Thats a Nice 18th Birthday Present: Off to the Strip Club

..at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
Exactly and they will be his own, not under mom's approval.

The American government/society(not world) may see you as an adult at 18 but they are not exactly the best source of parenting with good values.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I am speaking LEGALLY.

Never said anything about good/bad parenting and values. I am talking strictly from a LEGAL standpoint.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
see thats the thing the legality of being 18 means nothing to us.
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
Yep, that's how it was in my family! It is SO hard to explain that to people who didn't grow up with that thinking, though.
Originally Posted by Amneris

Im totally getting that feeling. When I was 18 the only thing that meant was that my curfew was an hour longer. When I would come home from college I still had a curfew, not that I would disrespect my mother by not coming home anyway.
Yes, as 18-year old he has to find out some things for himself, but what bother me is the BIL and husband's friend are condoning and encouraging going to a strip club as normal right of passage behavior. What also bothers me is where your son's father's voice is in this discussion.
Originally Posted by Suburbanbushbabe

There is the possibility that there is no father of the son in the picture, so I don't see how that is relevant.
Originally Posted by babywavy
i'm pretty sure the OP is married.
Originally Posted by curlyarca

She is - but what does that have to do with the sons fathers involvement?
Originally Posted by babywavy
Well, maybe I'm presuming, but I thought when people are married and have mutual kids and they live together and they raise the kids together (all things AD has alluded to before).....then that does have something to do with the father's involvement. Actually, your point was not relevant since AD is married.

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I`m moving away from my mom soon because one of the reasons is that she somthers,controlling me to death,i just turn 22 days ago and i never been to a club,bar,adult parties,i don`t drink alcohol but i`ll do if i get the chance,i bought 2 coolers last week at the grocery store for 2$ and its .5% alcohol each we had an argument there because she said that she doesn`t want alcohol drinking in her house and that we are christians she said jesus doesn`t except wine drinking but'' jesus turn water into wine so how can it be wrong that i drink this'',she was giving me a lecture about not turning into an alcoholic and she thought i`ll do more bad things soon,the last time i drunk alcohol before that was a year ago,i found wine in her cupbroud that was meant for baking,i drank a cup of wine secretly .I want to move away to do my own things not having someone around me calling me a backslider,i understand that he is in your house so its ''by your rules'' but if he is willing to go to a strip club he`ll find other ways to get there.
Originally Posted by holly8
its not about being smothering or controlling. I think we rush our kids into adult things too soon, too fast, and with abandon. My mother always told me, "if you do everything when you are a kid what are you going to look forward to when you are an adult?". He has time. He has time to drink if that is what he wants, and to see naked chicks and do all the other things he cant do while he is still a kid living in my house. The wait will make the experience better. I see kids now, younger than my son and they are already jaded, have seen too much, and experienced too much. They are already bored with life at 15, 16, 17 years old and I personally think that is a tragedy.


On another note. Kids who think they are grown and dont want to be parented need to move out and live on their own. Even 22 year olds. We will tell you when you look slutty before you go out, and we will caution you not to drink too much and tell you all the dangers of overendulging especially when you are around people you dont know. If you mispend your money we will tell you about it. Wanna know why? Because your life is in our faces all the time. When you are out of the house we dont see it so we cant comment on it can we?

DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!! Just in case i need one

When I say "you" i mean the global you and not you personally.
On another note. Kids who think they are grown and dont want to be parented need to move out and live on their own. Even 22 year olds. We will tell you when you look slutty before you go out, and we will caution you not to drink too much and tell you all the dangers of overendulging especially when you are around people you dont know. If you mispend your money we will tell you about it. Wanna know why? Because your life is in our faces all the time. When you are out of the house we dont see it so we cant comment on it can we?
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
O yes, I know all about this. I would never dress slutty in front of my mom. When she's home(they live in another state now) like she is now..I have a shirt over what I'm really wearing and if I'm wearing something short..I have a longer skirt to go over it. Once she saw my skirts and told me that's what girls at Hooters wear.....then I told her my friend left it here..she pretended to believe me .
[quote="Aphro-Deeziac"]
its not about being smothering or controlling. I think we rush our kids into adult things too soon, too fast, and with abandon. My mother always told me, "if you do everything when you are a kid what are you going to look forward to when you are an adult?" He has time. He has time to drink if that is what he wants, and to see naked chicks and do all the other things he cant do while he is still a kid living in my house. The wait will make the experience better. I see kids now, younger than my son and they are already jaded, have seen too much, and experienced too much. They are already bored with life at 15, 16, 17 years old and I personally think that is a tragedy.
Originally Posted by holly8
AD, I've been using your mother's line, since I first saw you quote her here! I think it's so appropriate for so much kids see/want these days. Also, after all, we don't stop being parents when our child turns 18. Yes, they slowly mature, and earn freedoms along the way, but as long as they are under our roof(s) and protection, I think it's the parent's right and obligation to limit how quickly they do so!

(but then again, I always seem to agree with you on parenting issues )
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My brother in law and my husbands best friend want to take my son to a strip club for his 18th birthday which is in two weeks. I am NOT having it.

