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dia99 07-07-2005 03:05 PM

Spinoff: If you knew a loved one had committed a crime...
 
Would you turn them in?

By loved one, I mean husband/wife, child, or sibling. Would you turn any of them in, or only your spouse? :lol:

I would turn in any of them if I knew they committed a serious crime (murder, theft, arson :? , whatever).

I had to call the police when my mom left my brother home alone by himself for hours when he was six. I also called them when my aunt got a call from a nurse she knew that my mom had beaten my brother with a broom until it broke on/in his back. Of course, he had already started healing by the time anything was said about it. No one called for me when I was being abused, so I do NOT tolerate abuse at all!

I've called on my brother for destroying my dad's office. My dad was out of town at the time, but my brother really did a number on it. I also called on someone in my family (I can't remember if it was my brother, but I think it was) who had threatened to hurt another family member with a gun he took from my aunt (yeah, it was my brother). The gun was returned to my aunt and nothing happened - I had forgotten about this incident.

Anyway, would you tell the authorities if you knew your child, sister/brother, husband had committed a serious crime?

CurlyCanadian 07-07-2005 03:06 PM

Would definatly depend on the crime and the circumstances around it. I don't think I could give a clear cut and dry answer :?

bounce 07-07-2005 03:12 PM

It really depends. I can't even begin to fabricate what it would be like to be in an abusive situation, so I can't comment on that.

A lot of people don't understand what it's like to have bad relationship with a family member. Until you are in the situation of saying, "I didn't pick to be related to you and I don't HAVE to love you," a lot of people (understandably so) just don't get that.

dia99 07-07-2005 03:18 PM

Bounce, I've got to bounce (I know that was corny!) but I wanted to respond before I left.

I do feel that I have to love my mom, even though she's hurt me, and my siblings, a lot. I haven't called on her because I don't love her. I think that because I grew up with all these secrets and lies surrounding anything that wasn't stellar behavior, I hate secrets and lies. Everything should be out in the open, and then people can start healing.

So, I actually think it is a disservice to the person we think we're "protecting" when we don't tell, because it enables them to continue the behavior, and it teaches them to lie, cover up things, not have consequences for their actions, etc.

Also, in the case of a violent crime, I wouldn't be able to live with the other family being so destroyed with not knowing just so my family could stay miserable in secret. I think the family affected deserves the truth more than my family member deserves to keep his/her secret.

Anyway, these are all my opinions based on years in a crazy family :lol: Whatever you can do to keep them away from you is worth a shot (I'm JUST KIDDING!)

bounce 07-07-2005 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dia99

So, I actually think it is a disservice to the person we think we're "protecting" when we don't tell, because it enables them to continue the behavior, and it teaches them to lie, cover up things, not have consequences for their actions, etc.

See, sadly, I have 2 sisters and I don't really love 1 of them. I definitely don't like her, at all. She hurts my family too much - my family being my other sister, mom and dad. She is committing a crime right now - but we're not telling. We've been around the block on this for years.

But my issue is a big issue - we're not talking about sending this girl to her room - we're talking about one day getting a phone call and finding out she's dead. Sometimes showing consequences doesn't work....so then what do you do?

I could call the police at this very moment and get her thrown in jail if I wanted too. But I won't.

dia99 07-07-2005 07:10 PM

I forgot to come back to this thread.

Bounce, I don't know what to do. You can see I'm not doing to well with my brother :roll: , so I guess I'm not the best person to give advice.

If I had it to do over again, I would have called child protective services on my mom when I was a kid. I never did because I thought it would be disrespectful of her, and she promised she'd cut the fingers off I used to dial (and I believed her)!

With my brother, all of his behavior started as a child, and my dad was not strong enough to leave my mom, or to make us go to counseling (though he threatened it when he'd get really mad). So, I wish I had been stronger for my younger siblings. Now, all I can do is keep all of them lifted up in prayer, and say something when I find out about wrongs done to them or by them. I know our upbringing didn't "make" them crazy, but I'm sure it triggered some stuff, and certain it didn't help them any.

I am so afraid that my brother will end up dead if people keep covering for him. I am a little worried about other people, but my brother really isn't violent, so I'm more afraid he'll hurt himself, or the police will kill him - he's 6'6 and HUGE (used to play football), so I'm afraid the police won't be slow with the gun if they get in an altercation. Honestly, I wouldn't blame them because they can't know what a wonderful person he is - they would just be meeting this paranoid, belligerent HUGE guy who wasn't complying with what they asked him to do.

So, yeah, for me this is all I know to do. I tell Dia now to call 911 if I or anyone else ever do something to hurt her and she can't talk to us about it. I know mental illness can be hereditary, so I don't want to take chances with her. If I ever snapped, I want her to know she doesn't have to feel guilty about getting help. I'm sure this will bite me in the butt the first time she's really grounded :roll: , but better safe than sorry! :D

LipGlassHoney 07-08-2005 01:53 AM

I have a little brother whos was killed on Mother's Day 2003 and he was one of those who always had someone covering for him. He was actually a very sweet kid and I would have traded him for my older brother any day (just kidding). You just couldn't tell him anything and eventually these streets got him. I, personally, will call the police on anyone. If I see an accident, I'm calling. An argument, calling. The oter day I was driving down the street and I saw this strange box tied to a tree with a long cord that stretched across the street. I called them and then called my hubby and he was like,"Baby they use that to measure traffic. It's not Osama Bin Laden." I think I get some sort of perverse pleasure out of calling the police.

gemini 07-08-2005 06:38 AM

The "do the harder right over the easier wrong" side of me says I would turn them in, but I really would have to know the circumstances as well. I hope never to be in that situation.

Myradelle 07-08-2005 04:49 PM

In a heart beat.

I turned my brother in for not paying child support. His ex wouldn't file so I initiated the process.

meryn 07-08-2005 05:32 PM

I would depend on how benign the crime was. I have relatives live "off the grid". They have weapon arsenols on thier basements, don't pay taxes, fish and hunt off-season, and grow pot to subsidize thier frontier lifestyle.

And even for not-so-benign crimes: I have a girlfriend whose mother was murdered by her boyfriend right in front of her as a child. Due to sloppy police work, native prejudice, and no gun recovery, dude was let go. My friend told her uncle, and her uncle made dude disappear. Permanently. I am not an advocate of taking the law into your own hands, I am not for the death penalty, but if I had names, dates, and descriptions I would certainly keep that to myself and not report it. To see the anguish my friend has gone through to this day; the drugs, the alcohol, the nightmares, the poor decision-making, I'm not exactly sad that that puny little man doesn't exist anymore.

So, to answer the original question: let's just say I have just enough of a vigilante bone and enough distaste for law enforcement in general to not.

Meghuney 07-08-2005 08:02 PM

This is going to sound like I'm trying to be funny, but I'm SO serious.
It really depends on how long they would be in jail. Like my brother for instance, who was in a mental hospital for being homicidal at one point and had threatened to kill me...if he did something HORRIBLE and I felt the need to turn him in because of it and I knew he would be locked away almost forever for the crime..I think I would tell. If he wasn't being locked away almost forever, I would be so scared that being in jail for just a while would only anger him more and he would really try to hurt me when he got out if he knew I told.
It isn't very often that he just SNAPS..but he is a very scary person when he is not in his right mind.


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