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-   -   Have/would you ever confess love to a friend? (http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/non-hair-discussion/1865-have-would-you-ever-confess-love-friend.html)

wonderwoman 04-15-2004 08:57 PM

Have/would you ever confess love to a friend?
 
Okay, I think I have asked all of the curlies just about every relationship question I can think of except for this one. Oh, and I am talking about opposite sex friends here. Just for clarification. :wink:

Have you ever been in love with a friend and told them?

What was your approach? "I am in love with you" versus "I feel more than friendship" versus just giving lots of compliments and hoping they figure it out?

Where the results positive, negative, or benign?

Have you ever been approached by a friend with feelings for you? How did you handle it?

Any personal experiences? I would love to hear about them.

Anytime someone has confessed feelings for me I have always been flattered. Even if I didn't feel the same. Is that the general consensus?

Is it harder to pretend you don't love someone than it is to admit that you do?

Have I asked enough questions yet it this post? :D

Opinions? Personal stories? Inquiring minds want to know!

Aya9877 04-15-2004 09:03 PM

Re: Have/would you ever confess love to a friend?
 
Alright where to begin. I think crossing the line with friends is a very very touchy thing. Obviously the closer the friend, the more there is at stake. Are you willing to lose that person as a friend if the relationship does not work out? Is it worth the risk? Do you think the feeling is mutual?

I don't know that I have any interesting stories to share, but basically I think those are the questions you have to ask yourself when thinking of going after more in a relationship.

With age and experience I've learned that you don't really need to put something like that out on the table. If the feeling is mutual, then a romance will most likely blossom on it's own. As friends you'll find yourself in situations where you interact, and if both parties are interested, I would imagine that the chemistry would speak for itself.

Starla 04-15-2004 09:26 PM

Quote:

With age and experience I've learned that you don't really need to put something like that out on the table. If the feeling is mutual, then a romance will most likely blossom on it's own. As friends you'll find yourself in situations where you interact, and if both parties are interested, I would imagine that the chemistry would speak for itself.

ITA with Aya. If there are mutual feelings then some kind of "relationship" is bound to develop.
It's really not necessary to make things uncomfortable by voicing those feelings.
I've had very good friends confess their love to me and although it was very flattering I was very uncomfortable with it because I didn't return those feelings. It put a strain on our friendship for a while.

wonderwoman 04-15-2004 10:31 PM

C'mon everybody! There have to be some actual examples of this happening! Or does it only happen in the movies? Are we all really that chicken? Just teasing, I was just hoping for some juicy/intersting stories. 'Fess up everyone.

Poodlehead 04-16-2004 05:58 AM

My husband and I were best friends for 2 years, never any question about romance. We had dinner plans for my birthday, no big deal, then he sent me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers. That was it. We both knew, and married 1-1/2 years later.

GuardianB 04-16-2004 06:50 AM

Did it and got burned.

Told the story here a few times already but lets just summarize with I was told I was more like a brother to her and she couldn't see doing whipped cream and chocolate syrup with me. She seemed to avoid me for weeks after that until I finally tracked her down and asked why I didn't see her anymore she said she thought I would be uncomfortable together. I explained that unless she was I was fine. I had wanted more and would still like more but I certainly did not want to lose the friendship we had. We hugged and remained friends and she entered another relationship with another guy. Nice guy. Rough exterior but genuwine unless her previous that I had consulted her through.

wonderwoman 04-16-2004 12:29 PM

GaurdianB: Are you glad that you did it though? I mean obviously the result wasn't what you would have hoped for, but is that better than always wondering if you should have? Just curious.

GuardianB 04-16-2004 12:54 PM

I am. I think she was always more into a bad boy image, outgoing, type guy. I was the sweet male perspective helping her through her relationships.

