Fifi - I can't quote all your posts, but I feel all of them. I'd heard people lose theirbparents, and of course I felt sympathy for them, but I had no idea how much actual pain it causes. Sometimes I don't feel human. Most days I don't feel part of the same world as everyone else. I fake the usual everyday-ness, but I feel like I'm walking around in a bubble.
Nobody reached out to me either. Of course my mother - she lost her mother in her 20's so she could empathize. My bf who lost his dad at 18 - I couldn't have made it through the first few weeks without him - and his mother was very nice and reached out to me often. That was the extent of it. No phone calls or cards from anyone else I knew or who knew him. We didn't have a funeral. My dad was private and close with the people important to him. Me, bf, my stepmom and step brother went to the funeral home in NC to say goodbye, and I wrote an obituary (which my aunt changed before she submitted it to the paper). My family in MA wanted to hold a memorial 'get together' for people up here. I didn't go. I couldn't. I laid around in my pajamas and watched Supernatural for 2 weeks. I can't be around any family. My dad and I had issues w family anyway, but its too much of a reminder. And I cant talk to anyone either, Fifi. I had one friend calle crying that she needed me bc her bf broke up with her. As if.
KurlyKae, thank you for sharing your story. You too, Jess.
Speckla, doesn't it feel good to get off your chest?
I normally don't do this. I hate being vulnerable. I bottle up my feelings inside like a good little non overly emotional girl. And I'm horrible at opening up and crying in front of people.
Yes, I talk to my dad all the time. I just wish he'd talk back.
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(((Big hug)))) I know this bubble you speak of (shock). I spent the first 4 months in it, and I still find myself there from time to time.
I have managed to start using past tense. It took a little while, because it was natural. You can't change something you have been doing all of your life over night. But, I need to eventually do it. That's what it is, but it all feels incredibly strange. It all seems like one big blur. I don't know how 7 months have gone by already.
I had plenty of people reach out. Family was beating down the door as my dads body was being removed. They did not stop. My friends called and asked to come to the graveside service, told me they would be there, and did not. I guess, no matter what, it's all going to seem backwards. I had so many people around when I needed a moment to myself *don't get me wrong, they helped, more than I understood then* and no one around who I really needed and felt more comfortable falling apart around. My mom on the other hand, had everyone she needed, which was great. That's the only thing that stopped me from screaming, "GTFO"!! :-/ I'm not going to blame anyone. I think about and stop myself. It's misplaced anger, I know it, but that does not stop you from feeling it. I just need some time to get past it. And at this point I honestly have no idea what to say. None of my closest friends have lost a parent so they won't understand my crazy I am thankful for that.
As others said, it is going to take time. You have to keep on keeping on, and talk to people who get it when needed. Things will get better. I'm not sure when, but I know they will.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??
Last edited by Fifi.G; 04-05-2013 at 08:23 AM.