The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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I know that online dating has gone mainstream but I still sometimes get giggles when I say it.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
I know. Thank goodness for you guys and this forum!

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I have determined that I have to play games to get a dude. Don't like it but it appears to be that way. Not sure if u remember ChristianBoy from way back. Well we r still "buddies" but he knows im looking for love. I have told him over and over why it wouldnt work between us...he gets it but it's like the more I pull away the more he wants me....it seems I really gotta play hard to get...lol so I'm gonna start doing that now with my online dates...at least the ones I really like.


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Every time I see this thread resurface, I get a pit in my stomach.

Thank you for your supportive posts, GoddessCurls and diaspora. I haven't posted lately because I've been embarrassed. Unfortunately, the desperation and pathetic behavior continued long after my last post! Back then, I thought it was "over" because he didn't call or text me the whole week I was out of town and then, after a couple of quick texts back and forth the day I returned, he didn't suggest going out again and didn't text again for several days. I assumed he lost interest. But I couldn't help myself and texted to ask him point blank if he was interested in going out with me again. He apologized profusely, seemed really concerned that he might have ruined things with me, and we went out a couple of times that weekend.

Our date a week and a half ago was, in my opinion, a disaster. I won't go into details except to say that he got very drunk and acted in public in a way that was an embarrassment to me. I'm really shy and he's really extroverted, and the drunkenness made it worse. I thought, I can't date him any more--God help me, why do I still like him after this? But I talked to a friend who said that his behavior didn't sound like a deal breaker to her, and that maybe talking to him about his drinking would help. She convinced me that it was worth seeing him again. Things got even better when he told me--without my saying anything--that he decided to go back to AA, so turns out I wouldn't even have to confront him about his drinking. He said he was really bad off and had serious issues.

But anyway all that angst about whether I should see him again was for naught because he has disappeared again. For real this time. Several texts I sent over the course of several days have gone unanswered, including a very confrontational one. And now he's out of town for a couple of weeks, so I know for sure I won't hear from him. I feel so stupid for being such a bad judge of character and letting myself like him so, so much.

I immediately put my OKC profile back up last night. I know it's definitely for the best that we're not dating anymore. I'm hurting so much, though.
In search of a lost signature...
Oh my goodness--sorry for the novel! Just wanted to add this is absolutely true, especially the bolded (and I have to remember this):

It sounds like this guy gave you mixed signals. It was great for a week or so, amazing! and then not. Nothing gets me hooked like mixed signals. I want that good feeling again! I want the relationship like it was when it felt right! But the sooner I recognize that I'm hooked in a way that is painful for me, the sooner I'm able to move on and feel better.
Originally Posted by diaspora
So much of this month of dating him has been a torturous roller coaster. And that's not romantic. It's just pain.
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In search of a lost signature...
Aw honey...don't feel bad! I get it. It probably for the best. I mean I agreed to go out with a dude then found out he's laid off with a suspended license from a DUI...not exactly thrilled abt that. I seem to get like u were saying...desperate acting and insecure with the ones I really like. I always thought it so unfair that the ones I want aren't interested and the fish I wanna throw back keep swimming to me...lol but I think I just realized its not that...whatever qualities I take on when I really like one are some how turning them
Off. So like I was saying I'm gonna try and hold back some...let them know I'm interested but that they still gotta work. Maybe u should try it. I think I may do an OKC profile soon too


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
I hope that approach yields results, GoddessCurls! I might try holding back a little so I at least won't seem desperate and pathetic next time, but I'm usually pretty guarded and reserved about my feelings anyway. I am resistant to the idea of playing games. If it's right, we shouldn't have to, right?
diaspora likes this.
In search of a lost signature...
Every time I see this thread resurface, I get a pit in my stomach.

Thank you for your supportive posts, GoddessCurls and diaspora. I haven't posted lately because I've been embarrassed. Unfortunately, the desperation and pathetic behavior continued long after my last post! Back then, I thought it was "over" because he didn't call or text me the whole week I was out of town and then, after a couple of quick texts back and forth the day I returned, he didn't suggest going out again and didn't text again for several days. I assumed he lost interest. But I couldn't help myself and texted to ask him point blank if he was interested in going out with me again. He apologized profusely, seemed really concerned that he might have ruined things with me, and we went out a couple of times that weekend.

Our date a week and a half ago was, in my opinion, a disaster. I won't go into details except to say that he got very drunk and acted in public in a way that was an embarrassment to me. I'm really shy and he's really extroverted, and the drunkenness made it worse. I thought, I can't date him any more--God help me, why do I still like him after this? But I talked to a friend who said that his behavior didn't sound like a deal breaker to her, and that maybe talking to him about his drinking would help. She convinced me that it was worth seeing him again. Things got even better when he told me--without my saying anything--that he decided to go back to AA, so turns out I wouldn't even have to confront him about his drinking. He said he was really bad off and had serious issues.

But anyway all that angst about whether I should see him again was for naught because he has disappeared again. For real this time. Several texts I sent over the course of several days have gone unanswered, including a very confrontational one. And now he's out of town for a couple of weeks, so I know for sure I won't hear from him. I feel so stupid for being such a bad judge of character and letting myself like him so, so much.

I immediately put my OKC profile back up last night. I know it's definitely for the best that we're not dating anymore. I'm hurting so much, though.
Originally Posted by ursula
I'm not online dating, I just look in on this thread because yall stories make me laugh.

Anywho. ursula, i'm sorry it didnt work out. but when someone is seeking treatment for an addiction its best they dont start any new relationships. some programs cut you off from your family for months. i think its a could thing you went on the date with the dude. if you didnt and he didnt get drunk he may have never realized he had a problem. or worse. you could had ended up in a relationship with him and somewhere down his problem could become worst.
ursula likes this.
Thanks for your perspective, thelio. I know you're right. It's for the best, for both me and him.
In search of a lost signature...
Ursula,

I think it's really easy even for the most level-headed of us to get swiftly swept off our feet by a charming man. I don't think that's a sign of poor judgement, but of being human. I'm sorry though, I know it hurts even after you've decided not seeing him is for the best.

After that date that felt disastrous to you, I think you were right to look at that as a deal-breaker. May not have been a deal-breaker for your friend, but still should be for you if that's how you felt. If I followed my friend's gut instincts/opinions re: dating instead of my own I'd have been married long ago to some boring man I wasn't attracted to but was a "good provider" and divorced and remarried 2 or 3 times over, lol. I always consider their opinions and they help me pay attention to the more universal red flags, but one woman's deal-breaker is another woman's top thing she loves about a man.

Maybe if everything else with him had been going really well, like he was consistent with you, it would be easier to let his behavior on your date slide.

Oh, and people with addictions/substance abuse issues can be very, very charming and compelling for some reason, IMO. Not everyone with these issues acts the same, but the hot/cold, erratic behavior is common I think because they may not be very stable. Some of my most tumultuous (yet at times really fun, intense and wonderful) relationships have been with men who were in (and out of) recovery. I don't consider being in recovery a deal-breaker, but it does put me on alert that I have to pay extra attention to how they behave and signs of extra vulnerability and "hooked"-ness in myself.
ursula likes this.
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Think I'm gonna make an OKC profile tonight since I'm home. I need to find a guy that makes me wanna go out...cause honestly I'm getting bored with it. Im preferring the couch! Lol


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Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Yay, good luck Goddess!

I too am spending another Saturday night at home on my couch watching TV. I know I should be out and about but when it comes down to it, it makes me feel a depressed. My attitude towards dating changes literally from week to week. One week Im positive and not taking it too serious and the next it makes me feel bad about myself. My self confidence is in the toilet.
It sucks...sometimes I am just more content to stay home. I just hate to do that in the summer. I may have to start looking at my friends single guy friends. Man...when u was younger...I never would have guessed it'd be this hard


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________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Ursula,

I think it's really easy even for the most level-headed of us to get swiftly swept off our feet by a charming man. I don't think that's a sign of poor judgement, but of being human. I'm sorry though, I know it hurts even after you've decided not seeing him is for the best.

After that date that felt disastrous to you, I think you were right to look at that as a deal-breaker. May not have been a deal-breaker for your friend, but still should be for you if that's how you felt. If I followed my friend's gut instincts/opinions re: dating instead of my own I'd have been married long ago to some boring man I wasn't attracted to but was a "good provider" and divorced and remarried 2 or 3 times over, lol. I always consider their opinions and they help me pay attention to the more universal red flags, but one woman's deal-breaker is another woman's top thing she loves about a man.

Maybe if everything else with him had been going really well, like he was consistent with you, it would be easier to let his behavior on your date slide.

Oh, and people with addictions/substance abuse issues can be very, very charming and compelling for some reason, IMO. Not everyone with these issues acts the same, but the hot/cold, erratic behavior is common I think because they may not be very stable. Some of my most tumultuous (yet at times really fun, intense and wonderful) relationships have been with men who were in (and out of) recovery. I don't consider being in recovery a deal-breaker, but it does put me on alert that I have to pay extra attention to how they behave and signs of extra vulnerability and "hooked"-ness in myself.
Originally Posted by diaspora
Thank you for this--especially the bolded part, which is really helpful. It explains a lot. I haven't had much experience with people with addiction issues.
In search of a lost signature...
It sucks...sometimes I am just more content to stay home. I just hate to do that in the summer. I may have to start looking at my friends single guy friends. Man...when u was younger...I never would have guessed it'd be this hard


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Originally Posted by GoddessCurls
I hope you have some success with OKC, GoddessCurls. It's the only site I've tried and I definitely have mixed feelings about it, but to be honest I have met some decent people. I wanted to sign up for the new Nerve Dating site but I did a search of men in my area in my age group and--I'm not joking--there were about a dozen. And only one was someone I'd want to go out with.

If you have friends with single guy friends, it definitely makes sense to pursue that! I wish my friends had single guy friends!
In search of a lost signature...
Goddess, tap that resource of friends of friends! At least you have a little knowledge about them before dating them.
Lol...thanks. My one girlfriend who knows my type has a cop friend...with other single cop friends. I may have to hit her up. She knows my whole history with dates and all. I was talkin with an interesting guy from OKC and on from POF last night. The OKC guy is shorter than I'd like..he's like my height...which kinda sucks but I'll give him a shot I guess. Then the dude from POF is tall...so we'll see about those. The football dude still texts me...he doesn't like to plan and says my schedule is crazy. I work nights but am off weekends...not so crazy. He wanted to hang Saturday but this week I had plans so I said well I'll save next Saturday for u....he's like I don't plan that far in advance. If he really wanted to see me... He would...so whatever!


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________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
I think the issue with online dating mostly is that u read a few words and see a still picture...this person may not be ur type...had u met them in person and seen them live they may be way cuter in person and they also may have that x factor that attracts u. But based on what u see online...u just pass them buy.


Sent from my iPhone using CurlTalk
________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.
Well, I've aggressively gotten back into dating to get my mind off of that guy. I went on a date with one guy on Sunday, another guy last night, and I have a date with a third guy on Thursday. I really like the guy from last night so far.

On my suggestion, we went to this bar/restaurant near my house. It was sort of an inside joke to myself (how introverted can you get!) because I've been there on dates with 6 or 7 guys in the last 5 months or so, but it has always been the guy who suggested it. Very weird coincidence! So, this time, in a personal tribute to my dating travails, I thought, why not go with it? The bartender knows me by now--last week, on a date with the alcoholic guy, she remembered that he didn't like cilantro--so she probably thinks I'm a call girl or something!
In search of a lost signature...
Lol...I have a bar near me that I've had a few dates with too....who knows what they think of me there...lol it's convenient for me...I'm comfortable there...so I figure what better place for a first date?


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________________________
http://public.fotki.com/curlygirl1978/

Back on Cones,so now my routine is,wash with Deva No-Poo every other day or so. Occasionally use 365 sulfate free,maybe use low sulfate shampoo mixed with conditioner once every two weeks are longer. I condition with Aussie Moist or HEHH. I style with a little GF TN,and finish up with tons of GN Pure Clean Smoothing Cream. No frizz...slippy, happy hair.

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