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Old 05-03-2007, 08:53 AM   #41
 
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I must disagree. As long as I continue to provide heat, lights, gas, food, and shelter, it is my business and will continue to be my business as long as I take care of him. What he does when he leaves my house is another story. But he will not graduate from high school for another 2 years, so its not like he is going off on his own any time soon.

I asked this question on another board and some of the responses were the same as yours. I dont get washing hands of your kids just because they turn 18. It really isnt a magical number and all of a sudden all your decisions are your own.
It actually kind of is a "magical" number. The world/America sees you as an adult, 18 is the age that we are considered "adult." Whether or not his maturity level limits that is subjective, but according to the law, he's an adult.
Of course, you can restrict him to not go, etc, however, if he does go on his own accord, he is an adult. Of course, you aren't "washing your hands" of your child, but you also have to realize that at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes. You do pay for his home/roof, food, etc. But, as an adult, he's also capable of getting his own place and paying for those things on his own.

I don't see the big deal going to a strip club for an 18 year old boy, but that's just me.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:16 AM   #42
 
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I think once he is 18, he needs to learn to make his own desisions. At that point, he is an adult, even if you want him to act a certian way, he will end up doing what he wants, b/c well, he can.

And, if you make a big deal about something then it will be a big deal to them.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:18 AM   #43
 
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It's not the dad, it's her BIL and her husbands friend. So maybe these people hang out with the kid "like" a friend. Or maybe they'll just think it's funny, b/c I imagine most guys have the experience of going to a strip club once they're of age - so I could see it as a right of passage sort of thing.
I never quite understood the "rite of passage" mindset, but I guess to each his/her own.

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And strip clubs, even the ones that serve alcohol, allow you in when you're 18. There are a lot of clubs around here that allow you in at 18, you just obviously can't drink.
I assure you that this rarely works. In the NA clubs, it is typically BYOB... and then you risk BIL and Friend thinking that is "no big deal," either.

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I think some people are blowing this totally out of proportion. It's a strip club, it's not a brothel. It's really not a big deal.
To some it is a big deal. For me it wouldn't be (with the understanding that it isn't currently dad as I had thought). I don't think that there is a whole lot mom can do to stop it, but I respect her desire to not give her tacit approval. Frankly, I think he'll go and find out "what's the big deal" on his own. Strip clubs are often a big waste of money for guys who find pleasure in giving away their hard earned money for essentially... nothing.

Oh, I totally agree with all of this. I'm not arguing her decision. She's the mom, she can decide, or deny anything she wants, for whatever reason she wants. And I completely agree that strip clubs are a total waste of money, and silly, and the whole lifestyle of it is pretty obnoxious, but people have to find that out on their own. That's why I don't see it a big deal for him to go for his "first time". Most people find out soon enough that it's pretty lame. But for a short time they may think it's cool. Whatever, to each their own.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:19 AM   #44
 
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..at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes
Exactly and they will be his own, not under mom's approval.

The American government/society(not world) may see you as an adult at 18 but they are not exactly the best source of parenting with good values.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:31 AM   #45
 
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..at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes
Exactly and they will be his own, not under mom's approval.

The American government/society(not world) may see you as an adult at 18 but they are not exactly the best source of parenting with good values.
I am speaking LEGALLY.

Never said anything about good/bad parenting and values. I am talking strictly from a LEGAL standpoint.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:38 AM   #46
 
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..at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes
Exactly and they will be his own, not under mom's approval.

The American government/society(not world) may see you as an adult at 18 but they are not exactly the best source of parenting with good values.
I am speaking LEGALLY.

Never said anything about good/bad parenting and values. I am talking strictly from a LEGAL standpoint.
O yea..but I think we all know that - legal ages.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:39 AM   #47
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Funny, funny laws
My friends in Flint would always go over to Canada to drink until they turned 21...cant remember of the name of the city right now..
Windsor
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:41 AM   #48
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AD-I wouldn't let my 18 year old go either.
(Not that he would-he thinks they are nasty!)
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:43 AM   #49
 
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Originally Posted by Josephine
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Funny, funny laws
My friends in Flint would always go over to Canada to drink until they turned 21...cant remember of the name of the city right now..
Windsor
Just about ALL there is to do in Windsor is drink.... people in Windsor who are over 21 go to Detroit to hang out!

Lots of Americans used to come up to Montreal to drink, too. When I was in college, we met lots of them in the clubs... esp. member of the armed forces.
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Old 05-03-2007, 09:52 AM   #50
 
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Originally Posted by Josephine
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Funny, funny laws
My friends in Flint would always go over to Canada to drink until they turned 21...cant remember of the name of the city right now..
Windsor
That's what it was! My first Canadian city! My guy friends also drove up to somewhere in Canada once to get cuban cigars.
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:07 AM   #51
 
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I'd be super pissed at the BIL and husband's friend. No, I wouldn't allow them to take my son to a strip club at 18. If my (hypothetical) 18 year old decides to go on his own with his friends without me knowing about it, there's not much I can do about it, but I'll be damned if a supposed adult in my family circle would get away with doing that. Man, I'd be mad...just the thought of them trying to "break my son in" would infuriate me.

