What do you do if you don't like your sister's boyfriend

Do you do or say anything at all? My older sister's new boyfriend treats my sister in a way that I don't like. He basically asked her to wait on him when she had us over to meet him for dinner. She seems to be happy going out with him, but I don't see sparks or a connection. She has a pattern of dating guys like this for a couple of years at a time, and I'm worried. Should I keep my mouth closed?
Speak you mind, then kiss it up to God (so to speak). I've been there/done that and until she realizes for herself what a loser she's dealing with, your pleas and advice will go nowhere.
The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics - Thomas Sowell
I agree, Scarlet. I've spoken up in the past, but I felt like that never worked. She needs to realize it for herself.

We're close friends until I speak my mind and she disagrees with me. Then we don't really talk much until they break up, when she suddenly wants to be close again.
Definitely keep voicing your opinion. My sister is/was the same way. I actually got the chance to set her up with a guy I knew that was a really great guy. They went out a few times. She decided she didn't like him for whatever reason, but at the very least I knew she'd gone out with a guy who respected her. Hopefully someday she'll remember the experience and dump the losers.

Truthfully, if she gets mad at you for voicing your opinion, it's probably because she knows you're right!
Somewhere between a 2-3a, Currently loving Innersense Quiet Calm Curl control cocktailed with L'Oreal Melting Gel.
I went through this with my sister. Oh how I hated him and thought he was a big loser that was going to cheat on her and break her heart etc. I went out of my way to get her to see was a creep he was. We went around and around. That was 18 years ago. They've been married for 15 1/2 years, and he's been my boss for 12 1/2 years. I love him to death.

Ok, back to your situation. You should still voice your opinion, reasons, feelings , etc. But, then let it go. When her heart gets broken, be there for her without saying "I told you so".

P.S. My sister and her husband and I all have good laughs about the 'olden' days!

Good luck.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.....Piss on it and walk away.
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To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
I tend to agree. Did she ask for your opinion? Is she an adult? If the answers are no and yes, I'd butt out.

My husband's sister is very meddlesome and it's caused problems w/in the family.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
I agree. And even if he is a jerk and not good for her, harping on it constantly is only going to drive you and her apart. If you don't think he treats her well, then you can say that (or anything specific) without being overbearing. Something like "It bothers me when he does XYZ", not "I hate your boyfriend, when are you going to dump the jerk?"
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
Thanks for your thoughts. I know I said she seems happy, but I guess I'm thinking she is not truly happy. Really, she's the only one who knows that. But with her last couple relationships (2 years each), she told me afterwards that she was not really happy at all while in them even though she wanted people to think she was. So I'm trying to think of what's best for her, considering how she is treated by her boyfriend, etc. Our choices are different because we're different people. That's obvious. I don't even have to like the guy. I just want him to treat her well. Guess that's selfish.
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
I agree. And even if he is a jerk and not good for her, harping on it constantly is only going to drive you and her apart. If you don't think he treats her well, then you can say that (or anything specific) without being overbearing. Something like "It bothers me when he does XYZ", not "I hate your boyfriend, when are you going to dump the jerk?"
Originally Posted by geeky
Yes, I agree with this. I guess I don't want to get involved. I haven't said anything yet, and I don't really plan on it. Just wondered what you guys thought, from your experience.
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
I agree. And even if he is a jerk and not good for her, harping on it constantly is only going to drive you and her apart. If you don't think he treats her well, then you can say that (or anything specific) without being overbearing. Something like "It bothers me when he does XYZ", not "I hate your boyfriend, when are you going to dump the jerk?"
Originally Posted by geeky
ITA
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
Thanks for your thoughts. I know I said she seems happy, but I guess I'm thinking she is not truly happy. Really, she's the only one who knows that. But with her last couple relationships (2 years each), she told me afterwards that she was not really happy at all while in them even though she wanted people to think she was. So I'm trying to think of what's best for her, considering how she is treated by her boyfriend, etc. Our choices are different because we're different people. That's obvious. I don't even have to like the guy. I just want him to treat her well. Guess that's selfish.
Originally Posted by Kaycee Curly
Now please, from your original post it sounded as if you just didn't like him. That's why I questioned your motives. If I read you incorrectly, I'm sorry.

Since you just clarified and said that you don't necessarily have to like the guy, I still say that it's really none of your business. If she comes to you and asks, then yeah, be honest with her if not, I'd keep quiet.
To be honest with you (and please don't think I'm being a b*tch) but unless he is physically or emotionally abusing her, it's really none of your business.

In your post you said that she seems happy so I'm assuming that she likes him. Therefore I'm assuming that the only reason you would say something to her is that you don't like him.

