The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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Hey ladies! I've been MIA lately, so I'm playing catch up. Spider, you're a busy lady aren't you?!

I'm currently back to no prospects. Quick recap: one guy was a porn addicted panty hoarder, guy 2 was too clingy and one dimensional, guy 3 was from class and always "too busy". I had it out with guy 3 last week over the phone. He told me I have a "princess mentality" and therefore believe everyone owes me something and feel I deserve 100% of everyone's attention. THAT really pissed me off because it's 100% untrue. He didn't understand the reason I was angry...I felt like he was consistently blowing me off, and I felt he was dishonest from the get go. I told him if he has such a busy life, he should have explained that to me when he first suggested we meet up. All he would have had to say was "hey, I'm busy a lot, so please don't be offended blah blah" and he also could have mentioned he wasn't looking for any type of serious relationship!

He always mentioned how he's been through 4 different lawyers in two years trying to sort out his divorce, and that he's not bitter about it. Yeah right. *I* think he's very bitter about his divorce, hates his ex wife, and feels the world owes him a favor because he's "been through so much", and that he's miserable with himself and his life, and just was into the fact that I showed interest in him, not into me or anything like that. I think it's amusing to him that I was so upset by his lack of respect. He made it out to be like I was completely out of line for demanding he respect my feelings and tell me straight up what he was looking for. he was continuously trying to tell me how *I* feel, and when I corrected him, he didn't believe me and wouldn't listen to my explanation of why his assumption was wrong. When we see each other in class Wednesday, he will be ignored just as he's done me. I'm over it.

As for the action on OkC, there is none. I've gotten plenty of messages but from men I don't find attractive. *sigh* I guess I'll leave my profile up, but I'm not holding my breath for anything.
25", hennahead, CO, goal: hip
Jeez! Wow Coco...sounds sucky! Well I am in the same boat as u. MilitaryMan went MIA....haven't heard from him for like 2 weeks. Last I knew he was in VA for work. But I see he has checked into POF, but not returned my texts...so...

I am trying to change my outlook and expectations. I am kind of a perfectionist and with online dating u can cherry-pick the guys and obsess over what guys to talk to and I talk myself out of a lot of them I think. It'd be different if u met a guy in person where u see him animated not just a picture and u can see his personality and the chemistry u have. I think for someone like me...online dating is really challenging.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Spider, wow, its great to hear someone is really having major luck with the online dating thing!
Coco, sorry to hear that about the guys you've been seeing. That guy 3 seems like a hot mess and probably did you a big favor.
Goddess, sorry to hear about military man, that was kind of a rude way for him to handle things but again, he's done you a favor.
Diaspora, I just noticed in your signature that you're Urbancurl! Nice to see you back here! (unless you've been back for a while, and I'm just noticing...)
Originally Posted by ursula
Thanks, Ursula!! I got very busy and caught up with life for some years there, but I am so happy to be back and catch up with everyone from back in the day! I couldn't even remember my old username until Spiderlashes told me the other day, but I'm unable to log in as Urbancurl now. I hope you've been well!!!
Originally Posted by diaspora
Yes, I have, thanks!

More news about the guy I went out with on Friday: we've been texting non-stop. And we have plans to go out this week and tentative plans for next week. If I weren't into him, I'm sure I'd find it overwhelming or annoying, but I'm eating it up.

Still feeling tentative about the body issues, though...

Here's another one of the "red flags" I mentioned up-thread that I want to pose to you guys as a general question: Does it matter to you if you and the guy you're dating don't share the same political views?

I'm liking the grocery store analogy Myrna raised, but I'm also feeling like a list, when it becomes a "check list," can be limiting. Like, to use the political example above: "OK, he's a leftist like me--check!" Isn't it possible sometimes for a guy to come into your life and he's all wrong for you but also so right? Isn't there a role for alchemy to play here? Is that too sentimental and not practical enough? But, like Corrina said, the "I'll know it when I see it" approach hasn't really worked for me lately, so...
In search of a lost signature...
Ugh- I've tried to be open minded about the political stuff, but I'm too opinionated for it to work. I could absolutely handle someone who didn't follow politics, but I don't think I could handle another Republican (no offense to anyone here with those views).

I'm beginning to think I'm the one with commitment issues.

