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When our son is born, I VOW to not let him be a Mama's boy.
Originally Posted by shelli

I've always said this too. I can't stand the way I see mothers treat their sons. It is so annoying. Then the boys are so whiney and cry often, while the girls are forced to suck it up and be tough. And for whatever reason I find it SO annoying when mother's call their son's "buddy". It's so constant, like 'hey buddy', 'what'cha doing there buddy', 'how was your day, buddy' - I apologize to any of you that call your sons buddy, but I just find it just adds to the oedipus complex.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I call all of my kids "buddy" from time to time, 4 mo old son, my daughter, my stepdaughters

My son IS a mama's boy. Why? Because I have superpowers - I breastfeed
I call all of my kids "buddy" from time to time, 4 mo old son, my daughter, my stepdaughters

My son IS a mama's boy. Why? Because I have superpowers - I breastfeed
Originally Posted by goldencurly

I suppose if it's a gender neutral thing to you, then it's different. Like, I call my daughter honey, or sweetie-bear, or something, so it's not like I don't use pet names at all. It's just the buddy for boys in particular that bugs me. But the mothers I've seen do it use it as if it's the childs name.

This reminds me of a quote I read from Lisa Kudrow - she was commenting 'my husband and I treat my son as a god. We really view him as a supreme being' - I was just thinking, ya, like THAT kids not going to have issues!!
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
When our son is born, I VOW to not let him be a Mama's boy.
Originally Posted by shelli

I've always said this too. I can't stand the way I see mothers treat their sons. It is so annoying. Then the boys are so whiney and cry often, while the girls are forced to suck it up and be tough. And for whatever reason I find it SO annoying when mother's call their son's "buddy". It's so constant, like 'hey buddy', 'what'cha doing there buddy', 'how was your day, buddy' - I apologize to any of you that call your sons buddy, but I just find it just adds to the oedipus complex.
Originally Posted by babywavy
My friend Dina does this.
When our son is born, I VOW to not let him be a Mama's boy.

Good luck with that. In my experience, my boys were very bonded to me, like velcro, and only could have been detached from me by being very mean to them. If you do your job right, they usually give up their extreme attachment naturally and gently as they hit the pre-adolescent years.
When our son is born, I VOW to not let him be a Mama's boy.

Good luck with that. In my experience, my boys were very bonded to me, like velcro, and only could have been detached from me by being very mean to them. If you do your job right, they usually give up their extreme attachment naturally and gently as they hit the pre-adolescent years.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Yea my brother seems like he can't stand my mom(she is pretty annoying) right now. I'm hoping he grows out of it though(he's only 19) because he is annoyingly disrespectful at times. My mom is one of those wierd ones though that never cared for boys.
I can't stand the way I see mothers treat their sons. It is so annoying. Then the boys are so whiney and cry often, while the girls are forced to suck it up and be tough. And for whatever reason I find it SO annoying when mother's call their son's "buddy". It's so constant, like 'hey buddy', 'what'cha doing there buddy', 'how was your day, buddy' - I apologize to any of you that call your sons buddy, but I just find it just adds to the oedipus complex.

I always call my children by their names, but my husband and my older sons refer to our youngest son as "buddy", so I always thought it was more of a male-bonding thing. I don't hear other moms calling their sons buddy.

In general, when they are toddlers and pre-schoolers, I do think boys are more attached to their moms, and girls are a little more standoff-ish. That's my experience anyway. My boys were all just more cuddly than my girl. Then things started to reverse a bit at school age...boys stand on their own a bit more, and girls start to identify and bond with mom and other females more.
I can't stand the way I see mothers treat their sons. It is so annoying. Then the boys are so whiney and cry often, while the girls are forced to suck it up and be tough. And for whatever reason I find it SO annoying when mother's call their son's "buddy". It's so constant, like 'hey buddy', 'what'cha doing there buddy', 'how was your day, buddy' - I apologize to any of you that call your sons buddy, but I just find it just adds to the oedipus complex.

I always call my children by their names, but my husband and my older sons refer to our youngest son as "buddy", so I always thought it was more of a male-bonding thing. I don't hear other moms calling their sons buddy.

In general, when they are toddlers and pre-schoolers, I do think boys are more attached to their moms, and girls are a little more standoff-ish. That's my experience anyway. My boys were all just more cuddly than my girl. Then things started to reverse a bit at school age...boys stand on their own a bit more, and girls start to identify and bond with mom and other females more.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves

I agree with this. I don't know what it has to do with in terms of nature, but for some reason, most girls seem to be more independent, and push away from their mothers, while boys do seem clingier.

I CAN see this happening naturally, and of course I'll thoroughly enjoy any son I had being somewhat attached to me, especially since my daughter has so kept me at arms length, but I don't want to nurture that behavior either. As disheartening as it is to see my kids act as they don't "need" me, I'd much rather have them grow up to be independent.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I CAN see this happening naturally, and of course I'll thoroughly enjoy any son I had being somewhat attached to me, especially since my daughter has so kept me at arms length, but I don't want to nurture that behavior either. As disheartening as it is to see my kids act as they don't "need" me, I'd much rather have them grow up to be independent.


Nurture what behavior? Affection? It's normal and healthy for kids to desire affection and closeness with their parents. They really shouldn't be pushing away too much until they are pre-teens/early-teens. I'd worry about kids who aren't that way, and I think it would cause more harm than good for a parent to withhold affection in the early years thinking they are discouraging unhealthy adult behavior later.

