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Old 06-13-2008, 02:33 PM   #101
 
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My ex cheated on my last year, and I still don't trust guys?

College guys around me are pretty much all the same. Immature and self-centered.

I predict singleness for at least another year...and that is perfectly fine with me!
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Old 06-16-2008, 06:21 PM   #102
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This article was interesting.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24620662/?GT1=43001

So was this: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.asp...id=6&GT1=26000
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Old 07-20-2008, 05:45 PM   #103
 
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Great articles, Osochristie.
I especially like the Gail Saltz article. It just brought to mind this therapist I used to go to. She tried to persuade me to start dating again, and aim for marriage. She called it "having a full life." So, single women are incomplete!??
I didn't want to and thought that it was my choice to be single at this point in my life. She thought that this position of mine was a sign that something was wrong with me.
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:17 PM   #104
 
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At the moment, I don't know many single men. The ones I do, just aren't right for me, unfortunately. I'm finding I meet more guys lately, because I've been taking my camera to concerts with me. I get all kinds of men walking up and introducing themselves to me, asking about the camera, if I'm working for the band, for a local paper, or what. Mainly, I just like taking pictures, but my pictures are starting to get used more and more by artists and local publications, which is cool.
I'm doing something I love, and I have a prop which makes me more approachable - which is important, because I am NOT approachable in general. Despite the fact I am welcoming to people who start conversations with me most of the time, I'm aware that my default expression looks otherwise. And I do try not to give the "get the F--- away from me!" vibes.

I definitely agree with younggrasshopper. I LOVE being single. And I really hope someday to find a man to live the rest of my life with. I won't settle, and rarely have relationships, but do date and get to know guys well enough to know if I could enjoy being around them as much as being alone. For the moment, I haven't found that person, but I believe I will.
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I am single because in order for me to incorporate a man into my life, it would have to be an upgrade. Right now, that would be pretty hard to do.
Historically, though, it's my own fault. Until recently, I haven't been ready to find someone. I had a near-miss with the marriage bus years ago (you know, the one which runs you over if you marry Mr. Wrong.) I believe that I've been trying to keep control of everything since - PartyHair's comment is part of the truth for why I have been single. I'm finally now willing to let things happen, so I believe it will soon, because I want to find someone, and I'm ready, but am happy single, too.
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I think the whole "control freak" business is a major reason why women are staying single longer. Every woman I know who is single and 30- or 40-something calls herself a control freak.

I completely understand how that can happen - I was single 'til I was 30, then single again from 34-38. But sometimes you have to let go of that need to control everything and everyone around you.
I have had several instances of meeting guys to whom I was VERY attracted. And my reaction was to run away. To block them out, avoid them, and give them no chance. Three years ago, someone introduced me to a man who literally made me weak in the knees. My reaction was to avoid him for the next two years. My friend wanted to set us up, and I have a feeling he said something to her about me, but I wouldn't let her. I was scared, because I couldn't control that reaction I had to him.

While I don't know if I will have instant attraction to the man I end up with, or if it will grow with time, that fear of having strong feelings I can't control is finally gone, and healed, which means now I am far less likely to self-destruct if a good man for me DOES come along.
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:28 PM   #105
 
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NetG (and others),

I would recommend eharmony. After avoiding it for a long time, I am doing it again. And there are a lot of decent, professional men on the site. Lots and lots and lots of 30 and 40-something guys looking for love and obviously interested in settling down.

As for the one who made you weak in the knees, I'm sorry you let that one get away. Because a strong chemical reaction like that doesn't come around everyday, and if it is paired with other qualities you want (like intelligence, kindness, humour, etc..) then you really might have missed out on someone wonderful.

Anyway, just press on. Great to see you posting again, and sounds like you are meeting people and men at these concerts that you love. Very encouraging
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:32 PM   #106
 
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I'm 39 and single...because being alone is so much better than the last couple of relationships I've had.

