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Old 04-26-2012, 02:40 PM   #1101
 
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Looking for opinions here:

I went out w/ a guy last night, and it was the second time we 'd hung out. (Our first date was last Friday and consisted of time spent at the park and then he took us out to eat...he paid)

So last night the date was unplanned. He texted me at 8 pm and told me he had just gotten off work and asked me if I was doing anything. I told him no. And he asked me if I wanted to meet up. I said sure. And he asked where? I told him I didn't care. Then I asked him if he had eaten. He said no and told me to meet him at a wings spot. I said OK and met him there 15 mins later.

So when we walked in, he asked me what I wanted. And I told him nothing; I wasn't hungry (I didn't tell him but just prior to his texting me, I'd gone to Starbucks and wasn't in the mood for anything else.)

So he and manager recognized each other and they spoke briefly, and then the manager said when we're ready to order we can come back up to the counter but in the meantime we can get a table.

So we sit down, without him having ordered anything, and talk for about an hour.

Eventually, I realize he still hasn't ordered anything and ask him if he's going to eat. He asks me if I'm gong to, and I say no. And he says he's not going to. He doesn't seem annoyed or anything and we just continue talking until they start to close the restaurant and we have to leave.

So I'm like, "OMG, you didn't get to eat."

And he says he'll get something when he goes home.

I know he hadn't eaten before we met up bc he was at work (and eating would not have been possible).

So I'm wondering if he was waiting for me to offer to pay and that's why he didn't to eat...on general principle he refused to pay when he had paid the last time?

Or could it be he felt weird being the only one eating if I wasn't going to eat? (Someone told me that could be the reason but I can't imagine why. Why wouldone person feel weird if the other person isn't hungry and you are??)

Any ideas?

I certainy don't want him to think I am stingy or a gold digger or something.

It's just that I'd had this conversation w/ some friends a few days ago and the concensus was it's fine to trade off on paying when you are in a relationship w/ the guy (or if you explicitly initiate the date)...but otherwise, the guy should continue to pay for the first few dates if he wants to please you. So that was fresh in my mind and on a subconcious level, I had no intention of paying last night, as it was only date #2.
My guess would be that he's the kind of person who doesn't want to eat if the person he's with isn't eating. I think it would be odd if he just assumed you were going to alternate paying on your dates. I've offered to pay after a guy's paid for me (if it's a cheap meal, lol), but I can't think of any times when the guy's expected me to pay every other time.
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:41 PM   #1102
 
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CIBC, is he looking for a girlfriend or a Dr.??
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:49 PM   #1103
 
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cibc, is he looking for a girlfriend or a dr.??

we don't even talk about our hair as much as this guy talks about his!!!
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Old 04-26-2012, 03:11 PM   #1104
 
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CanItBeChristine, that's just WEIRD.

diaspora, I'm glad you agree with me/us ... it's not okay. At all.

spiderlashes, I wouldn't feel totally comfortable eating in front of someone if they weren't eating either. So that might be where he was coming from. If the conversation was good, I wouldn't worry about it?
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Old 04-26-2012, 07:12 PM   #1105
 
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Spiderlashes: I'm with the others. I thinking he probably just didn't want to eat in front of you if you weren't eating. I wouldn't either. However, I wouldn't have a problem with somebody else eating in front of me.

It also could be the fact that he simply enjoyed talking to you and didn't want to take time to eat. It sounds like you guys had a great conversation, so that may be the other option.
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:08 PM   #1106
 
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Fail. Looks like ending things with this guy is going to take another conversation. Doing it in person is just too complicated because he started caressing me and kissing me because he couldn't deal with the conversation I guess, and it made me feel guilty and weird. I told him I just wanted to be friends and why, and he backpedaled and said he IS excited about social justice, just hasn't been good at expressing it, and he DOES agree with many of my positions, it is just natural for him to play devil's advocate and maybe it's a character flaw and he will work on it. He really, really, does not want this to end.

He asked me the dreaded, "Are you not attracted to me anymore?" I said while I think he is an attractive man, my attraction for him has decreased because of the way I feel about him. It was so hard to admit that. You'd think he'd accept that it's over after that, but no.

We left it that we're not going to have sex, but we can hang out and see if my feelings change. I would feel humiliated in that situation and would say f-you! I told him it would be understandable if he didn't even want to be my friend. He talked me into letting him stay over so he could hold me. It's ridiculous. Next time he calls, I will tell him I thought about it more and I just want to be friends, and since we'll be on the phone, he won't be able to start kissing me.
Dont spend anymore time alone with this guy. I think he's sounds manipulative too! He's taking advatage of how nice you're being
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:13 PM   #1107
 
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Spiderlashes, on my first few dates with people, Im shy about eating at all and definitely wouldnt if they didnt eat too. Its just nervousness. Im sure he doesnt expect you to pay on the second date. If you feel like you should pay, next time, invite him out and foot the bill.

CIBC, this guy sounds like a winner!
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Old 04-27-2012, 11:12 PM   #1108
 
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"Just like I don't want to like humans. I don't want to start liking you. So like you should be a terrible person for awhile so that that doesn't happen. Have you ever considered committing puppy genocide?"

You guys. This boy is way too cute. But he lives all the way across the country. What do I even do.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:07 AM   #1109
 
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Yikes...heard from 5 new guys yesterday!
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Old 04-28-2012, 08:30 AM   #1110
 
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This guy has amazing taste.

