The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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When I join, I will spend the first few weeks, going out w/ a many guys I can, who meet my qualifications. Then I start whittling away like crazy bc I can't keep up that frantic, crazy schedule of dating a different guy every free night of the week and three on wknds. It's just exhausting.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I do this same thing! I'm 2 months into this round of dating, and I've been focusing on 1 guy the past month, but I'm still checking my messages from other guys. Still not sure about this one, but glad to not be juggling my nights anymore!
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Well, my dating pool has been narrowed to one. Ive been seeing one guy for about 6 weeks and started dating another about 3 weeks ago. The first guy (guy#1), I like. The second (guy #2) I was on the fence about. He was very metro, more metro than any guy I've come accross, really into clothes and shoes but smart, good looking and good career.

So last Friday we go out, he revealed some things about his personality that made me think we wouldn't get along. After that, i thought i'd never hear from him again because the vibe got weird and after 3 dates, he never even tried to kiss me. The next night I went out with guy#1 and we're out having a ball and i look up and there's guy#2 staring right at me from a table he was at with friends in the same damned bar!!! I was mortified!!!!! Anyway, I guess he was offended because after some small talk va text that i initiated, I havent heard from him since Sunday.

So, that leaves guy#1. I'll take some time now to really see if this is someone I can build something with.
Well, my dating pool has been narrowed to one. Ive been seeing one guy for about 6 weeks and started dating another about 3 weeks ago. The first guy (guy#1), I like. The second (guy #2) I was on the fence about. He was very metro, more metro than any guy I've come accross, really into clothes and shoes but smart, good looking and good career.

So last Friday we go out, he revealed some things about his personality that made me think we wouldn't get along. After that, i thought i'd never hear from him again because the vibe got weird and after 3 dates, he never even tried to kiss me. The next night I went out with guy#1 and we're out having a ball and i look up and there's guy#2 staring right at me from a table he was at with friends in the same damned bar!!! I was mortified!!!!! Anyway, I guess he was offended because after some small talk va text that i initiated, I havent heard from him since Sunday.

So, that leaves guy#1. I'll take some time now to really see if this is someone I can build something with.
Originally Posted by envgirl

Wow. That sounds like something that would happen to me. But at least you were with the guy you really liked and not the other way around.

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I recently met a guy online and we emailed a few times and then progressed to texting. We had our first phone conversation last night, during which he told me we was in the process of taking a pic of himself to text me (of him in his pajamas).

The pic wouldn't load until after we hung up...and it showed him posing strangely/"seductively" with his boxers slung very low on his body so that several inches of his V shape and pubic hair were clearly visible...and you could clearly see the shape of his (semi erect) penis through his shorts. He was shirtless, too.

He has an awesome body but honestly this was TMI for this stage in our relationship (first phone conversation).

I don't consider myself a prude but I am embarrassed and turned off.

(Wahhhhhhhh, I miss my last bf!!!!!!)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 04-13-2012 at 10:05 AM.
Ew. Spiderlashes, I would be turned off too. And it sucks when you miss things about your last bf, and are reminded, "Wow, so-and-so never would have done that..." I miss many things about my last one too. Trying not to compare too much but after a certain age, you really do know what you want.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
OMG, gross! Clearly he's really only into one thing. At least you found out early so you dont have to waste any more time.
Lol, I wish I could say "i wish I could find a guy like my ex". My ex was 2 different people, the guy i fell in love with and the guy he became after I moved in with him. So, Id rather not come accross the dual personality again.
So diaspora and envgirl -- I am not being too prudish? (I know diaspora and I are around the same age...)

And the thing was, he was saying all the right things during the phone call and I was starting to feel like maybe we were on the same page. Maybe he really was a good guy.

I just like to take the physical stuff slowly w/ guys I meet online...bc I simply don't know them at all and haven't been around them enough to have allowed any chemistry to develop "organically."

I am not the type to have sex on the first date...or anything remotely like that. I haven't even kissed anyone I met online for at least 3 dates.

I am not some horny kid. I'm a mature, professional woman who is a single mother, looking for a stable, meaningful long-term relationship. I don't understand why he would start out on that foot...and w/ someone like me, especially, as I give no indication that I am looking for casual sex or dic pics or what have you...

