pinksugar

I can't get away from her. Our kids both play on the same sports team but the season is over. I thought she would back off then but it has gotten worse. She is single and I am married. She is very nice but just too much. She texts me at least 10 times a day. Calls me on my way home, calls me when I get home. Gets mad at me if I don't call her back. Gets mad at me if I don't answer my phone and continues to call until I do. Is upset if I'm spending time with my husband. Wants me to stop by her house after work for absolutely no reason at all. She makes up little reasons to call me like needing my help on things she could very well do on her own. Oh...another thing...if I don't answer my phone, she just shows up at my house.

I feel bad because she is very nice and I think she is lonely. I am very devoted to my family and I like spending time at home doing stuff around the house or yard. This may sound bad, but I don't have time to hang out with her. We are very busy.

I work all day and when I get home I don't want to talk on the phone. And I do think calling people after 8:30 pm is too late. She always wants me to call her or she calls me after 9:00 pm (free minutes). I have told her numerous times that we go to bed at 9:00 pm.

I've tried ignoring her text messages but she just keeps calling.

What to do?

PixieCurl

First and foremost, I would turn your phone off at 8:30 or 9:00 PM so it will go straight to voicemail. If she shows up when that happens, I would throw a robe on and answer the door, then say "is this an emergency? we were just getting ready for bed."

Otherwise, when she calls, I would maybe answer but keep it short and sweet. Tell her you don't have a lot of time to chat but does she need to ask/tell you something in particular?

Also, you may want to tell her that you and your husband are trying to reduce your cell phone bill by eliminating text messaging. Or, reply to her text messages with very brief one-word answers so she gets the idea that you don't feel like being chatty.

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pinksugar

Thanks for replying PixieCurl. I tried your bolded suggestion and that didn't work. I'm going to call our cell phone service tomorrow and see if I can block text messages. I don't text anyone else at all, not even my husband. My bill has gone up $20 a month and we don't want to change our plan.

PixieCurl

You can block text messaging. At least, I know with Cingular/AT&T you can and I'm sure all the carriers have a similar option. That's really rude of her to have continued texting her after you asked her not to. Does she not realize that you're getting charged each time she sends you a message?

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firelily

Have you told her bluntly, but nicely how you feel? i.e. that you think she is nice, but you don't have the time or energy to have the level of friendship that she wants.

It seems like you've already tried to set boundaries with her and it hasn't worked, but maybe this would get through to her?

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Suburbanbushbabe

I would feel stalked. I would tell her so in as nice a way as possible, that I like her and enjoy her company but the high-pressure friendship tactic is a turn-off. What she does after that is up to her. If she backs off, then that gives you a chance to make friendly overtures to her.

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Jenny C

Thiw was my first thought - she sounds like a stalker. It's one thing to be a little needy, but this woman doesn't seem to care about your life, or honor any of your requests at all. It's rude and a litlle f'ed up that she shows up at your house if you don't answer the phone. That's NOT normal.

I'm not exactly sure what you should do here, but you might have to cut her off cold turkey.

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fix her up with any of your single friends

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Kaia

Yes, I'd try to give her nice explanations maybe a couple more times, but after that, cut her off. She is acting like a socially confused teen, not like an adult. The whole situation sounds a bit creepy to me.

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Scarlet

She doesn't understand boundaries. You have to set them, and stick to them.

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j'adore

"Stop Calling after 8pm, and stop coming over to my house unannounced. If you can't honor that, then we can't be friends anymore. I have a family and I cannot cater to your every social need."

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Munchy

I'd punch her in the face.







KIDDING! I would definitely talk to her one more time. Be blunt. If that doesn't work, cut her off completely.

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slinky1

I know it may seem harsh to confront her or give her some of the strong hints suggested, but she needs to learn what she is doing so that she hopefully choose to stop it (wishful thinking, right?). Letting her continue on like this down the line may prevent her from EVER having a normal life or friendships.

Of course, you could confront her, and she totally wouldn't get it, and be like, "That rude *****!" and move on to someone else.

pinksugar

You all are right. I need to be harsh about it. I've tried the nice way. I don't mean just hinting, I've told her about calling too late or I'm busy at work and don't have time to text message, but she isn't hearing what I say.

I didn't have my cell phone with me yesterday. She sent me 6 text messages and 2 voicemails. One saying, "I am so worried about you, please call me." Then she called me last night at 8:59 pm to make sure I was okay. My SIL's take on this is: "Single White Female".

Anyway, thanks again for your input.

pinksugar

CurlyCanadian

Sounds like more than just "friendly" interest....I think someone has a crush on you :P

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PixieCurl

Yikes. I would definitely get text messaging disabled on your phone and let her know you're doing so to save money. Then if she leaves a lot of voicemails like that I would call back and say "No need to worry, I just didn't have my cell phone on me. Was there something you needed?" Force her to give you a reason for calling; don't let her just call to chat.

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Munchy

She's so creepy, and not in a good way! I think you should possibly write down most of this stuff so that you can file a formal police report if things escalate after talking to her.
If she behaves like that now, I would be concerned with how she behaves after you talk to her.

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PixieCurl

Yeah, plus I'm kind of a wuss so that's why I'd take the more subtle approaches like I recommended earlier. I wouldn't want to resort to being blunt with her unless I really had to.

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pinksugar

Approaching it like this is more my personality. The problem is I've done this and it hasn't worked. I think by blocking text messages on my cell phone she should get the message. Although, she does also send texts to my email address but I have a way of gettting around that too. I can tell her I cannot receive personal emails at work (which is true).