The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread - Page 61

diaspora · 05-19-2012, 04:54 PM

How do you handle it when you've had a first date and really enjoyed the conversation, think the guy seems great and possibly compatible with you, but felt no spark? Like, you're hoping the guy doesn't try to kiss you goodnight. Do you accept a 2nd date to see if you feel something after a little more time, or do you write the person off as dating material immediately?

I keep going back and forth on this. I have a 2nd date tonight with someone who fits the above bill. Not sure if I'm wasting both of our time. And earlier today, I had a lunch date with a new guy who I have so much in common with it's uncanny, but felt no spark at all. (This one didn't look much like his pictures.) He wants a 2nd date and I said ok, then regretted doing so immediately after.

susu · 05-19-2012, 06:17 PM

OMG, I'm a little late, but Spider, your post about the creepy speller KILLED me (esp the part below). I'm still dying laughing. It almost makes me want to engage with some of the crazies who email me just for the laughs. My online dating experiences are so boring!

Quote:

Me: Specifically, what did I write in my profile that leads you to that conclusion?

Him: Well, it's not like I am on the computer right now and have your profile open.

Me: Perfect. Tell me what you remember from my profile that drew you in, specifically?

Him: uhhhhh...hmmmmm...you asked me too fast.

Me: I can ask it more slowly.

Him: OK, bc you are a hard worker.

Me: That's what you liked?

Him: And you're probably a good mother. If you have kids...I really can't remember. Do you have kids?

diaspora: When I'm in your situation, I usually go out on a second (or even third) date just to see what happens. I've had experiences where I really clicked with the guy, but then literally recoiled when he tried to kiss me on the 2nd or 3rd date - at which point it's pretty clear to both of us that there's no chemistry!

By the way, I remember you from several years ago, back when you went by urbancurl. I was seriously coveting your hair - and I see it still looks awesome!

GoddessCurls · 05-19-2012, 07:17 PM

If it wasn't for the few people who actually have success stories from online dating I'd be sure it just don't work.

Had a date tonight we were going to this good seafood spot on Philly that I always wanted to go to...anyhoo..I was at OT for work...he went to amusement park with friends and their kids...in ONE CAR! So of course when the brats didn't wanna leave he was stuck...got home way late..and we have broken plans again. I some how attract people who break plans with me...girls..guys...family...whatever. Do now im home...pissed...hungry...and dressed. I got a breakfast dinner on the stove...and it's a beautiful night and I'm stuck in!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

Corrina777 · 05-19-2012, 09:29 PM

Ugh! Just got a message on POF from random guy (his spelling, not mine):
"I live in Hyde Park to. You looking to hook up tonight? Your sexy"

Are the good guys really all married or gay?

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

GoddessCurls · 05-19-2012, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corrina777

Ugh! Just got a message on POF from random guy (his spelling, not mine):
"I live in Hyde Park to. You looking to hook up tonight? Your sexy"

Are the good guys really all married or gay?

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

Yes...yes they are! All taken or gay...and what's left are useless.

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

Wiregirl · 05-20-2012, 02:28 PM

I had an awful date yesterday afternoon with a real creep. First thing he tells me is how his nephew just got out of prison in Jan. after serving 11 years for shaking his 7 week old daughter to death. WTF. Then he goes on to name drop, talk a lot of crap. Turns out he doesn't have a job, lives with friends, plays in a band , age 54 never married! FML. But really I have met some great men, this is the only creep so far!

GoddessCurls · 05-20-2012, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wiregirl

I had an awful date yesterday afternoon with a real creep. First thing he tells me is how his nephew just got out of prison in Jan. after serving 11 years for shaking his 7 week old daughter to death. WTF. Then he goes on to name drop, talk a lot of crap. Turns out he doesn't have a job, lives with friends, plays in a band , age 54 never married! FML. But really I have met some great men, this is the only creep so far!

Sounds like a jerk I'm sorry. What a loser!

