View Poll Results: How do you discipline your children?
Grounding/time-outs 2 14.29%
Loss of privileges 4 28.57%
Take away allowance 0 0%
Spanking 5 35.71%
Discuss what the problem is with no punishment 3 21.43%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

How do you discipline your children?

[quote="medussa"

I struggle with this a lot. My mom used corporal punshiment as a discipline tool. Her methods would be called abusive, by today's standards. I promised myself I would never, ever hurt and humiliate my kids in that manner. But I find that sometimes I lose my patience and I then regret spanking my son. It's never in the way my mom hit us, but it's still something I don't want to do. I don't want to lay a finger on my son.



[/quote]

Insert daughter for son and this could have been my post. I rarely spank my child and usually only after she has been warned that "One more time!!!". I did take away her TV time for a few days this week, this worked and it didn't at the same time. She is going through a mean phase - I hope that it is just a 4 year old thing - because I may paint black spots on her and practice my soccer moves if she doesn't!! J/K
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They do not have an allowance but all others do, can, or have applied.
Originally Posted by GuardianB
What he said!

Couldn't vote since there isn't an option for multiple choices.

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My parents practiced (unknowingly!) what would now be called gentle discipline/parenting. We never had time-outs or were grounded or spanked etc.... If we did something wrong/inappropriate, it was discussed right then and there was an immediate consequence. And that was it.

I'm hoping to parent in the same manner, if it works with our kid.
I was spanked OFTEN. I was also lectured OFTEN. Spanking didn't make me behave any better, but it did make me fear my parents. Studies show that spanking is ineffective for long-term results, so I have never used it and never had cause to.

With my child, he is still learning how to behave appropriately, so I do a lot of explaining to him what he can and can't do. It takes patience and lots of repeating myself before he is successful, but I'm surprised at how much he tries to do things the right way.

For deliberate offenses, I give him a time-out and expect an apology afterwards. Then, I tell him that I forgive him and give him a hug. Then, we start from scratch. This happens about three times per week.

I've found that what my child likes the most are choices. So, when he's being non-compliant, I give him a choice and he's happy to choose and the problem is usually solved. An example: The other day, he refused to get dressed. So, I asked him if he wanted to wear jeans or pants. He chose pants and forgot all about refusing to get dressed. Problem solved.
In my home, time-outs are really a cool off time for everyone. It's not the "go to your room" or sit-in-a-corner type thing. Ds can go to the sunroom or his room to think about his actions. It usually does work. He comes down and apologizes. But there are times when has severe tantrums (he's on the Autistic spectrum) and it takes awhile for him to come down.

Chocolate Curls--ITA. Spanking serves no purpose, IMHO. It teaches your child that you can overpower them just because you're bigger. Plus, it sends a mixed message. How can a parent teach a child not to solve problems by hitting, when the parent is hitting them? This is my fundamental problem with spanking. But it is very difficult to unlearn what I learned growing up. I have to work very hard at it.
Chocolate Curls--ITA. Spanking serves no purpose, IMHO. It teaches your child that you can overpower them just because you're bigger. Plus, it sends a mixed message. How can a parent teach a child not to solve problems by hitting, when the parent is hitting them? This is my fundamental problem with spanking. But it is very difficult to unlearn what I learned growing up. I have to work very hard at it.
Originally Posted by medussa
I don't think of spanking as a way to inflict pain on your child. Generally a light tap/spank will do. It's a way to re-focus them. Usually it's not how hard you've spanked, but the fact that mommy or daddy hit them that shocks them. I don't think you should spank to punish for hitting, just as biting a child back when they bite you, doesn't seem to make much sense. IMO, I think that by spanking, sends your child an even bigger message B/C your teaching them to not hit. You're basically reiterating the fact that mommy and daddy are the parents, and they have the right to do things that children can't. We also use sharp objects, when we tell our kids to not play w/ them, and we drink alcohol when we teach kids to not drink it. It's not hypocritical, it shows the control, and certain amount of power (for lack of a better word) that parents have, which is important in teaching kids to respect you.
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I don't think of spanking as a way to inflict pain on your child. Generally a light tap/spank will do. It's a way to re-focus them.
Originally Posted by babywavy
Whether it hurts or not, it's still humiliating. I'd much rather find non-physical methods to re-focus ds.

You're basically reiterating the fact that mommy and daddy are the parents, and they have the right to do things that children can't. We also use sharp objects, when we tell our kids to not play w/ them, and we drink alcohol when we teach kids to not drink it. It's not hypocritical, it shows the control, and certain amount of power (for lack of a better word) that parents have, which is important in teaching kids to respect you.
The above ideas can be conveyed through words and actions. I just can't find a rational way to justify hitting a child "because I'm the parent." Spanking a child isn't positive modeling. They say children live what they learn. They learn from our words and our actions.
Babywavy,

My child has immense respect for me even though I don't hit him. I think the respect is based on the fact that I am four times his size, he depends on me for food, I have answers to his questions, and I am his parent. I don't think I need to hit him in order to get across the fact that I'm in charge because it's so obvious. That's why hitting a child is such a mistake: it takes the message of who's in charge over the top.

What spanking does give a child is low self esteem. I bet you know someone with low self esteem who also was spanked as a child.
I was spanked as a child, and I have never had low self esteem. Neither does my husband, and he was spanked as a child as well.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
There is research done, by Christians and nonChristians, that goes both ways regarding spanking.

There is no research that has shown that spanking leads to aggressive behavior, or violence, or low self-esteem. There are studies that show that abuse can lead to those things, though. I know people who were not spanked who have much lower self-esteem than I do, and I received beatings.

