The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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Lol at xxx4u

I'm not doing much of dating except with my ex, which isn't so great. He is an awesome guy, but I'm ready for someone who is ready for marriage. My ex and I have gone out for almost four years, yet he didn't feel comfortable moving in with me. I know he sees himself marrying me, but in two to three years.

I think I'm just burnt out and ready to find the one. It shouldn't take more than two years of dating to move to the next step once you're older than 25, but that could just be me. :-)

I haven't done speed dating. I am waiting for the 30 and older event. The one available to me now is ages 23-39. Honestly, i don't want to bother with anyone younger than 30.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Yeah, I ran into the same problem with the speed dating events I looked into. The age ranges would have included men in their early 20s and the idea of having a mini-date with a 23 yo was laughable to me.

I feel you on the burnt out thing. I had fun dating around at first but now I'm ready to get serious. I'm getting tired of constantly meeting new people and starting all over again and again.

And on that note: do you guys think it's inappropriate to say on a date that you're looking for something that will lead to marriage? Or to ask if he's looking for that? If you think it's inappropriate on the first date (as I imagine most people do), at which date would you consider it OK?
Originally Posted by ursula
Honestly, I think it is the assumption of most men that any never-married, childless woman wants to be married. I don't think it is something that needs to be discussed at length. But I think in an online dating/speed dating/personals dating/matchmaking situation, it makes perfect sense to briefly ask the guy, before you meet or on the first date in the getting-to-know-you phase, what he's looking for out of this.

But don't expect these gys to always be honest or even know, themselves. And just bc they say they are open to marriage, that isn't an assurance they are open to it with you.

Just take any "yes" response with a grain of salt. And believe a "no" response! LOL

Personally, I would not ask a man after a month "where is this relationship heading?"

I woud hate to be asked that!

How would he know after a month??

And you can guage it pretty well by his behavior.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 03-01-2013 at 08:46 AM.
it must be impending spring fever or something, but my mail on PoF has exploded over the past 10 days with about a dozen new contacts.

one of them got to delete and block in 3 hours flat. after a couple of exchanges of emails, i was reading the forums and every 5 minutes, he would send me *another* "hello, do you want to chat?" message.



then there's the one in NYC who decided that i was "The One" after 3 days of messages and when i nicely said that i'm not doing long-distance anything ever again and i won't move from Canada vanished into thin air.



oh yeah, you can tell that someone is The One when you haven't met face to face.... *snork*

and the usual assortment of too far away and can't sustain a "conversation" online for more than a few minutes...

*sigh*
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
So I'm on Match.com now. I have a meet up with a man tonite. We talked for a while last night and he seems "normal." He's a couple of years younger than me. He was in law enforcement for 28 years and is now retired. He owns a big log cabin in MIchigan and comes out here for the Winters. He has a daughter living here. He has 4 daughters and 5 grandchildren. I'm not expecting much, so I won't be disappointed. I'm nervous, but excited to get back out there. I winked at another man this morning. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I've had some men like or wink at me. Should I respond back that I'm not interested or just ignore them? I don't want to be rude, but responding could get time consuming.
So I'm on Match.com now. I have a meet up with a man tonite. We talked for a while last night and he seems "normal." He's a couple of years younger than me. He was in law enforcement for 28 years and is now retired. He owns a big log cabin in MIchigan and comes out here for the Winters. He has a daughter living here. He has 4 daughters and 5 grandchildren. I'm not expecting much, so I won't be disappointed. I'm nervous, but excited to get back out there. I winked at another man this morning. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I've had some men like or wink at me. Should I respond back that I'm not interested or just ignore them? I don't want to be rude, but responding could get time consuming.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves

I don't respond unless they are very persistent.

Wow, you got back on that horse pretty quickly. Have fun!
multicultcurly likes this.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

It's been a month and I've been pretty miserable. I'm tired of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Jim texted me a few minutes ago and we may meet for Mass next Sunday. No strings attached. We both are missing each other, but neither of us are sure if we should ever get back together. We know we don't want to lose our friendship. I think if anything it will help to give me some closure.
So last night was a bust. He was nice, but not at all my type. He looked a little like his pics, but I don't think I would have recognized him so it was good I got there 1st and he approached me when I walked in. The worse thing was his teeth. I work in a dental office, so that's important to me.

Oh well, I now have a 69 year old who wants to meet. I hadn't thought of dating someone that age but his pics are nice and I like his profile. I'm going to take a chance. This is actually kind of fun.

