Which of us are job hunting? - Page 64

CanItBeChristine · 07-08-2011, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tati-Ana

Why does my mother always pretend to be honest? why? why????? I don't want you being honest, but supportive. I posted her a picture with my hair and asked, if it looks acceptable for a job interview. I just pulled my hair with some claw pins off my face.I'm growing out now and I'm at the beginning of a cg journey, I can barely figure out how to make my hair for wearing down. Her answer: ''I like it more on your application picture (It's a rule in Germany to include a picture in the application. Mine was done by a professional photograph and stylist who just combed my hair until it became very big and put a lot of hairspray in). Finally, they liked you with it too''. Fine. Now I feel as I would have nothing to offer except of a hairstyle which I can't remake. I feel exhausted. Why don't she understand, that I need support, not a suggestion, I can't follow? as I asked, whether it looks so bad, because I can't make it the way she liked it, she answered ''no, but its not as good as at the picture though''. Now I'm checking my hair every two minutes in hope to figure out how I could fix it. I should prepare for the interview instead of looking in the mirror. But I can't. CIBC, I really feel with you and send you thousand of hugs. It's devastating to be put down from a person, who 's meant to encourage you. Sorry for complaining girls. I spoke it out and I feel better

Oyyyyyyyyyyyyyy your mom and mine go to that same school of thought, huh???

Once my mom gave me a hard time about a certain Ann Taylor Loft spring jacket I had that was getting TONS of compliments (in NYC streets.) I told her once a person I was interviewing with COMPLIMENTED ME ON THE JACKET and my mom went, "Yes, but you didn't get the job, DID YOU?" Yes, mom. YES. MY JACKET, which was my OUTSIDE JACKET AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE IT ON DURING THE INTERVIEW, COMPLETELY INFLUENCED THEIR DECISION. And they decided to compliment me on it just to throw me off.

Crazy ladies. CRAZY!

CanItBeChristine · 07-08-2011, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Who Me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine

I just emailed the two people I met with yesterday to thank them. The one woman just talked to me on the phone for a bit and greeted me and the second guy I talked to for an hour in his office.

I emailed the woman to thank her for setting-up the interview, etc. and she responded and said she forwarded my email to the other guy!

Is that kinda weird?

Not weird at all. The woman probably has no input whatsoever into the hiring decision, but the man does. So she forwarded the email to the guy to make sure the guy with the power knows that you are polite and respectful, even toward people who are "not important" like her.

Also, it's a good lesson for everyone not to use a standard template for thank you emails, in case they get forwarded around!

Ahhh good point.

I just thought it was strange that she actually TOLD me she had forwarded it!

CanItBeChristine · 07-10-2011, 08:20 AM

Well, I'm happy to report my mom is job-hunting!!!

She has been crying poverty nonstop for weeks, but has been making no effort to find a job.

She had quit her very well-paying job about five years ago in order to spent all of her time with her retired SO. (who she just learned has been cheating on her for about 9 years, in case you weren't following my family's saga.)

She has really been ripping into ME lately, and I know a lot of it's coming from her own frustrations about money because even if she DID sell the home we live in, she'd have to find SOMEWHERE else to live and the way she crazily spends money, the project left over (even if she buys a tiny one bedroom apartment, which she doesn't want to do...it's not like our house is $5 million or something) would be gone in two years anyway.

I absolutely get that she's not mad at me but mad at herself for giving up her job and it's so easy to take things out on me. In reality, I don't cost her a thing. I have ALWAYS contributed, helped pay bills, occasionally give her cash, many times when we go out to eat, I grab the check. We had a huge fight the other night and she told me that I "don't give her squat" and then was practically accusing me of LYING and never contributing or paying bills. I checked my records because I thought I was going crazy, but this past year alone (since January), I have paid almost $5,000! I cost her NOTHING. I buy my own food. She really sounded insane and delusional and I was so confused and hurt.

She's so mad at her current life situation...her boyfriend, her brokeness, and it's just very easy to blame everything on me...because I am THERE.

She was seriously screaming at me like I was a stoner playing video games all day. (And even if I DID, I still wouldn't deserve to be spoken to like that from my own mother.)

She kept mocking my voice (my mom HATES my voice) and kept saying stuff like, "I'm a writer! I want to work in theatre! I refuse to change!" in this high, squeaky, childish voice. (I have been LOOKING FOR JOBS IN EVERY FIELD IMAGINABLE. I have signed-up for TONS of agencies. I have went to hedgefunds, looked into working at hotels, sent my resume to every single contact I have in New York and New Jersey. I AM DOING EVERYTHING I CAN.)She said I live in a sick fantasy world and writing is a stupid hobby and if I was any good at it, I'd be supporting myself as a writer right now.

