Weird for a work acquaintance or not?

Like Tree45Likes

So I have been working at the same place, for many years. There is a woman who also works here who I used to be good friends with, years ago. We'd gone to each other's homes, gone to the movies, gone out to dinner, talked on the phone in the evening, gotten lunch together many times, I visited her in the hospital when she had surgery that she chose not to discuss w/ anyone besides me and two other ppl, etc.

But then we kind of had a falling out in 2004 and stopped talking for a while. (The issue was hers, not mine.) Over time, we got back on speaking terms and became somewhat friendly, but not what i'd call good friends. We both worked late occasionally and would talk, got lunch once or twice. Once a couple of years ago, she wanted a ride to where her car was parked bc it was dark and cold and I drove her but doing so caused me to be late picking my kids up from daycare and I was charged a late fee...saying that to illustrate that I was still trying to be a friend to her.

(I've spoken about her before; she's one who ate my samosas and paid me back in nickels, dimes and pennies...and harangued me into going to a restaurant for which she had a free coupon, when I already had a date, and stuck me with the full amount of my check.)

She works in our IT area and does network and desktop support. etc.

So I have been slammed lately w/ work and have been staying in the office until sometimes after 10pm, whenever I can, to get my work done. About a week ago, I was at the office and it was about 8pm. An application I needed wouldn't load and I needed it to complete a project I was working on. I needed admin credentials to update it. So I called her on her personal cell and left a VM explaining the issue and that I desperately needed to get this work done.

She didn't respond and maybe around 10pm, I texted and thanked her anyway and told her I had it under control/

Nothing.

So today I saw her for the first time. She was friendly and asked if she could throw her lunch scraps in my trash can. I said OK. And I asked her if she had recently changed phone numbers (bc she never responded to my VM or text).

And she said no. Then realized what I was talking about.

Her: oh yeah, I got your message.

Me: You did? I didn't hear back from you so I thought maybe you were no longer at that number.

Her: No, I still have that number. It's just that it was work-related.

Me: Yeah, I needed help w/ the software.

Her: Right. But I was off work.

Me: I know. I felt bad.

Her: I don't deal with work when i'm off the clock.

Me: You don't even respond the next day?

Her: No, it was work. And my own time.

Me: Wow

Her: Nice chatting with you!

OK, be honest...is this psychotic? Or was I expecting too much? Even if you were busy, would you at least text back and say you were in the middle of something...or that you'd try to help the next day...something?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 07-30-2015 at 12:07 PM.
Um. What a b****!!!! You have been a friend to her, and you needed help. How dare she treat you that way. Yes, that is psychotic. I'm so mad for you.
scrills and curlypearl like this.
I don't think it's psychotic per se...I think how she reacted the following day and the fact that she didn't respond at all was rude. But she is correct imo for having work/personal boundaries, I don't see anything wrong with that. However saying that it does seem like she is expecting friendly behaviour from you without contributing anything herself. I don't know, if one of my co-workers was that desperate I would help, especially if it didn't even involve leaving the house. Some people are different though, my mum works a very emotionally demanding job (psychiatric nurse/therapist) and gives herself very strict work/home life barriers that she won't compromise to protect her own emotional well-being.
Amneris likes this.

Low Shampoo: Aveda Be Curly Shampoo
Conditioner: Tresemme Naturals Nourishing Moisture/ Perfectly Undone
Treatments: SM Black Castor Oil Masque/ Packet Gelatine
Leave in: Redken Diamond Oil Conditioner
Styling: AG Recoil Curl Activator/V05 Mega Hold/Cornstarch
Refresh: Redken Fresh Curls Curl Boost


Between Waist and Hip Length (stretched), 2C with 2B roots
When I was a Restaurant Manager, my old assistant manager used to not answer his cell phone when we'd call. His reason? He paid the bill; it was his choice who to answer the phone to.

Years later I moved to a different company and started there as an Assistant Manager, commuting 50 miles each way to work at 10 hour shift each day. I finally realized that my old assistant manager was right; when this company would call, I didn't want to answer the phone, either. They didn't provide my cell phone; I paid for it. So why should my phone be used for their convenience to call me in on my time off or whatever?

