Wedding question - uninvited guests

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For those that have planned a wedding before, have you had to deal with uninvited guests? How do you tell someone that you didn't invite a date for them? I mean, if + Guest was not specified on their invite. Did I do something wrong with my invites? Why the hell don't people ask first!??? At least my aunt asked me, and I had to say no. Now I have to have another very awkward conversation with somebody else who didn't ask me first. We have very limited seating and couldn't even invite my fiance's whole family - there was some drama involved, but I think we've diffused that now.
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I think you just have to do it. It's super awkward and uncomfortable, but they put you in that situation. Also, rule of thumb for all uncomfortable conversations, you deal with your family, your fiance deals with theirs.
scrills and sixelamy like this.
That's true.. this person created the situation so I really shouldn't feel bad about it. I just hate saying no to people, that's always been my downfall. But I have no choice in this matter.
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I think it's really rude of them to just assume, especially if there was no +1 on the invite. I'd never just think it was okay to randomly bring someone else along to a wedding, when I wasn't assigned a guest invite. I'd think it would be common sense to assume that the seating numbers were fixed and no +1 on the invite meant you couldn't bring someone.

Seems like a bit of inconsiderateness / silliness on the part of the people randomly deciding it's okay for them to bring a +1 without permission. This is your day, common courtesy is to at least ask permission. Otherwise that's just the worst manners.

I don't have any experience in this area myself, but I'd just say 'I know you wanted to bring a guest, but we have limited seating, which is why there were no +1s on the invite. Really sorry, but we really just can't have any extra people'. Maybe say that not all of your fiancé's family were even invited, so it wouldn't be fair (though tbh, I don't think you should need to say that. It's your wedding, you shouldn't need to justify yourself when people act like morons).
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I think what BB said is perfect!!


As an aside, people's manners always astound me. Especially if you don't have a serious SO, why would you even consider thinking your random was invited.

Personally, I prefer going to weddings alone if SO doesn't know people there. I rather spend the night with friends and family instead of making sure X is entertained.
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I think it sucks, but you probably need to address it. You can just tell the person, "I'm so sorry, this makes me really uncomfortable, but we had a very limited guest list - in fact we couldn't even invite all of his family!! - so we don't have the space for extra guests"
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Thanks for the replies and support everyone! I didn't think I was being unreasonable, and google agrees with you all about saying it's ok to tell them to leave the uninvited guest at home. I've sent her a similar message as Allie suggested. Also told her I hope she would still come.

People really do puzzle me sometimes at how inconsiderate they can be. It might be different if it was a closer friend, but it's a lady from church that I grew up knowing. She got a divorce in the past year or so, so maybe she's not used to the single life yet and having to RSVP for 1. She went to a mutual friend's wedding alone, I thought it would be ok.

RSVPs are due in 2 days and we still have about 80 people out there who haven't returned theirs. I'm getting frustrated. I have homemade personalized favors to make, people!!!! Instead of having escort cards, we are putting the guest's faces on their favors.
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Yes and yes. My RSVPs are due back on Friday and I'm missing a huge chunk. Sigh.

Yes and yes. My RSVPs are due back on Friday and I'm missing a huge chunk. Sigh.
Originally Posted by Munchy
Isn't it annoying!? How hard is it to send back on time!

When is your wedding?
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Super annoying - my wedding is June 13. We rented an island for the weekend so we have free overnight accommodations - I'd really like to know how many people are staying so I can plan the sleeping arrangements! I don't even care about counts for the meals we're serving.

Ha, I just double checked. My response cards are due back May 15. We sent them out around April 4 or so.

Yes and yes. My RSVPs are due back on Friday and I'm missing a huge chunk. Sigh.
Originally Posted by Munchy
Isn't it annoying!? How hard is it to send back on time!

When is your wedding?
Originally Posted by sixelamy
I used to get annoyed when my kids friends (or more to the point, their parents) wouldn't RSVP when their birthday parties were booked at some venue that obviously needed to know numbers. I can't imagine how frustrated I would be if it was my wedding!
sixelamy likes this.
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Super annoying - my wedding is June 13. We rented an island for the weekend so we have free overnight accommodations - I'd really like to know how many people are staying so I can plan the sleeping arrangements! I don't even care about counts for the meals we're serving.
Originally Posted by Munchy
Heyyyy!! That's my wedding date too! Renting and island? Heck yes, that sounds fantastic!

We said May 1st for ours, I'm glad we did! That gives me the right to hound people over the weekend I sent a few messages out to people I thought would be no's today. Got a few no's and a couple yes's. I'm feeling better about the possible over-booking. We are well under the max number now, but not at a comfortable number. I don't want the reception to be ultra crowded!
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My wedding's May 30, so I've just recently been going through all this nonsense too. One relative responded that she, her husband, and their 5 children would be coming. The invitation specified the two of them. The number of ridiculous issues that have come up since we sent out the invitations have kept me constantly asking my sisters if the invitations were unclear or confusing or something. I've come to the conclusion that people are just annoying and wedding planning shows you their annoying sides most. I don't like confrontation or dealing with complaints, so the whole thing is stressing me out right now. Anyway, I hope your guest deals with the situation gracefully.
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My wedding's May 30, so I've just recently been going through all this nonsense too. One relative responded that she, her husband, and their 5 children would be coming. The invitation specified the two of them. The number of ridiculous issues that have come up since we sent out the invitations have kept me constantly asking my sisters if the invitations were unclear or confusing or something. I've come to the conclusion that people are just annoying and wedding planning shows you their annoying sides most. I don't like confrontation or dealing with complaints, so the whole thing is stressing me out right now. Anyway, I hope your guest deals with the situation gracefully.
Originally Posted by SereneCurls
Yikes!!! My friend got married last year and didn't want any kids at her wedding. Our mutual friend was in the wedding and her husband was the photographer - both her parents were coming too - and they brought their kid. Learning from her mistake, I specified "Adults Only" on the RSVP card. I wanted to put "Don't bring a guest if they aren't invited", but that was frowned upon. We should've included it.. lol

Sorry you are going through this too!! I'm sure all brides go through it. I always think other people are crazy, but our loved ones are also crazy Are you going to let it slide and let them all come? That's quite an up in the numbers for a meal, etc. I always want to tell people - You want to bring an uninvited guest? How about you pitch in to help pay! My fiancé's family threw a fit too when all of them were not invited - we oh so badly wanted to tell them that too. They were all invited in the end, if they don't come it's going to be ridiculous!
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Last edited by sixelamy; 04-28-2015 at 01:03 PM.
Oh did I forget to mention, these are their 5 adult children! So essentially they wanted to add 5 extra adults. I said no, of course. Thankfully we only have 65 guests, so I knew which ones have small children and we don't mind those few. (I'll let you know after the fact if the little ones turned out to be a mistake.) lol
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Gotcha. Yeah, you kind of can't specify that then if they are adults!

Why must they make us have awkward conversations?
SereneCurls likes this.
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I'm sure you've seen this before, but it's been making us smile.
Funny RSVP: The Invitation You Wish You Could Send (PHOTO)
sixelamy likes this.
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Yes, my friend showed me that last week! I thought it was absolutely hilarious, and very accurate! lol
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Phew! The lady said she is not offended. I told her I'd keep her posted if we get some more RSVP's that are "no". That's a load off, I'm always worried people will hate me.
SereneCurls likes this.
2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density

NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
RO/LI: Sevi Pumpkin Seed, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, YTBbs
DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
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COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
: glycerin in high/low dews, polyquat-10 & 11, parabens

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