The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

Like Tree528Likes

OMG, he sounds nuts. Why does he think anyone else is remotely interested in his hair situation? As if you spent the rest of the day wondering how he was doing with the hair and his hormones.
Oh and lol at your friend!
So I don't respond talking about my menstrual cramps?
I suppose a comment on how your flow is affected by your birth control might be a good start
Or the hormones I had to take because I am freezing my eggs because I am SO DESPERATE to have babies...................
CIBC, I'd be careful because he will probably think you're flirting.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
The thing is, despite how obsessed I am with my own hair, it really wouldn't bother me if a guy had that problem. I know a ton of guys who just buzz it off.

Going on and on and on? Screams insecurity!!!!
How do you end things with someone you think is really, really nice? I have a very difficult time ending things with people. I feel guilty even deleting guys from my Quiver, lol.

I've been dating this guy I met on OkC for 6 weeks and now I am pretty sure that, though he is nice, cute, smart, sweet, I would not want something serious with him.

Several times before tonight, I have brought up that I need this particular thing (developed world view/political perspective similar to mine and passion for it) if am going to get serious with someone, and that it seems he does not have this quality. He said he respects me more for caring about these things, but has his reasons for being kind of apathetic that he's explained to me. I don't think he's a bad person or anything for not being on the same page as me, I just know that I need someone who is, and think he deserves to be with someone who thinks he's amazing just the way he is.

So, today something came up that we clashed on politically and I felt really frustrated with him again. I told him the same thing again, how in order to continue the relationship and get more serious I'd need something different, and that it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to do what I would need him to do for me to want to continue-- basically homework and be someone who he just doesn't seem to be. I told him tons of other women would be thrilled with him just the way he is, but maybe it's best that we're just friends. He asked if I wanted him to leave and I said no, I'm just saying unless he wants to get more into social issues, which I told him I don't feel comfortable asking him to do, I think we should just be friends. Then he started caressing my arm and kissing me. He wanted to have sex and I said I didn't want to. I told him we should both think about what we talked about. We hugged and he went home.

Ugh! I feel so guilty that I don't want to continue a romantic thing with him. I always feel guilty, but he's 11 years younger than me and has very little experience. I don't want his feelings to be hurt and I really hope he wants to be friends. I'm also afraid that I will not be able to follow through ending things and will let things drag on. Any words of wisdom?
Originally Posted by diaspora
I don't have any advice for you, unfortunately, but I sympathize. I've been in similar situations in the past (not over political world views or activism, but over other ways in which it just wasn't right) and I've always let it drag on. I think you've handled it really well so far: saying that it wouldn't be fair for you to ask him to change unless he's inclined to, that he needs to be with someone who would appreciate him as he is, etc. You've done the work of expressing why you want to end it, which is very hard, so it's just a matter of following through. Good luck.
diaspora likes this.
In search of a lost signature...
^^Thanks, Ursula. I've been freaking out about this a little and started a thread about it on the main board. I'm going to see him today and really hope I can stick to my guns. I'm going to practice what I want to say and get a pep talk from a friend before I go. My ideal outcome is that he agrees to be friends, as I like him and I don't have many friends in the city I live in yet. But I will consider it a success if he doesn't freak out and seems to accept it.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.

I told him the only meds I have ever taken was Welbutrin because I'm depressed and crazy (THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM GO AWAY!) and that I ended-up losing a ton of weight with it and everyone thought I was sick.

I totally agree about lifetime chemical usage. Well, some do need it, but not everyone. Like my cousin's bipolar ex wife should not have gone off her meds. I think it led her to cheat on him a LOT and that broke up their marriage.

I read tha Wellbutrin causes anorexia in 5% of people, so it sounds like that happened as a side effect.. Although it can be good to take meds for awhile, depending on the situation, anorexia is deadly and not worth any benefits. There are others that don't cause that side effect, but then they usually seem to cause side effects that would make it hard to have a normal relationship.


How's you week been otherwise? Looking forward to the weekend?
^^Thanks, Ursula. I've been freaking out about this a little and started a thread about it on the main board. I'm going to see him today and really hope I can stick to my guns. I'm going to practice what I want to say and get a pep talk from a friend before I go. My ideal outcome is that he agrees to be friends, as I like him and I don't have many friends in the city I live in yet. But I will consider it a success if he doesn't freak out and seems to accept it.
Originally Posted by diaspora
I hope you get some good advice, and that the break-up attempt goes well!
In search of a lost signature...
Good luck tonight Diaspora, CIBC, I hope you're making this whole thing up for entertainment value!
At least you know this man would stick by through anything, craziness, anorexia, whatever.
CanItBeChristine likes this.
GUYS.

