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Old 10-24-2012, 07:18 PM   #1981
 
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@Coco and Ursula

Yeah...we have talked since. I ask him how he is and he is better...told me his brother was mixed up with the wrong crowd. It's really a shame. And like u said...I can't imagine anyone lying about this...to a chick ur not even invested in yet cause y'all haven't met. If he did just wanna blow me off...he could have just done that. He knows about my surgery Friday...and asked if he can see me while I'm off...so I said as soon as I feel well we can meet for coffee somewhere around my way. He still says he's looking forward to meeting me. Of course he is goin thru it right now
This makes me happy. Not his brother's death, but the fact you two are still in communication with each other and he's still looking forward to meeting you. He could have just bailed and been like well, my brother died so I'm not ready to date (which none of us would have blamed him for), but he's still trying and I think that says a lot about him. And good on you for offering support, that may seem like a small gesture but I promise it'll resonate with him more so than anything else you've said thus far. And even better still you'll have a male nurse/cuddle pal if you so choose! LOL
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:21 PM   #1982
 
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*sigh* Steve is going wonderful We have a lot of communication throughout the day which is nice. I tell him about my day and he laughs at my silly jokes. I'm working out extra hard these days since he's trying to come see me Thanksgiving or Christmas time. SO excited about that little venture.
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:36 PM   #1983
 
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Oh that's great Coco! Did u have a date planned...or not yet?

And yeah...no one would have blamed the bloke...that's a hell of a thing. I've had a lot of death in my family so I can kinda relate.
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:44 PM   #1984
 
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We don't have a date yet. We both just kind of decided we should try and see each other around those times since we both have school. He travels all over during the holidays to see family so he's gonna try to swing it to where he comes here for a week or so. I told him I'd skip thanksgiving if he could come during Christmas because I'd much rather him be here for that instead of Thanksgiving. I adore Christmas time and would love to have him here for that!
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:53 PM   #1985
 
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Oh....that sounds nice! Hope all works out.
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:16 AM   #1986
 
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I really don't think your assumption is correct. I think because of how jacked up the world is, some of us have to kiss 11000000000093348902348 frogs to reach the prince (you and I being two of those people). I know exactly how you feel though. I've already found myself getting stressed out over Steve- we're at the few weeks mark when the guy either shows his true colors or just drops me for no reason, so I'm sitting here basically waiting for the other shoe to drop even though that's a crappy way to live. And honestly, if things don't work out with him, I'll probably have a nervous breakdown and just quit looking and expecting altogether. I honestly don't have enough heart left to start over with someone else...period.
Which one is Steve? Have you met him?
Plz don't set yourself up for a nervous breakdown...bc he won't be having one.
You are seriously coming across as rude as hell right now. The last few comments of yours I've read haven't been positive at all. Don't come in here feeding negative vibes please.

My "vibes" aren't going to change whether some guy calls or doesn't call or if a date goes well or the price of tea in China. They are just words.

I'm concerned for your wellbeing. Saying you're close to a "nervous breakdown" and have been crying over guys you haven't meant and feeling hopeless, etc., isn't something to gloss over. Sorry if no one else is pointing that out to you. Believe it or not, I'm saying it bc I care.
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Old 10-25-2012, 11:49 AM   #1987
 
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Which one is Steve? Have you met him?
Plz don't set yourself up for a nervous breakdown...bc he won't be having one.
You are seriously coming across as rude as hell right now. The last few comments of yours I've read haven't been positive at all. Don't come in here feeding negative vibes please.

My "vibes" aren't going to change whether some guy calls or doesn't call or if a date goes well or the price of tea in China. They are just words.

I'm concerned for your wellbeing. Saying you're close to a "nervous breakdown" and have been crying over guys you haven't meant and feeling hopeless, etc., isn't something to gloss over. Sorry if no one else is pointing that out to you. Believe it or not, I'm saying it bc I care.
I agree with SL. I wasn't nice as she was to point out that you are worth more. I'm not sure how her last post was rude to you. No guy even in person is worth all that pain, and yes especially guys you haven't even met.

