The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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He is a douch

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He's lying. He just wants to date younger women and is too much of an asshat to just come out and admit it.

I saw tons of those kinds of guys when I was in my 30s and online dating. They are a dime a dozen.

Also, if he doesn't have his age preference stated clearly, then he is a total douche who just likes to rub it in. Ass.
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I know, right? That's what I was thinking. Either that or he just wasn't interested and thought diagnosing my fertility would be a softer rejection than saying he wasn't into me.

I kind of pity men who can't handle women their age. It's pathetic. I hope he finds the 20-year old womb of his dreams!

Anyway, I guess that just means I'll have to settle for younger guys! I happen to have a date with a guy 6 years younger than me tomorrow, so we'll see...
In search of a lost signature...
"Womb of his dreams" made me laugh!
Ursula - he sounds like a douche.

I actually deleted my OkC profile. I've done online dating before and I actually met my last boyfriend from POF. But I never liked it. I feel that the type of man I'm looking for is probably not online. So now I am making an effort of getting out there. I'm going to try speed dating and being more social, especially since I don't have too many outgoing friends. I'll let you know how it goes.

I may consider doing match, but I didn't see too many men who I found physically attractive on there.
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Hang in there, ladies! I met my SO on OKC. We've been together for nearly 6 months now. He is an amazing, loving man and it's the best relationship I've ever had.

I went through periods of hiding my profile - I found it difficult to deal with the lack of accountability and people behaving like a$$hats just because the internet is anonymous. But I stuck it out and I'm very glad I did
Against my better judgment, I replied to him with something snarky. He said he didn't mean it like that and he hoped I wasn't offended. Then he said he was still interested and that's why he didn't reply right away. I don't know, I guess my age confused him? Because he shouldn't be interested in old ladies, maybe? Anyway, apparently my sarcastic response made him feel stupid so at least--I hope--I made him feel ashamed of himself.

The guy from last night seems great so far and I hope I end up going out with him again. But that too doesn't seem to have long-term potential, unfortunately...

I'm glad you had success with OKC, divegirl! I plan to keep at it with online dating because I don't see any other option.

I am this-close to joining Match, though. I'm debating getting a subscription in the new year. I had the same experience as multicultcurly: I signed up so I could look at the profiles without filling out a profile myself and it was really disheartening. I know that when you don't fill out a profile, all of the matches are randoms, so there's a lower chance of coming across someone who seems compatible, but the overall attractiveness was...wow. And then match sent me an email of potential matches and it was literally the saddest, most unattractive group of men I had seen in a while. How does something like that happen? Statistically, shouldn't they at least be average? But then the last couple of emails have been full of good looking men, so I don't know what to think.
In search of a lost signature...
I joined Match & POF once, because family & friends were giving me such a hard time about being single and not dating. They also told me that I wouldn't find Mr Right in a night club. (I was dancing every weekend)

The men on these sites, in my age bracket, were really bad. I didn't find anyone I wanted to even meet for coffee. It was very discouraging. Luckily I didn't have any creeps contacting me. AND I did meet Mr Right in a night club.
I joined Match & POF once, because family & friends were giving me such a hard time about being single and not dating. They also told me that I wouldn't find Mr Right in a night club. (I was dancing every weekend)

The men on these sites, in my age bracket, were really bad. I didn't find anyone I wanted to even meet for coffee. It was very discouraging. Luckily I didn't have any creeps contacting me. AND I did meet Mr Right in a night club.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
I almost joined match once when I was bored. Ive been open to online dating for whenever I wanted to meet someone but haven't needed to yet(mainly because I'm not looking).

I met my ex at a club, current guy at a bar. It's natural since I go at least once a week and that is where you meet people even though I wasn't looking. Ive been going for years(almost 10 years 1-3 times a week) and only met 2..obviously the ex wasn't the one, not sure about current guy but it's going alright now.

