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Old 02-27-2012, 01:42 AM   #801
 
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But he is on pof and okcupid when I got home. His pof now says wants a relationship

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Old 02-27-2012, 11:54 AM   #802
 
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But he is on pof and okcupid when I got home. His pof now says wants a relationship

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Ugh...men!!


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:07 PM   #803
 
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But he is on pof and okcupid when I got home. His pof now says wants a relationship

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JERK. he just didn't want to date you,and didn't have the balls to say it. Freaking idiot.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:38 PM   #804
 
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okay, some advice from an OLD lady who has been doing internet dating for 20 - yes that is a TWO and a ZERO - years!



first off, i DO NOT want to hear about any of you hiding your profiles after a couple of promising dates! unless and until you have the "Exclusive Talk", you are dating and you should continue actively looking.

DO NOT feel guilty about dating more than one person at a time - see above about the "Exclusive Talk".

YOU ARE NOT PICKY - you like what you like! period!

finally, to lore, he MISLED you deliberately, you are not missing out on anything and a "connection" on the computer and/or phone is not "real".

if you are not true to yourselves, ladies, how and why should you expect anyone else to be true to you?

(and, yes, i know, i'm single and 51, what do i know having never been married? better alone than in a bad relationship, trust me on this!)
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Old 02-27-2012, 01:37 PM   #805
 
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Wow...ok...so if u've been doing it this long, what has been ur experience? Any serious relationships from it. I really don't want to be single anymore...


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 02-27-2012, 04:25 PM   #806
 
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That really makes me feel better...I really do need to line up my dates and not feel bad for dating a few at a time. I just dread getting to a point where I wanna only date one and having to decide or let someone down easy....that part sucks


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 02-27-2012, 04:31 PM   #807
 
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2 long-term relationships and several short-term ones.

very rarely have i found that people are not who they say they are; maybe i'm lucky, or i choose well. but i have had the same situation lore described where the man who showed up looked WAY different from his photo.

i do tend to talk to people online longer than is recommended before meeting, but it's my way of weeding out the riff-raff and it seems to work for me.

trust your instincts - if something seems "off", it probably is.

i'm one of those people who doesn't have a "type" but if you do have one, ask yourself if that type is limiting you in your dating possibilities.
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Old 02-27-2012, 06:49 PM   #808
 
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I don't think my type is holding me back... I'm not looking for Adonis...but I have to be attracted...and he has to be able to hold a convo.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 02-27-2012, 07:12 PM   #809
 
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Agh, I'm so angry right now.

So the guy I posted about wasted no time in restoring his profile (he had disabled it because he was "so sure" about me). He didn't say anything about our "date" to me (I use the term loosely). No communication at all. Nothing.

I had to message him asking for a status update because I wanted to give him every chance to redeem himself. He took long enough to respond that I just got fed up and removed him from my contacts. Eventually he replied and all he had to say for himself was something like "it was nice getting to know you, sorry it didn't work out."

There was no acknowledgment of the fact that he deceived me, and he still had those outdated pictures up on his profile, so he obviously has no shame in duping countless others. Then he wonders why he has "no romantic connection" with any of the women he meets--they probably find the experience of meeting him as jarring as I did.

For the month that we spoke, he was doing some serious sweet talking. I kept trying to slow things down because I *knew* there was a possibility that things wouldn't click when we met, and I didn't want my expectations to be too high. Now in hindsight I think he was intentionally manipulating my feelings so I'd overlook his weight. I could easily overlook his weight gain, but not his deceptiveness and the fact that he was totally insincere with me about his feelings. God only knows what else he might have been hiding about himself. It makes me sick to think I wasted a whole month on this guy.

I haven't had one even remotely successful experience so far and it's really getting me down. I don't know if it's worth it. I'd honestly rather stay single and celibate for the rest of my life than have to waste my time on another loser. It's getting to a point where I'm going into dates expecting to be cheated, deceived, disrespected, and just treated badly in general. I'm not sure what the answer is but I'm feeling really cynical
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:34 PM   #810
 
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I'm really sorry things didn't work out. I understand abt getting fed up and cynical I have done that too...but then I will see a friend real happy with her guy and think why should it not happen for me. And the celibate part...that's never an option for me...I'm sorry I just can't. But I have to believe we can find love.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:40 PM   #811
 
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I knew he was full of crap. Screw him. He'll still be single long after you have met someone.