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3a/f/iii
Modified CG since 11/5/11
CLEANSE: VO5 Vanilla Mint Tea Clarifying, DevaCare No-Poo, CHS Treatment Shampoo
RO: DevaCare One Condition, SS Caitlin's Conditioner, Mop Top Daily Conditioner
LI: SS Repairing Protein Treatment, CHS Silk Leave-In
STYLE: Re:Coil, Curl Keeper, Deva Ultra Defining Gel, Curls Rock Amplifier and Strong Hold Mousse, Sweet Curls Elixirs Okra Gel and Hard Hold Gel, SS Curl Enhancing Jelly and Firm Hold Gel
I try not to be too picky about that stuff....but I don't know if I could deal with a republican either....I can't handle like a super religious guy either cause I am really open....and don't need someone preaching how we r all miserable sinners if we don't follow that religion


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________________________
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
I only start paying attention to my accounts on these sites every once in a while, usually for about 2 weeks at a time, then I get busy with something else. And, like I said, I suspect I have much worse commitment issues than I ever thought possible. Needless to say, I've probably hurt and/or frustrated a fair share of guys. And yesterday two of them saw that I was back online and messaged me on POF. I was going to meet both of them when we spoke the first time. With one, there were scheduling issues (he works as a chef so he keeps odd hours). I flat out changed my mind with the other one- the day we were supposed to meet I started feeling sick- as in that if you don't take care of yourself now it's gonna get that much worse type. I sing in two choirs and in one I'm the main soloist and I don't mess around when it comes to my voice. I explained why I was canceling and went home and spent the night in bed (including skipping choir practice).

Head cold was just as bad as I thought (it progressed to a sinus infection). I pretty much lost my voice very early on. And this guy wants to talk on the phone. So I explain that I'm losing my voice. And he still wants to talk on the phone! And he sent me a snarky text over it, which sent me right over the top and I pretty much said that I was no longer interested because I wasn't. I understand that there are people who play games but I was being honest with him and between the obvious ignoring what I was telling him about not being able to talk and the very obvious pushiness, I was absolutely turned off and told him so. He tried contacting me once a couple months ago and I ignored him and then he still messaged me again.

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3a/f/iii
Modified CG since 11/5/11
CLEANSE: VO5 Vanilla Mint Tea Clarifying, DevaCare No-Poo, CHS Treatment Shampoo
RO: DevaCare One Condition, SS Caitlin's Conditioner, Mop Top Daily Conditioner
LI: SS Repairing Protein Treatment, CHS Silk Leave-In
STYLE: Re:Coil, Curl Keeper, Deva Ultra Defining Gel, Curls Rock Amplifier and Strong Hold Mousse, Sweet Curls Elixirs Okra Gel and Hard Hold Gel, SS Curl Enhancing Jelly and Firm Hold Gel

More news about the guy I went out with on Friday: we've been texting non-stop. And we have plans to go out this week and tentative plans for next week. If I weren't into him, I'm sure I'd find it overwhelming or annoying, but I'm eating it up.

Still feeling tentative about the body issues, though...

Here's another one of the "red flags" I mentioned up-thread that I want to pose to you guys as a general question: Does it matter to you if you and the guy you're dating don't share the same political views?

I'm liking the grocery store analogy Myrna raised, but I'm also feeling like a list, when it becomes a "check list," can be limiting. Like, to use the political example above: "OK, he's a leftist like me--check!" Isn't it possible sometimes for a guy to come into your life and he's all wrong for you but also so right? Isn't there a role for alchemy to play here? Is that too sentimental and not practical enough? But, like Corrina said, the "I'll know it when I see it" approach hasn't really worked for me lately, so...
Originally Posted by ursula
Ursula,

For me, politics/world view is deal breaker material. I don't have many deal-breakers though. I don't care about things like money, job, kids (if they have them or if they don't want them), or marriage. I didn't decide consciously that not having similar politics was a deal breaker, but I notice how my body and emotions react. When they guy isn't close politically, I don't feel validated or admired, or like the guy can teach me anything that I want to know. I just feel generally disinterested, turned off, shut down, and can't admire him the way a person should be admired. For you, your body will tell you how much it bothers you that this guy's views are different, and that is valuable information. Also sometimes people move towards your direction.