My personal opinion with dating(online or not) is that you need to see the person asap, if the first date is taking too long to setup, I wouldn't invest much in it or keep it in the background until it comes up. I know you can still get very excited (trust me I did that with a few long distance guys..I even posted about one on here - the 24 year old if anyone remembers) but still remember that it's not really real yet.
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:17 PM   #1988
 
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I understand how u feel Coco. First, I tend towards depression myself, and second, after so many disappointments in a row... I just feel hopeless and worse than when I started. So I know what u mean. If things don't progress or work out with the current dude I'm talking to I really do need to take a break from all of it...I think I need to do some work on myself first....no idea where to start. But I am the common denominator in the past failed relationships...right.

Lets keep both our fingers crossed things go well with our current prospects
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-25-2012, 01:23 PM   #1989
 
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You are seriously coming across as rude as hell right now. The last few comments of yours I've read haven't been positive at all. Don't come in here feeding negative vibes please.

My "vibes" aren't going to change whether some guy calls or doesn't call or if a date goes well or the price of tea in China. They are just words.

I'm concerned for your wellbeing. Saying you're close to a "nervous breakdown" and have been crying over guys you haven't meant and feeling hopeless, etc., isn't something to gloss over. Sorry if no one else is pointing that out to you. Believe it or not, I'm saying it bc I care.
I agree with SL. I wasn't nice as she was to point out that you are worth more. I'm not sure how her last post was rude to you. No guy even in person is worth all that pain, and yes especially guys you haven't even met.

My personal opinion with dating(online or not) is that you need to see the person asap, if the first date is taking too long to setup, I wouldn't invest much in it or keep it in the background until it comes up. I know you can still get very excited (trust me I did that with a few long distance guys..I even posted about one on here - the 24 year old if anyone remembers) but still remember that it's not really real yet.

Yeah, prior to the first face-to-face, they are really not even a person. They are just entertainment. You have no idea who is on the other end - a prison inmate, an exbf playing w/ you, someone's husband, a serial rapist. You just don't know who the person is or what his/her intentions may be. Some of these guys have been at this for a long time and know exactly what to say to get you hooked...but may be saying it to multiple women. And even after you meet, until you really start to get to know the person, you shouldn't have lots of expectations. Online dating (or even regular dating) is a game to a lot of people.
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Old 10-25-2012, 05:49 PM   #1990
 
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I understand how u feel Coco. First, I tend towards depression myself, and second, after so many disappointments in a row... I just feel hopeless and worse than when I started. So I know what u mean. If things don't progress or work out with the current dude I'm talking to I really do need to take a break from all of it...I think I need to do some work on myself first....no idea where to start. But I am the common denominator in the past failed relationships...right.

Lets keep both our fingers crossed things go well with our current prospects
Thanks Goddess. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. Is it okay if I PM you about something?
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Old 10-25-2012, 07:37 PM   #1991
 
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Sure
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-25-2012, 10:15 PM   #1992
 
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I totally agree with SL and Josephine. It's crazy how caught up some are getting on this thread with people they haven't even met or gotten serious with yet.

It's a common pitfall in online dating. Choose to ignore their advice if you will, you will continue to suffer and get hurt by people who are just playing a game.

There are plenty of great people doing online dating. I met my SO of 2.5 years through OKC. But you do have to be smart and take some precautions. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself -- and nothing wrong with someone pointing out you should protect yourself!
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:26 AM   #1993
 
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U can pm me Coco. I got surgery today so when I'm home....I'll just be laying around for a week...lol
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:37 AM   #1994
 
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When ur already a "glass half empty person" and maybe other people and things in ur life disappoint u, then u try dating and guy after guy doesn't work out, it can be enuff to push into despair. It's the same with anything...it's not necessarily the guys. If u look at everything in ur like as going badly....then ur yelled at by ur boss...ur water heater breaks and ur car breaks down...u despair. At least it's not a far leap for someone with a chemical imbalance already.
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:53 AM   #1995
 
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When ur already a "glass half empty person" and maybe other people and things in ur life disappoint u, then u try dating and guy after guy doesn't work out, it can be enuff to push into despair. It's the same with anything...it's not necessarily the guys. If u look at everything in ur like as going badly....then ur yelled at by ur boss...ur water heater breaks and ur car breaks down...u despair. At least it's not a far leap for someone with a chemical imbalance already.
Believe me. I get it. I have invested a lot into relationships and have gotten very disappointment when they didn't work out.