In December of 2007, we had a hurricane here; it was called the "Great Coastal Gale of 2007". We had trees down all over my neighborhood; I wasn't able to get home the night of the storm and had to sleep in my car in 90+ mph winds. A day or two later, the waters were at flood stage and were up to the "fog line" on the highway. And the waters hadn't even "crested" yet at that point!! No way was I going to drive to work 50 miles to work a "swing shift" and have to drive home in a flood in the middle of the night. So I called off and wasn't able to get in for several days. Wouldn't you know it, they kept calling me and calling me and even said someone from my town was in the restaurant and said the "roads were fine". They weren't. I didn't answer, they left voice messages.

But yes, I understand the idea of if someone pays for their own cell phone that they have 100% control over who to answer it to and when. I know this caused an issue with you at work but I am not sure that expecting her to "work" at that hour in the evening was fair to her.
Amneris likes this.


I'm definitely a "curly" 2c. Sometimes curly and sometimes just wavy upper layer with a ringlety under layer. My hair has been thick and coarse since birth. Strawberry blonde in color that can and does change depending on the type and amount of light.


All in all, I'm happy with my hair type but almost for sure think yours is prettier.
I kind of agree with her, but on the other hand if you've gone out of your way for her, she could at least respond and say something. My husband won't leave work at work and answers and helps work people when he's at home. Heck, he answered a call in the freaking hospital! (He does IT work too). I always tell him not to answer his phone, because it's his personal time. I do think you expected a little much, but then again I can see why you're irritated given your history with her. I personally wouldn't go out of my way for her again.
Amneris and curlypearl like this.
2c-3a - med-coarse - normal-high porosity - high density

NP/LP: CJ Daily Fix, KMF Whenever / Giovanni TTTT
RO/LI: Sevi Pumpkin Seed, CJ Argan & Olive Oil, YTBbs
DC/PROTEIN: KC Stellar Strands / CNPF
STYLER: CJ Curl Queen
COLOR: henna, amla & indigo
: glycerin in high/low dews, polyquat-10 & 11, parabens
I think some people just have more concrete boundaries than others. She may have been hurt that it wasn't personal (maybe she thought "oh SL is calling!"). Maybe she's been taken advantage of so she no longer cares so it is, personal time is personal time.

However, it may have been less rude if she'd come to you the next day and said, "I hope you got things sorted, I don't do work when I'm not at work any more"

I don't have issue with her not replying to vm. I hate vm and I usually don't call back.



~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Josephine and Amneris like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
I think some people just have more concrete boundaries than others. She may have been hurt that it wasn't personal (maybe she thought "oh SL is calling!"). Maybe she's been taken advantage of so she no longer cares so it is, personal time is personal time.

However, it may have been less rude if she'd come to you the next day and said, "I hope you got things sorted, I don't do work when I'm not at work any more"

I don't have issue with her not replying to vm. I hate vm and I usually don't call back.



~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Originally Posted by PerriP

When my mom was a reporter for the newspaper here, she refused to get an answering machine for her phone. (She started there before cell phones were common.) She always had "Caller ID" but didn't want an answering machine for the very reason that if she didn't call people back, they'd be upset! She liked to "screen" her calls as well but didn't want people knowing that she knew they had called.


I'm definitely a "curly" 2c. Sometimes curly and sometimes just wavy upper layer with a ringlety under layer. My hair has been thick and coarse since birth. Strawberry blonde in color that can and does change depending on the type and amount of light.


All in all, I'm happy with my hair type but almost for sure think yours is prettier.
I can understand having personal/work boundaries. But for a friend in a pinch? All I needed her to do was type me a username and password. If she didn't know it, just tell me she didn't know it. Wow. But OK
curlypearl likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I kind of agree with her, but on the other hand if you've gone out of your way for her, she could at least respond and say something. My husband won't leave work at work and answers and helps work people when he's at home. Heck, he answered a call in the freaking hospital! (He does IT work too). I always tell him not to answer his phone, because it's his personal time. I do think you expected a little much, but then again I can see why you're irritated given your history with her. I personally wouldn't go out of my way for her again.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
Really? You would feel perfectly OK deliberately ignoring a call from someone you had been friends with when they were in a jam at work and not even bother to follow up the next day?