I don't think it matters how you meet people, but the online route is harder because you have to make the extra effort for each person just to see them to see if any initial chemistry is there.
Ursula - he sounds like a douche.

I actually deleted my OkC profile. I've done online dating before and I actually met my last boyfriend from POF. But I never liked it. I feel that the type of man I'm looking for is probably not online. So now I am making an effort of getting out there. I'm going to try speed dating and being more social, especially since I don't have too many outgoing friends. I'll let you know how it goes.

I may consider doing match, but I didn't see too many men who I found physically attractive on there.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
GOOD FOR YOU! I feel the same way although there are 'plenty of fish in the sea' very few are good catch. Cyber world is way to risky and dangerous for my own liking. I too decided to do it the good ole fashion way. I think if i ever met a guy online there would always be doubts in the back of my head.
Out of curiosity i searched female profiles once and its amazing what i had to compete with. These woman were so desperate and thirsty. They had half naked pix up and were doing all kinds of sexual things on some. I mean at the end of the day men will be men. The most action a guy will get from my pic is prob leg action if i have a pic of me in a cocktail dress.
Of course there are some men who are completely turn off by these profiles but majority get a kick out of it. Very few people on POF actually want a relationship.
No thanks


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hair type: 4a VERY dense

hair goal
= WL Aug. 23, 2013

My hair LOVES oil

2. "Being natural must be the new crack cus im hooked!!"

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is
perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

www.fotki.com/dee-nature-619

I've been doing OK Cupid for the past year, and I think one of my New Year's resolutions will be to delete that account and focus on real-world interactions. I don't have any true horror stories, just a lot of little frustrations. Awkward people, unattractive people (sorry), complete flakes. The most recent being a guy who works in my field and knows several people I know. We had a lot of fun for a month, then he vanished. I still fight the urge to get in a final word, to let him know that vanishing is a douche move in general but really effing stupid when we are bound to run into each other through work or mutual friends.

I live in DC, so it's not like it's hard to meet people just going about my day. In fact, it's so easy to meet people -- and there are soooo many amazing single women here -- that I was really resistant to online dating for a long time. Because why would any guy who is reasonably attractive, intelligent, and interesting have to resort to the interwebs when there are myriad options on every street? It's not like we're in West BFE.

I talked myself into thinking that hey, I'm awesome and still single, so maybe guys just aren't meeting the right people in real life. It's harder for us introverts, after all. But after a year of OKC, I believe more strongly than ever that the guys (in the DC area at least) who are dating online really are there because they FAIL at life. Some look great on paper but are extremely off-putting in person, so it's no wonder they struggle to meet women. Some have unreasonable expectations. Some are simply trying to play as many women as possible.

I prefer to meet someone within a few messages, and I refuse to talk on the phone ahead of time. I HATE talking on the phone, even with my own friends, so there is no way I can gauge chemistry with a disembodied voice. I base my interest in a guy on his profile + messages -- do we have a similar worldview and sense of humor? After that, the only way to figure out if it's a match is in person. If he doesn't have time to meet for a drink within a week or two, then he doesn't have time to date me.

I've been on a LOT of dates this year. I'm tired.
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I know exactly how you feel, Anthro. I'm tired, too. I just took stock: in the past year, I have been out with (as far as I can remember--I may be forgetting people) 34 men. Most were just one or two dates, but four were one-month "relationships" and one was a two-month one. None of these were exclusive. I'm extremely frustrated. I just had a second date with someone last night and I can already tell that it's not going to go anywhere.

I wish I could meet people in real life. I just don't know how people do it. I live in a city but I honestly can't think of a time when I've ever met a man who then asked me on a date. Ever!

As for online dating sites being a repository for men who fail at life, yes, I mostly agree. But don't most people "on the outside" also fail at life? There are men who are off-putting and are players and have unreasonable expectations at the club, too.