I am SO incredibly frustrated and angry and I can't handle it. And the fact that she takes stabs at my writing REALLY hurts. I'm sorry that I'm not on Broadway yet, but, seriously? I think I've done really well for myself without even having an agent. She acted SO proud of me when she came to almost every production of my show last summer, she brought all her friends, but now she's just telling me I'm a huge waste of space.

fonki · 07-10-2011, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trixie1979

Just did my thank you email so, fingers crossed, I'll get noticed a little more.

The best book I've ever read in terms of job hunting recommends sendin out thank you emails/letters.

This book was a godsend. Its called 'What colour is your parachute' for anyone interested. You could prob borrow it from Yr local library.

CanItBeChristine · 07-10-2011, 08:33 AM

Also, this shows further reasons why my mom is Jekyll and Hyde.

Not long ago, my mom told me that she feels bad that I was going to get "screwed" because she spent everything on my sister...wedding, showers, kid, furniture, down payment on a house...basically that there was nothing left for me.

And yet when we were fighting the other night, one of the things she brought-up OUT OF THE BLUE was, "I am not giving you a DIME for your wedding because I have already given you EVERYTHING."

This makes no sense right?????? I kept asking het how I cost her money and she couldn't answer me...because I don't.

It's not me, right? I'm just the punching bag? I feel so bad.

Amneris · 07-10-2011, 10:22 AM

CIBC, you have GOT to stop letting your mother do this to you!

I am sorry, but no matter what her current life situation is, she is your MOTHER and NOTHING justifies her behaving that way to you just because you are there... nothing. It's just not right. She is a sorry excuse for a parent. I assume she made those choices (to be with a man for so long without a solid commitment, to close her eyes to his actions, to quit a good job for him, to spend more than she could afford on your sister) freely and no one, certainly not you, coerced her into them. Any decent parent would not then resent their young adult child for that, but would hope they could provide a learning experience for their child as to how to do better.

And WTF "my mom hates my voice?" She told you that? Your voice, which is part of you and very difficult to change?

Honestly, I know you are stuck right now, but the second you get a good job (which you will) get out of there and don't look back, don't help her, don't talk to her for a good long time until you can get HER voice out of your head! Stop hanging onto the illusion of having a close and loving family which would be wonderful but does NOT exist.

I am so, so sorry you have to live like that. Don't explain or justify yourself to her any more when she acts nuts like that - just tune it out. She is destroying you and your confidence and no one should get the right to do that. I cannot believe how angry I'm getting on your behalf just reading about it. I know it is hard for you to disentangle yourself but my dear, you have GOT to start trying!

curlypearl · 07-10-2011, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

CIBC, you have GOT to stop letting your mother do this to you!

I am sorry, but no matter what her current life situation is, she is your MOTHER and NOTHING justifies her behaving that way to you just because you are there... nothing. It's just not right. She is a sorry excuse for a parent. I assume she made those choices (to be with a man for so long without a solid commitment, to close her eyes to his actions, to quit a good job for him, to spend more than she could afford on your sister) freely and no one, certainly not you, coerced her into them. Any decent parent would not then resent their young adult child for that, but would hope they could provide a learning experience for their child as to how to do better.

And WTF "my mom hates my voice?" She told you that? Your voice, which is part of you and very difficult to change?

Honestly, I know you are stuck right now, but the second you get a good job (which you will) get out of there and don't look back, don't help her, don't talk to her for a good long time until you can get HER voice out of your head! Stop hanging onto the illusion of having a close and loving family which would be wonderful but does NOT exist.

I am so, so sorry you have to live like that. Don't explain or justify yourself to her any more when she acts nuts like that - just tune it out. She is destroying you and your confidence and no one should get the right to do that. I cannot believe how angry I'm getting on your behalf just reading about it. I know it is hard for you to disentangle yourself but my dear, you have GOT to start trying!

+1

SusieSuze · 07-10-2011, 02:17 PM

Cibc, you've given her 5 grand in 6 months. Is this not enough to get you a place with a roommate?

It makes no sense at all for you to encourage this abuse by living under her roof when you don't have to.

Please accept my apology if I've missed something important here... But you do seem to like to complain about her which is what she seem to like to do to you. I bet that you will do much better when you get out of this negative vortex.

