The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread - Page 40

curlybran · 02-25-2012, 03:26 PM

I know exactly how you feel!!!! On both parts of it, wanting to be in love and having a health relationship and sabotaging myself!!!! It sucks! But u also don't want to settle bc ull never truly be happy if u settle.

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curlybran · 02-25-2012, 03:29 PM

It always makes me feel like there is something wrong with me bc its like this always happens, everything will be going good and moving along then all of a sudden everything is different.... Like he lost interest or they just stop talking... Idk what to do

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envgirl · 02-25-2012, 03:39 PM

So, I went on a date with someone last night. I really had a great time, it lasted 6 hours! We'll see how things go, I have no expectations at this point and I have a few prospects online that I havent met yet.
I think its really easy to have your feelings hurt with this things because we're being judged but I guess you just have to keep in mind while someone is beautiful to one person to someone else the attraction isnt there. Just a thought at something to keep inmind when things get hard.

Curlybran, men can lose interest after a year or 2, I know because it happened to me, and that was pain I wouldnt wish on anyone. So after that, I'd rather they show that side to them and disappear now before I invest completely in a relationship.

GoddessCurls · 02-25-2012, 06:15 PM

So I went on a date with Dimples tonight...wasn't expecting it but we were both free. He was so damn cute!!! So sweet...what a nice guy. I am hopeful. He's 36 do he seems to be mature enuff. Military man...got his stuff together...do damn cute!! We got along really well. Can't wait to see where this goes!

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secret_karma · 02-26-2012, 01:21 AM

I went on a 2nd date with a guy I met on pof. We've been talking for months though. He wants to get married like NOW! But then I have another guy that I'm digging, known him for a year. I really want to be married and have a family and so does pof guy. He's so nice but I'm just not excited about him and I don't know why. I think I have a bad boy complex and I'm sabotaging myself

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anonymous_103081 · 02-26-2012, 07:59 AM

There have been two boys that have asked me out...I'm like you're 20!!!! I'm 28 for crying out loud! NO. I don't get that seeing how my profile says I'm looking for MEN ages 28 to 35!! I love how you can tell who doesn't read your profile....

Then I had a guy message me who I wasn't interested in,so I didn't reply. He messaged me again saying he saw I looked at his profile, and didn't respond. I almost have to laugh because it's like yeah obviously I'm not interested!!

Then I was texting one guy and he asked for a picture for his phone. Absolutely not.

GoddessCurls · 02-26-2012, 09:04 AM

Well...I must say...I always ask for a pic for my phone...lol I have contact pics of everyone. Not nasty pics, just face shots...

U can also set ur age preference I think, where guys can't message u if they r not in ur preferred range.

And the bad boy thing...yeah...I get it...but it really is going nowhere. I can still find them attractive but I think as I've gotten older I go for the nice guy.

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anonymous_103081 · 02-26-2012, 09:10 AM

I guess I'm just super cautious and somewhat paranoid. I guess because I'd only been chatting with the guy for two days I found it too much to be asking for a pic.

I've had my share of bad boys so I'm actually quite turned off by them now. I'm most drawn to the stereotypical "nerd" who studies a lot, and is really intellectual but with enough of an edge that they're not boring.

I have a feeling I'll be on this dating site for a while before I even find someone I'd like to actually set up a date with:/

anonymous_103081 · 02-26-2012, 09:12 AM

Do any of you ever feel like you're too picky?

GoddessCurls · 02-26-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoCoLoCks

Do any of you ever feel like you're too picky?

I do feel that way a lot. I like what I like...the bad thing about online for me is that u see still pictures of the person only. They may not be my physical type so I don't waste my time but had I met them in person first...they could have that something that makes them attractive. People look different animated. I've met guys in person that were not my type but something about them made me like them. I just worry if I take a chance on a guy not my type...then meet him and it's not working for me...I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.

The bad boy thing...they r physically sexy...but when they open their mouth and can't speak intelligently ...it's a wrap! Lol

My being so damn picky is why I'm still single...I know it..lol

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GoddessCurls · 02-26-2012, 10:09 AM

And the pic thing...the pics I send r the same ones I have on my FB page...so anyone could take them or see them

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anonymous_103081 · 02-26-2012, 10:37 AM

I think I'm more picky than most, mainly because I have kids and I really don't want to bring someone into my life that will have negative influence on them. But also because my standards have been low my whole life and all it resulted in was bad relationships.

I also think having higher standards automatically weeds out the douchebags by default.

And the pic thing,I think it's just a matter of not knowing the guy and knowing he has a pic of me. I don't have a fb so it's just weird to me I guess.

GoddessCurls · 02-26-2012, 11:04 AM

Well...yeah....if u don't have an FB than I can see it maybe being weird

One thing I'd like to weed out would be those with kids or those who want them..I mean I don't have them..and don't want them so a guy who wants them eventually is just wasting my time. I'm not changing my mind no matter how much people tell me I will...and I have resolved myself to dating fathers if I meet one I really like cause it seems so damn hard to find a dude without kids.