(I'm still shaking my head in disbelief over this.)
curlypearl likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 07-30-2015 at 02:25 PM.
I kind of agree with her, but on the other hand if you've gone out of your way for her, she could at least respond and say something. My husband won't leave work at work and answers and helps work people when he's at home. Heck, he answered a call in the freaking hospital! (He does IT work too). I always tell him not to answer his phone, because it's his personal time. I do think you expected a little much, but then again I can see why you're irritated given your history with her. I personally wouldn't go out of my way for her again.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
Really? You would feel perfectly OK deliberately ignoring a call from someone you had been friends with when they were in a jam at work and not even bother to follow up the next day?

(I'm still shaking my head in disbelief over this.)
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Personally, no. I wouldn't. But you did say that you two had a 'falling out' and that she's more of an "acquaintance" than a friend so I suspect she probably doesn't feel all that "friendly" toward you. From what you describe, she sounds weird and you have "given" quite a bit more to the relationship than she has.


You also mention that she said she was "off the clock" and if she punches a timeclock then legally, she actually isn't really allowed to work 'off the clock'. Employees are required to be paid for every second that they're working unless they are a "salaried" employee.
Amneris likes this.


I'm definitely a "curly" 2c. Sometimes curly and sometimes just wavy upper layer with a ringlety under layer. My hair has been thick and coarse since birth. Strawberry blonde in color that can and does change depending on the type and amount of light.


All in all, I'm happy with my hair type but almost for sure think yours is prettier.
I kind of agree with her, but on the other hand if you've gone out of your way for her, she could at least respond and say something. My husband won't leave work at work and answers and helps work people when he's at home. Heck, he answered a call in the freaking hospital! (He does IT work too). I always tell him not to answer his phone, because it's his personal time. I do think you expected a little much, but then again I can see why you're irritated given your history with her. I personally wouldn't go out of my way for her again.
Originally Posted by sixelamy
Really? You would feel perfectly OK deliberately ignoring a call from someone you had been friends with when they were in a jam at work and not even bother to follow up the next day?

(I'm still shaking my head in disbelief over this.)
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Personally, no. I wouldn't. But you did say that you two had a 'falling out' and that she's more of an "acquaintance" than a friend so I suspect she probably doesn't feel all that "friendly" toward you. From what you describe, she sounds weird and you have "given" quite a bit more to the relationship than she has.


You also mention that she said she was "off the clock" and if she punches a timeclock then legally, she actually isn't really allowed to work 'off the clock'. Employees are required to be paid for every second that they're working unless they are a "salaried" employee.
Originally Posted by AngelaE8654
I meant "off the clock" more figuratively than literally. But I guess I don't see helping out a friend or former friend or acquaintance for 2 or 3 minutes as "work." I see it as a favor to a friend/former friend/acquaintance. When someone who works 9-5 is at work at 8pm and later, you know it's serious.

Honestly, if I had felt there was tension btwn us, I wouldn't have called her. She was just asking about my kids last week and how tall are they and what sports do they play and recalling a funny video of my son I showed her when he was baby.

(Sorry, I'm frequently struck by how weird and ****ty ppl can be. I don't mean to belabor this; I'm just truly shocked. Here I was thinking she had lost her phone. It never in a million yrs would occur to me that someone would purposely ignore someone in a situation like that.)
Amneris likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I can understand having personal/work boundaries. But for a friend in a pinch? All I needed her to do was type me a username and password. If she didn't know it, just tell me she didn't know it. Wow. But OK
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
This is why I said that maybe she was upset. Maybe she thought you WERE friends again (or was hoping) and when it was work related, it hurt her feelings.

I have a friend who generally only calls when she needs something. It gets painful after a while. Perhaps it disappointed her so she was, "eff it, she only calls me because she needs something"

Or, perhaps it's something we don't know about. Maybe she's under scrutiny so has to log everything that she does or something.

