What do you say to your daughter

My daughter came home from school today (she's a half-day kindergartener) and cried and cried and said she doesn't want to go to school anymore because the work is too hard and she doesn't have any friends?

She had one "special" friend, who is now playing with someone else, and my daughter wants the friend all to herself. She has another friend who she sat with on the bus, but now that friend is sitting with someone else.

I feel for my daughter, because she is so sad and lonely. I tried all the "what about playing with so-and-so instead" lines, but she sobbed and said everyone has someone to play with "except ME!" How do I get her over this hump that everyone faces at some point in their lives?
Minneapolis, MN
Banned
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Posts: 9,271
lets get a puppy.
Ha ha.

Trust me, that has already been brought up!
Minneapolis, MN
Can you beat up the other girl's mom? LOL

Seriously, all you can really do is be supportive and tell her she's amazing and wonderful! Maybe you can relate by telling a story about how you felt left out before but it all worked out.

Why don't you buy her something cool so the other kids are mmm jellis and they all want to be her friend.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I will never forget the day that my daughter came home in tears because she was confused. Miss Tracy (her pre-school teacher) had said that everyone was supposed to be friends, but her kindergarten teacher Miss Ross said that if someone didn't like you you should just ignore them. My daughter liked Miss Tracy's way better.

I hugged her and told her that sometimes it takes time to get to know people and that she was a very special girl and she WOULD have friends.

That's pretty much the truth. Your darling little girl won't remain friendless for long.

Now go take her out for ice cream or buy her a toy so she knows that you're her soft place to land and that she can always rely on you when she's sad.


Obamacare is not a blueprint for socialism. You're thinking of the New Testament. ~~ John Fugelsang



Bribery. Bring snacks for eveyone

That's too bad. I don't have any advice. Is her brithday coming up soon? Maybe have a party or sleep over or outing and she can invite some friends (if you can handle it).
You don't have to blow out my flame to make yours burn brighter.

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
Can you beat up the other girl's mom? LOL

Seriously, all you can really do is be supportive and tell her she's amazing and wonderful! Maybe you can relate by telling a story about how you felt left out before but it all worked out.
Originally Posted by roseannadana
I just went thru this with my son. He's in 4th grade, and seems to either be a bully magnet, or find fickle friends. He just complained that his best friend has been playing with other kids more, and that the other boy has many friends to play with, whereas DS only has a couple. He says the other boys want to play with everyone but him.

He's a cute, smart boy. He's friendly and everyone seems to like him (per the teacher and what I observe on field trips, etc). But I guess they don't hang out and become close friends.

We talk about these concerns often, but it doesn't really help or improve things.

((HUGS)) to your daughter, and good luck.

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Bribery. Bring snacks for eveyone

That's too bad. I don't have any advice. Is her brithday coming up soon? Maybe have a party or sleep over or outing and she can invite some friends (if you can handle it).
Originally Posted by gg
LOL He just dad a birthday and he brought cookies to class for everyone. Didn't help. :P

SF Bay Area, CA * "The Angel-Goddess-Guru of Haircoloring"
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There's a lot of "drama" in elementary school. I honestly believe that things will work themselves out soon. Kids are fickle but they don't hold grudges.
Honestly, at that age, if you make friends with some of the parents and start having your kids to each others' houses, the kids end up friends. Assuming you're not friends with someone who has a total brat for a kid, anyway. My *best* friends didn't happen that way, but my first ever friend (Giada) is my number one on myspace now. She just got engaged. And we were friends because our parents were both artists and liked to talk, so we'd talk and hang out while they talked. Obviously, there's more to our friendship *now*, but that's how it started!


Something which helped me when I was having a hard time at school was my mom telling me about how she'd had similar problems. I pictured her as so well loved by everyone, it was hard to imagine why anyone would have ever been mean to her. So to have her tell me it happened to her, too, cry with me, and tell me it would all be ok made me feel so much better!
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
Do they have recess? You'd think some of the activities they do include making friends.. of course I wouldn't remember kindergarten.
3b-3c CG
Aww poor baby! I remember when I was a kid, I used to feel SO bad for the kids were always the "outcasts". Never had friends, no one liked to talk or play with them. They'd sit alone in the corner of the classroom during play time...the teacher has to sit with them and try to distract them from it all... I always tried to befriend them so that they wouldn't feel left out. A lot of times my friends thought I was crazy but they'd eventually warm up to them once they got to know them.

It's gotta be so rough for her to be exposed to it for the first time. Poor lil thing.
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Is she involved in activities away from school? I ask this because when my children were small we moved alot. In each town there were activities that the children were involved in away from the school (dance, gymnastics, baton twirling, swimming, scouts, etc). I always made sure that my children found out what the other children were involved in & I would get them involved in it, too. I was a SAHM which helped, so I would make an effort to meet the other Moms & befriend them so we could have playtime with our children.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
This happened to my little sister in elementary school. Her group of friends were very fickle and cliquey, and far too often she would be excluded and not have many friends. To be honest, my sister didn't have the best people skills either, but it's still very hard to watch. I don't really have any advice...I didn't know what to do about my sister's situation then, and neither did my parents, except make sure she was invovled in extra-curricular activities, both in and out of school. Kindergarten might be a bit young for that, I don't know! It's hard to watch though.

My sister is in high school now and has friends, by the way.
Happened to me in fourth grade.

Nothing much helped for that year, but fifth grade was fine. You get a whole new class, new kids, new teacher. The school year is almost over for your daughter, isn't it? Maybe one more month?
Previously Joy4ever.
Changed because the "number in place of a word" thing was bugging my no-longer-14-year-old self.
To be honest, my sister didn't have the best people skills either, but it's still very hard to watch.
Originally Posted by hobbs
I think that's part of the problem. And, I also don't think that she couldn't have friends if she wanted them, she just wants these specific friends to be hers and only hers, and they have moved on. There are 11 girls in her class, so presumably one of the other 8 would be friends with her? There is one who loves her, but she's pretty "meh" about it.

So, while she is a poor, pathetic peanut to some extent, it is also a misery of her own making.
Minneapolis, MN
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
lol at poor pathetic peanut...
So what did you end up doing?
This is why I can handle only one...
Code:
I'm a wimp, I know...lol
Well, as it turns out, they checked out the first grade classrooms on Friday, and she was very excited about that, so I told her if she dropped out of kindergarten she wouldn't be able to be a first grader, so now she loves school again.

Speaking of fickle children.
Minneapolis, MN
if she dropped out of kindergarten
Originally Posted by Poodlehead
Sorry, but that just made me laugh for some reason.

I'm glad she seems to be over her case of the blues!
Previously Joy4ever.
Changed because the "number in place of a word" thing was bugging my no-longer-14-year-old self.
I watched "Corinna, Corinna" yesterday and Whoppi Goldberg told the new kindergartener who was being bullied to repeat a mantra to herself which was something like "I'm (name) and nobody in the world is better than me" over and over. That was a movie, but it might help, along with you telling her over and over how lovable she is.
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