The dude I saw last night doesn't have any and doesn't want them...do that's promising

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GoddessCurls · 02-26-2012, 05:16 PM

So Dimples from last night called...he seems really sweet...I'm hopeful

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CanItBeChristine · 02-26-2012, 05:21 PM

So, if I meet a guy from OKCupid and my very protective best guy friend (who is also pretty darn amazing and gorgeous in his own right) comes and sits on the other side of the coffeeshop to keep an eye on things........................................

Is that a romantic comedy waiting to happen and should I just decide to fall in love with my best guy friend now?

loremipsum · 02-26-2012, 05:22 PM

This is apropos a nothing. Just need a forum full of strangers to vent.

So a while back I took down my profile. I was just disgusted at the kind of guys who messaged me, and it was filling me with horror and despair. I'm about to turn 28 and I end up with all these nasty old men who were practically my dad's age thinking that for some reason, I would have any interest at all in having a relationship with them. Guys my age weren't so great either. I was just getting fed up.

But then one day I spotted a profile I really liked. I loved everything about it, including his profile picture, which was definitely one of the most attractive pictures I have ever found on this site. I didn't have time to put mine back up, but I wrote him a message, and to my surprise he wrote back--even though there was no information at all about me on my profile.

Unfortunately he lived kind of far (DC area--I live in NYC). But he expressed an interest in living in NY, and there was no good reason to just stop talking. We had spoken nearly every day for about a month before meeting. In that time, I felt like he was everything I could have hoped for and he seemed to feel similarly. Suddenly 4 hours didn't seem so far away. I was feeling really good about things.

He would often ask me for pictures, and I would oblige (just regular pictures, nothing skeezy). But when I'd ask him to respond in kind, he sometimes seemed reluctant. One time he sent me a picture with his face half covered by his cat. Another time he asked if it was okay if they were old. I said it was fine, thinking maybe he just couldn't be bothered taking new ones. When he did send over recent ones, they all seemed to be taken from the same angle.

So I finally met him yesterday, and it was a bit of a disaster. He looked nothing like his pictures. He had gained a significant amount of weight. I had such a clear mental image of how he would look that when I first saw him, it totally sideswiped me. It took a few seconds to realize it was him. I'm sure my surprise and discomfort showed on my face, and it ended up coloring the whole experience. I thought I knew exactly how I would interact with him, and suddenly I felt like I couldn't. I won't lie: I do find being overweight unattractive--but that wasn't even the main issue. The main problem was that I felt sort of cheated. Like if he had just told me he had packed on a few pounds, I still would have been willing to meet him and at least then it wouldn't have caught me off guard like that. Maybe we could have talked about it because he clearly isn't happy about it. I was so weirded out that I just couldn't get comfortable. I was texting friends, asking for advice, but pretending they were coworkers so he wouldn't think I was hopelessly rude.

I ended up ducking out early because the awkwardness was just getting unbearable, and I needed time to think. I felt so terrible because he drove all the way up here just to see me, but I figured it was just as much of a waste of his time as it was mine.

I feel so resentful towards him for deceiving me, but I also feel angry at myself for being so vain. He has so many good qualities and he's such a sweet person. I'm sure the connection we shared online would have continued seamlessly in person if he had come through the door as expected, and I hadn't gotten so weirded out...but once I did, I just couldn't seem to snap out of it. Now I'm wondering if I ****ed up an amazing opportunity, but I don't know how to address it. We haven't spoken at all since. I just don't know what to say. I feel like the onus is on him to acknowledge what he did, because I sure as hell don't want to have to bring it up. But it can't just be ignored. I'm really not sure what to do...ugh.

anonymous_103081 · 02-26-2012, 05:34 PM

Oh wow...I think regardless of how great he seems, the main thing is he basically lied to your for a significant amount of time and still thinks it's ok because you're too nice to call him out. I would say dump him entirely for the sole purpose of him lying to you. If he'll deceive you on this, he'll do it with something else that could be more serious.

I would have been really angry if I were you because I would have felt deceived also.

loremipsum · 02-26-2012, 09:39 PM

I'm not really angry at him because I know this is more about him than it is about me. He didn't lie to me, exactly. To me, lying would have been sending me very old pictures and passing them off as recent, or sending pictures that weren't of him at all. He told me they were old and asked me if that was okay. He certainly mislead me, but having been very insecure myself in the past, I have a certain amount of empathy for him that keeps me from calling him out on it. It's not as though he had malicious intentions. He was probably just afraid that I might judge him negatively or stop talking to him.

It just seems weird and unresolved right now and I don't know what to do. My friend said I should just send an email thanking him for coming but that I just wasn't feeling any chemistry and leave it at that, but I'm not so sure. I feel like there might have been chemistry if I didn't feel so damn awkward.

blackguitargirl · 02-27-2012, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine

So, if I meet a guy from OKCupid and my very protective best guy friend (who is also pretty darn amazing and gorgeous in his own right) comes and sits on the other side of the coffeeshop to keep an eye on things........................................

Is that a romantic comedy waiting to happen and should I just decide to fall in love with my best guy friend now?

Sounds like one to me. Good luck with your best guy friend.

curlybran · 02-27-2012, 12:47 AM

So just left poker, def unhiding profile when I get home!!. Had a lil talk, asked him about what it was the he ment he didn't have the balls to say to me sober. And he said he didn't wanna lead me on and he didn't want to date anybody that is why he has been ok with working out of town so much and he just wanted friends

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