Case of the Ex

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Just venting really, unless anyone has any practical suggestions on what I should do.

Ok so my ex that lives in another country is struggling with some deep boundary/insecurity/control freak issues and has been monitoring me for almost what feels like 2 years. I'm not sure if any of you have heard of those spousal spy apps and whatnots that allow you to pree your partners cell phone/smart phone. Well idk what software he uses but he can pretty much see everything and hear everything. It is almost like he is attached to my hip because my phone basically is. I have tried everything to have my privacy back from switching phones to changing phone numbers. Im starting to believe I would have to change phone carriers altogether. Only problem is I dont pay my phone bill and it is not under my name so I really have no say. Ive tried ignoring the whole situation but he calls me from time to time with fake numbers that when you try to call them back it wont go through. For a long time I thought it was his way of saying he loves me but I now know better. I really want nothing to do with him at this point. I want him out of my life but I cant seem to get him to understand that. Ive cried wolf in the past an ran back to him but time has changed so many things. I just want my privacy back. Im going out of the country for a few months and decided to leave my phone behind so I can finally be free and have a break. But im worried about returning home to the same thing. He scares me. He really scares me. I have to believe that he is being driven by some evil force because I dont want to believe he is crazy. Ive had my own internal battles so I cant jump to conclusions of insanity with him. But I still worry everyday about him and about myself. I dont know how long he plans on doing this to me. I used to be so very much in love with him now all I think about is escaping. I feel him watching me constantly its like im living a nightmere. Ive just been counting down the day till my flight leaves till im free.


sorry for such a long post just needed to get it out.
First, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have heard of some of these apps but have never looked at or read up on them. It seems like it might be more ip address related and as long as you are in contact with him, he would probably find a way to get the info he needs. I am going to be rather blunt and say, this sounds a bit crazy so you are not off base for thinking crazy. Trust that instinct and take care of yourself. If he knows everything you say/type... I would be reporting it. Stalking & harassing.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

Thankyou. Its so crazy I wouldnt even know the first step of how to report. Im in the US and he is in the UK. He has a famous cousin that is in the music industry...my last resort would be to contact him and plead my case. Im trying to not have to go that route though but im getting close to my whits end. I will continue to pray about it though.

Thanks again!
It would just take a little bit of digging. If you know exactly where he is in the UK, you can google a non emergency number for law enforcement in that area. You can also check to see if they have any type of cyber crimes division. That often depends on the size, and therefore the funding, of an area. If it's smaller, the local authorities will be fine. They often know who to pass it along to.

You are welcome. You might want to try a track phone when you go on your trip.
When I hear terms like "hipster" I think, who told cliques they could leave high school??

if he has that much information, you need to make some serious changes
is it only on your phone that he has access? does he see emails or other things done via laptop or desktop?

I would suggest getting a new phone, pay as you go, and just do not engage with him at all
in addition, I would contact law enforcement - google it, somehow you can find out

I would also keep a log of all of the things he is saying and doing that show he has access to things - because simply saying that it seems like he is attached at your hip and knows everything/sees everything won't be enough, you will need documentation

you say that the phone is not in your name - it's not in his, is it? who pays the phone bill?

it's very scary to deal with this, and I think you should trust your gut - and it really doesn't matter WHAT you call it - crazy, insane, demons, evil, whatever - it is still valid and scary. It doesn't have to be called something for it to be disruptive and unsafe.

some potentially helpful info:

Is There Spy Software on My Cell Phone

Cell Phone Spy Software

How to Remove Cell Phone Spy Software and Protect Your Phone -

How to identify and remove cell phone tracking software | New Media Rights

How To Bust Your Boss Or Loved One For Installing Spyware On Your Phone - Forbes
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Growing out super short cut

High porosity, fine, unknown curl type, somewhere in the 2s at the moment
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Current rotation includes:
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Is the phone in his name? Is he paying the bill?

Wow. This is scary. I would also add that you may want to take the phone to the carrier and have someone there help you look for spyware.

I hope everything works out for you
Are you saying he is listening to your phone conversations and reading the content of your texts?

If so, just mind**** him right back by having fake conversations that you know would devastate him.
sixelamy likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Sorry about what you are going through. How long have you been broken up? The solution with the phone seems like an easy one unless you really can't pay for your own phone. It sounds like he is paying for it...you really should let that go and cut him off completely.
scrills likes this.
That is in no way normal behaviour. Do something now please before it could escalate to anything dangerous. I'm not trying to worry you but it's better to be safe than sorry.
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Thank you all so much! No he does not pay my phone bill and it is not in his name. We have been broken up I would say for a few months now or atleast since the last time we spoke which was back in Dec of last year.