I'm very disappointed bc sending a pic like that seemed out of character for this guy (based on the little I was learning of his character), and it didn't help his case.

He had been lamenting his lack of success thus far on the site...complaining that his interactions w/ the women he's met aways seem to fizzle out quickly. Hmmmm, could this be why?

Do you think it's worth discussing w/ him?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Spiderlashes- I would be just as upset. I usually consider stuff like that an instant deal breaker.

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Spiderlashes, I'm in my early 30's and no i dont think thats too prudish. If things progress with someone and you start a physical relationship with them, thats totally different than him sending you an almost crotch shot after 1 convo!
MY thought is, unless he's like 18, he knows that sending a pic like that indicates to a woman that he is interested in sex. But, I may be a little biased, I hate guys who freely post or distribute half naked photos of themselves. I dont like guys who are that self centered. I wouldnt bother talking to him about it....
Sorry guys, I have been kind of M.I.A. So the guy I have been talking to for the past 2 weeks on OKCupid, asked me out on a date! It would be my first date in a long while, so I am very nervous. I told him yes though...

Any tips/pointers????
Fotki

Quote:
Originally Posted by HomeGrownHairGirl View Post
Sorry guys, I have been kind of M.I.A. So the guy I have been talking to for the past 2 weeks on OKCupid, asked me out on a date! It would be my first date in a long while, so I am very nervous. I told him yes though...

Any tips/pointers????
I always meet in a public place, some place I'm familiar and comfortable.


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Yeah, I normally have met dates in a public place in the past...Typically, I have picked the location.

This guy is trying to insist we meet at a restaurant he frequents that happens to be moments away from my job. He doesn't know this at this point because I do not want him to know where I work. In fact I dislike being in that general area during none work hours because I hate running into coworkers during my personal time.

How do I steer him away without being rude or revealing where I work?

The fact is, I don't like to do long meals on a first date because you may have to spend 1-2 painful hours with someone who is a no go...I was thinking more along the lines of coffee so I can bolt if things don't work out, lol. Wanted to use this as sort of a practice date...
Fotki

I also try to stick with coffee for a first "date." I would just blame your schedule. As in, "I would love to do dinner, but I have a lot going on in the next few weeks. I don't want to make you wait that long, so maybe we could meet for coffee so we can set something up sooner?" Granted, with karate tournament team and two choirs, I'm not really lying about the being busy part. I have no problem juggling stuff around to make time for someone, but not the first time I meet him.

BTW, that's awesome that you're going on an actual date!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by HomeGrownHairGirl View Post
Yeah, I normally have met dates in a public place in the past...Typically, I have picked the location.

This guy is trying to insist we meet at a restaurant he frequents that happens to be moments away from my job. He doesn't know this at this point because I do not want him to know where I work. In fact I dislike being in that general area during none work hours because I hate running into coworkers during my personal time.

How do I steer him away without being rude or revealing where I work?

The fact is, I don't like to do long meals on a first date because you may have to spend 1-2 painful hours with someone who is a no go...I was thinking more along the lines of coffee so I can bolt if things don't work out, lol. Wanted to use this as sort of a practice date...
He's insisting??

If he were just enthusuiastic about his fav spot, I'd go and let him try to wow me in an environment where he feels comfortable.

But I would be put off if he were trying to pressure me into something and didn't even bother to ask if I had another place in mind.

I was actually in a similar situation once when I had just recently met two guys and Guy 1 was very excited about taking me to a certain place he just discovered...but I didn't want to go there bc Guy 2 was playing there with his band that night, and I didn't want Guy 2 to see me out with Guy 1. So I just made a joke and told Guy 1 I couldn't go there...a long story I would tell him if he ever became my boyfriend! LOL

And he was fine w/ that and we chose another place.

