This is such a great summary. I think in terms of looks, it doesn't meet getting all dolled up all the time, especially if that's not who you are. But it does mean putting in an effort. Maybe your nails aren't bright red, or acrylic tips, but make sure they're neatly filed and buffed, for example. Your clothes should fit, and emphasize your shape and your best assets. If you're a "tshirt and jeans" girl, make sure they fit great, and aren't hiding your curves under a big T, or giving you a muffing top, or make you look like you haven't shopped since you were 15.I don't think there is any formula, but these are my personal observations:For those of you who are trying to meet (or have met) people in real life, do you have suggestions? I don't go clubbing, and even though I go to bars often I have never met a man at one. Maybe I'm not sending out the right signals?
- the better you look, the better the odds. Not saying you have to be model gorgeous but you need to make the most of what you have. Some women look like they just don't care about their appearance at all and that is a turn off to many men. Hair, clothing, weight, posture, nails, and more all factor in.
- like attracts like. Not always but often. When you are unhappy and stressed and all confused about something, you're not going to draw happy, well-adjusted people to you. Even if you are OK, always try to improve.
- really think about the circles you travel in. Are there opportunities to meet men? Do you just drive to work, drive to your female-only gym, drive home and talk to your mom and gfs on the phone? You can't force a connection but you stretch your physical comfort zone to include more meeting places (not necesarily male-oriented places but new and different places...can be any kind of place, just not the one you've been to 100 times before).
- are you friendly? When meeting in person, the guy sees you and sizes up your looks in the first 2 seconds. After that, your looks are a moot point. You need something else. You can be some random dime who has no distinguishable personality (or worse: who looks stuck up and unapproachable)...or the dime who was crazy cool and funny and made him feel like the he was the only guy in the room.
If you know you're not friendly "i.e. I'm not friendly. I'm shy and stuck up" then you need to learn how to be friendly...or at least come across that way. Fake it until you make it. Practice smiling at people and saying hello. It won't kill you. I'm not telling you to be an extrovert, but there are a LOT of ways an introvert can be friendly, warm, and welcoming.
Even someone with a ton of friends might have the same issues, if their friends aren't having parties and inviting people that you don't already know. It's all about finding opportunities to meet people. Some people have the personality to meet someone in a bookstore. I don't. I can't just start a conversation with someone like that! But if you're in a class with someone, or participating in something together, it's so much easier to say "Hi, I'm Jane. This is my first class here. Have you taken any others?". And then you will see the person every week until the class is over. (And by class, it could be something at the gym, or at an adult ed. group, or a participating in a volunteer opportunity, or a running club, etc.).
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"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON