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View Poll Results: How do you discipline your children?
Grounding/time-outs 2 14.29%
Loss of privileges 4 28.57%
Take away allowance 0 0%
Spanking 5 35.71%
Discuss what the problem is with no punishment 3 21.43%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-10-2005, 10:31 AM   #81
 
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Oh yes, of course I have all that stuff. I'm not saying that I'm not willing to adapt for my child. My life is FULL of adaptations I've made in order to accomodate having a child. I was just making that comment in response to the comment that keeping your child in the same room as a hot oven is bad parenting. Removing them from the situation isn't always the best answer. You adapt b/c you don't want your child to get hurt, however, you also need to clearly teach the child what things are to be used for, and what things they need to stay away from. As you are clearly doing w/ your son and the trash can.
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Old 05-10-2005, 10:42 AM   #82
 
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I agree that kids need to learn what is off limits. But as parents we need to be aware of what they are capable of learning at a given stage of development. I believe most 10 month olds are not up to understanding "Don't touch! Hot!" AND being able to follow through on that command. If they keep going for the oven, it's not willful disobedience, it's them being a 10 month old.
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Old 05-10-2005, 11:03 AM   #83
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geeky
I agree that kids need to learn what is off limits. But as parents we need to be aware of what they are capable of learning at a given stage of development. I believe most 10 month olds are not up to understanding "Don't touch! Hot!" AND being able to follow through on that command. If they keep going for the oven, it's not willful disobedience, it's them being a 10 month old.
I totally agree with you for most children. But, my daughter was walking and could talk a little by 10 months, and she did understand the word "No." However, I wouldn't have spanked her for willful disobedience at 10 months, because she couldn't understand what that is. I think the researcher/doctor was saying as a deterrant from immediate physical danger when the child is being willful. So, you're not trying to correct a character issue, just to stop that particular behavior immediately.

I did do this with Dia - I don't remember what age, but when she kept going up to the sockets after I told her not to, even though we had protectors on, I took her up to it, patted her fingers, and said, "No!" and "Dangerous." She did understand no. The tap on her hand was not hard, but it was enough for her to feel it. I didn't want her to go to someone else's house who didn't have protectors and think it was okay to play near them because my house had them. When I took her to the stove and told her "No!" and "Dangerous!" I didn't have to tap her fingers because she got it the first time, after I showed her the outlets again - you know, making connections. She was telling kids when she was two that the stove and outlets are dangerous.
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Old 05-10-2005, 11:11 AM   #84
 
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My daughter just turned 10 months old last Thursday and she's walking. Although she doesn't talk, she definitely understands the word "no." Right now she stops whenever I say it. She moves away and sometimes lets out a wail in protest. But there's no need for me to tap her hand. I wouldn't do it even if she weren't listening to me...I would just remove her from the situation.
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Old 05-10-2005, 12:06 PM   #85
 
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Y'all are treating Dia like she "doesn't understand the harm she is doing to her daughter." I think she has made her choice an educated one, not by falling into it because she's lazy or ignorant. It is her decision, and I don't think all the Bible quotation and expert columnists are going to change her mind.

I also don't think she deserved to be chastised for her response to Z. I thought she was very in keeping with his style of writing.
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Old 05-10-2005, 12:11 PM   #86
 
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Thank You, Poodlehead - although it seems like I'm clalin g you a name by calling you Poodlehead !
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Old 05-10-2005, 12:24 PM   #87
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dia99
Thank You, Poodlehead - although it seems like I'm clalin g you a name by calling you Poodlehead !
It WAS the name I was tortured with in Jr. High. What a difference a couple of decades make!
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Old 05-10-2005, 01:52 PM   #88
 
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I think it is also important to note to those who do not have children...

It is very easy to say what you would or would not do in a situation - until you are in it. I promise you at least once in your parental life, your temper will get the best of you in one way or another. Yes, we make mistakes, yes we feel horribly guilty when we do - it happens. Until you have a child you cannot possibly understand how challenging it is - sometimes for days on end. It is incredibly demanding and difficult - and also very rewarding. I think that the day to day interaction is what will stay with your child.
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Old 05-10-2005, 02:57 PM   #89
 
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TRC, that is a very good point. I have learned in all my years , to stop saying what I would never do. When I was a teenager sneering at others who chose to have sex outside of marriage, I said I'd never do that. I did, and I was wrong for it - there's that mercy I'm talking about - instead of diseases or a broken relationship, I got Dia. When I grew up with my mom beating me, I said I'd never lay a hand on my own child. I learned better, now I do better. I had all kinds of absolutes that have changed now that I've grown up and experienced more (good and bad, right and wrong).
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Old 05-11-2005, 08:32 AM   #90
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by three rivers curly
I think it is also important to note to those who do not have children...

It is very easy to say what you would or would not do in a situation - until you are in it. I promise you at least once in your parental life, your temper will get the best of you in one way or another. Yes, we make mistakes, yes we feel horribly guilty when we do - it happens. Until you have a child you cannot possibly understand how challenging it is - sometimes for days on end. It is incredibly demanding and difficult - and also very rewarding. I think that the day to day interaction is what will stay with your child.
That is true. Everything I said I would do, or wouldn't do when I was single, when RIGHT out the window when I became a mom.
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