I know how you feel about feeling cynical...the two guys I'm messaging are nice but I don't think we'll click in person so I won't be requesting a meet up. I get several messages a day from new people and none of them I find even the least bit attractive which really is a let down. To get excited about a new message and then see someone you'd never look twice at is discouraging. Not to mention all the messages I've sent to guys that have been ignored every single time. I'm sure it's because I have kids. Huge disadvantage there but I'm still hoping there's a guy out there for me.

I also started thinking, what's wrong with me that none of the really good looking guys I message ever reply but I get several messages a day from pretty unattractive ones??? Is that all I can get? Ugh. I won't give up but this isn't as fun as people make it seem...
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Old 02-28-2012, 03:23 PM   #812
 
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Sorry to hear about your experience, loremipsum. What an *******. And I'm sorry that you're feeling down and cynical about the whole process. I'm definitely starting to see how that can happen. I've already had so many experiences with people saying they're going to call and not calling, people canceling at the last minute, people postponing dates perpetually, etc., and I'm only a month in! I'm starting to think that, because there's hardly any accountability and it's pretty anonymous, people feel like they can treat other people without respect.

Even though I'm not trying to find a boyfriend or husband, I'm still finding this a little frustrating. I am wondering if I should try a different site than OK Cupid--maybe a paid site will attract more decent/serious men. I don't know. I really don't want to pay, though. By the way, has anyone tried the new Nerve dating site?
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:14 PM   #813
 
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OK Cupid is not the site it used to be. i was a member there for YEARS and dropped my membership 6 years ago. when i went back about 3 years ago after my relationship ended, it had changed a lot and not for the better.

the biggest problem with OKC is that the system will match you with people who haven't even used the site in YEARS!

seriously...

my best match here in town (there's only about a half million people within an hour's drive all around) hadn't been on the site in 5 years. but they kept sending him as my "best bet".

the thing about Plenty of Fish is that they show people by most-recent log-in. when you get matches from their system, those people were definitely on the site that day or week.

i have heard a LOT of how the same people show up on all the sites, both the pay sites and the free sites; without using the pay option. so you are better off not giving them your money unless it's a niche site that caters to something VERY important to you - like the religion-based ones.

hth!
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:46 PM   #814
 
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I was messaging with a nice guy for a while (we never met) and then I just honestly didn't log-in for MONTHS. I shot him a message today, apologizing for falling-off the face of the earth (he does seem like a nice guy.) I didn't want to go into it, but with my unemployment/depression, I just had no desire to do online dating.

He responded and sounded a little testy. I shouldn't feel bad, right?! It's not like we were even seeing each other in person.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:28 PM   #815
 
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I was messaging with a nice guy for a while (we never met) and then I just honestly didn't log-in for MONTHS. I shot him a message today, apologizing for falling-off the face of the earth (he does seem like a nice guy.) I didn't want to go into it, but with my unemployment/depression, I just had no desire to do online dating.

He responded and sounded a little testy. I shouldn't feel bad, right?! It's not like we were even seeing each other in person.
Honestly I wouldn't feel that bad because I know how bad depression can get, and you didn't purposely ignore the guy,you just couldn't function well enough to keep contact going. Y'all hadn't even met and obviously weren't in an exclusive relationship so I don't think he should be that put off by it. It would be a different story if you'd been logging in all this time and ignoring him.
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Old 02-29-2012, 02:59 AM   #816
 
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I knew he was full of crap. Screw him. He'll still be single long after you have met someone.

I know how you feel about feeling cynical...the two guys I'm messaging are nice but I don't think we'll click in person so I won't be requesting a meet up. I get several messages a day from new people and none of them I find even the least bit attractive which really is a let down. To get excited about a new message and then see someone you'd never look twice at is discouraging. Not to mention all the messages I've sent to guys that have been ignored every single time. I'm sure it's because I have kids. Huge disadvantage there but I'm still hoping there's a guy out there for me.

I also started thinking, what's wrong with me that none of the really good looking guys I message ever reply but I get several messages a day from pretty unattractive ones??? Is that all I can get? Ugh. I won't give up but this isn't as fun as people make it seem...
CoCo, I know how you feel about sending pics but do you have a few pictures on your profile and not just face shots? Men are visual, especially with online dating.

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Old 02-29-2012, 06:16 AM   #817
 
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Quote:
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I was messaging with a nice guy for a while (we never met) and then I just honestly didn't log-in for MONTHS. I shot him a message today, apologizing for falling-off the face of the earth (he does seem like a nice guy.) I didn't want to go into it, but with my unemployment/depression, I just had no desire to do online dating.

