Say It. I Dare You.

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If I'm taking a shower right away I brush my teeth first because by the time I actually eat it's almost an hour later.

If I'm getting up and heading straight to the coffee pot I don't brush before I have coffee and eat.

Mr. Spring brushes his teeth straight away no matter what.

Really, either way is icky to me because brushing right away makes coffee/food taste nasty and not brushing means nasty breath.
Rubber Biscuit likes this.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
I'm coming apart at the seams. I cant handle normal conversation or interaction with people. I'm just so sad and I hurt all the time. Nothing makes sense to me. I tried pinning my anger on bf, but he's asked me 3 times today if anythings wrong and I hear myself tell him that I'm okay, but thats not true. I feel like I want to talk, but I can't. What I really want to do is throw things and break things and allow myself to be completely and totally hysterical. Because thats what its like inside my head. The only time I feel okay is when I've willed myself to ignore that it even happened. But it always comes back.

Its been three months.




Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using CurlTalk App
Originally Posted by iroc
It has been 7 months for me now, and I go through many of the same things. You are in so much shock at first. You don't know what to think, how to feel, and nothing seems real. I felt that way for the longest, and then the shock started fading.

I have not been able to talk to my friends, in person or anywhere else. I have gotten on Facebook twice recently, and just stared at it. I have no idea what to say around people I know. My boss keeps asking me if I am okay, and I keep telling him I am fine, but I am not. What I have been, is dealing with panic disorder. Not can't breathe, rapid heart rate attack (I did that around the funeral and several days after) BUT have not slept well in 7 months, dizzy, break out in sweat, and live with a constant fear that something will happen to my mom.

I feel for you, Iroc. I know what you mean. I gave my dad 2 allergy pills before he died, which he was not supposed to take with his kidney failure, but he was in misery. I blamed myself for that, knowing that the man had 900 health problems and if the pharmacy he took on a daily basis didn't do him in, the allergy pills didn't either. I have kicked myself in the butt because he had a headache for 3 days before he died, and I didn't talk him into going to the hospital. I tried, but the man was beyond stubborn. I have kicked myself because I did not wake him up and tell him good bye when he was napping the day/same night he died. It's normal to blame yourself and wonder why? Could I? Should I? You just have to keep in mind that the answer is NO. It was his time to go. My dad knew it was coming. He had been talking to friends about final wishes for over a week. I have to remind myself of that, and you have to remind yourself that he knew how much you loved him.

ETA: I think the main problem I am having with my friends, aside from not being able to express myself to them just yet, is none of them came to his graveside service. None. Many, who had know him for 20-30 years, said they would come, and no one showed. I needed a couple of them, badly, and I would have been there for them in a second.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??


Last edited by Fifi.G; 04-04-2013 at 09:36 PM.
Someone around here is an enabler, and it isn't sweet baby Calvin.

Me: I've been craving cookies. My tapeworm is, I mean.

Him: We don't have any cookies.

Me: I thought about making some.

Him: If you make cookies I'd eat one...

Ugh. I was therefore FORCED to make cookies.

Biscoff oatmeal chocolate chip with pecans.

UGH. So good I might eat 12.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
Speckla
Guest
Posts: n/a
speck, your new profile pic is scaring me.
kayb likes this.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
Someone around here is an enabler, and it isn't sweet baby Calvin.

Me: I've been craving cookies. My tapeworm is, I mean.

Him: We don't have any cookies.

Me: I thought about making some.

Him: If you make cookies I'd eat one...

Ugh. I was therefore FORCED to make cookies.

Biscoff oatmeal chocolate chip with pecans.

UGH. So good I might eat 12.
Originally Posted by spring1onu
I ate non stop all weekend, and I have only eaten once a day for the past 2 days. That = miserable period starting any moment now. I am typically starving or have no appetite. Both is never good.
spring1onu likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

i have got to finish working on my Ikea Tarva dresser! my house has been reeking of high gloss, oil-based paint for the past 10 days.

tonight i started spray painting the ring pulls; 2 light coats of primer on one side. tomorrow, it'll be 2 coats on the other side, then i'll do 3 coats of satin nickel before putting everything together.

and i can still see where i need to do touch-ups on parts of the dresser - yep, i think i'm just high on fumes...

spring1onu likes this.
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
The mother in me is aching for all of you who are struggling to come to terms with the losses of your moms and dads. I hope all of you can get to a place of peace and acceptance. It's a long hard road, I know.
scrills and ruralcurls like this.
^ lol. Nothing wrong with that

I meant to quote your looking fabulous post, and tell you what a damn shame it is that you had to go unnoticed.

