Which of us are job hunting?

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I am just really really really depressed right now. I want to just crawl back into bed. I feel like I got beaten-up and left in an alley.

And the thing is, does ANYONE else insult you at all? Especially those who love you? I'm guessing not. My mom claims that she is the only one who loves me enough to tell me the truth. She says everyone else feels the same way (mainly about my troll-like appearance) but knows I'll flip-out if they tell me the truth like she does.

She calls it tough love. But I want to give her tough love back and tell her the way she treats me has, in the past, made me have suicidal thoughts. Maybe that would wake her up.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
Yes, I too apparently do not know how to talk to people. I guess she's the only one who uss strong enough to tell me the truth without being afraid of my reaction.



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Originally Posted by iroc
I wonder if our moms live near each other in Florida.

They might be best friends.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine

probably not. They're too judgmental and mean spirited.


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I am just really really really depressed right now. I want to just crawl back into bed. I feel like I got beaten-up and left in an alley.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine

I'm really down on myself lately too, but mine is due to body image issues.

I had minimal eating disorder issues in the past. I'm too old for that now, but I'm not too old to have wicked self esteem issues.


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I'm actually scared to talk to my mom I've avoided her for a week, just texted her to tell her I took care if this month's bills, she called me while I was at a show last night and I texted her and said I'd talk to her later.

I can't handle the "you need a makeover you need a makeover" business right now when I already feel like garbage.

I wish you all knew what I looked like, in case you're thinking she must be right and I'm this complete beast/troll. I'm FINE. People always tell me I'm beautiful, compliment my clothes and hair, even my speaking voice. I don't get what she sees when she looks at me, but she always says she's the only one who loves me enough to tell me the truth. She also accused me of hanging out with ugly people to make myself feel better about myself.

I'm so sad right now. I really wanted that job. I can't imagine it ever happening for me. I'm just so down I can't stand it.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Good.

Do not talk to her while you're feeling this down.

Please, be gentle with yourself.
KurlyKae likes this.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Oh, honey.

We're here for you.
I'm actually scared to talk to my mom I've avoided her for a week, just texted her to tell her I took care if this month's bills, she called me while I was at a show last night and I texted her and said I'd talk to her later.

I can't handle the "you need a makeover you need a makeover" business right now when I already feel like garbage.

I wish you all knew what I looked like, in case you're thinking she must be right and I'm this complete beast/troll. I'm FINE. People always tell me I'm beautiful, compliment my clothes and hair, even my speaking voice. I don't get what she sees when she looks at me, but she always says she's the only one who loves me enough to tell me the truth. She also accused me of hanging out with ugly people to make myself feel better about myself.

I'm so sad right now. I really wanted that job. I can't imagine it ever happening for me. I'm just so down I can't stand it.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine

I'm sure it's projection. Shes putting on you the insecurities she has about herself. In fact I'd turn everything she says around in my head and think if maybe everything is about what she thinks of herself.

My mothers mother was obsessed with her own weight and figure. She had my mom on a diet when she was 10. She used to ridicule her about her size and her weight and compare her to herself when she didn't even have a weight problem.

She transferred the fear of it from herself onto her daughter.

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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
There's also the option that she puts you down in order to boost her own weak self-image. It's pretty horrid, but, sadly, people do it to their kids sometimes.

I personally think you're great.
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CIBC~

I agree w/Iroc and Ninja. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to take what your mother says to heart. I think I've said before that she seems disturbed. I don't mean that as an insult. I really mean she seems to have issues, as does your sister. So most of her comments aren't -- and couldn't be -- based in reality. She's just messed up. Don't let her mess you up too. All the best, TNB.
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Thank you very much.

I shouldn't have gotten so excited about that job. My hopes were very high. I'm even embarrassed to go to Positive Thinking Class tomorrow morning because they were all cheering and saying I was definitely going to get this job last week and now I have to tell them that I didn't.

I really really liked that lady! I just thought she seemed SO awesome and would be a great boss and then I saw my former boss last night and it just made me hope that I was due for a really great boss instead of this abusive maniac.

I had a phone interview today and another in person interview on Thursday.

I'm just so drained! It just feels like some kind of really really bad comedy routine at this point.
I'm not allowed to be obsessing about why that retail job didn't call me back yet, right?
I'm not allowed to be obsessing about why that retail job didn't call me back yet, right?
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
When did you interview? Earlier this past week, right? I'd think it would be okay for you to call and 'touch base' if you don't hear from them by Monday afternoon.
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I'm not allowed to be obsessing about why that retail job didn't call me back yet, right?
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
When did you interview? Earlier this past week, right? I'd think it would be okay for you to call and 'touch base' if you don't hear from them by Monday afternoon.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae

It was Tuesday...the manager was VERY nonchalant since I have already worked with one of their stores and was just like, "Eh, whatever, I'm going to put you through, you're very outgoing and have already worked with one of our stores."