I have been eyeing this thread for a while wondering if I should pop my head in and haven't because I haven't had anything to discuss but!

The past few days I've been talking on Skype with this really cool guy who has all the same political opinions as I do (I'm with you on that one, diaspora) and has awesome taste in books and expressed an interest in reading my writing and then gave me extremely smart compliments about it and brought it up twice since even. AND he's nice and funny exactly the right level of nerdy and we started exchanging past OKC horror stories which was fun.

But ... he lives in Arizona. I live in New York.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
I give all of you credit for doing the online dating thing.
____________________________________
Lo-Poo Renpure (RED) Moisturizing Shampoo
Conditioner Renpure (RED) Moisturizing
Styler GVPCB, Biotera Gel
Clarification Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo, VO5 Vanilla Mint Shampoo, BS/ACV Rinse
DT Pure Coconut Oil
_________________________________

*MAY is Celiac Awareness Month*
Get into the action and educate yourself
to help support those with
Celiac Disease or gluten sensitivities
as it's sadly
a modern day aliment for some many


Last edited by thosecurls; 04-27-2012 at 05:26 AM.
Fail. Looks like ending things with this guy is going to take another conversation. Doing it in person is just too complicated because he started caressing me and kissing me because he couldn't deal with the conversation I guess, and it made me feel guilty and weird. I told him I just wanted to be friends and why, and he backpedaled and said he IS excited about social justice, just hasn't been good at expressing it, and he DOES agree with many of my positions, it is just natural for him to play devil's advocate and maybe it's a character flaw and he will work on it. He really, really, does not want this to end.

He asked me the dreaded, "Are you not attracted to me anymore?" I said while I think he is an attractive man, my attraction for him has decreased because of the way I feel about him. It was so hard to admit that. You'd think he'd accept that it's over after that, but no.

We left it that we're not going to have sex, but we can hang out and see if my feelings change. I would feel humiliated in that situation and would say f-you! I told him it would be understandable if he didn't even want to be my friend. He talked me into letting him stay over so he could hold me. It's ridiculous. Next time he calls, I will tell him I thought about it more and I just want to be friends, and since we'll be on the phone, he won't be able to start kissing me.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
Fail. Looks like ending things with this guy is going to take another conversation. Doing it in person is just too complicated because he started caressing me and kissing me because he couldn't deal with the conversation I guess, and it made me feel guilty and weird. I told him I just wanted to be friends and why, and he backpedaled and said he IS excited about social justice, just hasn't been good at expressing it, and he DOES agree with many of my positions, it is just natural for him to play devil's advocate and maybe it's a character flaw and he will work on it. He really, really, does not want this to end.

He asked me the dreaded, "Are you not attracted to me anymore?" I said while I think he is an attractive man, my attraction for him has decreased because of the way I feel about him. It was so hard to admit that. You'd think he'd accept that it's over after that, but no.

We left it that we're not going to have sex, but we can hang out and see if my feelings change. I would feel humiliated in that situation and would say f-you! I told him it would be understandable if he didn't even want to be my friend. He talked me into letting him stay over so he could hold me. It's ridiculous. Next time he calls, I will tell him I thought about it more and I just want to be friends, and since we'll be on the phone, he won't be able to start kissing me.
Originally Posted by diaspora

He sounds manipulative. Maybe you are underestimating him...

The red parts made me LOL, tho.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Fail. Looks like ending things with this guy is going to take another conversation. Doing it in person is just too complicated because he started caressing me and kissing me because he couldn't deal with the conversation I guess, and it made me feel guilty and weird. I told him I just wanted to be friends and why, and he backpedaled and said he IS excited about social justice, just hasn't been good at expressing it, and he DOES agree with many of my positions, it is just natural for him to play devil's advocate and maybe it's a character flaw and he will work on it. He really, really, does not want this to end.

He asked me the dreaded, "Are you not attracted to me anymore?" I said while I think he is an attractive man, my attraction for him has decreased because of the way I feel about him. It was so hard to admit that. You'd think he'd accept that it's over after that, but no.

We left it that we're not going to have sex, but we can hang out and see if my feelings change. I would feel humiliated in that situation and would say f-you! I told him it would be understandable if he didn't even want to be my friend. He talked me into letting him stay over so he could hold me. It's ridiculous. Next time he calls, I will tell him I thought about it more and I just want to be friends, and since we'll be on the phone, he won't be able to start kissing me.
Originally Posted by diaspora
Hon, you REALLY need to find a way to get him to stop doing this. I'm getting a really upsetting vibe of him not being willing or able to respect your boundaries in any way and I think you need to just cut it off altogether.
2a/b (really thick but sort of fine with pretty weak waves), medium-to-fine texture, normal porosity (I think). Doesn't seem to like protein.

