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Old 05-09-2012, 08:33 AM   #1161
 
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I decided to not respond to the "titterer". I figured since we'd only met up for coffee once, that I didnt owe him a "breakup" email or text....I do feel a little bad though. Did i do the wrong thing?
Are you saying he texted or called you and asked you out again or tried to communicate w/ you as though he is assuming you guys will go out again?

In that case, I would respond and decline politey and give a brief explanation of "no chemistry," "better off as friends," "pursuing something w/ someone else" etc.

Sometimes, the guy knows the dated sucked and/or that I didn't enjoy myself and he won't call to ask for another date (he'll hint while still on the date that he hopes for another date but when I repeatedly give off "not interested" signals on the date, he won't follow up w/ a call). In those instances, I don't bother to call/text/email just to tell him what he already knows...that I'm not interested.

Or sometimes, I will go out w/ a guy and he will suspect I didn't enjoy myself so he will send a "feeler" text/email or leave a "feeler" voicemail, saying something like, "what's new?" or "how are you doing?"

In that case, I may or may not respond. If I do, it's very curt like, "not much" or "fine thnx" and they usually get the hint after a couple of those msgs.

But if a guy contacts me to say, "I had a great time and I can't wait to see you again. Are you free on Friday?" then I will respond and politely tell him I'm not interested.

Wow, the titter was that annoying to you? LOL

Would you consider telling him that, i.e., for future reference? LOL
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Old 05-09-2012, 08:46 AM   #1162
 
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His VM said he called to hi, so I guess he was feeling me out.
Wouldnt the titter bother you at all? Is there something wrong with me? lol. The titter coupled with the head dip made him unattractive to me.
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Old 05-09-2012, 09:13 AM   #1163
 
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No new stories?
I have been fairly consstently seeing the guy who is the retired pro athlete.

He is a lot of fun and very sexy.

I think he likes me a lot. He told me he understands that I have a very busy schedule but he wants to spend as much time w/ me as he can. Whenever I'm free, he will figure out a way for us to hang out. And he has every time.

I feel like I'm #1 on his list. But he has a list. I think he will always have and want a list bc he is a former superstar college athlete and a former pro athlete and that's just how they roll.

It's ony been three weeks, so I don't expect exclusivity at this point. But I just get the feeling that he thrives on attn (from women and men...obviously in different ways).

It's kind of fun going out w/ him bc he is a celebrity, I guess, and people recognize him wherever he goes, and they're probably wondering "who is she??" LOL

There are a few other issues that make me wonder if he's the best guy for me. But he is nice and fun to be around, so maybe I will just not overthink it and just enjoy myself for a little while.

Not sure yet.

Not much of an update. But that's all I have.

Well, there is someone else, who has been extremely persistent, LOL who I might agree to go out w/. I had all but ruled him out but now I am considering him again.

My real hope is that my exbf and I can get back together in the future, so that is what my mind is on mostly.
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Old 05-09-2012, 09:16 AM   #1164
 
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His VM said he called to hi, so I guess he was feeling me out.
Wouldnt the titter bother you at all? Is there something wrong with me? lol. The titter coupled with the head dip made him unattractive to me.
I dated a guy who pursed his lips a lot (not from a dating site). It was annoying but...

Dealbreakers are all pretty individual. If it's a problem for you, then it's a problem.

But I might wanna see how the booty works first before X-ing him out! LOL Just kidding. Really. Just kidding.
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Old 05-09-2012, 02:57 PM   #1165
 
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His VM said he called to hi, so I guess he was feeling me out.
Wouldnt the titter bother you at all? Is there something wrong with me? lol. The titter coupled with the head dip made him unattractive to me.
You can't help it if some of his mannerisms turn you off. I feel like, when you feel turned off by something for whatever reason, it's probably a sign that the person's not right for you, that there are other things that make you incompatible. Yet, I'm hard on myself too and feel shallow when something physical turns me off. But, going with your gut, how you feel, is the right thing to do IMO.
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Old 05-09-2012, 05:36 PM   #1166
 
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No new stories?
Well, as I announced in the Say It thread, I have had it with everyone/everything and am becoming a nun.
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Old 05-11-2012, 10:27 AM   #1167
 
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Oh don't give up! I've been on a date with a nice guy who I will see again next weekend, and am currently chatting with 2 hotties that couldn't be more my type!


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Old 05-11-2012, 10:50 AM   #1168
 
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I second the not giving up thing, I was ready to give up and get myself 2 dogs and another cat but have decided to at least get through this summer with (somewhat) of a positive attitude and outlook. I dont have any hotties in the wings like goddess but we'll see....
Im chatting with a few new guys so we'll see what happens.
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Old 05-11-2012, 11:58 PM   #1169
 
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Man...I think I need therapy. So one guy we'll call The Shrink we had a date...great time...have another next week. The Jamaican is another one...I just gave him my number...we've chatted back and forth he's real cute..we have good convo so far. Then a mixed guy who seems to have a lot in common with me, nice funny..not the most my physical type tho. Talking to each and thinking I could have real prospects here...and it starts to scare me....what is wrong with me!