She said they were putting in the background check and it takes 3-4 days but sometimes they're slower.

I know that shopping plaza is usually insane on weekends, so I guess I'll call Monday.
I'm not allowed to be obsessing about why that retail job didn't call me back yet, right?
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
When did you interview? Earlier this past week, right? I'd think it would be okay for you to call and 'touch base' if you don't hear from them by Monday afternoon.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae

It was Tuesday...the manager was VERY nonchalant since I have already worked with one of their stores and was just like, "Eh, whatever, I'm going to put you through, you're very outgoing and have already worked with one of our stores."

She said they were putting in the background check and it takes 3-4 days but sometimes they're slower.

I know that shopping plaza is usually insane on weekends, so I guess I'll call Monday.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
See? Now you have a plan. I always feel better when I have a plan in place. Even when reality turns out differently, the plans makes me feel more grounded.
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3a/2c
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AG re:coil, LALooks gel, John Frieda Secret Weapon

When did you interview? Earlier this past week, right? I'd think it would be okay for you to call and 'touch base' if you don't hear from them by Monday afternoon.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae

It was Tuesday...the manager was VERY nonchalant since I have already worked with one of their stores and was just like, "Eh, whatever, I'm going to put you through, you're very outgoing and have already worked with one of our stores."

She said they were putting in the background check and it takes 3-4 days but sometimes they're slower.

I know that shopping plaza is usually insane on weekends, so I guess I'll call Monday.
Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine
See? Now you have a plan. I always feel better when I have a plan in place. Even when reality turns out differently, the plans makes me feel more grounded.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae

I can't imagine why she would make it sound like I was a "yes" and then not call me to come in...obviously there's nothing iffy on my background check (that I know of...that ticket for driving too slow at 2 AM just might stop everything.)

I DO want to have a plan, which is why I just want a definite start date!
I know you do, and don't blame you, one little bit. Realistically though, Monday is four business days from last Tuesday, so try not to panic yet!
3a/2c
Trader Joe's Tingle conditioner wash/ conditioner
AG re:coil, LALooks gel, John Frieda Secret Weapon
I was actually nervous to go to my "positive thinking class" yesterday because they SO stress "you attract everything that happens to you" so I was just waiting for everyone go to go me, "Well, it's your fault you didn't get the job..."

I had actually sent the teacher an update after I got that email because she told me to let her know. I had about 3 people ask me if I had gotten the job when I walked in, so I just made a bit of an announcement that I DID NOT get it, and the teacher interrupted that I had gotten a lovely email and that it was NOT ABOUT ME AS A PERSON and that they just wanted somebody with more research experience.

I started talking about everything and just kinda broke-down about everything...the gazillion job interviews, my mother, seeing my former boss and knowing I need to be thrilled I don't have to deal with him anymore. I was just crying like a crazy person that I can't handle all of this rejection anymore and that my mom's convincing me that everything about me is wrong and nobody will ever hire me the way I am.

They all just kept telling me "everything happens for a reason everything happens for a reason everything happens for a reason/you'll look back and understand this path one day, etc. etc. etc."

On my way out, the instructor grabbed me and hugged me and was very nice. I told her what my mom always says about my voice, because ever since my first ever class, the instructor has ALWAYS said how much she loves my voice. I know I'm a psycho that I need all of this validation, but I can't help it...I have a lot of bad thoughts in my head about myself. When the one person who is supposed to love you just criticizes you all the time.........................................

I actually vented to my brother-in-law for a while today and he came right out and was like, "You'll never do any right. You could get a job that pays you six figures and live in a mansion. She'll always find things to criticize you about."
Nothing good comes from staying up until 5 AM and applying to every job under the sun.
Nothing.
I called the store back and the woman told me that the manager I met with will be in tomorrow.

I can't believe how I am stressing about this!

These are the thoughts that are going through my head...

--I had worked at one of their company's store's for the holiday season in 2010. I am imagining them calling them for a reference and they tell them I was completely dreadful. (Which isn't true. It can't be. I got very good reviews and was told to check back in the summertime if I needed a part-time job.)

--There really IS something shady on my background check? (Oh come on! It can't be.)

--The woman was totally lying about wanting to hire me and was just being nice and I really just come-off disgracefully unhireable.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Not everything that happens is for a reason.

Things that don't kill us don't make us stronger; they often make us screwed up.

We don't have as much control as the "Law of Attraction" people want to believe.

Please don't blame yourself. People are afraid that the hard things that happen to others could also happen to them, so they look for reasons why others must somehow deserve it. It's an unappealing part of human psychology. Your mother doesn't have the guts to support herself, so she projects failure on you to justify her cowardice in returning to her rotten boyfriend.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean.
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