What I'm trying to figure out is if I can deal with it if the guy's a lefty but just not that into social issues, which describes the guy I've been seeing for 5 weeks. I love talking about social issues, I co-founded a grassroots activist organization, it's a big part of my life, it turns me on, lol. I've told the guy it's important for my partner to be passionate and supportive about my political pursuits, and he says he admires me for it, and he listens to me, but he sometimes can't sustain a good convo on the subject and I have to explain a LOT.

But I agree that TOO many things on a list would be limiting. Just this one is pretty limiting for me, as Democrats are right-wing compared to me (no offense to Dems).

On the body thing, yeah, I'd be concerned about that too, I mean, how many of us have the stomachs we did when were 19, if they were even flat then? But maybe since you are getting along so well, this won't matter to him? It better not! Maybe it is something you could bring up before things go too far physically.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
Diaspora, I just noticed in your signature that you're Urbancurl! Nice to see you back here! (unless you've been back for a while, and I'm just noticing...)
Originally Posted by ursula
Thanks, Ursula!! I got very busy and caught up with life for some years there, but I am so happy to be back and catch up with everyone from back in the day! I couldn't even remember my old username until Spiderlashes told me the other day, but I'm unable to log in as Urbancurl now. I hope you've been well!!!
Originally Posted by diaspora
Yes, I have, thanks!

More news about the guy I went out with on Friday: we've been texting non-stop. And we have plans to go out this week and tentative plans for next week. If I weren't into him, I'm sure I'd find it overwhelming or annoying, but I'm eating it up.

Still feeling tentative about the body issues, though...

Here's another one of the "red flags" I mentioned up-thread that I want to pose to you guys as a general question: Does it matter to you if you and the guy you're dating don't share the same political views?

I'm liking the grocery store analogy Myrna raised, but I'm also feeling like a list, when it becomes a "check list," can be limiting. Like, to use the political example above: "OK, he's a leftist like me--check!" Isn't it possible sometimes for a guy to come into your life and he's all wrong for you but also so right? Isn't there a role for alchemy to play here? Is that too sentimental and not practical enough? But, like Corrina said, the "I'll know it when I see it" approach hasn't really worked for me lately, so...
Originally Posted by ursula

My personal preference is a tall guy, the taller the better. But I have fallen for shorter guys (but not short). People can totally readjust on these issues if they are not super strong preferences.

Honestly, it probably comes down to how pudgy or whatever you are. Men tend to be visual and value looks pretty high on the chart but can gloss over minor deviations from their ideal but not huge departures.

As far as politics go...I'm pretty middle of the road so I can allow for a certain amount of deviation on either side of my perspective. And I am more/less conservative/liberal on various issues, so I can understand that he may not unilaterally hold the same hardline views across the board.

I would want to know his specific views on major issues before I would dismiss him as too different, and therefore incompatible.

I would be turned off, though, if he had no opinions/interest on any issues or never wanted to discuss anything related to current events or politics. And I would be turned off if his views were extremely different from mine, in either direction.

Religion is more of a dealbreaker to me than politics.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Rejection Sucks: Guy 1 has apparently decided he doesnt want to see me anymore. I dont know this because he actually showed me the courtesy of telling me, but because on Monday he called to say he wanted to take me out on Wednesday, texted me randomly Tuesday morning and I literally havent heard another word from him. This is after we've been seeing each other for 2 months.

I dont know what in the world i couldve done between Monday and today to deserve a) being dismissed and b) being dismissed without a word. I feel stupid and all I can do is sit around and think about what I could've done to him to deserve this.

I want to email him and say that he couldve respected me enough to tell me he didnt want to see me anymore but at the same time i dont want to be desperate.
Rejection Sucks: Guy 1 has apparently decided he doesnt want to see me anymore. I dont know this because he actually showed me the courtesy of telling me, but because on Monday he called to say he wanted to take me out on Wednesday, texted me randomly Tuesday morning and I literally havent heard another word from him. This is after we've been seeing each other for 2 months.

I dont know what in the world i couldve done between Monday and today to deserve a) being dismissed and b) being dismissed without a word. I feel stupid and all I can do is sit around and think about what I could've done to him to deserve this.

I want to email him and say that he couldve respected me enough to tell me he didnt want to see me anymore but at the same time i dont want to be desperate.
Originally Posted by envgirl

So he missed one day of speaking to you (Wednesday) and you're assuming it's over?