(At this point in the relationship, you don't owe this guy any explanations about where you work, why you don't want to go somewhere, etc., if you just don't want to tell him. And he should want to put you at ease...not stress you.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I agree with Spiderlashes. It is off-putting that he is "insisting." Maybe this is jumping to conclusions, but I would worry about him being controlling later. I would hope that he'd care where you'd want to go.
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The fact is, I don't like to do long meals on a first date because you may have to spend 1-2 painful hours with someone who is a no go...I was thinking more along the lines of coffee so I can bolt if things don't work out, lol. Wanted to use this as sort of a practice date...
Originally Posted by HomeGrownHairGirl
EXACTLY!!!! your reasoning and feelings on this are on the mark.

we have two local coffee chains here in addition to Starbucks that are upscale and comfortable and i always suggest one of them. if someone insists on something else, i suggest my favourite Irish pub where the staff know me and will look out for me.
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I might have something to report. I'm being cautiously optimistic, but I went out with a guy yesterday that I really like so far. There are a few red flags, but I'll get to that in a second.

He's really good-looking (the only really good-looking guy I've dated so far on OKC, and I've been out with about 10 or 12 guys in the past 2 1/2 months), a good conversationalist, funny, smart, etc. He seems really into me already--said it was the best first date he'd ever had--and I'm into him. We've already talked about getting together again this week. Sounds great, right?

Here's the biggest (to me) of the red flags: he's really body-conscious. He recently lost a lot of weight and he's super invested in his fitness. But not only his own fitness: he said on his profile that he really likes women with flat stomachs. Who says that on their profile? I'm really having trouble reconciling the different parts of his personality. One of the things I liked about him, actually, was that he was up front about having been heavy once, because I was too. We've both lost about 40 pounds in the last year, so I could relate to him in that way. But he's reached his goal and I haven't. So, if he's into flat stomachs, he's going to be gravely disappointed!

Corrina: It's funny that you're posting to this thread nowadays, because you actually gave me some good ab advice in the "Fitness" forum. It has helped, but I still have issues with my stomach.

Clearly, the guy is attracted to me, but I'm feeling very self-conscious. I don't know how I could ever get naked in front of him!
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er
So diaspora and envgirl -- I am not being too prudish? (I know diaspora and I are around the same age...)

And the thing was, he was saying all the right things during the phone call and I was starting to feel like maybe we were on the same page. Maybe he really was a good guy.

I just like to take the physical stuff slowly w/ guys I meet online...bc I simply don't know them at all and haven't been around them enough to have allowed any chemistry to develop "organically."

I am not the type to have sex on the first date...or anything remotely like that. I haven't even kissed anyone I met online for at least 3 dates.

I am not some horny kid. I'm a mature, professional woman who is a single mother, looking for a stable, meaningful long-term relationship. I don't understand why he would start out on that foot...and w/ someone like me, especially, as I give no indication that I am looking for casual sex or dic pics or what have you...

I'm very disappointed bc sending a pic like that seemed out of character for this guy (based on the little I was learning of his character), and it didn't help his case.

He had been lamenting his lack of success thus far on the site...complaining that his interactions w/ the women he's met aways seem to fizzle out quickly. Hmmmm, could this be why?

Do you think it's worth discussing w/ him?
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Spiderlashes,

I AM someone who has been known to have sex on the 1st date and I still would be off-put by someone who sent me a provocative pic before we'd actually gotten physical, or even met. He could be a perfectly nice guy and just clueless, but it's not your job to educate him. If you WANT to inform him that that wasn't cool and is likely what has been turning women off, I don't see anything wrong with that. If he has an explanation that's as revealing as his photo, pun intended, and it makes you feel better, then maybe you don't have to write the guy off. But I'd expect his reaction to be lame.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
I thought I would add my two cents to this thread. I met my second and wonderful husband on line. He was living in Toronto, and I live in the Midwest. First, I think too many people want to find someone who is close enough to meet at the nearest Starbucks. Once we get out of college, there is not the large pool of eligible others. Second, people are on line for many reasons, including quick sex (the hookup) and entertainment. I think it is perfectly acceptable for a woman in her 30's or older to ask a man "What kind of relationship are you looking for?" Because, ya know what? if he balks at that question, he probably has issues with intimacy. After all, we are adults, and people who are on dating sites and are serious about finding a partner will be able to answer that question. Finally, I dont think "interests" in common should be the primary focus, as so many of the sites lead us to believe. So what if two people love art? what is really important is that you share the same values, and that you take the time to get to know one another. And yes, a lot of people are married, or are inappropriate in some other way.
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