For those of you who are trying to meet (or have met) people in real life, do you have suggestions? I don't go clubbing, and even though I go to bars often I have never met a man at one. Maybe I'm not sending out the right signals?
In search of a lost signature...
My best advice is to do an activity that you like where men would be included. I am an extrovert but also shy. Most of my friends who go out with me don't like crowds or people so that makes it hard to go to parties or clubs (even meetup ones) because I don't feel comfortable going alone. However, playing a sport (dodgeball, volleyball, softball), dancing salsa or swing, joining a committee for a professional organization or a cause you believe in, for instance, allows me to feel comfortable because I am forced to interact others. Plus I am having fun, which makes me more approachable and likelier to meet people.
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^ To that end, try doing meetups. meetup.com

I'm not looking to date, but if I were that's how I would meet people. I'm actually going to a qigong class tomorrow through meetup.com.

I can empathize with so many talking about deleting or closing their PoF/OKC/whatever account. I did that so many times, only to start again with it later. It goes with the territory, I suppose. All I can say is I'm really glad I kept going back to it.
For those of you who are trying to meet (or have met) people in real life, do you have suggestions? I don't go clubbing, and even though I go to bars often I have never met a man at one. Maybe I'm not sending out the right signals?
Originally Posted by ursula
Usually, through friends...

I've dated: a friend's brother (met at wedding), a friend of my bestie's boyfriend (met on vacation!), a coworker of a friend (met at a party), a classmate.

I actually met my current boyfriend through work, though. I don't know if I'd recommend it. It's not for the faint of heart!

ETA: I've never met a guy looking for a relationship in a bar or club either.
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
For those of you who are trying to meet (or have met) people in real life, do you have suggestions? I don't go clubbing, and even though I go to bars often I have never met a man at one. Maybe I'm not sending out the right signals?
Originally Posted by ursula
I don't think there is any formula, but these are my personal observations:

- the better you look, the better the odds. Not saying you have to be model gorgeous but you need to make the most of what you have. Some women look like they just don't care about their appearance at all and that is a turn off to many men. Hair, clothing, weight, posture, nails, and more all factor in.

- like attracts like. Not always but often. When you are unhappy and stressed and all confused about something, you're not going to draw happy, well-adjusted people to you. Even if you are OK, always try to improve.

- really think about the circles you travel in. Are there opportunities to meet men? Do you just drive to work, drive to your female-only gym, drive home and talk to your mom and gfs on the phone? You can't force a connection but you stretch your physical comfort zone to include more meeting places (not necesarily male-oriented places but new and different places...can be any kind of place, just not the one you've been to 100 times before).

- are you friendly? When meeting in person, the guy sees you and sizes up your looks in the first 2 seconds. After that, your looks are a moot point. You need something else. You can be some random dime who has no distinguishable personality (or worse: who looks stuck up and unapproachable)...or the dime who was crazy cool and funny and made him feel like the he was the only guy in the room.
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Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 12-17-2012 at 09:46 AM.
- really think about the circles you travel in. Are there opportunities to meet men? Do you just drive to work, drive to your female-only gym, drive home and talk to your mom and gfs on the phone? You can't force a connection but you stretch your physical comfort zone to include more meeting places (not necesarily male-oriented places but new and different places...can be any kind of place, just not the one you've been to 100 times before).

That's awesome advice spider. I have friends who complain about not meeting anyone. I always tell them unless its the delivery man, you wont find anyone.

I also have a cousin who doesnt know why to cant meet a decent man. it doesnt sink it that the last three men she went on a "date" with, she met at a place that is known as a hang out spot for lazy no good men. the last one told her, "i dont feel men should have to pay child support. i didnt make none of my babies' mama's have them kids. that was their choice!". The one before that, showed up high as a kite and could barely stand. she doesnt even know if he realized she left him standing there talking to himself. He could still be on the corner where she left him.
For those of you who are trying to meet (or have met) people in real life, do you have suggestions? I don't go clubbing, and even though I go to bars often I have never met a man at one. Maybe I'm not sending out the right signals?
Originally Posted by ursula
I don't think there is any formula, but these are my personal observations:

- the better you look, the better the odds. Not saying you have to be model gorgeous but you need to make the most of what you have. Some women look like they just don't care about their appearance at all and that is a turn off to many men. Hair, clothing, weight, posture, nails, and more all factor in.