It's really a good thing I never wanted to have kids because if I did my clock is going to be running out anyway. I really wanted to meet a guy the normal way. More often than not the guys I meet online end up disappointing me. If I trusted modern medicine more I'll get on antidepressants. Life stinks!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

envgirl · 05-20-2012, 06:15 PM

Goddess, life doesnt stink, just alot of men do.
I unfortunately did/do have dreams of having kids, Im already 33 and that hope is slowly dying.

Keep your head up, there more to life than dating and we've got to keep that in mind. We've got to take the power out of it somehow

diaspora · 05-20-2012, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susu

...diaspora: When I'm in your situation, I usually go out on a second (or even third) date just to see what happens. I've had experiences where I really clicked with the guy, but then literally recoiled when he tried to kiss me on the 2nd or 3rd date - at which point it's pretty clear to both of us that there's no chemistry!

By the way, I remember you from several years ago, back when you went by urbancurl. I was seriously coveting your hair - and I see it still looks awesome!

Thank you for the compliment!

Yeah, I guess if someone otherwise seems great, why not give it a couple more tries?

diaspora · 05-20-2012, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by envgirl

Goddess, life doesnt stink, just alot of men do.
I unfortunately did/do have dreams of having kids, Im already 33 and that hope is slowly dying.

Keep your head up, there more to life than dating and we've got to keep that in mind. We've got to take the power out of it somehow

Yeah, I get pretty down about this too, what seems like repeated disappointment. But I try not to let myself lose hope for very long.

And at 33, there's still lots of time to have kids. And there's fostering and adoption too.

GoddessCurls · 05-20-2012, 07:53 PM

Thanks guys. And I know there is more to life than dating but my friends and family all bail or are too busy. If I wanna go out...im going out alone...which is no fun. Summer is here and it's me and my cat!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

rouquinne · 05-20-2012, 08:05 PM

so the guy who sent me that message asking why i'm still single sent me a reply. i responded as suggested earlier.

I believe there as to be that sudtle Magick .. that mystery that connects .. its what I'm lookin for .. but the journey is a long one for sure.

first off, when someone spells "magick" that way, it's generally a surefire sign that the person is probably a pagan of some variety and i WILL NOT get involved with another man who is into religion of any type. (my last two serious relationships were with Wiccan men - NEVER again!) this guy's profile says that "spiritual nurturing" is a must in any relationship...

uh - no!!!

he also has a beard and mustache when i specifically state in my profile that i just don't find face fuzz attractive. this one is also slim and athletic and has a motorcycle; also no-nos.

to make it even worse; he has the same first name as the former Mr. Rouquin - the man who dumped me one month after the doctor told us i'd never be able to have kids. granted it was 15 years ago, but i'd never be able to say the guy's name....

*sigh*

he closes:

I hope you give me the honour to meet you for coffee.

and i NEVER make arrangements to meet until i've been emailing for quite a while...

envgirl · 05-20-2012, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoddessCurls

Thanks guys. And I know there is more to life than dating but my friends and family all bail or are too busy. If I wanna go out...im going out alone...which is no fun. Summer is here and it's me and my cat!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

Goddess,lol, are we the same person? Im having the exact same problem, my friends seem to have gotten themselves off the market and dont like to do anything with their SOs. So, like you, its me and my cat.

Corrina777 · 05-20-2012, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoddessCurls

Thanks guys. And I know there is more to life than dating but my friends and family all bail or are too busy. If I wanna go out...im going out alone...which is no fun. Summer is here and it's me and my cat!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

I completely relate!!!

