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Old 05-14-2008, 08:44 PM   #41
 
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you're overthinking because you're making future plans with a person whom you have no future with yet.

Yes, some people might have had a change of heart after trying something that they previously hated, but that is not always the case. Most people I know would consider it rude to push something on someone after they stated they don't like it. And certainly not with a person who you barely know.

You yourself have admitted that this username is solely for relationship/dating questions. You shouldn't be surprised when someone brings up your back stories.
I'm not pushing.

I'm not surprised at anyone bringing up the backstory.

And I'll say once again I'll ask him what he thinks about seafood rather than take your assumptions at face value.

You're taking his statement one way. I'm allowing for the possibility he may mean something else. I'm getting to know him; you don't know him at all.

You never thought about the "what if" with a guy you liked?! Or you felt you had to wait to think about that? There aren't really any plans yet except to ask him a question, which is part of getting to know someone.
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:48 PM   #42
 
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Why does what even matter?

How can I run "the risk of having him think you're fixated on minor details of his life" by asking him what he thinks about seafood (whether "not big on" really means he hates it or something else)?!?!?!?

My pt in quoting spiderman was that others had said I was being pushy but her experience was a positive example of what could happen. Any negative possibilities seem less likely. Spiderman didn't seem to think her frnd was being pushy (who knows? maybe she did)...

Also keep in mind, all of you here are seeing the "back story." But it's not like I'm going to go to him and say "Now how can I get you to love seafood?!"
Why does it matter whether he likes it or not? You went through the trouble of starting a thread about it, so it obviously it has some significance to you. Based on the numerous posts you make about men, I do think you obsess over minutiae in relationships (and this isn't even a relationship). Looking for things you can potentially change in a guy after just a couple of dates comes off as really pushy and desperate. That's a surefire guarantee for not getting a fifth date.
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:53 PM   #43
 
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you're overthinking because you're making future plans with a person whom you have no future with yet.

Yes, some people might have had a change of heart after trying something that they previously hated, but that is not always the case. Most people I know would consider it rude to push something on someone after they stated they don't like it. And certainly not with a person who you barely know.

You yourself have admitted that this username is solely for relationship/dating questions. You shouldn't be surprised when someone brings up your back stories.
I'm not pushing.

I'm not surprised at anyone bringing up the backstory.

And I'll say once again I'll ask him what he thinks about seafood rather than take your assumptions at face value.

You're taking his statement one way. I'm allowing for the possibility he may mean something else. I'm getting to know him; you don't know him at all.

You never thought about the "what if" with a guy you liked?! Or you felt you had to wait to think about that? There aren't really any plans yet except to ask him a question, which is part of getting to know someone.
I never claimed I know him. I was just stating my opinion.

And no, I never ask what if questions in relationships. If they happen they happen, if not, I enjoy them while they last. When dating I was a go with the flow type.

And I would consider a post asking for recommendations to introduce seafood to a non-seafood eater, to be done later, before even asking him as making plans.
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:58 PM   #44
 
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I wouldn't try. If you go out with him choose a place that serves both meat and fish.
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:59 PM   #45
 
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When I first replied, I assumed it was a family member or somesuch. Just for the record. That's a much different situation to me than a 5th date.

I kind of don't get why not to ask him if he likes it and why not, rather than ask internets.
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Old 05-14-2008, 09:16 PM   #46
 
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*It doesn't "matter" per se meaning it's not a huge consequence. It was merely something that occured to me and I posted about it. People post about things at all levels of significance to them - major and minor.

*I'm not asking internets instead of him but in addition to.

*I would NOT TELL HIM what to like. Or anything close to it.
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Old 05-14-2008, 09:16 PM   #47
 
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I used to hate seafood. It took almost daily exposure to it when I was living in the south of France to get over it. There were times where it was either eat the seafood or go without dinner.

It's one of those things: they say you have to try some foods like 17 times before you might develop a taste for them.

This is something one does with kids if one is trying to get them not to be picky eaters. Adults are, well, adults. They don't need to be told what to like, they already know.
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:02 PM   #48
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cympreni View Post
you're overthinking because you're making future plans with a person whom you have no future with yet.

Yes, some people might have had a change of heart after trying something that they previously hated, but that is not always the case. Most people I know would consider it rude to push something on someone after they stated they don't like it. And certainly not with a person who you barely know.
I agree. I would think there would be other things you'd want to think about or focus on in the beginning. I also hate it when people try to change my eating habits. At almost 30 years old, I definitely know what I don't like!
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:11 PM   #49
 
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Seriously!!!

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Originally Posted by Josephine View Post
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Originally Posted by cympreni View Post
you're overthinking because you're making future plans with a person whom you have no future with yet.

Yes, some people might have had a change of heart after trying something that they previously hated, but that is not always the case. Most people I know would consider it rude to push something on someone after they stated they don't like it. And certainly not with a person who you barely know.
I agree. I would think there would be other things you'd want to think about or focus on in the beginning. I also hate it when people try to change my eating habits. At almost 30 years old, I definitely know what I don't like!
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:16 PM   #50
 
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Why don't you just take past suggestions and chill on men for a while?
ITA
Even though I'm a liberal heathen who is all for multi-dating and the excitement of dating in general, I'm going to have to go for an ITA here as well.
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:18 PM   #51
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cympreni View Post
you're overthinking because you're making future plans with a person whom you have no future with yet.

Yes, some people might have had a change of heart after trying something that they previously hated, but that is not always the case. Most people I know would consider it rude to push something on someone after they stated they don't like it. And certainly not with a person who you barely know.
I agree. I would think there would be other things you'd want to think about or focus on in the beginning. I also hate it when people try to change my eating habits. At almost 30 years old, I definitely know what I don't like!
I agree with all of the above. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. You've been on 3 or 4 dates and are already trying to change his eating habits? He's got a long road ahead of him......if he sticks around.