We arent fighting about it because...........well he is MY son and he isnt going, but I have been called over protective, smothering, hovering, and not will to let go.

Would you be upset? Fight it? Do you think this is something you would be okay for your 18 year old son? How about your 18 year old daughter?
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
I wouldn't like that my BIL knew so little about me that he thought I would be okay with him taking my 18 year old son to a strip club. Or is he just trying to cause a rift? Is he normally that disrespectful of your ethical or moral beliefs?

I would not forbid my son to go but he would know how I felt about it.

A similar story: A coworker of mine has a son the same age as my son. She would sometimes buy alcohol for her son or allow him to have mixed drinks at home. She started this when he was about 17.

When my son turned 18, she asked me what kind of beer he liked because she wanted to buy him a six pack. Now, I'm not so naive to think my son had never had a drink but I was quite surprised that she thought it would be "cool" if she bought him alcohol when the legal age is 21.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
..at some point, he will need to make his own choices and mistakes
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
Exactly and they will be his own, not under mom's approval.

The American government/society(not world) may see you as an adult at 18 but they are not exactly the best source of parenting with good values.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I am speaking LEGALLY.

Never said anything about good/bad parenting and values. I am talking strictly from a LEGAL standpoint.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
see thats the thing the legality of being 18 means nothing to us.
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
Yep, that's how it was in my family! It is SO hard to explain that to people who didn't grow up with that thinking, though.
Originally Posted by Amneris

Im totally getting that feeling. When I was 18 the only thing that meant was that my curfew was an hour longer. When I would come home from college I still had a curfew, not that I would disrespect my mother by not coming home anyway.
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
Yep. I just didn't go out when I was home visiting from college. I mean, I may've gone to a movie or something, but I NEVER went out to bars when I was home.

My being 18 meant nothing to my parents - I was expected to keep my curfew when I was home visiting, I was expected to do my chores, etc. They paid for the majority of my college, so they were still the boss!
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I had a conversation with my mom when I turned 18 about how that would change my life in the house as my legality changed. She said it wouldn't change anything because I would still be living under her roof. I asked her if when she retires and she and my dad have to live with my brother or I (because of a few years of disability/ unemployment, they have no retirement money left), if because we will be paying their way, if we get to control their lives. That made her change her mind. It is the duty of the parent to take care of the child until they can make it on their own, just as it is the duty of the child to take care of the parent when they can't make it on their own.

I also think that kids grow up way too slowly in many respects. I am a freshman in college and this summer I am working a full time internship and a part time job as well as living on my own 1000 miles from home in a townhouse (rather than in a dorm like I am right now) and taking summer classes. Yet most of my friend's parents are horrified at the thought of their kids doing anything more than a part time summer job and tanning. In my mind, my parent's house is not my home anymore- and nor should it be. I'm going to visit for a few weeks, but it will never be home to me again. Parents try to hold their kids back by overprotecting them. At 18 in the past, people would have families. If you're old enough to go to war at 18, then you're certainly old enough to go to a strip club.
from where you are sitting i can totally understand why that would be your perspective.

What my kids will understand is that my home has rules and always will. When they go off to college, my home will still have rules. There is NO WAY they can come in and stay out all night coming home long enough to raid the fridge and change clothes. When at home they are part of a family and will conduct themselves as such. They WILL NOT be laying up with members of the opposite sex in my home. Thats what a hotel room is for. And if by some chance they must come home to live after college...................


WHEN I GET UP TO GO TO WORK, YOUR ASS HAD BETTER HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO TOO CAUSE I DONT SUPPORT GROWN FOLKS
When I was home during breaks in college, or when I lived with my parents for a few months after college, I didn't have "rules" but I did have to be respectful, be a contributing member of the family, and not treat their house like a hotel. They would always know where I was going and with whom, and approximately when to expect me home. If (after I was of age) I was going to crash elsewhere so I didn't have to drive after drinking, I would call (if it wasn't too late) or text message (so they'd see it in the morning or if they woke up in the middle of the night). Then I would come home at a reasonable time the next morning. I was very fortuntate that my parents treated me like an adult, but I never abused it either.
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from where you are sitting i can totally understand why that would be your perspective.

What my kids will understand is that my home has rules and always will. When they go off to college, my home will still have rules. There is NO WAY they can come in and stay out all night coming home long enough to raid the fridge and change clothes. When at home they are part of a family and will conduct themselves as such. They WILL NOT be laying up with members of the opposite sex in my home. Thats what a hotel room is for. And if by some chance they must come home to live after college...................


WHEN I GET UP TO GO TO WORK, YOUR ASS HAD BETTER HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO TOO CAUSE I DONT SUPPORT GROWN FOLKS
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
mom is that you ?

i am in the hell no group too . 18 , 21 , meant nothing to my parents .
hell i am in my 30's and not having the power to forbid anything does not stop them from sharing their opinions/comments frequently about the choices i make. i expect it never will - every once in a while i think "oh i hope my folks never find out about that"

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