But much of what we are talking about are not relationships! Not even close. Emailing someone on a dating sit is not a relationship.

I am not trying to pick on Coco. She's a single mom, like I am, and I can relate to her and I giver her a lot of credit for doing all she does. But she said a few months ago she had a nervous breakdown...and says she could be facing one again. Over what??????? Some man she has never even met who claims on and off he might not have time for a relationship.

I don't know who she is dealing with now and how it's going but I totally wish her the best...as I wish everyone on here the best. This has NOTHING to do w/ me or any agenda I have personally.

I don't want to see her repeatedly getting hurt over nothing.

I'm just saying we all need to keep some perspective here! Some things are worth stressing over. Others are not. And some anonymous man playing around on a dating site is NOT!

You can say having a mood disorder or being prone to depression or being negative or whatever makes this inevitable. OK, but those are exactly the same reasons why a person should use caution and discernment when getting to know people and getting attached to them.

I am NOT trying to be rude and yes, I can relate.
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Old 10-26-2012, 11:57 AM   #1996
 
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GoddessCurls, I've suffered from depression as well. I know how it narrows your focus and makes you see only the bad. It also tends to make you want to pin your hopes onto something that maybe doesn't deserve that much energy.

I had friends point things out to me when I was depressed that I really, really didn't want to hear. I HATED it. But now, years later, I'm glad they did. I needed to hear it at the time. It sucks, but it's true.
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:45 PM   #1997
 
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Coco, I definitely get why Spiderlashes's comment upset you, because she said it in a "tough love" kind of way, but she's basically saying what I was trying to get at. So I'll say it again: I worry about how invested you are already. And now that you're planning for Christmas--that's really far away! It's your life of course but, even if you are still seeing Steve 2 months from now, spending the holidays together for your first meeting is putting a LOT of pressure on the situation! Like I said before, I really hope it works out, but, again, be careful.

I have been guilty of it myself to some extent. I know I've gotten caught up in casual relationships when I really shouldn't have. Online dating is a totally new animal for me, and I always thought that people were inherently good and not interested in manipulating others. But unfortunately there are a lot of bad ones out there. And even setting aside the bad ones, there are a lot of confused ones out there! So you could end up getting hurt by someone who means well but just ends up not knowing what they want. So I think it helps to wait a while and make 100% (or 99%) sure that you're on the same page.
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Old 10-26-2012, 12:50 PM   #1998
 
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U can pm me Coco. I got surgery today so when I'm home....I'll just be laying around for a week...lol
Did it go OK, GoddessCurls? I hope you're recovering well!
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Old 10-26-2012, 01:17 PM   #1999
 
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U can pm me Coco. I got surgery today so when I'm home....I'll just be laying around for a week...lol
Hope everything went well and wishing you a speedy recovery Goddess!
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:27 PM   #2000
 
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What I was saying is... For me I don't even think its "the guy" it's just one more disappointment. It's kinda what the guy/potential, represents. For me...I am an only child, most in my family are dead and I feel utterly alone. I do want a relationship and it feels like I reach for it, whether online, in person, whatever and when it doesn't work out it seems to prove to me that I'm wasting my time giving people the benefit of the doubt and that I actually am supposed to live and die alone. So that's how it feels for me. Also even when it has nothing to do with love, like today for example...a friend offered to take me to the hospital so I didn't have to. So... When he slept thru an alarm...leaving me too late to call a cab...I was upset...things like that Just kinda reinforce my feelings that I have to do everything myself and can't count on anyone...
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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