Isn't that the way it goes? You look good, no one sees you. You like like crap, and run into everyone you know.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

The mother in me is aching for all of you who are struggling to come to terms with the losses of your moms and dads. I hope all of you can get to a place of peace and acceptance. It's a long hard road, I know.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Thanks RCW. I was lucky enough to have family members, and long term family friends, tell me the same. It won't feel real, it will go and go, different things will hit at different times, etc. They at least let me know that I was not going crazy, even if it felt that way from time to time. That helps snap me back to fairly okay.

I am glad I unloaded a bit a minute ago. I needed to say some of that stuff, to someone other than me.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Speckla
Guest
Posts: n/a
speck, your new profile pic is scaring me.
Originally Posted by spring1onu
Haha. I'm messing around with photo imaging. It's just a mirrored image. I'm working on making a cyclopes one right now.

I'll change it to something less scary.
WEEEEEENIES!

My favorite thing.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
Speckla
Guest
Posts: n/a
That's what hurrr said.
(((Hugs))) to everyone coping with the loss of a parent. My dad is fighting cancer for the second time and I'm having a really hard time. I'm not ready to lose him. I became a widow at 22 and he has always been my rock. I went through so much that you have all described. I'm just so sorry you are going through that. (((Hugs))) again.
scrills likes this.
High Priestess JessMess, follower of the Goddess of the Coiling Way and Confiscator of Concoctions in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

((((Hugs)))) to you Jess. I am sorry, and I hope your dad continues to fight, and do nothing but improve.

It is wild how much this messes with you. It's not something one can understand until experienced. You do the best you can day by day because you have to, need to, know they would want you to, but at the same time know and feel it is forced. It's just one big contradiction of emotions and actions, and rather exhausting.
scrills likes this.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

PS- I love the support and kind words here. I really do. I think the most helpful thing anyone can do is talk with people who understand. It always helps to know what seems so strange and abnormal is pretty common. And of course it helps to get it out from time to time, when you feel like you can/need to.

I always worry about bringing it up to much, to anyone. I don't want to be Debbie Downer. That's not me. I don't want to bother my mom. She is trying her best to deal too. I don't want to say anything bad to my friends. I am mad, but I also understand some people can't handle funerals. Anywho, I have been thankful to be able to talk here.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Hideo Muraoka. Yes please.

Say It.  I Dare You.-imageuploadedbycurltalk1365140831.306325.jpg

Say It.  I Dare You.-imageuploadedbycurltalk1365140850.036921.jpg

Say It.  I Dare You.-imageuploadedbycurltalk1365140863.535513.jpg
Earlier, I wanted to respond to Cori and to thank RCW for her kind and inspiring words. I don't think I did a good job, I was hurrying out the door to take my daughter to the doctor, which is a whole 'nother thread, or in SIIDY, a separate post.

What I wanted to say was that losing a parent, though it happens to most of us, is something that none of us can truly prepare for. Losing the parent unexpectedly, well, clearly, even more so.

I lost Mom when I was 13. Being 13, I believed it when she told me the year before that she was going to beat the big C. I ignored the rest, as ignorance, and what 13 year old isn't ignorant, and was truly shocked when she died. It's been 33 1/2 years. Yes, I know exactly how long, and I miss her every day. I can still hear her voice in my head, saying my name. I talk to her, every day, and yes, I believe she hears me. Iroc, and anyone who reads this: I truly believe, that even if you don't believe in an afterlife, it's okay to talk those who have gone before us, whether it is that you are speaking to a memory or spirit, it does not matter, it's the feelings that do.

My father died when I was 28, and as I said before, we were not speaking. That was his choice, because I was independent enough to know my own adult mind. (yet another post or thread.) When he died suddenly, after our not having spoken for years, I went through a lot of guilt. Then I realized that it was okay. I mourned the father of my youth, and the good parts of the man I remembered, rather than the selfish parts I saw later. That goes into another compartment, one I had to manage the best I could at the time.

For now, I offer my heartfelt condolences, they don't only belong right after a loss, but for as long as they are needed. Isn't it amazing what the net sometimes offers us? With all its ups and downs, NC.com sure can bring us closer together as people, can't it? (hugs) to a Iroc and all of us as we need it.
3a/2c
Trader Joe's Tingle conditioner wash/ conditioner
AG re:coil, LALooks gel, John Frieda Secret Weapon
Speckla
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Posts: n/a

((Hugs)) to Jess + Dad.

Isn't it funny how it's easier to share online than it is in person? I havethe tendency to hold it all in until it just takes over every aspect of mylife. And then I just explode all over the place or get very, very quiet. Itreally sucks but it's getting easier to deal with and the episodes are fewerand further between.

