CanItBeChristine

My interview today went really well, but who knows!

The young man interviewing me I knew in passing from his last job and my last job. He knows my old boss (and his reputation!) well, so I hope that speaks in my favor.

He was also SUPERcute and I think I developed a crush on him during the interview.

Oh, well. Gotta keep yourself entertained.

CanItBeChristine

At least it was a really nice rejection...

This was the response to my response to the initial rejection.

SarcasmIsBeauty

Hee thanks cp! I'm not in nyc, I'm in good ol' Virginia.

LA, I'm not exactly sure what I want to do. I like technology and I like helping people, I need to find a way to make those two mesh again. I used to work in non profit and really enjoyed that as well.

I'm always a bit jealous of people who've figured out what they want to do, because I don't have the slightest clue and it annoys me.

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CanItBeChristine

I didn't get the job

Another nice and personal rejection.

It's one of those days. I'm in my bathrobe and I have no desire to put on clothes and if I try to talk, I start to cry.

Please, please no advice about gratitude journals. I'm doing everything I can. I'm going into every interview with 100%. I'm looking in other cities but I will also not relocate without a job.

I'm so, so drained. I feel like I'm walking around with two black eyes and I just have no idea what people want from me. I hate this so much. I really feel physically ill.

annabananalise

^^ I'm sorry CIBC )":

Sometimes those days are a good chance to just take a break. I've done it a few times. I hope you feel better.

That job in Chicago? I emailed her and she agreed to a phone interview today. She asked for the times I was available so I replied to her email. This was on Friday morning.

I did not get a response until Saturday evening when I got that MAILER-DAEMON UNDELVERABLE message.. So I replied, and haven't heard back. Honestly, Yahoo!, why?

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Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?

wild~hair

CIBC, what's the status of your therapy situation? Are you going? Are you on meds?

If you are feeling physically ill due to depression, you really need to get professional help. If you're already in therapy, move your next appointment up to ASAP.

I say this because I have been in your spot a couple times, and it's not a good place to be. You're right -- you're well past the point of gratitude journals. Get help, please!

CanItBeChristine

I was recommended Lumiday by several people who didn't want to go on other meds.

I am in the process of finding another professional to talk to, because as much as I love mine, I feel like she's just a very expensive good friend at this point (which I can't afford since I'm uninsured.)

I'm such a mess Getting those to rejections right after one another and both interviews went so well and I would have loved both jobs. I can't even answer the phone and attempt to talk because I just start blubbering like an idiot. I've always been like that...I can hold in the tears as long as I'm not talking, but the second I speak, I'm sobbing.

I'm freaking-out over turning 30. People who did that always annoyed me and made me roll my eyes, but, wow, I'm freaking-out. This isn't where I was supposed to be. I really feel like I just have nothing to show for it.

I don't know what got into me an hour ago, but I was just hysterical crying and telling myself that I must be so stupid and awkward and ugly and fat and horrible and that's why nobody's hiring me and that's why things aren't better right now...because it has to be me, because I don't see anybody else struggling like this I feel like even if somebody is unemployed for a long time, then they just go on two or three interviews and get a job. I've never had any other friend go on dozens and dozens and dozens of interviews and just keep. getting. rejected.

Everything about this year has sucked. I just want to feel better and to feel like myself again, but I'm just getting rejected from every angle of my life and it's so hard not to take it all personally because it IS personal. Even that stupid guy, I know deep down this has nothing to do with him and if it wasn't for everything else, I wouldn't even be thinking about it, but I really cared about him and he was fine just dropping a friendship after acting like such a jerk. And for some reason, I can't just write him off as a jerk...I just take it that I somehow deserve to be treated like this.

Please, nobody, please don't psychoanalyze me. I really AM well aware of how screwed-up I am. I'm trying so hard.

ninja dog

Oh, CIBC.

I'm so terribly sorry.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))

goldilocks777

Big hugs to you, CIBC. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time

TRBL

{{{{CIBC}}}}

Who Me?

You are NOT alone in this! I turned 30 in August. Prior to approximately June/July, I thought people who freaked out over turning 30 we so pathetic. I mean really. It's just a number. And then BAM, it started to get close, and I started to freak out. I can't even explain why.

For the record, I think "this isn't where I was supposed to be, and I feel like I just have nothing to show for it" seems pretty par for the course. I don't want to make you feel worse, but even though I have a job and a boyfriend I love, I felt exactly like this. There's just something mental/emotional with turning 30. It doesn't matter WHAT you have, you just feel like you should have so much more.

It's been a couple months, and my panic has mainly subsided, but still rears it's ugly head. For me, it's that I'll never have money to buy a home, or I'll never be able to do anything exciting because I'll be "stuck" in my job and life. It happens to everyone.

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"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON

wild~hair

Yup, it really does. You [gy] can keep yourself bummed out by thinking what you don't have, or you can focus on what you do have. Which is usually a lot.