I got an email from a man this morning who told me that he thought I was very attractive, but he wasn't into brunettes. He asked if I would introduce him to the blonde woman standing behind me in one of my pics. I had to laugh. At least he was honest. I had to break the news to him that she is married.
spiderlashes5000 likes this.
...
I got an email from a man this morning who told me that he thought I was very attractive, but he wasn't into brunettes. He asked if I would introduce him to the blonde woman standing behind me in one of my pics. I had to laugh. At least he was honest. I had to break the news to him that she is married.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
I will never cease to be amazed by the way some people conduct themselves online.
In search of a lost signature...
Honestly, I think it is the assumption of most men that any never-married, childless woman wants to be married. I don't think it is something that needs to be discussed at length. But I think in an online dating/speed dating/personals dating/matchmaking situation, it makes perfect sense to briefly ask the guy, before you meet or on the first date in the getting-to-know-you phase, what he's looking for out of this.

But don't expect these gys to always be honest or even know, themselves. And just bc they say they are open to marriage, that isn't an assurance they are open to it with you.

Just take any "yes" response with a grain of salt. And believe a "no" response! LOL

Personally, I would not ask a man after a month "where is this relationship heading?"

I woud hate to be asked that!

How would he know after a month??

And you can guage it pretty well by his behavior.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
That's just it. I am bad at reading people. I don't know what his behavior is telling me.

Some background: I have been out with him 4 times now in the last couple of weeks (and continuing to date other people). On his OKC profile he only checked "new friends" as what he was looking for. I was on the fence about whether I should even reply to his message, but I'm glad I did, because we get along well.

I've been nervous about bringing up relationship stuff, for some reason. But during the last couple of dates he tried to invite me over or invite himself over to my place so I finally asked point blank what he was looking for, because I'm not looking for something casual. He said he wasn't either. He said he was actually nervous because he thought this could turn into something. I'm so gun shy after a year of dating yuckiness that I was thinking, That sounds like a line. I can't tell whether I should believe him. I think it's sad at my age not to be able to tell. But it's also sad to think that a man my age would lie about that. I used to think it was frat-boy kind of behavior, but based on my experiences in the last year, I now know that 30- and 40-somethings are no better.

So when you (spiderlashes) say "believe a 'no' response," I'm like, is checking off "new friends" a sort of preemptive "no" response? Does that trump what he said in person about looking for something serious?
In search of a lost signature...
Honestly, I think it is the assumption of most men that any never-married, childless woman wants to be married. I don't think it is something that needs to be discussed at length. But I think in an online dating/speed dating/personals dating/matchmaking situation, it makes perfect sense to briefly ask the guy, before you meet or on the first date in the getting-to-know-you phase, what he's looking for out of this.

But don't expect these gys to always be honest or even know, themselves. And just bc they say they are open to marriage, that isn't an assurance they are open to it with you.

Just take any "yes" response with a grain of salt. And believe a "no" response! LOL

Personally, I would not ask a man after a month "where is this relationship heading?"

I woud hate to be asked that!

How would he know after a month??

And you can guage it pretty well by his behavior.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
That's just it. I am bad at reading people. I don't know what his behavior is telling me.

Some background: I have been out with him 4 times now in the last couple of weeks (and continuing to date other people). On his OKC profile he only checked "new friends" as what he was looking for. I was on the fence about whether I should even reply to his message, but I'm glad I did, because we get along well.

I've been nervous about bringing up relationship stuff, for some reason. But during the last couple of dates he tried to invite me over or invite himself over to my place so I finally asked point blank what he was looking for, because I'm not looking for something casual. He said he wasn't either. He said he was actually nervous because he thought this could turn into something. I'm so gun shy after a year of dating yuckiness that I was thinking, That sounds like a line. I can't tell whether I should believe him. I think it's sad at my age not to be able to tell. But it's also sad to think that a man my age would lie about that. I used to think it was frat-boy kind of behavior, but based on my experiences in the last year, I now know that 30- and 40-somethings are no better.

So when you (spiderlashes) say "believe a 'no' response," I'm like, is checking off "new friends" a sort of preemptive "no" response? Does that trump what he said in person about looking for something serious?
Originally Posted by ursula

I'm actually a little shaken too bc for the FIRST time in my life, a guy I was happily dating, pulled a disappearing act on me. (Aformentioned awesome guy above who got promoted and I took out to dinner.) So I am now questioning my guy intuition which is usually good.

But my track record is still really good so.......I will offer my two cents.

The fact he checked the option of just wanting to meet friends doesn't exactly instill a lot of confidence here. But PAY ATTN TO WHAT HE DOES, not what he says.