I've been pretty quiet for a few weeks because well, the online dating thing has been pretty slow. A lot of that is my own fault. I would really like to see something happen with a guy I know in real life, so I've only been on the websites once in a while.

secret_karma · 05-21-2012, 03:32 AM

I feel you girl, it's just me and my dog right now

I still have faith that there are some good guys out there that are doing the online dating thing, we just have to wade through the crazies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoddessCurls

Thanks guys. And I know there is more to life than dating but my friends and family all bail or are too busy. If I wanna go out...im going out alone...which is no fun. Summer is here and it's me and my cat!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

Sent from my SCH-I500 using CurlTalk App

spiderlashes5000 · 05-21-2012, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diaspora

How do you handle it when you've had a first date and really enjoyed the conversation, think the guy seems great and possibly compatible with you, but felt no spark? Like, you're hoping the guy doesn't try to kiss you goodnight. Do you accept a 2nd date to see if you feel something after a little more time, or do you write the person off as dating material immediately?

I keep going back and forth on this. I have a 2nd date tonight with someone who fits the above bill. Not sure if I'm wasting both of our time. And earlier today, I had a lunch date with a new guy who I have so much in common with it's uncanny, but felt no spark at all. (This one didn't look much like his pictures.) He wants a 2nd date and I said ok, then regretted doing so immediately after.

When I am unsure, I go on a second date. But no more than that. By two dates and few phone calls, I know.

But I have mets lots of guys who fit into the above category -- good convo, pleasant personality, but no chemistry. That's certainly not uncommon. And w/ those, I do try to extend the friendship branch.

But here is a twist on this theme: three years, whem I first left my exhusband, I got online and met a guy who was like what you described...nice, fun to talk to, etc. He fet a spark for me but I didn't feel it for him, and I wound up getting into a relationship w/ someone else, but telling him I hoped we could be friends.

Well, fast fwd three years. He (no spark guy) and I are really good friends. We kept in touch the entire time and went out as friends a few times here and there (but mostly our frindship was a phone friendship).

He still likes me. Like really, really likes me. He's never stopped liking me. Not like an infatuation or whatever; he's realy been a good friend when times were bad and has shown patience w/ my bad moods, interest in kids, religious views that really line up w/ mine, etc.

On paper he has all the qualities of the guy I'm looking for. But he is only 5'8" (the same as me) and while he is fairly nice looking, I still don't feel any sexual draw towards him.

I'm not currently in a committed relationship now (though I am seeing two other guys)...and I'm just wondering if I should give it another shot. Three years is a long time to care about someone w/o it meaning anything...

spiderlashes5000 · 05-21-2012, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diaspora

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zinnia

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

In one of his emails, the day after the conversation, he wrote "I gave you your pearls."

WTH does that mean?

The thought of him J'ing off on my pic flashed in my mind...but surely he didn't mean that.

Is he referring to that story about the dad asking his daughter night after night to give him her cheap, plastic pearls because he had a gift of genuine pearls for her?

Here is part of the story. You can google to get the rest of it. It seems to have to do with that verse about giving pearls to pigs. Maybe he is telling you that you have found the 'one' in him and no longer need to search.

Quote:

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver,she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.

Sounds like a pretty creepy story.

LOL I thought it was kind of a nice story. But I seriousy would not give that lame (L-A-M-E) this much credit.

GoddessCurls · 05-21-2012, 11:54 AM

....

to make it even worse; he has the same first name as the former Mr. Rouquin - the man who dumped me one month after the doctor told us i'd never be able to have kids. granted it was 15 years ago, but i'd never be able to say the guy's name....

...[/QUOTE]

What a *******!!

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

GoddessCurls · 05-21-2012, 11:59 AM

@corrina and envgirl
It's depressing...I can always count on the fact that if a cousin makes plans...they get broken before they happen...and all I have left are cousins...everyone else is dead. My besty has loads of drama and we don't get together much anymore...plus she's younger. And now with the issue's with men, it's like there is just no one. The more I try to reach out to people the worse I feel when things don't go as planned...at least we have our animals..

Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk

Piglet · 05-21-2012, 04:07 PM

Diaspora - I just wanted to say that when I went on a first date with a man I met on Match, I wasn't sure at all, although I thought he was a nice person. I decided to try a second date and we got talking and I started to want a third date. It went from there and we've now been together just over a year.