He responded and sounded a little testy. I shouldn't feel bad, right?! It's not like we were even seeing each other in person.
Honestly I wouldn't feel that bad because I know how bad depression can get, and you didn't purposely ignore the guy,you just couldn't function well enough to keep contact going. Y'all hadn't even met and obviously weren't in an exclusive relationship so I don't think he should be that put off by it. It would be a different story if you'd been logging in all this time and ignoring him.
I just checked our history...over the course of 2 months, we exchanged 12 messages. That's not too serious.

I'm now thinking, "BUT WHAT IF HE WAS SOMEBODY I COULD HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH AND I BLEW IT?!??!?!"

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Old 02-29-2012, 06:18 AM   #818
 
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I knew he was full of crap. Screw him. He'll still be single long after you have met someone.

I know how you feel about feeling cynical...the two guys I'm messaging are nice but I don't think we'll click in person so I won't be requesting a meet up. I get several messages a day from new people and none of them I find even the least bit attractive which really is a let down. To get excited about a new message and then see someone you'd never look twice at is discouraging. Not to mention all the messages I've sent to guys that have been ignored every single time. I'm sure it's because I have kids. Huge disadvantage there but I'm still hoping there's a guy out there for me.

I also started thinking, what's wrong with me that none of the really good looking guys I message ever reply but I get several messages a day from pretty unattractive ones??? Is that all I can get? Ugh. I won't give up but this isn't as fun as people make it seem...
CoCo, I know how you feel about sending pics but do you have a few pictures on your profile and not just face shots? Men are visual, especially with online dating.

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Oh yeah, I have five different pictures, two are full body. There's no scarcity on pics. Like I said, it's probably because I have kids even though the guys I message put they wanted kids on their profile. They must mean kids of their own and not from a previous relationship... Ugh I'm growing weary.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:24 AM   #819
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CoCoLoCks View Post
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Originally Posted by CanItBeChristine View Post
I was messaging with a nice guy for a while (we never met) and then I just honestly didn't log-in for MONTHS. I shot him a message today, apologizing for falling-off the face of the earth (he does seem like a nice guy.) I didn't want to go into it, but with my unemployment/depression, I just had no desire to do online dating.

He responded and sounded a little testy. I shouldn't feel bad, right?! It's not like we were even seeing each other in person.
Honestly I wouldn't feel that bad because I know how bad depression can get, and you didn't purposely ignore the guy,you just couldn't function well enough to keep contact going. Y'all hadn't even met and obviously weren't in an exclusive relationship so I don't think he should be that put off by it. It would be a different story if you'd been logging in all this time and ignoring him.
I just checked our history...over the course of 2 months, we exchanged 12 messages. That's not too serious.
Lmao! 12 messages and this guy is getting an attitude? Wow. I put myself in his shoes, and if I really liked the guy and he just disappeared AND DIDN'T EVER LOG IN, I'd have been sad but not angry. And if the guy messaged me after months of being MIA, I'd be willing to hear what happened. I don't even know why I just explained all that...it's too early. I have class and I'm running on basically no sleep. Weeeee!!!

But seriously, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm battling severe depression now,and I completely understand why and how you just dropped off the face of the online dating planet.

ETA: if it was meant to be he'll change his attitude IMO. I believe if it's meant to be, nothing circumstantial can ruin or change the outcome.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:41 AM   #820
 
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Honestly I wouldn't feel that bad because I know how bad depression can get, and you didn't purposely ignore the guy,you just couldn't function well enough to keep contact going. Y'all hadn't even met and obviously weren't in an exclusive relationship so I don't think he should be that put off by it. It would be a different story if you'd been logging in all this time and ignoring him.
I just checked our history...over the course of 2 months, we exchanged 12 messages. That's not too serious.
Lmao! 12 messages and this guy is getting an attitude? Wow. I put myself in his shoes, and if I really liked the guy and he just disappeared AND DIDN'T EVER LOG IN, I'd have been sad but not angry. And if the guy messaged me after months of being MIA, I'd be willing to hear what happened. I don't even know why I just explained all that...it's too early. I have class and I'm running on basically no sleep. Weeeee!!!

But seriously, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm battling severe depression now,and I completely understand why and how you just dropped off the face of the online dating planet.

ETA: if it was meant to be he'll change his attitude IMO. I believe if it's meant to be, nothing circumstantial can ruin or change the outcome.
So I didn't just ruin things with the father of my children?! (Kidding...)

Yeah, that's what I felt like...if he really likes me/thought I was worth it, he'd keep talking.
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