The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread - Page 66

envgirl · 06-19-2012, 06:51 PM

I dont have enough dates to have a usual spot Im afraid. Maybe I need to stop being so picky and get out more.
I think having a first date spot is a good idea, it only becomes awkward if they go to that place without. They may catch you there with another date (spoken from personal experince) lol

ursula · 06-20-2012, 05:41 AM

Well, like I said, it was totally unintentional for me! But I do think, like GoddessCurls, I'm comfortable at this place now, which tends to make dates go better. I hope I won't ever be there at the same time as previous guys I've gone out with, but I'm usually so oblivious that it's entirely possible that it's happened already.

I'm still liking the guy I went out with the other day. I texted him to say I had a good time and I hoped we could do it again soon (he had already suggested it at the end of our date) and he texted back and said that he thought I was "really cool and interesting"! Aw! So sweet. We set up another date for next week.

Corrina777 · 06-20-2012, 08:38 PM

Just when I thought I've seen it all, I just opened this on POF:
"if you are interested in a gentleman dominant man, TLC type guy "50 shades of grey" (book) lets talk"

spring1onu · 06-20-2012, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corrina777

Just when I thought I've seen it all, I just opened this on POF:
"if you are interested in a gentleman dominant man, TLC type guy "50 shades of grey" (book) lets talk"

Corrina777 · 06-20-2012, 08:47 PM

^^^ my thoughts exactly

envgirl · 06-20-2012, 09:11 PM

LOL, creep!

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Corrina777 · 06-20-2012, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by envgirl

LOL, creep!

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To make it even creepier- he's basically old enough to be my father.

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ursula · 06-21-2012, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corrina777

Just when I thought I've seen it all, I just opened this on POF:
"if you are interested in a gentleman dominant man, TLC type guy "50 shades of grey" (book) lets talk"

Ew. Ew. Ew.

rouquinne · 06-22-2012, 09:42 AM

Corrina, age restrictions on PoF are your friend!!!

so, i'm trying to figure out how best to say NO to someone who lives north of Toronto - 2 hours away - and is separated, not divorced.

i flat-out state in my profile "local only", but he thinks i'll make an exception for him. that's a mistake i've made before... and the last one who was "separated" was really married...

*sigh*

Corrina777 · 06-22-2012, 09:47 AM

I end up reiterating the distance thing. I tell people I just have too much going on in my life to try to get involved with someone two hours away.

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rouquinne · 06-22-2012, 10:45 AM

yeah... i'm just going to have to be firm about that!

spiderlashes5000 · 06-22-2012, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

Corrina, age restrictions on PoF are your friend!!!

so, i'm trying to figure out how best to say NO to someone who lives north of Toronto - 2 hours away - and is separated, not divorced.

i flat-out state in my profile "local only", but he thinks i'll make an exception for him. that's a mistake i've made before... and the last one who was "separated" was really married...

*sigh*

I get that ALL THE TIME! Distance and age. But mostly distance. And they always counter w/ "but I would do all of the driving" or "I have several clients in Columbus so I am there a lot." And then they try to weasel in by saying, "but at least let me talk to you one time."

I am very clear about my dealbreakers in my profile. They are written in all caps...I think w/ asterisks.

They already lose one point for not reading the damn profile. And if they persist after I nicely explain to them I'm not looking for a LDR, then I chalk it up to them being manipulative, and I no longer care about sparing feelings or being polite.

I either block them so they don't keep jamming up my inbox or tell them to go F off somewhere.

claudine19 · 06-22-2012, 11:45 AM

I just had a guy yesterday tell me to "Go Eff Myself" because I wouldn't get involved with a 35 year old man who lives with relatives (and he's not taking care of them, or anything like that).

For God's Sake: move out and get a roommate or something!

kayb · 06-23-2012, 08:52 AM

Re: Distance restrictions. Someone on OKC once said s/t that made me LOL.

IT went something like stop saying you want to meet people near you because of you could meet people near you then you wouldn't be on an online dating site.

diaspora · 06-23-2012, 09:26 AM

I'm ok with distance up to a few hours away (as long as it's easy to get there by bus or train since I don't have a car, and as long as he does have a car.)

It's not ideal, but I think there are too few guys out there (in my current city anyway) who interest me for me to consider 2 or 3 hours of distance a deal-breaker. But I don't have kids or a demanding job or anything right now, so I have the time to travel.