Favorite products: Kinky-Curly Knot Today, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard, Curl Junkie Curls in a Bottle, Curl Junkie Curl Rehab, Curl Junkie Curl Assurance Smoothing Lotion, Shea Moisture Curl and Style Milk, homemade flaxseed gel.

Still looking for a cleanser I like.
Looking for opinions here:

I went out w/ a guy last night, and it was the second time we 'd hung out. (Our first date was last Friday and consisted of time spent at the park and then he took us out to eat...he paid)

So last night the date was unplanned. He texted me at 8 pm and told me he had just gotten off work and asked me if I was doing anything. I told him no. And he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said sure. And he asked where? I told him I didn't care. Then I asked him if he had eaten. He said no and told me to meet him at a wings spot. I said OK and met him there 15 mins later.

So when we walked in, he asked me what I wanted. And I told him nothing; I wasn't hungry (I didn't tell him but just prior to his texting me, I'd gone to Starbucks and wasn't in the mood for anything else.)

So he and manager recognized each other and they spoke briefly, and then the manager said when we're ready to order we can come back up to the counter but in the meantime we can get a table.

So we sit down, without him having ordered anything, and talk for about an hour.

Eventually, I realize he still hasn't ordered anything and ask him if he's going to eat. He asks me if I'm gong to, and I say no. And he says he's not going to. He doesn't seem annoyed or anything and we just continue talking until they start to close the restaurant and we have to leave.

So I'm like, "OMG, you didn't get to eat."

And he says he'll get something when he goes home.

I know he hadn't eaten before we met up bc he was at work (and eating would not have been possible).

So I'm wondering if he was waiting for me to offer to pay and that's why he didn't to eat...on general principle he refused to pay when he had paid the last time?

Or could it be he felt weird being the only one eating if I wasn't going to eat? (Someone told me that could be the reason but I can't imagine why. Why wouldone person feel weird if the other person isn't hungry and you are??)

Any ideas?

I certainy don't want him to think I am stingy or a gold digger or something.

It's just that I'd had this conversation w/ some friends a few days ago and the concensus was it's fine to trade off on paying when you are in a relationship w/ the guy (or if you explicitly initiate the date)...but otherwise, the guy should continue to pay for the first few dates if he wants to please you. So that was fresh in my mind and on a subconcious level, I had no intention of paying last night, as it was only date #2.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 04-26-2012 at 02:32 PM.
Personally I would feel a little awkward eating in front of someone I'm just getting to know if they weren't eating as well. Might be weird, but I just imagine myself in that situation and that is how I'd feel.




Byron,GA> Charleston, SC> Jacksonville, FL> Guilford, CT> Rohnert Park, CA! A southern drawl in sunny Cali! .
The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
I do have a secret yen for pink in unexpected places. ~ninja dog
I've decided that I'll never get down to my original weight, and I'm OK with that--After all, 8 pounds 2 oz. is just not realistic.
Oh, and here's the email where he ORIGINALLY started talking about his hairloss...
I just saw in the news some scary things about permanent side effects being announced; I don't think it'd happen to me, and my side effects weren't profound, but still. It got me thinking, like, why risk it? I wasn't really losing much hair, and part of me thinks that if I do start getting bald in my 40s, ok, so what? I'll still have my confidence and everything, I just don't want to have any side effects.

I'm trying not to read online about people posting up horror stories- but even if the side effects don't go away, as long as they don't get any worse after I stop, I'd be okay. But, I feel good about the decision to stop taking it, even though it was a snap decision I made just a few hours ago. As I think about it, it's just not good to mess around with my hormones. And do I want to be doing that for the rest of my life? Hopefully/prayerfully everything will be 100% normal in a few weeks or months, since it was only fairly recently that the side effects started happening (even though I'd been taking it for maybe two years.) I'm going to pray for it all to be okay... I think in *most* cases the side effects would go away after you stop, and even if they don't, at this point they'd still be mild enough that I wouldn't have any serious consequences. I hadn't taken any today, and so I put it away and I'm going to give it a rest and see how I feel after a few weeks- I think I will feel much better.
Spiderlashes and Amandamarie,

You know, I think you're right. His behavior is manipulative. Thanks for saying that. He may not intend it to be, but that doesn't matter. I guess I didn't see it because I've been so emotional about not wanting to hurt his feelings, and yes, probably have underestimated him since I've been feeling kinda sorry for him. I will def keep the next (and final!) breakup conversation on the phone.
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:16 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com