At least I'm reasonably sure I won't 1)manipulate, 2)lie to, or 3)verbally abuse me!
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:46 PM   #107
 
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Originally Posted by curls on holiday View Post
NetG (and others),

I would recommend eharmony. After avoiding it for a long time, I am doing it again. And there are a lot of decent, professional men on the site. Lots and lots and lots of 30 and 40-something guys looking for love and obviously interested in settling down.

As for the one who made you weak in the knees, I'm sorry you let that one get away. Because a strong chemical reaction like that doesn't come around everyday, and if it is paired with other qualities you want (like intelligence, kindness, humour, etc..) then you really might have missed out on someone wonderful.

Anyway, just press on. Great to see you posting again, and sounds like you are meeting people and men at these concerts that you love. Very encouraging
One thing I've discovered is that online dating is NOT for me. I have fantastic instincts in person, which I lose trying to read online profiles. But I also have trouble seeing the profiles of men and seeing them as potential. I've tried, and realize this is just a truth about myself. I've dated guys and later found out I dismissed their online profiles! What I do whenever I feel it's been too long, though, is speed date. I date an average of three guys each time I do speed dating - and they're almost all good guys, who may not be right for me, but are still good guys. It's pretty cool!

I don't know if I missed out on my chance with that guy or not. I saw him last year and briefly chatted, and the interaction was such that a guy took a picture of our interaction, then found me in a crowd of 10,000 people to offer me the picture. So the chemistry is obvious to others.... The situation is more complicated than I want to get into here, but if we're meant to be, the situation will get less complicated, and it'll happen.

I've had two other guys with whom I've had that super strong instant reaction. One of them was in my class in college, and at our 10 year reunion I realized it was not there for me anymore. It was for him, though! There's another one who was out of town for months, and I think may be back in town now. I was talking to someone as he walked past the first time I saw him, and my instant reaction was to try to run after him and find out who he was. It took more than 6 months to even find out his name, and he's super shy, but we have tentative plans to hang out sometime when he's back in town.

I've just stopped worrying about it, though. If I meet someone, great. Because I'm emotionally in the right place, I think I will. But if not, well, I'll be ok that way, too!
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Old 07-20-2008, 10:01 PM   #108
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NetG View Post

One thing I've discovered is that online dating is NOT for me. I have fantastic instincts in person, which I lose trying to read online profiles. But I also have trouble seeing the profiles of men and seeing them as potential. I've tried, and realize this is just a truth about myself. I've dated guys and later found out I dismissed their online profiles! What I do whenever I feel it's been too long, though, is speed date. I date an average of three guys each time I do speed dating - and they're almost all good guys, who may not be right for me, but are still good guys. It's pretty cool!

I don't know if I missed out on my chance with that guy or not. I saw him last year and briefly chatted, and the interaction was such that a guy took a picture of our interaction, then found me in a crowd of 10,000 people to offer me the picture. So the chemistry is obvious to others.... The situation is more complicated than I want to get into here, but if we're meant to be, the situation will get less complicated, and it'll happen.

I've had two other guys with whom I've had that super strong instant reaction. One of them was in my class in college, and at our 10 year reunion I realized it was not there for me anymore. It was for him, though! There's another one who was out of town for months, and I think may be back in town now. I was talking to someone as he walked past the first time I saw him, and my instant reaction was to try to run after him and find out who he was. It took more than 6 months to even find out his name, and he's super shy, but we have tentative plans to hang out sometime when he's back in town.

I've just stopped worrying about it, though. If I meet someone, great. Because I'm emotionally in the right place, I think I will. But if not, well, I'll be ok that way, too!
I much prefer to meet men in person too, and have done the speed dating thing and enjoyed it too.

The thing about online is that there are so many more men there to potentially meet or screen than just attending events or being set up by friends and pursuing hobbies, etc.. And the quality of guys on eharmony seems a bit higher than other online venues. I don't know if it's any anwer or anything, but it is forcing me to devote more time and energy to at least considering guys and not just brushing off dating as a chore and hopeless and a huge PITA (which it basically is).