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 05-12-2012, 06:46 AM   #1170
 
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@GoddessCurls - Fear of commitment? :-)
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Old 05-12-2012, 10:49 AM   #1171
 
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I don't know how I get over that


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 05-12-2012, 09:40 PM   #1172
 
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Is it more common with online dating for guys not to pay on first dates?

I've only really been dating for the last two years or so (I'm 23, just nothing much was happening there for my teenage years) and most of that has been via OKC. Every date I've had with someone I met in "real life", the guys have paid everything - movie tickets, meals, taxis, etc. My OKC dates though, more of the guys don't pay or even offer to.

Is this an online thing? Because it's more casual the guys don't want to invest?

Is it a sign that a guy's just Not That Into You (although, all the non-payers have asked me out on second dates...?)

Also....not sure this has anything to do with anything but all of the non-payers have been Middle Eastern or Indian, while all the Hispanic, White and Black guys I've dated have either offered or insisted on paying on the first date.....is this a cultural thing or just coincidence?

Maybe I just need to be less traditional and not let it bother me....
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:17 AM   #1173
 
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Every guy I've dated online has paid every time.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:43 PM   #1174
 
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I don't know how I get over that


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Maybe try to figure out exactly what frightens you about commitment. It is easier said than done.
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Old 05-13-2012, 09:51 PM   #1175
 
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It may be outdated, but usually if a guy is interested, he will pay. It could be a cultural thing. In some countries, men and women are more on equal footing, so it isn't custom for a man to open doors for her or anything that is considered proper dating etiquette in the US. I've dated American guys with Indian parents, and they paid.
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Old 05-14-2012, 09:57 AM   #1176
 
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Triple Spiral,

I don't think a guy not paying is necessarily a sign that he's not into you, nor do I think that paying is necessarily a sign that he is. Most guys I've met online have paid, but a couple have expected us to go dutch. My guess is that it's cultural, most men expect to pay, but some men, maybe from their culture ethnically, their age, or just their personality, might not pay.

A guy I dated for 6 weeks recently expected us to go dutch, and it annoyed me particularly because I don't have a job right now and he wanted to go out way more often than I could afford. After a couple weeks I told him if he wanted to keep going out, he would have to do most of the paying and he was fine with that. This guy was also kind of young (2 and I think some men of that generation are letting go of the "guy always pays" thing.
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Old 05-14-2012, 12:48 PM   #1177
 
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Is it more common with online dating for guys not to pay on first dates?

I've only really been dating for the last two years or so (I'm 23, just nothing much was happening there for my teenage years) and most of that has been via OKC. Every date I've had with someone I met in "real life", the guys have paid everything - movie tickets, meals, taxis, etc. My OKC dates though, more of the guys don't pay or even offer to.

Is this an online thing? Because it's more casual the guys don't want to invest?

Is it a sign that a guy's just Not That Into You (although, all the non-payers have asked me out on second dates...?)

Also....not sure this has anything to do with anything but all of the non-payers have been Middle Eastern or Indian, while all the Hispanic, White and Black guys I've dated have either offered or insisted on paying on the first date.....is this a cultural thing or just coincidence?

Maybe I just need to be less traditional and not let it bother me....

I think it's def more common than not that men (online andelsewhere) pay on the first couple of dates. However, I have noticed that there is a trend moving awy from that; some men will even write in their profile that they will only go dutch when meeting women online...to ward off dinner-diggers.

(Apparently, some women are serial daters who go out w/ men they have no interest in just for free meals and for entertainment purposes. And guys are getting hip to this and saying no.)

To qualify, all of the above refers to my experiences with African American men...I don't date men of other ethnic groups so I don't know firsthand about them. I do have platonic European American male friends and I believe they generally pay the first few dates, too.

I did meet a guy a few years ago and found out later that he had been quite intereted in me...however, he did not pay for my lunch the day we met. Admittedly, the meet up was very, very casual and kind of a last minute thing we decided after trying for a few weeks to work out dinner plans and not having any luck. We both got food from different vendors at a big international bazaar/market type place and ate outside on benches. It might have been a little awakward for him to have paid for me but was def doable. It was a turn off and, because I had met several other men around the same time, I eliminated this guy immediately based on his not paying and other factors. I don't know why he didn't pay.

About 6 weeks ago, I went out w/ another guy who didn't pay and that was a whole other story (which I think I wrote about on here)...he had no car and was living w/ his sister and "had fallen on hard times." I felt badly for him but wasn't wiling to put up w/ it.
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Old 05-16-2012, 10:26 PM   #1178
 
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I just had the most amazing date (sigh...). But I'm still really tipsy so we'll see how I feel in the morning...
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Old 05-17-2012, 12:50 AM   #1179
 
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I just had the most amazing date (sigh...). But I'm still really tipsy so we'll see how I feel in the morning...
Ooh.....that's great!


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Old 05-17-2012, 05:10 AM   #1180
 
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Quote:
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I just had the most amazing date (sigh...). But I'm still really tipsy so we'll see how I feel in the morning...
Ooh.....that's great!


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I know--I'm so excited! I was beginning to feel frustrated with online dating again so this was a nice surprise. I wanted to come right over here and share the news with my online dating friends! I'm so glad we have this thread.
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