But when the problem is chemical, it's hard to take stock accurately. I remember when I was going through a particularly trying time in my early 30s, I felt like the world was pitted against me. I mean, I knew intellectually it wasn't. I didn't think the universe, personified, was out to get me. But I really felt like it was happening.

And anyone objectively looking at it would have agreed there were a lot of bad things happening my life at that time. When I started to feel like it was a pattern that would never change, when I felt listless and sick to my stomach all the time, I got help, got on meds and started to feel better. My situation did not improve right away, but I was able to handle it better, and then eventually, as is always the case, my circumstances changed. Life got better. The bad was more evenly matched with the good, sometimes the good was more than the bad. It's just how life is.

I came off the meds, continued talk therapy to learn some coping skills. It was an opportunity for me to learn how to be more resilient. I don't say I'd do it again — it sucked — but I have a grudging appreciation for what I went through.

journotraveler

I'm so sorry, CIBC.

Looking for a job sucks in this economy. (I'm also looking in an industry that's been decimated.) Having well-meaning friends feed you platitudes while you're looking for a job in a sucky economy is maddening. Having a big birthday when your life isn't going as planned can definitely make you feel worse--it's like an indictment of what you have and haven't accomplished.

This, too, shall pass, but you're in the thick of it right now. It sounds like a good idea to find a different therapist and if meds will help, then do it. You're getting really good advice here.

I check in regularly to see how you're doing. I look forward to the day when things turn around for you.

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multicultcurly

CIBC (((hugs))) Things will get better, but you really are going through a rough spot. I think you're handling it well. When you're going through such rough times for so long, it's hard not to take it personally. I wish you the best, and I know things will eventually improve.

As for turning 30, I turned 30 in January, and I still haven't gotten over it. I know it's still young, but certain people keep telling me I'm old. I have finally stopped worrying about where I am workwise. I graduated college in my late 20s and have been laid off, looking for a stable job that fit my career goals, and continually underpaid, and that is not where I thought I'd be. But it's life, and although I could have done without the sucky parts, hopefully they will make me stronger.

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annabananalise

I just had a phone interview for a job in Chicago. The woman I spoke to was really really nice.

The pay for the job leaves much to be desired, but a job is a job, right? So I really hope I get it.

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Last relaxer: 8.4.10
BC: 9.6.11

when will your favs?

cmb4314

CIBC, many hugs to you. Job searching is just horrible for one's self esteem.

I almost think my husband makes it worse sometimes because he had a fantastic job basically fall into his lap right out of grad school, and when he tries to comfort me I want you smack him.

I think I have a decent chance at getting a new job that is a sidegrade to my current gig (so still temporary, terrible pay, and way below my education level) but is better suited to my background and has a better chance of turning into something permanent.

I also interviewed with another staffing company this morning so at least there is someone else out there trying to place me into something decent.

Sent from my ADR6300 using CurlTalk App

CanItBeChristine

Soooooooo, not too much going on.

I had two interviews last week on the same day. I actually ended-up walking over 100blocks in the pouring rain after them and it was oddly therapeutic. Those kidn of things make me realize how HUGE the city is, how many people and buildings there are and how much is going-on and how the earth will continue to turn.

The first one I felt pretty much a shoe-in for (how many times have I said that?) and the young lady I'd be replacing interviewed me. I really felt like I rambled a lot and she asked me to describe my relationship with my former boss (hahahahahahaha). I feel like that's when my acting skills come into play...talked about how much I admire him, how much I learned from him and that he funded my off-Broadway show last year (just to prove he obviously believe in me to a degree.)

I wasn't sure what to make of it, she was very young and perky and that kind of interview can be hard to read.

The second one was for a classical musical company and the people were VERY sweet but I felt like I was in a convent! Superquiet and softspoken. I don't think I have what they want (I have no background in classical music) but they gave me the whole, "We got hundreds of applications, and we really loved your resume and cover letter!" AGAIN...

I got an email from the young lady from the first one the next day to say I was "still in the running" as long as the salary was okay with me because we didn't discuss it. She gave me a range, and the highest was what I was making at my last job. I'd really take anything at this point, because this job also has full benefits and a 401K (I was paid as an independent contractor at my last job, my former boss didn't pay payroll taxes on any of us, and it would be very nice to just get a legit paycheck and not have to deal with all the estimated taxes.)

She emailed me again to ask if I could come in this coming Monday, so I'm meeting with the big boss.

I also went to a Positive Thinking/Self-Help class on Saturday and am going to try to go as often as I can. It made me feel a lot better.

TRBL

Oh CIBC, I really hope it goes well for you on Monday! Charm his socks off! (I was going to say pants, but that came across as creepy to me)

Amneris

CIBC, I really admire you for keeping going through all this. I feel like something positive is going to happen REALLY soon. Good luck!

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curlylaura

Good luck for monday D.

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