Will root for you and mr. weak-in-the-knees guy to work out That would make a super great story and thread that we would all love to read!

And I'm glad to hear you are in that good place. Feeling good about yourself and wanting to put yourself out there is huge and I know it is not easy.
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Old 03-15-2009, 08:47 PM   #109
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Because I am afraid to find someone. If I found someone I really liked, I would be forced to face my fear of being a disappointment.
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Old 03-15-2009, 08:57 PM   #110
 
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Because I very rarely see anyone I'm even slightly attracted to. Because those few guys I see/meet that do like are either already spoken for or just aren't that into me.

I want to meet someone who'll make me weak in the knees, but I know my first reaction will to be run because I too have control issues.




Oh, and because I suspect I have chronic b*tchface.
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:13 PM   #111
 
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I'm still single because I'm kind of shy. I have friends that are guys but I get nervous when I realize they are interested or that I am interested in them. I was really into this one guy but I blew it big time because I got nervous and spazed out
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Old 03-15-2009, 11:32 PM   #112
 
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I'm still single, but...

...I'm convinced I'm going to start seeing the man I'm going to spend my life with this year.

Just for kicks I went to a tarot reader at the Renaissance Festival a couple weeks ago, and she said it would be within three months. I'd be ok with that.


Part of why I'm single is, I don't want to have a relationship just to have a date to events. I want a relationship because I have found someone special. I date, but rarely have relationships. I know what it's like to have a man truly understand me and love me for exactly who I am, and I won't settle for a man who's interested in less than that.
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Old 03-16-2009, 11:27 AM   #113
 
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Because I already found that 'weak in the knees' love and it torments me every time we hang out (my bff).

Besides, I'm too... consistently inconsistent.
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Old 03-16-2009, 01:53 PM   #114
 
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Still single, also. Probably mostly because I'm surrounded by gay men and women whenever I'm out of my house, which isn't often lately.

For the most part, I'm pretty happy with my singleness and if I met someone, I don't know when I would see them (providing they're employed in a normal job). I go to class at night, which would probably be the only time I could see them...that makes for a rough romance even if someone did come along. If they did, I'm sure it would work out somehow.

But dang, it sure would be nice to have someone every now and then...know what I mean?
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Old 03-16-2009, 03:49 PM   #115
 
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yes.

I know what you mean.
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Old 03-16-2009, 03:53 PM   #116
 
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Because I need to focus on me and getting my life back in order.
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Old 03-16-2009, 07:06 PM   #117
 
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Because I just started seeing someone and we're not committed.

Not sure we ever will be, since we want different things in life.

I'm trying not to question it all too much. I think PartyHair's comment sunk in.
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Old 03-17-2009, 07:14 AM   #118
 
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I'm single because we split up just after new year's. (But we're still friends and I love him to bits as a friend.)

I'm single because the first ever guy who sparked my interest (literally. The first time I saw him, it was like a match burst into flame) turned me down last May and I'm still not done thinking about him. The reason he gave for turning me down was that he didn't have time for a relationship, which I can perfectly understand and choose to take at face value. Mostly I just hated myself for thinking "I'll wait." when he told me this, and knowing that I would. Clearly, I still am, which I'm still annoyed at myself for. I'm also trying to ignore the part where my friend who knows him seems to think he would still be interested in me too

Him aside, I'm single because I want to be. I'm not stunning, I look perfectly normal, if a bit overweight. That doesn't appear to stop me getting attention though; and if I'm going out, then I enjoy playing the 'can I get someone to pay me attention' game. (I discovered last year that I'm actually far more flirty than my naturally introverted self would have me believe ) Being in a relationship with someone would mean toning down the flirting tendencies; as I've not met anyone else who sparked my interest in the same way as that guy, I doubt I'd really want to lay off the flirting.
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