Independence is something kids start doing a little at a time, generally. Some reach it sooner, some later. Parents can encourage independence and still give affection and stay tightly bonded to their children. The trick, I think, is not to be your child's ultimate-problem-solver, but to encourage them to solve their own problems, and to recognize when they are overly-relying on you to problem solve for them at an age/stage when they should be doing that for themselves. That's where I think a lot of parents go wrong with adult children. They still want to solve all of Junior's problems, when they really can't/shouldn't.
I think that there is something about mothers and sons. I am not sure if you can prevent it from happening, either. I think it just DOES. I used to think that I didn't want my son to be a momma's boy either, and while I am trying, I am not sure if it will work.

Honestly, I just want him to grow up a strong, confident man. And I am doing things now to help build that confidence and positivity in his life.
Good post RCW. I don't see attachment as a bad thing, especially in a toddler. And I don't think attachment and independence are mutually exclusive.

I don't want a mama's boy or GP in the sense of being whiny, spoiled, unable to do anything for himself. But my if my son wants to stay closely attached and affectionate all his life, great. I don't think that will prevent him from being strong, confident and capable when he grows up.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
Good post RCW. I don't see attachment as a bad thing, especially in a toddler. And I don't think attachment and independence are mutually exclusive.

I don't want a mama's boy or GP in the sense of being whiny, spoiled, unable to do anything for himself. But my if my son wants to stay closely attached and affectionate all his life, great. I don't think that will prevent him from being strong, confident and capable when he grows up.
Originally Posted by geeky
I totally agree.
I was and always will be very attached to my mom. She is very attached to me too. I am not her favorite, she doesn't have any. She was the supreme woman in my life until I met my wife so I found and find no problem in completely trusting or relying on her guidance.

Does that mean I'm a momma's boy? My wife feels the same way about her non-biological dad so what does that mean? Daddy's girl? There's no favorites there either.

Of course my mom and dad had 3 boys and 0 girls so maybe that changes things. :dunno: We ourselves have pet names we occasionally use on our 2 boys. I've spoken "buddy, big guy, little man" she's done "honey, sweetie, little b"...

I do feel more attached to one of my sons than the other but there are no favorites and no favoritism.
~Two friends, one soul inspired~ anonymous
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You know, as long as it isn't an overtly excessive attachment, I think it's a good sign when a man is very attached to his mom. If a man treats his mom well, I think he will treat other women well. I'd rather see a close relationship than a distant one.
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You know, as long as it isn't an overtly excessive attachment, I think it's a good sign when a man is very attached to his mom. If a man treats his mom well, I think he will treat other women well. I'd rather see a close relationship than a distant one.
Originally Posted by SuZenGuide
Code:
SuZen's bf is close to his mom...lol...I tease


Looks like I should rename my thread...
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Any ideas?
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SuZen's bf is close to his mom...lol...I tease


Looks like I should rename my thread...
Code:
Any ideas?
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl
Hey mine is too - but he's not a pathetic momma's boy type. More cute. It's really cute when he calls her to ask her for cooking advice .
My husband LOVES his mom, but his brother is def. the mama's boy. He is the littel sniveling kind though and it drives me insane. I pointed this out while on vacationa dn they argued with me that my husband was the mam's boy. I was in freakin' disbelief.

Example: His mom was not at all concerned that my husband is in Iraq (sent no care packages, doesn't e-mail him, says, "Well <insert new husband's name>'s son had it much rougher when he was in Egypt with the Army", tells him she has to go when he calls instead of letting him talk to her for as long as he can, etc. but yet was all concerned about my BIL driving 4 hours following us to the vacation spot because he had a wreck during Christmas. I was like, "Whaaaat?! And WHO is the Mama's boy?!" My BIL/MIL drive me insane!
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
I'm going to petition for a smiley that says, "I agree with Geeky" so I can save my hands from typing.

Also agree with RCW. It's sad to see parents afraid of attachment as if it's a horrible disgusting thing when people who are brought into parenthood via nonbioligical means (such as adopting, fostering, etc.) are encouraged to forge attachment with a child that usually suffers from having no attachment to anyone).

Kids gain independence by stepping out of "home court" little by little but it reassures them to have that to come back to. I'm always giggling at people who think that cosleeping, nursing and hugging their kids often will create kids who will want mom to room with them at college.
I'm always giggling at people who think that cosleeping, nursing and hugging their kids often will create kids who will want mom to room with them at college.

Me too...because the truth is the more love and comfort you give them as babies and toddlers, the more secure they will feel when stepping out into the world later. My mother was always giving me a ration of crap that I held my babies too much...as if that were possible.
I'm always giggling at people who think that cosleeping, nursing and hugging their kids often will create kids who will want mom to room with them at college.

Me too...because the truth is the more love and comfort you give them as babies and toddlers, the more secure they will feel when stepping out into the world later. My mother was always giving me a ration of crap that I held my babies too much...as if that were possible.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
Let me begin by saying that my brother is a Golden Penis, and I would hope that I am not the type of parent who encourages that particular dynamic. I feel fortunate that both my son 6) and my daughter (2) are attached yet independent, although my relationship with each of them is very different as their personalities and needs are different. I agree with Geeky and RCW and marielle that affection and a loving mother son relationship itself will not create a Golden Penis.

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