If she's happy like you said, then saying something to her has no point other than to get her to find someone you like. Isn't that a bit selfish?
Originally Posted by Suzy Zann
Thanks for your thoughts. I know I said she seems happy, but I guess I'm thinking she is not truly happy. Really, she's the only one who knows that. But with her last couple relationships (2 years each), she told me afterwards that she was not really happy at all while in them even though she wanted people to think she was. So I'm trying to think of what's best for her, considering how she is treated by her boyfriend, etc. Our choices are different because we're different people. That's obvious. I don't even have to like the guy. I just want him to treat her well. Guess that's selfish.
Originally Posted by Kaycee Curly
Of course we all want our siblings to chose wisely when it comes to dating. I do have to agree though that it's none of your business. With time, hopefully she will learn that SHE isn't making the right choices. It sounds like she needs to work on being happy with herself, and not worrying so much about how she wants other people to think that she's happy, that's not going to get her very far.
I agree with most of the comments here. I agree that it's not my business. I was thinking about it because she just asked me yesterday what I thought about her boyfriend, and I didn't know how to respond. I stayed on the edge of positive/neutral. Then I thought, what a second, am I supposed to say something here? Is there a reason why she's asking me?
I agree with most of the comments here. I agree that it's not my business. I was thinking about it because she just asked me yesterday what I thought about her boyfriend, and I didn't know how to respond. I stayed on the edge of positive/neutral. Then I thought, what a second, am I supposed to say something here? Is there a reason why she's asking me?
Originally Posted by Kaycee Curly
If she asked you, then I would tell, but as someone all ready mentioned, I wouldn't perhaps be as harsh as I would if I were talking to someone else about it, if that makes sense.
My sister was with a guy for six years. She was unhappy, cried all the time, and basically wasn't getting what she wanted out of that relationship. She asked for my opinion, I was honest, and she screamed at me as if I was butting in with my unsolicited opinion. From that point on, when she complained to me, I told you, "You got yourself into this. If you want to get out, then get out yourself."

Yeah, I know it was not sisterly of me, but we hate each other anyway . I digress though. One day, her bf rented a van, packed all his stuff, and went to Germany. He told her he was "just visiting" but he never came back. That was the end of that. A lot of pain for nothing if you ask me.
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3B that is no longer CG, but still endeavors to have healthy hair by not using sulfates.
I agree with most of the comments here. I agree that it's not my business. I was thinking about it because she just asked me yesterday what I thought about her boyfriend, and I didn't know how to respond. I stayed on the edge of positive/neutral. Then I thought, what a second, am I supposed to say something here? Is there a reason why she's asking me?
Originally Posted by Kaycee Curly
If she asked you, then I would tell, but as someone all ready mentioned, I wouldn't perhaps be as harsh as I would if I were talking to someone else about it, if that makes sense.
Originally Posted by M2LR & Co.
Yes, that makes perfect sense. She will probably ask again, and I should think of a way to respond in a non-harsh way. I'd rather not deal with it at all.
I was in a relationship that was not really healthy or happy - certainly not abusive, but not healthy.

My whole family saw it (except my mother, who still occasionally asks if I'm in touch with my ex. Um... no. I am getting married to another man, but thanks, mom) and said nothing until after we had broken up. We were together for two and a half years and were planning on getting married!

I was totally blind to the issues in that relationship, and I wish someone had said something. No, I probably would not have acted immediately, but I would have at least examined the relationship and taken into consideration their concern.
Location: Napa, CA
I wish someone had said something. No, I probably would not have acted immediately, but I would have at least examined the relationship and taken into consideration their concern.
Originally Posted by ducky
To me it's a duty as a good friend and definitely family member to objectively let someone know if they are making poor choices. Some people may see it as being invasive and not minding their own business but I don't think so.
I wish someone had said something. No, I probably would not have acted immediately, but I would have at least examined the relationship and taken into consideration their concern.
Originally Posted by ducky
To me it's a duty as a good friend and definitely family member to objectively let someone know if they are making poor choices. Some people may see it as being invasive and not minding their own business but I don't think so.
Originally Posted by Josephine
How is someone on the outside going to know better than the people involved that the relationship is a 'poor choice?'

Unless I ask for opinions, friends of mine had better not. And I've learned to hold my tongue, as well. That kind of stuff was OK when we were in high school, etc. But as adults, you never know when the SO you groused about will wind up as a spouse...and of course they'll hear all about what you said and why you don't approve, etc.

But yes, if opinions/advice are solicited, you should speak up, definitely.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

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