I would take his "not big on seafood" comment to mean just that. He'd rather eat something else. Why on earth would it matter to you that he doesn't care for seafood?
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:20 PM   #52
 
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Regardless of your intentions, whatever... it's always fun to introduce someone to new food. I have friend that absolutely HATES anything from the sea... however she goes crazy for my crab dip... I do the classic artichoke/parmesan/mayo dip and add some crab. She LOVES.

Hell, if he hates it, more for you!
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Old 05-14-2008, 11:18 PM   #53
 
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*It doesn't "matter" per se meaning it's not a huge consequence. It was merely something that occured to me and I posted about it. People post about things at all levels of significance to them - major and minor.

*I'm not asking internets instead of him but in addition to.

*I would NOT TELL HIM what to like. Or anything close to it.
This makes NO sense at all. If he's mentioned that he doesn't like seafood, why even bother asking the internets - especially if you're "not telling him what to like, or anything close to it." And...if he (or any other interest you might ever have) hasn't said anything about his feelings toward seafood, why are you bothering how to figure out how to get him to try it? I mean, why bother even thinking about this "potential" situation?

I know that you use this alias just for posting about men and all of that, but seriously...some of this just sounds so desperate (that's only my opinion).

Do you have a specific type of food that you're "not big on?" Fast food or something - then you'd probably be a little put off if he wanted to go to McDonalds or something...or if you don't care for Mexican and he suggested one. I mean, seriously. I don't mean to sound snarky, either, but it just seems that TOO much thought is going on, and sometimes that really just turns men off.
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Old 05-14-2008, 11:26 PM   #54
 
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I know that you use this alias just for posting about men and all of that, but seriously...some of this just sounds so desperate (that's only my opinion).
I was thinking that as well reading the thread and wonder if maybe you're coming across that way to guys SC?
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Old 05-15-2008, 05:20 AM   #55
 
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Regardless of your intentions, whatever... it's always fun to introduce someone to new food. I have friend that absolutely HATES anything from the sea... however she goes crazy for my crab dip... I do the classic artichoke/parmesan/mayo dip and add some crab. She LOVES.

Hell, if he hates it, more for you!
Exactly.

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*It doesn't "matter" per se meaning it's not a huge consequence. It was merely something that occured to me and I posted about it. People post about things at all levels of significance to them - major and minor.

*I'm not asking internets instead of him but in addition to.

*I would NOT TELL HIM what to like. Or anything close to it.
This makes NO sense at all. If he's mentioned that he doesn't like seafood, why even bother asking the internets - especially if you're "not telling him what to like, or anything close to it." And...if he (or any other interest you might ever have) hasn't said anything about his feelings toward seafood, why are you bothering how to figure out how to get him to try it? I mean, why bother even thinking about this "potential" situation?

I know that you use this alias just for posting about men and all of that, but seriously...some of this just sounds so desperate (that's only my opinion).

Do you have a specific type of food that you're "not big on?" Fast food or something - then you'd probably be a little put off if he wanted to go to McDonalds or something...or if you don't care for Mexican and he suggested one. I mean, seriously. I don't mean to sound snarky, either, but it just seems that TOO much thought is going on, and sometimes that really just turns men off.
None of the bolded is true. If you're not going to read my posts please don't bother replying to them. The overthinking is really happening with everyone else here. If suggesting a food (after first finding ou how he really feels and you DON'T actually know) is pushy desperate and trying to change him then so be it. Some people here sound like the ones who need to change.
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Old 05-15-2008, 05:58 AM   #56
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I didn't eat seafood growing up (because my father didn't like it so my mother didn't cook it) and I thought I didn't like it. But when I was in college I tried some different kinds of seafood and liked them.

It doesn't seem so weird to me to suggest some new experiences (including food) when you're dating someone new. For instance, if they never had Thai food and you like it, would it be so strange to suggest trying it?
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Old 05-15-2008, 06:14 AM   #57
 
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I agree with whoever said go to a resturant that serves other types of meat besides seafood and ask him if he wants a taste of your meal. Maybe you could order a seafood platter/sampler so that he can have a variety of things to choose from. If he says no, then don't push it. There is nothing wrong with not liking seafood! (I don't even eat meat. )

I don't see where you are obsessing over this, though, as long as you are not constantly trying to get him to eat it or asking him why he doesn't eat it in real life.
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Old 05-15-2008, 07:43 AM   #58
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It doesn't seem so weird to me to suggest some new experiences (including food) when you're dating someone new. For instance, if they never had Thai food and you like it, would it be so strange to suggest trying it?
There's a big difference between suggesting a food he's never had and suggesting a food he's already stated he doesn't like.
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Old 05-15-2008, 07:49 AM   #59
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SpiceCurls View Post
*It doesn't "matter" per se meaning it's not a huge consequence. It was merely something that occured to me and I posted about it. People post about things at all levels of significance to them - major and minor.

*I'm not asking internets instead of him but in addition to.

*I would NOT TELL HIM what to like. Or anything close to it.
This makes NO sense at all. If he's mentioned that he doesn't like seafood, why even bother asking the internets - especially if you're "not telling him what to like, or anything close to it." And...if he (or any other interest you might ever have) hasn't said anything about his feelings toward seafood, why are you bothering how to figure out how to get him to try it? I mean, why bother even thinking about this "potential" situation?
Exactly.

This whole thing is just nonsensical.
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Old 05-15-2008, 07:51 AM   #60
 
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What?! How is this "whole thing" nonsensical?

Forget it, don't bother Iris. Just please don't post to my threads anymore.
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