to tip out minimum 15% to bartender. There are nights she has told me that she thinks I've made enough money already, and will not tip me out. And, then, have me make her anywhere from 2 - 4 "staff" drinks.

She has told me she thinks people in their 20's brains are not fully formed. I am in my 20's, she's in her 60's.

If I arrive before her, she will scream at me if I don't turn on the fans in the dining room & I turn on only the fans in the bar. The dining room fans are way out of my way to turn on. (She has never turned on a bar fan for me though...)

Screamed at me once when there was no iced tea made. It's my job, she claimed. I had been working there about 5 or 6 weeks at the time, & no one ever showed me how & the occasion never arrived (and was only working one day a week!), so I simply didn't know. I asked her to show me how so I could get it set for next time... She said she didn't know & had been working there 7 years at the time...

And the kicker is, I'm stuck with her. Tried to find someone to cover my shift tomorrow night so the BF & I could have a date night (we work opposite shifts & rarely see each other) and everyone told me a big, fat NO because they don't want to work with her. So sorry, they said, if it wasn't her shift also...

Want more?
Ugh, what is she, the world's greatest waitress? How does she keep her job when she's such an itch to everyone?

I mentioned it to my husband and he said the waitress "is just an *sshole. *ssholes are OK as long as you know they're *ssholes. It'd be different if she were nice one day but then an *sshole the next. So treat her like an *sshole. Don't wait for her to yell at you all the time; just start yelling at her." (Yes, he actually said *sshole that many times...lol).

Or...he also suggested the direct approach. Just say to her, "Don't you ever raise your voice to me, YOU JERK!"

Hubs' approach is usually different than mine, but his advice is always effective.
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Last edited by Phoenix; 06-12-2011 at 11:17 PM.
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Old 06-12-2011, 11:56 PM   #23705
 
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Can you give an example of what kinds of bullying behavior s/he engages in?
I'm a bartender, she's a waitress.

Waitstaff is to tip out minimum 15% to bartender. There are nights she has told me that she thinks I've made enough money already, and will not tip me out. And, then, have me make her anywhere from 2 - 4 "staff" drinks.

She has told me she thinks people in their 20's brains are not fully formed. I am in my 20's, she's in her 60's.

If I arrive before her, she will scream at me if I don't turn on the fans in the dining room & I turn on only the fans in the bar. The dining room fans are way out of my way to turn on. (She has never turned on a bar fan for me though...)

Screamed at me once when there was no iced tea made. It's my job, she claimed. I had been working there about 5 or 6 weeks at the time, & no one ever showed me how & the occasion never arrived (and was only working one day a week!), so I simply didn't know. I asked her to show me how so I could get it set for next time... She said she didn't know & had been working there 7 years at the time...

And the kicker is, I'm stuck with her. Tried to find someone to cover my shift tomorrow night so the BF & I could have a date night (we work opposite shifts & rarely see each other) and everyone told me a big, fat NO because they don't want to work with her. So sorry, they said, if it wasn't her shift also...

Want more?
Ugh, what is she, the world's greatest waitress? How does she keep her job when she's such an itch to everyone?

I mentioned it to my husband and he said the waitress "is just an *sshole. *ssholes are OK as long as you know they're *ssholes. It'd be different if she were nice one day but then an *sshole the next. So treat her like an *sshole. Don't wait for her to yell at you all the time; just start yelling at her." (Yes, he actually said *sshole that many times...lol).

Or...he also suggested the direct approach. Just say to her, "Don't you ever raise your voice to me, YOU JERK!"

Hubs' approach is usually different than mine, but his advice is always effective.
Ha ha I like your husband's approach... Wish I could do it, but I am the bar manager (as in bottles, not people), so I would like to maintain a great relationship with the owner (i.e. letter of rec when the time comes).

I will maintain a calm demeanor & treat her respectfully & professionally & bite my tongue (as I've been doing for the past 1 1/2 years). I know she has some serious personal problems (marriage, money) and I try, try, try to understand what happens in a persons life time to make them be as miserable as this at this point in her life. I'm sure she just overall feels powerless in life & takes it out on me. But, my life, overall, is great. Loving SO, financially stable, my boss & other coworkers love me. I am stronger than her. I am stronger than this.

Thanks for responding. You helped me work through it & I feel more at ease now. Sometimes a good vent to a sympathetic ear is all that is needed!
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Old 06-13-2011, 06:39 AM   #23706
 
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Old 06-13-2011, 07:43 AM   #23707
 
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Holy Sh*t, I cannot believe I sent you that text message....if you could have seen my face when I realized I sent it to the wrong person....so embarrassing!!!!
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Old 06-13-2011, 08:37 AM   #23708
 
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Stupid effing... grrr. It's 7 miles from my house. Was 125a as of 7p last night and fortunately the wind died about 9p. Supposed to start getting windy again around noon. Cross your fingers they get it out.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:42 AM   #23709
 
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Informative website on bullying Link
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:48 AM   #23710
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Holy Sh*t, I cannot believe I sent you that text message....if you could have seen my face when I realized I sent it to the wrong person....so embarrassing!!!!
Prolly a good thing I don't know how to text, even tho I get sh[i]t for it!
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:50 AM   #23711
 