And the other posters are right...strip clubs that admit 18 year olds are the type that don't serve alcohol, but have total nudity...and often a lot of other services. When liquore licenses are involved, there is more regulation.
To me its not the age but what I bolded above that I agree with. I think I must have funny views on boundaries with adults and young people because I don't think mixing and hanging out in this way is okay.
This was my first thought when I read the op. Seriously, it's kind of icky...
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:34 AM   #52
 
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Yes, as 18-year old he has to find out some things for himself, but what bother me is the BIL and husband's friend are condoning and encouraging going to a strip club as normal right of passage behavior. What also bothers me is where your son's father's voice is in this discussion.
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Old 05-03-2007, 10:38 AM   #53
 
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Originally Posted by Gemini13
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I'd be super pissed at the BIL and husband's friend. No, I wouldn't allow them to take my son to a strip club at 18. If my (hypothetical) 18 year old decides to go on his own with his friends without me knowing about it, there's not much I can do about it, but I'll be damned if a supposed adult in my family circle would get away with doing that. Man, I'd be mad...just the thought of them trying to "break my son in" would infuriate me.

And the other posters are right...strip clubs that admit 18 year olds are the type that don't serve alcohol, but have total nudity...and often a lot of other services. When liquore licenses are involved, there is more regulation.
To me its not the age but what I bolded above that I agree with. I think I must have funny views on boundaries with adults and young people because I don't think mixing and hanging out in this way is okay.
This was my first thought when I read the op. Seriously, it's kind of icky...
ITA - I don't personally approve of the strip clubs, but I think that having "respected elders" be the ones to introduce your son to something like this adds a weird/creepy factor.

If he really wants to go, wouldn't he be better off going of his own volition with others his age?
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Old 05-03-2007, 11:07 AM   #54
 
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Originally Posted by Suburbanbushbabe
Yes, as 18-year old he has to find out some things for himself, but what bother me is the BIL and husband's friend are condoning and encouraging going to a strip club as normal right of passage behavior. What also bothers me is where your son's father's voice is in this discussion.

There is the possibility that there is no father of the son in the picture, so I don't see how that is relevant.
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Old 05-03-2007, 04:40 PM   #55
 
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Even if I would let my hypothetical 18 year old go, he would have to be graduating high school in the next month or so. A kid with 2 more years of high school no matter what age has no business in a strip club.

I also agree with mom's assertions that as long as he is under her roof and she supports him he needs to follow her rules (provided she's not overboard).
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Old 05-03-2007, 04:42 PM   #56
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I don't think you completely wash your hands of your child when they're 18 - I think as they're approaching that age, you're giving them more room, and more responsibility so that when they reach 18, if they DO decide to go out on their own, they will be as ready as you could have made them.

As far as the things an 18 year old could do, get into trouble for, experience, or make mistakes with, I think going to a strip club would be the least of my worries.
He is a good kid, responsible, respectful, doenst give me an ounce of trouble. He has had a lot of good raising. He does get freedom and can make some of his own choices. So you are right, this *IS* the least of my concerns, especially since he isnt going


I'm w/ the 'hell no!' group...
And AD, you don't look old enough to have an 18 y/o
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:00 PM   #57
 
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You have very right to prohibit this - especially since he is still in high school, and will be for 2 more years. If he was 18 and in college, living in a dorm, you might have another issue, because at some point you have to let go and let them make choices for themselves. But since he is under your roof, in high school, and totally dependent on you - momma rules.
if he were living in a dorm away from home i wouldnt even try to regulate this.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:02 PM   #58
 
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Default Re: Thats a Nice 18th Birthday Present: Off to the Strip Cl

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Originally Posted by Josephine
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My brother in law and my husbands best friend want to take my son to a strip club for his 18th birthday which is in two weeks. I am NOT having it.

We arent fighting about it because...........well he is MY son and he isnt going, but I have been called over protective, smothering, hovering, and not will to let go.

Would you be upset? Fight it? Do you think this is something you would be okay for your 18 year old son? How about your 18 year old daughter?
Just curious...are you okay with your husband going to strip clubs? If so, then mayyyybeI can see why his friend and brother would even suggest it(even though it's still stupid to me) but if not..it makes no sense to me.
I have no problem with my husband going to a strip club.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:04 PM   #59
 
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I can think of much nicer gifts to give a son who's turning 18. It's rather creepy to me, actually. Did your son ask for that as a birthday present or is it something the men are putting forward? Does he have a girlfriend, and what does she think?
No he didnt ask for it. We were at a family function and the topic of his 18th birthday came up since it is in 2 weeks. They just came up with plan at that moment. He doesnt have a girlfriend that I know about.
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Old 05-03-2007, 05:06 PM   #60
 
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Originally Posted by Mephisto
...worse than all of that, is Dad and Uncle have set you up to be "the bad guy." That's a shame.

I have no problem with strip clubs. I would have a problem with the scenario you described. I'm "the dad" and just because you turn 18, you're not suddenly my "hangout buddy" with whom I'm going to spend time at bars and/or strip clubs. I still have to try to set a good example and be a "leader" and not be his pal.
my husband actually agrees that he isnt going. It was my bil and my hubbies best friend that came up with this brilliant idea
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