The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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I thought of this thread yesterday when my friend called me in a panic. She's been talking to this guy since Sunday. They've been hitting it off and talking every night. She said he makes her laugh a lot. They talked about getting together this Saturday. Everything sounds great, right?

Yesterday she took another look at his profile and noticed he's 5'4". She says she cannot go through with the date now. I encouraged her to go out with him anyway because it sounds like a good time and, who knows, his personality might overshadow his height. Nope. She says she can't get with short men. So it looks like she's planning on avoiding him. I really want to encourage her not to leave him hanging like that.

If it were me, I'd probably just say something about it being too soon after my separation. I thought I was ready to date, but I'm not.
I thought of this thread yesterday when my friend called me in a panic. She's been talking to this guy since Sunday. They've been hitting it off and talking every night. She said he makes her laugh a lot. They talked about getting together this Saturday. Everything sounds great, right?

Yesterday she took another look at his profile and noticed he's 5'4". She says she cannot go through with the date now. I encouraged her to go out with him anyway because it sounds like a good time and, who knows, his personality might overshadow his height. Nope. She says she can't get with short men. So it looks like she's planning on avoiding him. I really want to encourage her not to leave him hanging like that.

If it were me, I'd probably just say something about it being too soon after my separation. I thought I was ready to date, but I'm not.
Originally Posted by medussa
Personally, I would ask him if it's a typo. I dated a guy whose profile said he was an athiest and had no children, when in fact, he was Christian and had 2 children. Sometimes there are default settings on these questions, or we check things unknowingly.

(I have also known men to purposely check the lowest income level to ward off golddiggers even though they make good money.)

I would be honest.

If he is 5' 4", I would just be straight with him that I prefer a much taller man but that we can still be friends and still continue on w/ our Saturday plans on a platonic level, if he is interested.

I don't see the point in lying.

He knows he is short and he knows many women aren't going to like that. This wouldn't be a news flash to him. (As many posters on this thread have implied, the lying and the game playing are a lot more hurtful than the truth.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 04-19-2012 at 02:43 PM.
Whatever she does, please encourage her to not stand the guy up. He doesnt deserve that.
blackguitargirl and thelio like this.
Whatever she does, please encourage her to not stand the guy up. He doesnt deserve that.
Originally Posted by envgirl
+1!!

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My friend isn't standing him up. She plans on avoiding his calls and not responding to his messages. That I have a real problem with. He's going to be so confused because they had great conversations and seemed to really connect. He's got two kids, like her. He loves the same sports team her son is nuts about. He's funny.

With regard to my advice to her, my thinking was it better to be less than honest if it meant sparing his feelings. I'd have a very hard time telling someone who I was otherwise hitting off with that I've changed my mind because he's short. That's not something the guy can control.

I did have the thought it could be a typo. That was the first thing out of my mouth, actually.
Omg! I feel for her....but I feel bad for him too. He sounds like a great guy...it's a shame


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Ooh, that is a tough one. If it were me, I wouldn't stand him up or avoid his messages and calls, but I'm thinking twice about if I would tell the truth in order to spare his feelings a little. On the other hand, his height, though I'm sure it's been challenging, may not be much of a sore spot for him anymore. He's a grown man with kids. I'm not sure how comparable this is, but if a man I'd had some great phone convos with told me he just noticed my slim body type and prefers a voluptuous figure, I'd roll my eyes and be disappointed, maybe snap at him, but I'd brush it off quickly.

What are the chances that it's a typo? It's possible, as Spiderlashes has had that happen, but there are definitely some very short guys out there. If your friend was to ask if it was and it wasn't, she'd have to be honest that his height is a problem, because then saying, "Oh, I was just curious. And BTW, I'm sorry but I'm not ready to date just yet," would be an obvious lie. This is a tough one! I hate breaking things off with guys at any stage (if they're nice).

ETA: A woman having a slim rather than voluptuous figure and a man being very short rather than average or taller is not comparable, sorry.
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Last edited by diaspora; 04-19-2012 at 06:39 PM.
My friend isn't standing him up. She plans on avoiding his calls and not responding to his messages. That I have a real problem with. He's going to be so confused because they had great conversations and seemed to really connect. He's got two kids, like her. He loves the same sports team her son is nuts about. He's funny.

With regard to my advice to her, my thinking was it better to be less than honest if it meant sparing his feelings. I'd have a very hard time telling someone who I was otherwise hitting off with that I've changed my mind because he's short. That's not something the guy can control.