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Ninja, I love your sig picture & quote. LOVE. And {{hugs}}. And don't let that referral client try to pull anything. Your writing is too good to give away (although I feel fortunate to be able to read it here). And you can call me Panda if you really want to.
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I was thinking of starting a thread for pictures of our flowers/gardens, would anyone dig that? (I finally have all my clematis up on trellises!!)
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:29 AM   #23712
 
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Yesterday at work, my manager and a co-worker ended up by the room I work in. My co-worker looked in to say hi to me, then asked the manager if a certain thing on the ceiling was a camera. My manager said yes. Except that's a lie. It's not a camera, it's a vent. I don't know how a person could be so stupid as to mistake one for the other, so I thought my manager was playing around. I asked him again when the other guy left. And he still said yes. Why would he lie? That's just strange.
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:43 AM   #23713
 
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I would love a thread like that, TRBL-Panda, if only to see what your yard is doing (love clematis). I could post my elusive foxgloves. And a neighbor let me have some peonies in bloom, so the room where I work smells lovely right now.

I'm sad you've come to know of a work bullying website. Is everything okay there?
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:51 AM   #23714
 
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Informative website on bullying Link
Thank you for this... Reading it makes me really sad, yet it validates my feelings.

This woman has a long history of coworkers, at this current job and jobs past, whom "couldn't get along" with her. She even recently told me a story about slapping a coworker who was mad at her!

Reading the part about people who are bullied, and it showing that overachievers are often the target... That's definitely me. I took it upon myself to make some improvements before I was manager and it led to a managerial position in under a year.

Whenever I distance myself from her, she always corners me to know why. When I tell her, she dismisses me as being juvenile, pouty, childish, etc.

What should I do this time when she corners me? I do not need her bullsh*t, but I need this job.
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Old 06-13-2011, 11:14 AM   #23715
 
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Just need to get this out of my system... We had waitressed together a few months back. Waitresses pool tips. She wanted to handle the accounting/divvying up. She had mentioned once before that she doesn't like people being near her when she is counting money. It was a while prior, so I had forgotten and walked into the room (it was my money too, after all!) She went psycho on me. First in private, then after I apologized and left, she yelled again at me in front of our coworkers, my boyfriend and other friends. THEN she sent me this email when she got home from work:

kayla, (actually my name is kyla) sorry if you didn't understand my not liking someone looking over my shoulder while i count money...just don't....am happy to have your input for the rest of the process (in fact like it) - if it is suddenly a trust issue for some reason, you are welcome to do the accounting from now on and i will sit at the bar....

then I sent this email:
M****, I do not have problems understanding your preferences about things, however I frequently have issues with how you go about addressing them to me. Tonight you addressed me privately in the back & asked me to leave. I apologized & left. Then you came out & addressed me again, in front of others & exaggerated the issue at hand (by saying you don't want people looking over you shoulder and breathing down your neck). Disrespectful & unnecessary. I do not need issues harped on repeatedly, and in front of others to whom it is not their concern, to get your point. The problem is yours really, not mine.

This is just like the time you got frustrated with me over not turning on the fans & lights in the dining room. Again, its not WHAT you are asking from me, but HOW.


then she sent me this email:
from my perspective you DO have trouble understanding my preferences about some things or we would not be having this conversation!!
i think you are WAY overstating this situation and having once asked you let me count alone your coming in a 2nd night in a row (this after showing little interest in this process prior) felt like a trust issue to me which is both troublesome and insulting. i asked you a simple question in front of friends/co-workers not in front of customers/strangers, your negative response to me seemed like pouting. i welcome your input on the division of monies; i had pretty much been handed this job from the beginning at tradewinds and have just continued to do it.
i am not sure what "issues harped on repeatedly, and in front of others to whom it is not their concern, to get your point" means.....
my best response to all of this, from my perspective is we (or at least i) had a VERY grueling night from the beginning and i felt beat up long before the night was over!
next week is another week so lets leave this one behind and get on with it!


I hate this b*tch
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Old 06-13-2011, 11:20 AM   #23716
 
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^^^

How the hell does she still have a job?
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Old 06-13-2011, 12:21 PM   #23717
 
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^^^

How the hell does she still have a job?
??? I don't know. My boyfriend is my rock! He keeps telling me to keep my professional integrity & do the right thing as far as work as concerned, but to not initiate any interaction with her.

The restaurant closes for a month in September (hurricane season). Just have to suck it up and deal with it til then!

ETA: Actually, she still has a job because she is an excellent waitress. Very organized, efficient, knows the menu inside out, great with customers & up-selling. I can appreciate her talents while hating her guts
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Old 06-13-2011, 12:22 PM   #23718
 
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Now folks can stop talking about Lebron being like MJ. Ummm GTHOHWTBS! Michael Jordan was G.O.A.T. LeBron is aight, but he ain't no greatest ever. You need at least have a damn ring to lay claim to something. I hate when they try to say the same ish about Kobe but at least he HAS daggone rings AND he got Phil Jackson which is bomb.com coach.

Fall back Lebron, fall BACK!


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Old 06-13-2011, 12:23 PM   #23719
 
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Old 06-13-2011, 12:29 PM   #23720
 
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I don't understand the internet's fascination with Zooey Deschanel. I keep seeing her mentioned everywhere online and the only thing that I've seen her in is in an episode of Top Chef, where she was the PITA who decided to be a vegan when she's allergic to both soy AND gluten. Has she been in any movies or tv shows? Has she ever had a song that I could reasonably be expected to know about?
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