I have another friend who is very blunt about personal time and will even tell her supervisor, "personal time is mine, I do not have to attend meetings or be penalized for leaving when my day is over and no, it is not your business why I need a personal day, it's called PERSONAL"

That bluntness would be bothersome to me, but some are just like that.

~ sent with love and good intentions ~
scrills and Amneris like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011
I can understand that she doesn't want to get drawn into work stuff in personal time, However, it would have been polite to at least have contacted you when she was back at work. Also, as you have done favours for her in the past and you're friends, it would have been nice for her to have helped you out.
scrills, Amneris and curlypearl like this.
Yes, my tail is naturally curly.
No, it was NOT me who cried 'wee wee wee wee wee' all the way home.
This is why I said that maybe she was upset. Maybe she thought you WERE friends again (or was hoping) and when it was work related, it hurt her feelings.
Originally Posted by PerriP
Really? Interesting

Or, perhaps it's something we don't know about. Maybe she's under scrutiny so has to log everything that she does or something.
Originally Posted by PerriP
That, I can see. But wouldn't she explain that to me tho?

I have another friend who is very blunt about personal time and will even tell her supervisor, "personal time is mine, I do not have to attend meetings or be penalized for leaving when my day is over and no, it is not your business why I need a personal day, it's called PERSONAL"

That bluntness would be bothersome to me, but some are just like that.
Originally Posted by PerriP
I think that is awesome! LOL But not w/ someone who used to visit you in the hospital after you had surgery and whom you ask for rides and ask for food, etc.

But OK. thnx for explaining.
Amneris likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I think some people just have more concrete boundaries than others. She may have been hurt that it wasn't personal (maybe she thought "oh SL is calling!"). Maybe she's been taken advantage of so she no longer cares so it is, personal time is personal time.

However, it may have been less rude if she'd come to you the next day and said, "I hope you got things sorted, I don't do work when I'm not at work any more"

I don't have issue with her not replying to vm. I hate vm and I usually don't call back.



~ sent with love and good intentions ~
Originally Posted by PerriP
Yea first of all, if you said all you needed was a username/pwd, I don't see the big deal, especially for a friend. I have a friend who I hang out with outside of work (we also sorta had a falling out - we even went on a trip together - but are slowly hanging out again) but she will ask me work questions sometimes when we are hanging out and it's not a big deal. Especially since it's hardly ever.

If I didn't want to deal with work when I got home and someone texted me about it, I would at least say something the next day and say I was busy or I don't do work stuff at home. But this is odd because you guys are friends outside of work and it was a small request.

BTW about the samosas and nickles and dimes and pennies, omg i just cant!

But overall, it's pretty weird.
Amneris likes this.

Last edited by Josephine; 07-30-2015 at 03:09 PM.
What she did was wrong & rude. It would have taken her just a few minutes to help you out. Whether I was friends with a co worker or not, I would help them out. Especially how you were there for her in her personal struggles. Live & learn, Spider. Just keep your distance with a smile on your face.
scrills, Amneris and curlypearl like this.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
I think it's possible her feelings were hurt that you called for help not to chat. Something about her initial response to you made me think that.

If she is under scrutiny it may be too humiliating to discuss.

Another consideration would be that maybe something was going on personally and busy blowing it off and acting like "work is work"was the easiest thing for her.


~ sent with love and good intentions ~
scrills and Amneris like this.
Modified CG since Dec 2011

Last edited by PerriP; 07-30-2015 at 05:10 PM.
I think it's possible her feelings were hurt that you called for help not to chat. Something about her initial response to you made me think that.
Originally Posted by PerriP
That's really odd to me.
I think she's nuts.

90% of the time I answer for work stuff. It's usually quick stuff and I rather help out then leave someone stuck.

If it's something stupid, I'll say that and that it can wait till I'm in the office, or that I'm unable to do that from where ever I am.


I think the weirdest part was that she didn't respond the next day. At the very least, BS and say phone was off or whatever, can I help you with it now.
Josephine and curlypearl like this.
I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:56 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com