I did have the thought it could be a typo. That was the first thing out of my mouth, actually.
Originally Posted by medussa
But that's kind of the whole point of being on a dating site. You post your stats and a description of yourself so that others can review it and see if there could be a match.

That's why the dating site asks these questions.

And that's why hpeople answer them.

There's a lot of info in my profile that could be a dealbreaker to someone...but that's for them to decide. Not mad at them.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I wouldn't avoid the guy's calls/texts...geez. That's rude and a cop-out. Just be straight up and honest. We can't get mad at them for doing the same crap if we do it also. :shrug:

I have a story for you ladies Back around the holidays, my neighbor who is a few years younger than I (25), had his dad staying with him after moving here from a different state. I'd talk to the dad on and off as I was coming and going, or sitting on my patio. I found him super hot. Anyway, he moved out into his own place a few months back and I hadn't seen him since then. I was cleaning the other day with the windows and front door open, blaring music and dancing around when I turn around to see him peeking in and smiling and waving. I went over, chatted with him for a little bit, and he was on his way. I noticed he looked super hot, so I walked next door, and asked his son for his dad's number. His dad had given me his number before but I'd tossed it when he moved because I'm an idiot. Anyway, get back to my apartment and am cleaning the bathroom only to realize I chatted with the dad, and went to the son's door wearing my cleaning attire....t-shirt and panties. *sigh* I'm an idiot. Texted Ira (dad's name), he commented on how beautiful I looked. Of course I was scantily clad! and asked if I was interested in going on a date sometime. I said yes. He admitted he dates sometimes, and was actually headed to a date that night which I really found respectful because he could have lied. He mentioned he's not serious with anyone though and that he's been interested in me since he first met me. He said he'd call the next day (yesterday) but didn't. Should I text him and just say hey or wait until he contacts me? One big pet peeve of mine is when guys say they'll call and don't. HUGE pet peeve. Makes me feel like I'm not important enough for a promised phone call. Anyway, he's so freaking hot. He's 48, and looks barely 40. Nice body and pretty big blue eyes...salt and pepper hair...WHOOO!
25", hennahead, CO, goal: hip
Wow Coco....that's awesome! Don't u love when things work out like that?!


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Coco - I'd wait for him to call. You initiated by asking for his number. If he is really interested, he will call when he says he will and follow through on his promises.
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So we had our first date last night. We went to a bar, which i didn't care for because it was too loud and I had to keep repeating myself. He starts by telling me he's seeing two other women who he "occasionally" sleeps with both. He tells me I walk around looking pissed, and people are intimidated by me, including him and his son, and his son's roommate (the son and roommate live right next door), and that I really need to change that. He also tells me he dated a South African chick who had never received oral sex...he insisted I keep ordering shots and was really being pushy about it. I had one shot and that was all I wanted. I mean I was driving for crying out loud. He said me not having more drinks made him uncomfortable?? He kept harping on me being mean, mentioning the same statements previously about my "mean look". If I recall he used the phrase "a mad black woman". He begged me to call my sitter and ask for more time so he and I could hang out some more. Numerous women came up to him during the date to hug him and flirt. I told him I didn't feel comfortable dating someone who is sleeping with more than one person and he justified it by saying because I'm only 28 and he's 48, that I wouldn't understand how he feels sleeping with multiple partners is no big deal. No buddy, I know exactly what it means, you're a man whore and you want your cake and to eat it too! He pulled the age card every time I confronted him for sleeping with two women, and kept saying I'm too young to understand. He told me he's heard me yelling at my kids, and that I need to work on that...he walked me out and asked to kiss me. I agreed. He is a horrible kisser...trying to lick my uvula while partially eating my face off. And then felt the need to tell me he had a hard on, and invited me to rub it. I was outta there.

Today he called, and I didn't answer, I had stuff to do. He called a second time, and sounded perturbed as to why I didn't answer before. I told him I am not obligated to answer every call, and if I'm busy I'm busy. He again referred to me as mean, and asked if were in a foul mood. I got really tired of him telling me I'm mean. He proceeded to ask if I wanted to go take a ride on his bike with him. First of all, you don't spring a last minute date on a parent, single or not. and secondly, he had already told me last night he had plans to take one of the other chicks out on the bike today...so I figured, yeah so now you're done with the one chick and are trying to fill the rest of your sunday evening.

