I'm starting to think my mother is an alcoholic.
Her boyfriend has been saying it for years. Apparently, at least twice, during the winter when they live somewhere else, she has physically hurt him, given him black eyes, and once destroyed his laptop.
She'll say she's stressed over things (right now, it's' selling her house), and medicates herself by drinking two bottles of wine and that's when she just gets SO vicious and nasty and the things she gets angry about...and that's when everything is all my fault.
Last night, I was making conversation. This woman I work with left her job because she was living apart from her husband for over a year because of his job and it took a toll on them. She obviously wanted to live with her husband. Then her husband got a job in our city and she asked to come back. They didn't tell her no yet.
My mom said, "The DIFFERENCE between her and ME is that I would have LOOKED for another job."
('Cuz my mom's perfect and we should all be just like her.)
I was HONESTLY JUST MAKING CONVERSATION, as in, "Gee, I know how hard it is to get a job, so I can understand she at least TRIED to get the job back she had for four years."
My mom went ABSOLUTELY BALLISTIC on me. I have NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME FROM OR WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Just SCREAMING at me that HOW DARE I CHALLENGE HER and TAKE "SOME PUNK KID'S SIDE OVER HER." (WHAT THE EFF?)
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS EVEN TALKING ABOUT. She was possessed and crazed and very drunk.
Of course, this led her to start SCREAMING at me about what a loser I am, about how I've lost jobs, how I need to grow-up/wake-up.
ALL THIS STEMMED FROM ME MAKING CONVERSATION.
She even started screaming about how I "attacked" her about how she doesn't like gay people last week.
She disgusts me. I've had it with her. I can't be around her.
I'm looking at apartments every week. Only two were offered to me...one out of my budget and the other was just really disgusting and the roommate was a pothead, which I wouldn't be comfortable with.
She makes me a nervous wreck. She makes me crazy. She ruins ANY good thing in my life. I can't even TELL her about anything good that happens because she uses it against me. I can't tell her anything BAD that happens because even if she's supportive for five minutes, she'll turn around and use it against me in a few weeks.
I can't do it anymore
Sometimes I'm just so scared I can never be healthy and happy because she's just done so much damage. I feel like she's killed my confidence and my spirit, and any other positive reinforcement I get from other people and areas of my life, she just overshadows and destroys.