And it takes time to observe a person's behavior and figure out what is BS meant to make you think he's a good guy versus what he truly is like.

If you know you get attached quickly after sex, don't sleep with him or whatever it is that gets you prematurely attached, don't do it.

Did you ask him why he said he just wants to meet friends? What did he say?

I met a guy online who said he's just looking for "pen pals" (similar), and when I asked, he said it was to avoid being targetted by those beautiful Ghanian "women" looking for money. OK, fair enough. But 11 months of dating later, I realized, he would have been better off with a pen pal!

With your guy, i would simply explain, very clearly but pleasantly and unemotionally, that his listed dating goal (ie, to make friends) concerns you bc you are looking for someone who also has a goal of committing to an exclusive relationship after a couple of months of dating. And if he doesn't have that same goal, you would still LOVE to kick it w/ him as friends, no harm no foul, but he needs to let you know so the two of you aren't butting heads."

If he assures you he has the same goal, you should just hang back and let him show you (and continue meeting other guys until he tells you he is ready to commit).
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 03-06-2013 at 12:20 PM.
You're so wise, spiderlashes! I didn't straight up ask why he put "new friends," but he knew where I was going with it, because he basically said he was approaching OKC without expectations, to see if it would lead anywhere. He says his goals are the same as mine.

I'm sorry about the disappearing act. I've been there.
In search of a lost signature...
*sigh*

the handsomest man i've ever met through PoF, who is also quite sweet, has turned out to be a nutbar!

My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
OMG!

the only explanation for what's going on with me is spring fever - because a fat, middle-aged woman shouldn't have FOUR prospects.

of course, two of them have issues around them; i am pretty sure that one of them is married - you know how you just get a feeling? and the other is 44 and lives near where i grew up in Toronto - almost 2 hours away.

the other two? i met one 3.5 years ago when he was newly divorced and WAY too fragile to be dating again. he was very sweet (as i said above - yes, it's the one who seems to a nutter) but we've kept in touch and now he wants to see me again (which is why i think he's a nutter, but that's a story for another time). the other i met 2.5 years ago, but he has since lost his job and has had to go out to western Canada for months at a stretch.

these two have recently confessed that i'm the person they think about and want in their lives.

huh????



both of these men are *really* good-looking, the kind of men who *never* go out with women who look like me.

i don't get it!
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
At the one month mark with a new man, which is the point when it usually all goes to ****. Sigh. Wish me luck...

There's another man who wants to see me again (it would be our 3rd date). Even though the one-month man & I have talked vaguely about what we're looking for, we haven't really declared ourselves a couple.

I don't know if it would be healthy or unhealthy to see the 3rd date guy. Since I kissed him on our last date, he'd probably try to kiss me again, and I think I'd feel uncomfortable with that. Plus, even though I like hanging out with him, he's a little strong with the sexually charged comments to the point of seeming sleazy. I think if he looked the part of the ladies' man I'd be especially turned off by it, but I might be giving him a pass because he's a nerdy computer type.

I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's my own fear of commitment that's making me even consider going out with 3rd date guy again, or if it's a self-protective thing because I'm worried one-month guy isn't serious.

I guess this is more an "Internet Dating Diary" entry than a post that someone can easily reply to!
In search of a lost signature...
I'm getting so many emails from much younger men. 20's, 30's, 40's. Why would younger men want to go out with an older woman unless they think she will be easier to get into the sack.
^^^that's what they think - that you're SOOOOOO desperate for attention that you'll put out!

can't you set age limits on Match?
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
I'm getting so many emails from much younger men. 20's, 30's, 40's. Why would younger men want to go out with an older woman unless they think she will be easier to get into the sack.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
They could also assume you have $$$
rouquinne likes this.
"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.
It's POF. I put in that I am searching for men 55 to 62. I'm also getting 70 & 80 year olds occasionally. I just got an email from a 34 yr old just wanting to date. Seriously??? My profile says I'm looking for a committed relationship. I've got 6 of these little whipper snappers emailng me.

There is one who is 13 years younger. If he looks anything like his pic I'd be tempted to meet him out. He's so my type physically. We've talked on the phone a couple of times and I like his voice. He seems nice, but you never know. If anything this site is comic relief for me.
on PoF you can set your age range so that doesn't happen.
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
I thought I did....I'll recheck it. Thx.

I'm beginning to feel like Mae West.
multicultcurly likes this.
omg, i know this is going to sound bad, but i am so SQUICKED right now!

there is a man whining on the PoF forums about my age range! he thinks we would be a good match.

he is 85 years old!



the phrase "no way in hell" keeps going through my mind...
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!

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