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sew and sew 04-03-2004 12:01 PM

Girls-Making the first move
 
If you're interested in someone and want them to know.

NetG 04-03-2004 12:11 PM

I'm not shy about making the first move. I don't really do it anymore, however. I've found that the only guys with personalities I get along with are willing to ask me out. Unfortunately. Guys rarely have the guts to ask me (or most of my friends) out, so if I feel like going out with someone I'll just ask. If it's going to be a real relationship, though, I'll make it obvious I'm interested, but if the guy is interested and doesn't have the guts, chances are it won't work. I guess it has to do with a certain amount of confidence and willingness to be a go-getter it takes for a guy to get along with me romantically, I'm not sure. I don't really have any hard and fast rules about dating, though, other than no scum. So I could decide to make the first move with a guy I really like in the future.

Aya9877 04-03-2004 12:12 PM

Been there, done there, would do it again if I wasn't married. :D

sew and sew 04-03-2004 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feisty NetG
I'm not shy about making the first move. I don't really do it anymore, however. I've found that the only guys with personalities I get along with are willing to ask me out. Unfortunately. Guys rarely have the guts to ask me (or most of my friends) out, so if I feel like going out with someone I'll just ask. If it's going to be a real relationship, though, I'll make it obvious I'm interested, but if the guy is interested and doesn't have the guts, chances are it won't work. I guess it has to do with a certain amount of confidence and willingness to be a go-getter it takes for a guy to get along with me romantically, I'm not sure. I don't really have any hard and fast rules about dating, though, other than no scum. So I could decide to make the first move with a guy I really like in the future.

Yeah ITA here. But what do you mean by "I've found that the only guys with personalities I get along with are willing to ask me out. " Are you saying that when you do make the first move, your personality's don't click, but you get along with the guy's who pursue you?

What inspired this question was this article on MSN today, #2

http://women.msn.com/551706.armx?GT1=3200

SpunkyCurls 04-03-2004 12:39 PM

I prefer when he makes the first move but I see no reason why I shouldn't.

I chose "yes, why not?"

Confused Curly 04-03-2004 12:45 PM

Interested in someone how?

Are you interested in having a long term relationship with this person or just sex?

NetG 04-03-2004 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by njdevilsfan03
But what do you mean by "I've found that the only guys with personalities I get along with are willing to ask me out. " Are you saying that when you do make the first move, your personality's don't click, but you get along with the guy's who pursue you?

Yup, you summed it up well. Basically, I'm not the shy, retiring type at all. And guys who don't ask me out but will go out with me if I ask usually are either not really interested in me and just going along, or not strong enough personalities themselves for us to get along well in a romantic relationship. The guys I've asked out who were willing to go out with me, in general, were intimidated by me. That's definitely not attractive to me.

Nej 04-03-2004 01:56 PM

I've asked out guys before and they either already had a girlfriend, or found me to be too pushy and got scared off. I prefer not to do it, but I don't see anything wrong with it.

Springcurl 04-03-2004 02:31 PM

I have and I will again.

curlsgonewild 04-03-2004 04:59 PM

From MSN article:
Quote:

2. She never makes the first move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase, Daily says.

Quote:

Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him.
Isn't is possible it could also be the other way around?........And if a guy never called me with me always calling him I think I would get a signal he's not interested.
Quote:

She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way.
There would be no further step because of "her reasoning" and I wouldn't question the relationship any further. Once receiving the "not interested" signal I'm not going to wait for him and question it any further. I'd rather move on.

sew and sew 04-03-2004 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlyincali
Interested in someone how?

Are you interested in having a long term relationship with this person or just sex?

Either/or. Just considering the general approach to any sort of romantic pursuit.

curlsgonewild: ITA about going both ways. The reasoning in that article is a little off. I guess they're trying to say this is what guys don't look for in a girlfriend.

wonderwoman 04-03-2004 09:50 PM

I read that article too and was also really curious about that one. These responses are intersting. So, here is another question. When a guy is just a friend, what is acceptable as far as contact? When the relationship is a mutual friendship I still tend to initiate more contact than the guy does. How does a man perceive this? Any ideas? :?:

M2LR 04-03-2004 10:50 PM

Now that I am older, well, 27, I would. I think that I am comfy enough in my own skin that I would be able to actually do it.

When I was younger and still dating, I wouldn't even think of it and I would wait for the guy to come to me.

BookishCurly 04-04-2004 08:19 AM

I am more comfortable with the guy asking me out. :D
I don't think I will ever be comfortable in my own skin or feel attractive enough to make the first move. If a man comes up to me and asks me out, then I know he is serious and wants to get to know me.

scubagal 04-04-2004 08:39 AM

I am still trying to figure out how to ask my cute neighbor out... if he didn't live here and I just saw him out, sure... no problem, but since I know I have to see him again, I want to at least try to determine if there is any vibe first.... before I make a complete ass of myself.

naturalt 04-04-2004 08:53 AM

I wouldn't be with the man I'm with now if I hadn't made the first move and been aggressive about it. He had all kinds of reasons why we shouldn't go out- I was an intern and he was full time, I was moving back to NJ and he lived in CO....he had laundry to do :lol: . I am not normally aggressive like that when it comes to relationships, but I really felt a spark with him.

I voted, Yes, who not.

mrspoppers 04-04-2004 11:58 AM

I have made the first move and sometimes it worked. More often than not, though, the guy wasn't interested. It wasn't (I think) that he thought I was too pushy, it was that if he really wanted to date, he would have asked me.

I guess I'd continue to make the first move if I felt like it--nothing ventured, nothing gained. And some guys really are just shy.

NetG 04-04-2004 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturalT
I wouldn't be with the man I'm with now if I hadn't made the first move and been aggressive about it. He had all kinds of reasons why we shouldn't go out- I was an intern and he was full time, I was moving back to NJ and he lived in CO....he had laundry to do :lol: . I am not normally aggressive like that when it comes to relationships, but I really felt a spark with him.

I voted, Yes, who not.

This definitely falls under the kind of situation where I *hope* I'd be able to figure out it was time to make the first move. It's an example of an exception to my rule.

And good for you, NatT, 'cuz he sounds like a great guy!

brookly 04-04-2004 11:14 PM

I'm traditional. I want the guy to do the asking.

curls&swirls 04-05-2004 08:27 AM

Does the phrase "the woman is the neck and she can turn the head anyway she wants" count? I just realized it's been 12 years since I put the moves on anybody other than the sure thing I married :lol: . Before that, I liked to be the one that made the first move, because it put the game on a level playing field IMO.


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