He even told me the lady's name he was going with on his bike, and that he and her will probably kiss, hold hands, and whatever else with her, but that when he's with me, I'll get the same kissing, etc. To me it sounded a bit tawdry and just down right out of line to tell me about what he and she would be doing. On to the *not* next, as usual.
25", hennahead, CO, goal: hip
OMG! That is friggin horrible! I mean like " the humorously bad date u see in movies" horrible. So sorry!

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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Oh, goodness, CoCo, he sounds awful. I'm sorry you had a bad night. Sounds like that man has all sorts of hang-ups and misconceptions about women. But at least he revealed himself really quickly. I used to think that guys in their 40s (I'm in my 30s) must be mature and wanting to find monogamous relationships, but I learned via my last bf who was 46 that this is by no means necessarily true.
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Run, Cocolocks, run!!!
How do you end things with someone you think is really, really nice? I have a very difficult time ending things with people. I feel guilty even deleting guys from my Quiver, lol.

I've been dating this guy I met on OkC for 6 weeks and now I am pretty sure that, though he is nice, cute, smart, sweet, I would not want something serious with him.

Several times before tonight, I have brought up that I need this particular thing (developed world view/political perspective similar to mine and passion for it) if am going to get serious with someone, and that it seems he does not have this quality. He said he respects me more for caring about these things, but has his reasons for being kind of apathetic that he's explained to me. I don't think he's a bad person or anything for not being on the same page as me, I just know that I need someone who is, and think he deserves to be with someone who thinks he's amazing just the way he is.

So, today something came up that we clashed on politically and I felt really frustrated with him again. I told him the same thing again, how in order to continue the relationship and get more serious I'd need something different, and that it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to do what I would need him to do for me to want to continue-- basically homework and be someone who he just doesn't seem to be. I told him tons of other women would be thrilled with him just the way he is, but maybe it's best that we're just friends. He asked if I wanted him to leave and I said no, I'm just saying unless he wants to get more into social issues, which I told him I don't feel comfortable asking him to do, I think we should just be friends. Then he started caressing my arm and kissing me. He wanted to have sex and I said I didn't want to. I told him we should both think about what we talked about. We hugged and he went home.

Ugh! I feel so guilty that I don't want to continue a romantic thing with him. I always feel guilty, but he's 11 years younger than me and has very little experience. I don't want his feelings to be hurt and I really hope he wants to be friends. I'm also afraid that I will not be able to follow through ending things and will let things drag on. Any words of wisdom?
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
This guy is weird he keeps whining about being depressed and that he thinks the meds he takes to combat thinning hair is causing it.

I told him it's no big deal, so many of my guy friends just buzz their hair off and nobody cares.

He is sharing way too much to a girl he doesn't know and seems really insecure.




Thanks for the message! I was glad to hear that girls don't really mind a guy who is missing a bit of hair. I still have like 95% of my hair, and it's only noticeable from above. But even if I do go bald like my dad, I really just don't care too much as long as it's roughly age-appropriate. I don't have a receding hairline, it's more of a thinner patch in the back.

But anyway, I am definitely never taking that hair loss pill again because of the side effects; even the non-permanent reduction in certain things, just isn't worth it to fight nature. Plus I don't want to take a pill for the rest of my life. I was panicking reading dumb websites about people who supposedly are permanently impotent even after stopping taking it, and even if it's a 1 in a million shot, it's so not worth the risk. I also now realize that I don't want to screw around with my hormones when I am biologically healthy. I was so anxious that I thought it was coming true for me, but then I calmed down and got things together. Now everything is totally better- it was all from anxiety. I might use Rogaine if I start to lose too much hair, but it would be annoying to have to use that twice a day for the rest of my life and I have a feeling I wouldn't stick with it.

Talk to you soon,

Report this Apr 23, 2012 – 1:11am

Update: everything seems to be fine in terms of hairville and no side effects! In a couple months I may lose a little hair, but I wasn't willing to take those pills for the rest of my life, I can't screw with my hormones over hair.

Plus like you said, if I do lose a lot of hair I can just cut it short.
CIBC: <~~that is me right now after reading that.

No. Just...no. These are not things a guy who has self worth discusses with someone new.

coco, the neighbors dad is a real piece of work.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
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I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
CIBC: <~~that is me right now after reading that.

No. Just...no. These are not things a guy who has self worth discusses with someone new.

coco, the neighbors dad is a real piece of work.
Originally Posted by spring1onu
And the fact that he sent me an update ABOUT HIS HAIR when I didn't even respond to the other message!
(Telling my friend this story)

Me: You know if I blow him off, he'll turn it on me that I'm superficial because he's balding...

Friend: Oh, of course. And we're okay with that.

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