Have you called or texted him?
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

That sucks! It really sucks when they just drop of the face of the earth after things were going well. I'm sorry. But it's his loss! Glad u know now.

I had an experience with a guy...we talked for a little over a month went on like 3 dates...he was real busy so we didn't see each other as much as we wanted but he kept saying how much he liked me and that work would let up. Then nothing...I see he still logs on to POF he just doesn't respond to me...so I stopped worrying I guess...whatever the reason he changed his mind so....


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________________________
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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Spider, on Monday he said he'd take me out (for my birthday) on Wednesday (last night). I havent heard from him since Tuesday morning depsite me texting him 3 times and calling him last night.

Goddess, I am glad to see who Im dealing with before my feelings got too deep but its so rude to date me for 2 months, make plans to take me out, change his mind about me (which is his right) but not respect me enough to tell me he didnt want to see me anymore.
I have so much more respect for those rare guys who will come out and say they just weren't feeling it, or they met someone else, or whatever. Especially since I'm sure they would complain if we just decided to fall off the face of the earth.

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3a/f/iii
Modified CG since 11/5/11
CLEANSE: VO5 Vanilla Mint Tea Clarifying, DevaCare No-Poo, CHS Treatment Shampoo
RO: DevaCare One Condition, SS Caitlin's Conditioner, Mop Top Daily Conditioner
LI: SS Repairing Protein Treatment, CHS Silk Leave-In
STYLE: Re:Coil, Curl Keeper, Deva Ultra Defining Gel, Curls Rock Amplifier and Strong Hold Mousse, Sweet Curls Elixirs Okra Gel and Hard Hold Gel, SS Curl Enhancing Jelly and Firm Hold Gel
In my experience with online dating, I think "falling off the planet with no explanations" is quite common. I don't know if they just find someone else or lose interest or what. I finally stopped worrying about it. I'm always very cautious about telling friends and family when I'm dating someone I met online because of that. I'm always wondering if they are gonna just disappear...so irritating (not to mention immature and rude).
Wiregirl likes this.
So, what makes these men feel they have less accountability when they meet you online than in person?. Do we matter less?

I guess to me, if we've meet in person, several times, I dont think it should matter we met online. I guess Im a little naive.
Spider, on Monday he said he'd take me out (for my birthday) on Wednesday (last night). I havent heard from him since Tuesday morning depsite me texting him 3 times and calling him last night.

Goddess, I am glad to see who Im dealing with before my feelings got too deep but its so rude to date me for 2 months, make plans to take me out, change his mind about me (which is his right) but not respect me enough to tell me he didnt want to see me anymore.
Originally Posted by envgirl
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that!

What an azz. Unless he's in the hospital or something (first thing my mind always goes to...)

Happy birthday. I hope you figured out a way to celebrate at least a little w/o him.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

In my experience with online dating, I think "falling off the planet with no explanations" is quite common. I don't know if they just find someone else or lose interest or what. I finally stopped worrying about it. I'm always very cautious about telling friends and family when I'm dating someone I met online because of that. I'm always wondering if they are gonna just disappear...so irritating (not to mention immature and rude).
Originally Posted by texascurly
So, what makes these men feel they have less accountability when they meet you online than in person?. Do we matter less?

I guess to me, if we've meet in person, several times, I dont think it should matter we met online. I guess Im a little naive.
Originally Posted by envgirl
Honestly, this is a big part of the reason I gave up online dating. I'm a pretty open and trusting person, and being let down and disappointed by people's behavior over and over again made me sad There's definitely a lack of accountability due to (I think) the anonymity of online dating. I really can't deal with that and it got to the point where I would go on dates and be suspicious and guarded from the get-go. That's definitely not how I want to be, so I decided to give up online dating (and therefore, all dating) until my attitude improves
Thanks Spider, I've had a week of celebrations so my birthday was fine, this crap just put a damper on things for me. Quite honestly, at first I was concerned something happened to him, which makes me feel even more stupid because I still cared when he obviously didnt.
Hopefully, some woman does the same thing to his inconsiderate a**
Ur right....u know they'd be pissed if we dropped off the face of the earth. It would be nicer if the just told us....I mean damn...we're not married! Man up!!


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________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.

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