Stop the cycle. See her for the sorry excuse of a woman she is and move on with your life! Stop wasting your energy here complaining, and put that energy into being positive about yourself.

I know this may seem harsh but you need to hear it. I wouldn't bother if I didn't see myself in you... And I found out that the way out never includes hashing through crap over and over. When you do this, you only let her hurt you even more. Actually that is not exactly right. YOU are the one who chooses to re-hash, so it actually is you who keeps the hurt alive.

You are a lot more powerful than you know, and you have the power to change your life.

Do it!!!

Who Me? · 07-10-2011, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amneris

CIBC, you have GOT to stop letting your mother do this to you!

I am sorry, but no matter what her current life situation is, she is your MOTHER and NOTHING justifies her behaving that way to you just because you are there... nothing. It's just not right. She is a sorry excuse for a parent. I assume she made those choices (to be with a man for so long without a solid commitment, to close her eyes to his actions, to quit a good job for him, to spend more than she could afford on your sister) freely and no one, certainly not you, coerced her into them. Any decent parent would not then resent their young adult child for that, but would hope they could provide a learning experience for their child as to how to do better.

And WTF "my mom hates my voice?" She told you that? Your voice, which is part of you and very difficult to change?

Honestly, I know you are stuck right now, but the second you get a good job (which you will) get out of there and don't look back, don't help her, don't talk to her for a good long time until you can get HER voice out of your head! Stop hanging onto the illusion of having a close and loving family which would be wonderful but does NOT exist.

I am so, so sorry you have to live like that. Don't explain or justify yourself to her any more when she acts nuts like that - just tune it out. She is destroying you and your confidence and no one should get the right to do that. I cannot believe how angry I'm getting on your behalf just reading about it. I know it is hard for you to disentangle yourself but my dear, you have GOT to start trying!

Yes, she is your mother and nothing justifies her behavior toward you. But the ONLY person you can control is yourself. You are 100% responsible for how you allow yourself to be treated. Choose better for yourself! Your life WILL be better if you cut out the negative influences.

Trixie1979 · 07-11-2011, 10:20 AM

Another 2 rejection letters today....I'm so fed up....I don't know what to do anymore.

curlypearl · 07-11-2011, 01:55 PM

I also got a rejection letter today.

annabananalise · 07-11-2011, 02:33 PM

I'm sorry trixie and curlypearl!

I still haven't heard from the law firm. I consider it a rejection. I'm afraid to email and follow up.

Since I'm having no luck down here, I'm officially looking in Chicago. It's probably in vain, but I have nothing to lose here.

Trixie1979 · 07-11-2011, 06:41 PM

I'm starting to feel more and more depressed. I find myself constantly trying to push that feeling away. Maybe I hope it'll go away if I just ignore it. I know it won't.

I mentioned to the fiancée about moving to Canada. He thought I was saying that I'm moving back to Canada. I told him that I'm not going to go without him. He said he won't leave his parents here. I know that we would have so much more success there than here.

He did notice a change of mood in me today. Just very quiet and having trouble smiling. All I wanted to do was cry.

CanItBeChristine · 07-11-2011, 06:44 PM

Ohhhhhhhh, here's what we call Blessings in Disguise...

One of my good friends from HS works with people who work with that Crazy Lady I thought was pretty fabulous that I met with a few weeks ago.

I told my friend I never heard from her so I am assuming I didn't get the job...

My friend said:

I know how much you want a job but not with some piece of **** like her. i really want you to find a job but i swear i am so happy you didn't end up with her. she's a ****ing sucubus. i swear.

YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES.

I sure know how to pick abusive bosses. I should go see that Jennifer Aniston movie................

curlypearl · 07-11-2011, 08:51 PM

Ohhhh....I'm so glad you avoided that quicksand! Oy.

I hate the interview question "Tell me about yourself." Read the bloody resume you lamebrain.

One of these days I am going to lose my patience completely and really tell them about myself - none of which is on my resume.

A friend of mine suggested that I say "I've never been in jail" and let it go at that.

CanItBeChristine · 07-11-2011, 09:34 PM

And that you love building yachts!

Saila · 07-11-2011, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlypearl

Ohhhh....I'm so glad you avoided that quicksand! Oy.

I hate the interview question "Tell me about yourself." Read the bloody resume you lamebrain.

One of these days I am going to lose my patience completely and really tell them about myself - none of which is on my resume.

A friend of mine suggested that I say "I've never been in jail" and let it go at that.

Oh, man. That is a terrible question! What a wonderful response though.