Such helpful info. thankyou all.

It is tricky because other than the phone calls I have no documentation. It is a complicated situation I wont go into further detail but it looks like I will be contacting his cousin b4 I seek help of law enforcement.

The few close friends I have told dont believe he is doing this but I know it in my gut that he is. He has been very careful not to do anything self incriminating. He covers his tracks. The sick thing is that his friends and others in his circle know about it but are loyal to him. Im just hoping his cousin will do the right thing.
Are you saying he is listening to your phone conversations and reading the content of your texts?

If so, just mind**** him right back by having fake conversations that you know would devastate him.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
He can hear and see everything. EVERYTHING. not just phone convos but background audio when my phone is idle. He can see me and my surroundings. Access to all my apps/email/pics/txts. To think how long its been going on for is making me want to vomit and cry. Im trying to be calm but just thinking back...I just cant believe how long this has been going on.
You need help and you need it now. Run, do NOT walk to law enforcement. This is NOT normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination! I don't care how "complicated" it is. Listen to your wise woman self. Something is VERY wrong!!!
You need help and you need it now. Run, do NOT walk to law enforcement. This is NOT normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination! I don't care how "complicated" it is. Listen to your wise woman self. Something is VERY wrong!!!
Originally Posted by BeinDeb
What law enforcement is she supposed to call? INTERPOL? Come on now. Everyone will say the same thing: get a new phone plan.
Josephine likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

If all this is true, I don't think contacting the cousin is the right thing to do. He's famous. so what. How does that make his less loyal to his cousin, more likely to believe you or more likely to do something. I think you should at least contact the police to see what your options are.
I'd also suggest (in case you don't just get a new phone and throw this one away), that you put duct tape on the camera (both the forward facing camera and the back one and turn off and remove the battery when not using the phone.

Are you sure it's through the mobile phone? Is it happening with a lap top or desktop?
scrills and sixelamy like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Growing out super short cut

High porosity, fine, unknown curl type, somewhere in the 2s at the moment
Mostly low poo
Current rotation includes:
Wash: Yes To Carrots -Condition: Yes to Cucumber, Nature's Gate Jojoba, One C - Stylers: Deva volumizing foam, Deva UDG B'Leave In, Foxy Curls Hi-Def Curl spray
If all this is true, I don't think contacting the cousin is the right thing to do. He's famous. so what. How does that make his less loyal to his cousin, more likely to believe you or more likely to do something. I think you should at least contact the police to see what your options are.
Originally Posted by scrills
This.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Growing out super short cut

High porosity, fine, unknown curl type, somewhere in the 2s at the moment
Mostly low poo
Current rotation includes:
Wash: Yes To Carrots -Condition: Yes to Cucumber, Nature's Gate Jojoba, One C - Stylers: Deva volumizing foam, Deva UDG B'Leave In, Foxy Curls Hi-Def Curl spray
Are you saying he is listening to your phone conversations and reading the content of your texts?

If so, just mind**** him right back by having fake conversations that you know would devastate him.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
He can hear and see everything. EVERYTHING. not just phone convos but background audio when my phone is idle. He can see me and my surroundings. Access to all my apps/email/pics/txts. To think how long its been going on for is making me want to vomit and cry. Im trying to be calm but just thinking back...I just cant believe how long this has been going on.
Originally Posted by Banafrit
So this is because of the spy app on your phone? So even when you switched phones and numbers, he was still able to identify it? I'm guessing you can look it up by who's name it's under. One solution is to get it under another friend's name, but I would try to remove any software from my phone or do something to prevent that in the first place.
I was thinking the same thing. It's like her laptop/house is bugged
Wow, I can imagine how mind-f'ing this would be. If you believe it's just on your phone, I would take it to your carrier and see if they can reset the phone settings or do something to it. I'm sure there is someone out there who is hip to this kind of thing. or knows somebody who is. Not sure how this stuff works. Sadly, I don't think the law enforcement could really do much about it. I also don't think telling the cousin is the way to go either... what's he gonna do about it? Nobody can make anybody do anything they don't want to do.

ETA: My fiancÚ is really big into phones and security, he says to get the phone reset.
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Last edited by sixelamy; 08-15-2014 at 03:19 PM.
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