I wouldn't do the distance thing forever. If things got serious, I'd move to be with a guy. Not tied to my city at all. My last bf and the current guy I've been on 3 dates with both live in the same city, 3 hours away from me. They are the only 2 men I've really been interested in on OkC so far. Weird.

rouquinne · 06-23-2012, 09:33 AM

i don't drive - i never learned how to drive.

and anyone 2 hours away is too much. i've already had 3 serious long-distance relationships in my life and seeing someone weekends only isn't my idea of a relationship.

at this point in my life (52 in 5 weeks), i want to pick up the phone and say "let's do something tonight" and he'll be here in 15 minutes tops.

period.

i am sick to death of people telling me that i have to extend my "range" to Toronto or Detroit when there are thousands of women available in those metropolitan areas, so why should those men need to be looking far afield anyway????

eta. i AM tied to my city. i own a home here and i am DONE moving after 3 moves in 2.5 years! i have a SUPERB gov't job with excellent benefits that i'm not giving up for anyone. this idea that women always have to be the ones to make changes for men is so over...

diaspora · 06-23-2012, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

i don't drive - i never learned how to drive.

and anyone 2 hours away is too much. i've already had 3 serious long-distance relationships in my life and seeing someone weekends only isn't my idea of a relationship.

at this point in my life (52 in 5 weeks), i want to pick up the phone and say "let's do something tonight" and he'll be here in 15 minutes tops.

period.

i am sick to death of people telling me that i have to extend my "range" to Toronto or Detroit when there are thousands of women available in those metropolitan areas, so why should those men need to be looking far afield anyway????

eta. i AM tied to my city. i own a home here and i am DONE moving after 3 moves in 2.5 years! i have a SUPERB gov't job with excellent benefits that i'm not giving up for anyone. this idea that women always have to be the ones to make changes for men is so over...

To the bolded, yeah, I wouldn't move if I had all that either, but in my case, I don't want to stay in this city anyway.

I agree with the red. In my case I'd be moving because I want to move, and I'd expect my partner to make sacrifices and compromises for me when necessary as well. Moving is one thing I am willing to do now. Many other things, I am not.

In my last relationship, we saw each other more often than I'd seen some in-town boyfriends. My job often brought me to his city and was flexible enough so that I stayed with him 3, 4 days at a time nearly every week. He loved his city and I'm not in love with mine, so I would have moved had we stayed together.

It's too soon to know what will happen with the guy I'm seeing now, but he's a lot busier than my last ex was, unfortunately. I do wish we could just spontaneously get together. But so far, he seems worth the trouble. If things work out in the future, I would totally move there, I like his city and I have family there.

envgirl · 06-23-2012, 09:49 PM

Quick update: I jsut got home from a third date with a guy Im kinda digging right now. At first I thought he was aloof and not that into me but, as I get to know him better I think he's trying to be mindful of me and not come on too strong which is nice.
My only concerns are (albeit minor) hes a little shorter than I like (only 2 inches taller than me so I havent busted out my heels yet) and he may not be financially what I'd like him to be (talks about the costs of things alot) and more seriously, I dont know if he ever wants kids and I definitely do.

Regarding travel, I like to spend alot of time with my partner so Im not sure if a distance of more than an hour work for me right now.

diaspora · 06-24-2012, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by envgirl

Quick update: I jsut got home from a third date with a guy Im kinda digging right now. At first I thought he was aloof and not that into me but, as I get to know him better I think he's trying to be mindful of me and not come on too strong which is nice.
My only concerns are (albeit minor) hes a little shorter than I like (only 2 inches taller than me so I havent busted out my heels yet) and he may not be financially what I'd like him to be (talks about the costs of things alot) and more seriously, I dont know if he ever wants kids and I definitely do.

Regarding travel, I like to spend alot of time with my partner so Im not sure if a distance of more than an hour work for me right now.

That's exciting! It's funny how we can read people completely differently from what they meant.

Do you think he may be cheap, or just broke? Personally I can deal with broke, that's changeable anyway, but cheapness drives me crazy.

If I wore heels, I'd be taller than the guy I'm dating too. I don't mind though, enough other things make him really attractive to me. I just want to gush about him, lol, uh oh!

Don't get me wrong, the distance does suck, especially if this guy doesn't end up having the time/inclination to see me several times a week like my last LD ex did. It's been once a week so far, with another date planned next week. I don't expect to see him multiple times/week after just 3 or 4 dates, but if the frequency doesn't increase after a reasonable amount of time, I wouldn't continue things.

ursula · 06-24-2012, 10:06 AM

The alcoholic guy? Turns out he was just a run-of-the-mill *******. I had a BAD interaction with him last night where he basically told me he hooked up with me because he was looking to "get laid." At 36? That sounds like such a frat-guy thing to say. And why did he pretend that it was something different? I don't get it. I wouldn't have been averse to a purely sexual relationship if we had an understanding that that's what it was. Why the games? Why the dishonesty? Ugh! I feel like such a dummy for thinking he was a decent person. For a MONTH I was fooled.

I'm really demoralized and confused about my dating experiences over the last few months. Now I've had two guys disappear out of the blue after a month of dating. (Not gonna lie, I was kind of glad about the first one.) I feel like a child figuring all this stuff out for the first time. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I want to be careful about this new guy and try to give it the best chance possible. I think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.