Quote:
Apr 28, 2012 9:50am Totally. Dig. The hair. It kind of reminds me of a soft and shiny field of wheat, slowly waving in the field on a warm and lazy summer day -- right before it gets harvested and processed into beer. Why beer? Who knows, I love beer. And you reminded me of it, which made me smile. And smiling usually means happiness. And happiness at first online glimpse means... love at first sight I guess? Haha kidding.
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Old 04-28-2012, 01:03 PM   #1111
 
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Originally Posted by amandamarie View Post
"Just like I don't want to like humans. I don't want to start liking you. So like you should be a terrible person for awhile so that that doesn't happen. Have you ever considered committing puppy genocide?"

You guys. This boy is way too cute. But he lives all the way across the country. What do I even do.
Why not see where it leads? But I'm an open-to-experience type of person.
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Old 04-28-2012, 07:20 PM   #1112
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amandamarie View Post
"Just like I don't want to like humans. I don't want to start liking you. So like you should be a terrible person for awhile so that that doesn't happen. Have you ever considered committing puppy genocide?"

You guys. This boy is way too cute. But he lives all the way across the country. What do I even do.
Why not see where it leads? But I'm an open-to-experience type of person.
I guess that's all there is to do!
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Old 04-28-2012, 08:40 PM   #1113
 
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my friend Steve has been acting weird for a while. i realize his life has been turned upside down, but since he moved 2/3 of the way across the country, he's been texting me all the time. we had gone out a few times since meeting a week before xmas 2010 then nothing happened. i had no idea he even found me attractive until he said something to me online back in January.

and then he moved!

*sigh*

he's going to come home at the end of June to make some decision about whether or not to go back to Edmonton or stay here. i think i'm going to have to ask him if we can spend some time together and see if we like each other....
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Old 04-30-2012, 04:16 AM   #1114
 
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Oh my gosh, Weirdo Balding Guy.

STOP COMPLAINING.

A TWENTY-SEVEN YEAR OLD GUY SHOULD NOT BE WHINING THIS MUCH ABOUT ANYTHING TO A TOTAL STRANGER!

He asked me what I was doing this weekend and I just responded with, "I have a date".

Hoping that would be enough.

But.

Oh, no.
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So on Friday, I got bad news... they were going to fire me from my job! :'( I convinced them not to fire me (somehow) and instead they are cutting my pay and are giving me two months of a probation period, and if they aren't satisfied that things are different then I will be fired.

One of my bosses commented that this isn't even a very good job that I'm fighting for, but I told him that to me it was, and how hard it is to find a lawyer job, and how much I want this so that I can at least get experience. The female boss said it was like American Idol where I've been told that I need to improve or I will be gone. I'm making first-year lawyer mistakes, but they are saying that I haven't been improving fast enough, and that they don't like when I go above and beyond by doing extra research, since they consider that to be not following directions.

So, I have to obviously now stop trying to impress them by doing extra research. I also am going to need to triple check EVERYTHING. And learn to follow these other weird quirks, where one of them doesn't like to get e-mails because she just won't read them if they are more than 2 sentences long. She also told me that if she were me, she'd look for another job while trying to improve, so I am going to revamp my resume and start making use of my contacts and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out, then I will I guess have to switch careers Hopefully my long-term career goals will not be thwarted. If I have to go back to college to get a new degree in something that would lead to a happier life, then I'd also do that. It's just hard because I felt like I was getting settled in there, and that things were going fine, when suddenly I was blindsided by this.

Anyway, gah. I just hope it all works out... do you have any words of wisdom or advice or encouragement? I could so use them right now!!!

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Old 04-30-2012, 06:34 AM   #1115
 
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LMAO. Seems to me this guy doesnt have any friends which leads to him oversharing with strangers. Based on his messages, his lay off probably has more to do with his personality than abilities as an attorney.
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:26 AM   #1116
 
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What I don't get it is...he obviously went to law school and worked very hard there, as everybody I know who goes to law school does.

Why would he give-up so easily on it if he lost this job? I know ALL jobs are hard to find...but if this was what he wanted to do...can't he bartend for a bit while he looks for another instead of going back to college for a whole new career?!

Or am I just so used to artists and have that mentality?Where none of my friends who are really passionate about what they want to do will EVER give-up like that?
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:27 AM   #1117
 
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I'm going to pursue online dating with the same tenacity as I do applying to jobs, STRICTLY for the sake of getting stories.

If very important decision-making factor were based only on how much you like a picture and enjoy a profile, I'd definitely proposed to you... I'd love to get to know you. ...agree?
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:12 AM   #1118
 
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What I don't get it is...he obviously went to law school and worked very hard there, as everybody I know who goes to law school does.

Why would he give-up so easily on it if he lost this job? I know ALL jobs are hard to find...but if this was what he wanted to do...can't he bartend for a bit while he looks for another instead of going back to college for a whole new career?!

Or am I just so used to artists and have that mentality?Where none of my friends who are really passionate about what they want to do will EVER give-up like that?


I decided to ask him! (Getting the impression that he sounds like a spoiled brat annoying kid who has had everything handed to him.)



I wrote:

Wow, that's awful. It's always a horrible feeling to be put on the spot like that.'

What I don't get it is...you obviously went to law school and worked very hard there and piled-up a ton of student loans, as everybody I know who goes to law school does.

Why would you give-up so easily on it if you lost this job? I know ALL jobs are hard to find...but if this was what you wanted to do...can't you bartend for a bit while you look for another instead of going back to college for a whole new career?

Or am I just so used to artists and have that mentality that having a passion and a goal is more important than immediate success and making good money?

Honest question...
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Old 04-30-2012, 10:48 AM   #1119
 
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Yay I have a date Saturday! New POF prospect. Also going for a girls night with my BFF that I don't get to see enuff!


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Old 04-30-2012, 10:57 AM   #1120
 
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And now Mr. No Hair wants a therapist. I think he should find a job at the hospital... Poor guy.
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The amount of time from slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is exactly one bananosecond.
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