2011-2012 was the worst time for me. I felt like I had finally gone over theedge emotionally and physically. I was seeking to get help but was seeing toomany different doctors and on too many scripts. Adderall, Ambien, and Celexa.The Adderall was prescribed by a GP. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, orconcentrate and I went in for a checkup. He diagnosed me as ADD and I startedtaking the Adderall. Another doctor prescribed the Celexa and I had alreadybeen taking Ambien on and off for a few years.

I missed a lot of work or was late all the time. I was lying to everyoneabout being ok. I was compulsively shopping and ended up with $14,000 in debtin less than 6 months. I literally thought that I was going insane. I wasn'tmyself and I ruined a lot of friendships at work and hurt a lot of people.Relationships at work are still a bit strained but getting better. I'veapologized and we've all agreed to leave the past in the past and move forward.I don't mention it and taking it day by day.

I don't have ADD or any learning disorders. I was depressed and havingsevere anxiety and panic attacks. I started seeing a psychiatrist and I ditchedthe Adderall but I didn't tell him that I had been taking it. I have a momentof clarity and realized it was causing me harm. The scariest part for me thefirst doctor just talking to me for 5 minutes, I told him I had a history ofbulimia and anorexia and yet he wrote me out a script and gave me a diagnosis thatwas bogus. I still tried to carry on like normal. I had my normal glass of wineat night and that was adding more toxins to the mix.

I'm normally not ignorant when it comes to doctors and anything medical butit's scary how bad my mental state had gotten at this point. It's pretty clearon the board what my mental state was by the crazy threads and posts I madethat were totally out of character.

I'm seeing a proper psychiatrist twice a year for med reevaluation, I am onthe proper medications and the proper doses, and I see a therapist e very otherThursday. Drinking isn't worth it. A glass of wine while on my meds has thesame effect of drinking bottles and bottles.

I'm scared by the emotions that I am now feeling and experiencing but it's arelief too to be able to cry and feel better. Even more amazing is to be ableto stop crying.

Sorry if my thoughts are rambling. I avoided making friends being 1) Ithought I wasn't worth being friends with 2) that they would end up hating meafter they got to know me 3) I hate being asked basic questions about who myparents are, who my siblings are. I am a straight forward person and feel likeI should give a complete answer to questions that are asked. This makes for avery awkward situation. I always accepted my past as 'normal' because that'sall that I knew.

It's just all a vicious cycle that is broken with me. My whole family isvery dysfunctional and I'm the only one that has been seeking treatment andwilling to admit my problems to someone outside our family. My family isItalian and they believe that you do not air your dirty laundry to the worldand you get emotions to yourself. Family sticks with family no matter what.

I call ******** on that. I have broken away from what remaining,dysfunctional family I have. I no longer go to family gatherings and I don'tanswer my emails and I have blocked several people on Facebook. I understandhow my childhood of physical and sexual abuse, eating disorders, lowself-esteem, feeling abandoned and lonely because I didn't have a mother andfather like most kids that I knew. I was in and out of foster homes most of myyouth. I place the blame for my childhood on the adults that were around me andshould have known better. Now I have the power as an adult and free person todecide my own future.

I'm opening up each emotion I've kept hidden and I'm learning to handle theraw emotion without any coping mechanisms. I still have a way to go but notnearly as far as I've already come.

I love my mom and I miss her and I don't blame my childhood problems on her.She had MS and was very sick and not able to take care of herself. We had torely on family and other people. I got the importance and understanding aboutvital it is to love our children and protect them - especially because they'reso vulnerable and still developing emotionally and mentally. I cannot begin tocomprehend not loving your child and not having your heart burst with love andpride when it comes to them.

I know that I have been very blessed and very lucky to get to this point. Ihave control of my eating; my emotions are still up and down but on a morenormal level because I am still dealing with issues. I am excited aboutgraduating school with a degree in nutrition because my long-term goal is tobecome a nutritionist and help teens with eating disorders. I'm so close to itthat I know it's a certainty.

The coolest part is that I'm only 38 years old. A lot of life to still live!

Ok, glue your ears back on because I am done talking them off.

Life hands you ****balls sometimes. What do you do? away and dont look back.

I can finally see about 90% of my yard now too. All that's left to melt is the ice slick that formed at the bottom of our drainpipe.
Originally Posted by cmb4314
We seriously had about 8" of ice covering in our alley here in STP. It never gets sunlight, so it just stubbornly stayed there all winter, with grooves for your car tires. Driving the alleyway was like being on a kiddie ride at an amusement park, the kind where you get to "drive" a car, with a rail down the middle to prevent you veering off the road.

Last week it *finally* melted away. I literally rejoiced, as in yelling "woohoo" as I drove on the smooth surface. It was like a miracle.
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