I think that if we all do the best we can as parents, and try to keep the best interest of the child foremost in our minds, it won't matter what discipline techniques we employ. Our kids will know how much we love them, and they'll know we cared enough to teach them right from wrong, whichever methods we used to get there.
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I am a strong believer in correcting mistakes when and where they are made. Yes, I spank my son. No not for everything but I do spank him and I never regret it. If he does something that he has never done I show him the correct way and I let him know that this is dangerous or unacceptable. I may have to show him 2 or 3 times but he is very smart and knows what we approve or disapprove of and when the time comes I will get "the rod". If he does something that is potentially life threatening or disrespectful in any way I sometimes will swat his bottom to get his attention immediately and I always ecplain to him why he is getting a spanking or can't go outside and I make him tell me why he is in trouble so that I know he understands. My son does not talk back, does not hit me or other people, he is mannerable and can tell when other children are displaying inappropriate behavior. He plays like a normal child, cries like a normal child and gets into things like a normal child. He is never scared to test us and I am in love with him and his personality. ok. why am I rambling?
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Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
BTW

I was only spanked four times as a child. Once for catching the school bus home with a friend ( I was without asking and staying away for 4 hours even though I was told to wait for my Dad. The other for disrespecting the bus driver when he didn't let me off where I wanted to get off. This is after my parents said they wouldn't pick me up since I thought I was grown enough to catch the bus. That was a rough school year. lol I vaguely remember the other times.
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Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
I am the same way. If you don't want me to discipline your child. KEPP 'EM WITH YOU. I teach children's church and I tell my parents this anytime I get mad. My pastor even knows that I will discipline his sweet little Camaryn if she decides to act up. Some children only need me to look at them and they break down but others needs to be taken to a private place and "handled".
Black and Puerto Rican 3c Natural since '95 (15). Growing hair to waist. PJ and Certified MAC JUNKIE and a freakin' DEMOCRAT!!! Visit my other page @ www.myspace.com/LipGlassHoney
Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
i spanked all my children. My 11 got her last spanking at about 8. My oldest (16( got his last one at 12 -feeling his manhood and all that) my babies (4 and 5) get spanked occasionally. they all have very high selfesteem and are confident in their places in the world. we encourage free speech but not disrespectful speech to the dismay of my old school mother. They arent cowered or afraid. You would just have to spend time with us to see how they are. When i do something they dont like they tell me about it. Doesnt mean the outcome will change but if they feel better letting me know, then thats okay.

spanking is different than abuse
I am the same way. If you don't want me to discipline your child. KEPP 'EM WITH YOU. I teach children's church and I tell my parents this anytime I get mad. My pastor even knows that I will discipline his sweet little Camaryn if she decides to act up. Some children only need me to look at them and they break down but others needs to be taken to a private place and "handled".
Originally Posted by LipGlassHoney
or dont bring them to my house. I wont spank another's child but I will address inappropriate behavior in MY HOUSE if the parent doesnt.
That includes giving a timeout.
i spanked all my children. My 11 got her last spanking at about 8. My oldest (16( got his last one at 12 -feeling his manhood and all that) my babies (4 and 5) get spanked occasionally. they all have very high selfesteem and are confident in their places in the world. we encourage free speech but not disrespectful speech to the dismay of my old school mother. They arent cowered or afraid. You would just have to spend time with us to see how they are. When i do something they dont like they tell me about it. Doesnt mean the outcome will change but if they feel better letting me know, then thats okay.

spanking is different than abuse
Originally Posted by NappyAfro
My son let's me know when I do or say something wrong too...and he's 3!
Black and Puerto Rican 3c Natural since '95 (15). Growing hair to waist. PJ and Certified MAC JUNKIE and a freakin' DEMOCRAT!!! Visit my other page @ www.myspace.com/LipGlassHoney
Me @ 6 mos. looking just like my son
i spanked all my children. My 11 got her last spanking at about 8. My oldest (16( got his last one at 12 -feeling his manhood and all that) my babies (4 and 5) get spanked occasionally. they all have very high selfesteem and are confident in their places in the world. we encourage free speech but not disrespectful speech to the dismay of my old school mother. They arent cowered or afraid. You would just have to spend time with us to see how they are. When i do something they dont like they tell me about it. Doesnt mean the outcome will change but if they feel better letting me know, then thats okay.

spanking is different than abuse
Originally Posted by NappyAfro
My son let's me know when I do or say something wrong too...and he's 3!
Originally Posted by LipGlassHoney
if they can feel comfortable telling us what we do that they dont like, then how intimidated and afraid can they be?
I wont spank another's child but I will address inappropriate behavior in MY HOUSE if the parent doesnt. That includes giving a timeout.
Originally Posted by NappyAfro
I have no problem addressing inappropriate behavior but I would never lay a finger on another person's child. And I wouldn't dream of putting someone else's kid in a time-out. If it gets to that point, their parent must come pick them up--having to go home when they don't want to is a good lesson to be learned. If you cannot follow directions at my house, then you have to go back to yours.
Regardless of what I do in my home, though, I think that every parent has the right to make the decision for themselves as to whether to spank, and for what reasons. Abuse should not be tolerated, though.
Originally Posted by dia99
But spanking IS abuse.

People who spank seem always to be people who were spanked/abused as children. I think we owe it to our children to stop the cycle. There are far better ways to achieve the same goals in raising our children.

I agree totally and empathize with what medussa wrote:
It teaches your child that you can overpower them just because you're bigger. Plus, it sends a mixed message. How can a parent teach a child not to solve problems by hitting, when the parent is hitting them? This is my fundamental problem with spanking. But it is very difficult to unlearn what I learned growing up. I have to work very hard at it.
Originally Posted by medussa

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