- like attracts like. Not always but often. When you are unhappy and stressed and all confused about something, you're not going to draw happy, well-adjusted people to you. Even if you are OK, always try to improve.

- really think about the circles you travel in. Are there opportunities to meet men? Do you just drive to work, drive to your female-only gym, drive home and talk to your mom and gfs on the phone? You can't force a connection but you stretch your physical comfort zone to include more meeting places (not necesarily male-oriented places but new and different places...can be any kind of place, just not the one you've been to 100 times before).

- are you friendly? When meeting in person, the guy sees you and sizes up your looks in the first 2 seconds. After that, your looks are a moot point. You need something else. You can be some random dime who has no distinguishable personality (or worse: who looks stuck up and unapproachable)...or the dime who was crazy cool and funny and made him feel like the he was the only guy in the room.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I agree with all this. I've met guys through friends. Not always at a bar or club or at their apartment or house(bbqs, pool parties, etc). The more you go to events where there will be other people, the higher your chances. I also met a few guys from work. I only dated one after he left the job and talked to another after I left.

Meetup is also a good source, one of my friends has met guys through meetup and another through volunteer type programs. I've also met some people at the gym(by doing personal training) that I could meet other people through if I wanted to.
I love all the advice. Thanks to everyone. What spiderlashes said especially made me think. I'm resistant to that much introspection, but according to the things on her list it makes sense why I never meet anyone.

1. I'm not friendly. I'm shy and stuck up (I have to admit that it's true).

2. I think I make the most of my looks (well, I do what I can...) but men tend to only think I look sexy and/or cute. I don't think the sort of guy I'm interested in thinks of me as relationship material. I also don't think it would come naturally to me to look really polished with nails done, hair done, everything did. I'm not that sort of girl. But I'm also not the sporty/natural/hiking sort of girl.

I'm realizing also that part of my problem is that I have no friends. Hence no events to go to and hence no one to introduce me to anyone. I looked into meetup since so many people here suggested it but...

Maybe I should just look into whether the delivery man is single...

Sorry for the crankiness. It's been a rough few days.
In search of a lost signature...
I love all the advice. Thanks to everyone. What spiderlashes said especially made me think. I'm resistant to that much introspection, but according to the things on her list it makes sense why I never meet anyone.

1. I'm not friendly. I'm shy and stuck up (I have to admit that it's true).

2. I think I make the most of my looks (well, I do what I can...) but men tend to only think I look sexy and/or cute. I don't think the sort of guy I'm interested in thinks of me as relationship material. I also don't think it would come naturally to me to look really polished with nails done, hair done, everything did. I'm not that sort of girl. But I'm also not the sporty/natural/hiking sort of girl.

I'm realizing also that part of my problem is that I have no friends. Hence no events to go to and hence no one to introduce me to anyone. I looked into meetup since so many people here suggested it but...

Maybe I should just look into whether the delivery man is single...

Sorry for the crankiness. It's been a rough few days.
Originally Posted by ursula

Not sure what the bold black and red comments mean. Sexy and cute are great, especially if you have been described both ways.

Why aren't you relationship material?

As far as the blue, you should be yourself (whatever that is), but just do it WELL! LOL

Having lots of friends does help. But you can meet men doing solo activities. And they don't have to be "social" activities. Just car-related , for instance, and solo, I've met men, car shopping, getting my oil changed, waiting for a car repair and asking for help at Advance Auto Parts (damsel in distress I guess LOL).

A good friend (who is an older woman) always says when you want to meet a man "get dressed and get in the way."
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