Unwanted gift

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What is the correct way to handle an unwanted/unwelcome gift?

Recently, a man I know sent me a pricey gift for mother's day. He would have sent it to me regardless of the occasion, but it being mother's day was a convenient excuse. I was not expecting the gift and I don't particularly want it. I haven't used it but I tore the box when I was opening it and damaged the item very slightly (doesn't effect the functioning, just is slightly noticeable) when I was trying to figure out how to use it.

The gift didn't come w/ "strings attached." But with strings hoped for.

The whole situation feels awkward (I have a bf) and I explained that to the gift sender.

I don't particularly want the gift. I think it would be very rude to send it back to him. But keeping it seems wrong, too. And I don't want to go to the trouble of sending him something for father's day to equalize things. Plus, that also seems inappropriate.

How would you handle it?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Sorry in advance, no real help here, but I would just keep it lol. It's a gift. Your bf doesn't like it, then give it someone?
Goodwill or a friend

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Modified CG since Dec 2011
So I don't have to reciprocate or compensate the gift sender? I can just keep or dispose of the gift and not feel any kind of way about it?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 05-21-2015 at 03:57 PM.
It would depend on who gave it to me and what my relationship is with that person. If it wad my ex husband (and I had a bf) is go with, "this makes my bf uncomfortable,so I'm giving it to goodwill"

If it's someone I'm friendly with, I may touch base and say, "it was very generous but I'm uncomfortable so I've donated it to a women's charity" OR I'd not mention it at all.

If it's someone I really don't know, I'd just donate it.

I'm assuming that you said thank you.

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Any reciprocation will be seen as interest

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
scrills and curlypearl like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
It would depend on who gave it to me and what my relationship is with that person. If it wad my ex husband (and I had a bf) is go with, "this makes my bf uncomfortable,so I'm giving it to goodwill"

If it's someone I'm friendly with, I may touch base and say, "it was very generous but I'm uncomfortable so I've donated it to a women's charity" OR I'd not mention it at all.

If it's someone I really don't know, I'd just donate it.

I'm assuming that you said thank you.

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Originally Posted by PerriP
My ex-husband? buwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


Oh yeah, I said thank you.

Right, I don't want to lead him on. But then I feel bad that he is out the money and getting nothing in return. Not a gift, not companionship, nothing. I just don't want to be the crappy person in this story.

(Not looking for an excuse to buy him something!! But asking more if I need to pay him the approx. price of the gift or anything.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 05-22-2015 at 12:02 PM.
Oh hell no
He knew what he was doing. He's grown,he made a choice.

You owe him nothing. Nothing.

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Oh hell no
He knew what he was doing. He's grown,he made a choice.

You owe him nothing. Nothing.

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Originally Posted by PerriP
Um yea, it was a gift lol. You're not supposed to expect anything in return if it's truly a gift. And why did he give you a gift if he knows you have a bf?? That's rude.
scrills likes this.
Oh no, he made the choice to buy it, you owe him nothing!!!

What was it???
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Last edited by CurlyCanadian; 05-21-2015 at 06:36 PM.
I agree with those who said do not give him anything in return. That will just worsen an awkward situation and send the wrong message.

You are absolutely not the "crappy person in this story." He has to take responsibility for choosing to send you a gift. You thanked him and that's that. Do whatever you want with the gift, Keep it, throw it out the window, (so to speak) donate it, etc.
scrills likes this.
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ITA with Perri, Josephine, CC, and CP. Don't feel guilty. He's probably banking on your guilt as a way of getting your attention, which is sleazy.

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^exactly this. Even considering if you should give him something is giving him space in your brain

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
scrills and curlypearl like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
Gifts on mothers day are usually given to mothers from their children... why would some dude give you a mother's day gift unless your the mother of his children?
Very odd for a random guy with a crush to get you a mother's day presents. It's an odd occasion, so clearly he was just looking for an excuse which I find a little . . . odd (if not desperate).

You're by no means obligated to get him anything, or do anything in return. Of course, say thank you to be polite, but definitely don't reciprocate by getting him a gift. He'd probably misconstrue it somehow and think you were interested.
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I agree with what the others have said and, personally, would give it to someone else - I don't think I'd feel comfortable keeping it. I'd also make it clear to him, nicely but firmly, that you would appreciate him not giving you gifts in future.
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You def don't owe him anything besides a thanks
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Didn't he get the hint when he became your ex?

It's not at all the same situation, but I had a man send me a dozen roses and a creepy note. I ended up throwing the roses in the dumpster right away and cut off all contact. lol

You don't have to feel bad he was out any money. He sent it knowing what he was doing.
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Didn't he get the hint when he became your ex?

It's not at all the same situation, but I had a man send me a dozen roses and a creepy note. I ended up throwing the roses in the dumpster right away and cut off all contact. lol

You don't have to feel bad he was out any money. He sent it knowing what he was doing.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
LOL. No, it's not my ex. My ex (husband) wouldn't piss on me if I was burning to death, let alone buy me a gift. LOL

It's just a guy who likes me.

The gift was the first sign but then some other things happened afterward, and I saw this was going down a really weird road. It's been handled now but it was a lot of money for him.

I know I didn't do ANYTHING to encourage him to buy me the gift but I also know how men get about so-called dinnerwhores and golddiggers, etc., (unfounded or not) and it ruins it for the rest of us when these asshats have a bad experience.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

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