I went on for nearly a month trying to decide if, how, should I tell her how I was feeling. A friend of mine watching me going thru this (I kept it hidden from her, she didn't expect it at all and about fell off her chair when I told her), well the friend, another guy, said I should just grab her and kiss her. I could never have done that. Too afraid to be slapped I guess :lol:

Didn't like hiding that from her though so very glad I did tell her. Didn't have to hear from her next boyfriend while he was drunk one night, who didn't know how I felt, things that she did in the morning. :cry: "Nothing better thatn being woken..." :cry:

wonderwoman 04-17-2004 01:03 AM

Poor you GuardianB. I am sorry you had such a hard time with that. Broken hearts are the worst. :cry:

BookishCurly 04-17-2004 02:02 PM

No. All my friends are women and I don't swing that way. :wink:

riotkitty 04-17-2004 02:44 PM

Yes, I've done it. He was my best friend and had liked me for a while when I was seeing my ex. When my ex and I broke up, I turned to him, but he like another girl who was giving him th run around. Once to get back at her for something we ended having a drunken one-night stand. Everything went bad from there. We ended up not talking for almost a year, and eventually we reconcilled as friends. He did have regrets once he found out I was with someone else, but we've both changed a lot and I don't think we'd work out.

I've been the recipient of this as well, and me and this guy hooked up while I was in an off period with my ex (same ex, we had a very on again, off again relationship). It was a rebound for both of us, we had both been cheated on by our S.O.'s. It didn't work out. He had a lot of problems, and niether of us was over our S.O.'s. I got back together with my ex, but for weeks was depressed over this other guy. He ended up moving away and marrying some girl he'd only known for a couple of weeks. I still think about him from time to time.

Currently, I'm in a situation where I've developed feelings for a friend, but I'm also currently in a relationship. See my thread called "relationship-y stuff" for details.

Confused Curly 04-17-2004 02:53 PM

I picked "It depends on the circumstances." I'm a girly girl. I don't really have any male friends so I have never been in that situation.

the doctor 04-17-2004 09:32 PM

I've tried it a couple of times. First guy was a SOB and it blew up in my face. Slowly over a period of years. He knew how I felt and strung me along and then called me names. One day I got sick of his little digs and told him I didn't want to be friends anymore. Today I saw him at an Earthday thing and I think he saw me, but didn't recognize me. Good. Though I would've liked him to see me talking with Dennis K. Like, "look, the girl you kicked around is cool enough to talk to a presidential candidate, and you're nobody, NYAH" but whatever. It doesn't matter.

The second guy that I was friends with, well one day, we just talked on the phone and it came out that we liked each other as more than friends and, well, we're having our 2nd anniversary on Monday. :):):)

curlyarca 04-17-2004 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_cheat
I've tried it a couple of times. First guy was a SOB and it blew up in my face. Slowly over a period of years. He knew how I felt and strung me along and then called me names. One day I got sick of his little digs and told him I didn't want to be friends anymore. Today I saw him at an Earthday thing and I think he saw me, but didn't recognize me. Good. Though I would've liked him to see me talking with Dennis K. Like, "look, the girl you kicked around is cool enough to talk to a presidential candidate, and you're nobody, NYAH" but whatever. It doesn't matter.

The second guy that I was friends with, well one day, we just talked on the phone and it came out that we liked each other as more than friends and, well, we're having our 2nd anniversary on Monday. :):):)

The first guy was an a-hole. The second sounds like a keeper. :D
That's awesome.

BohemianRenegade 04-17-2004 11:41 PM

Thanks for all the stories...I'm currently in a situation like this with my closest guy friend. From things he's said I think the feelings are mutual, but not positive. I'm just gonna wait it out...

wonderwoman 04-17-2004 11:50 PM

Ugh!!! You guys. Sad story. The reason I asked this question is I was seriously on the verge of doing this. I have a really good friend that I just adore. He invited me down to visit him at school today where I had the pleasure of meeting his GIRLFRIEND. Oh crap. What a lovely surprise and how glad am I that I didn't hit send on the email that I wrote and revised a thousand times this week? :wink:

My divorce isn't final yet, so I really thought I should wait on the whole love confession thing and now I am SO RELEIVED.

And she is so cute too. I can't say one mean thing about her. Not one. Oh well. Just had to pout.

Thanks for all the stories everyone and good luck to those of you who are thinking about "taking it to the next level!"


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