The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread - Page 67

ursula · 06-24-2012, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diaspora

I just want to gush about him, lol, uh oh!

Aw! Good luck!

rouquinne · 06-24-2012, 11:49 AM

Mr. 2 Hours came around to my way of thinking!

envgirl · 06-24-2012, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diaspora

Do you think he may be cheap, or just broke? Personally I can deal with broke, that's changeable anyway, but cheapness drives me crazy.

.

Diaspora, I dont think he's cheap but its hard to tell. He's paid for all of our dates (then of course, I havent yet offered to pay, :-)). I think his money just may not be right but its way too early to tell. Im not looking for a rich guy, Im not rich, just someone on the same level financially. I spent 6 years with a broke dude and it was too hard.

Thats so great you found someone you're excited about, thats half the battle. How far away is the guy? Im sure you'll be able to spend more time together once you move on to sleepovers right?

envgirl · 06-24-2012, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.

Ursula, the guy Ive been on a few dates with actually confessed to me last night that yes I was difficult but that he really liked that about me. I try to let him know i like him by initiating texts with him and I asked him to get together this weekend but Im not going to be all over him and so far I let him do the planning. No idea if Im doing the right thing or if he wont disappear on me at some point but I want to feel pursued to some extent. Sorry that other was such a d-bag. I have no idea why d-bags like to play games with women who are looking for something longterm. Why cant they be honest and let us decide...

ursula · 06-25-2012, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by envgirl

Ursula, the guy Ive been on a few dates with actually confessed to me last night that yes I was difficult but that he really liked that about me. I try to let him know i like him by initiating texts with him and I asked him to get together this weekend but Im not going to be all over him and so far I let him do the planning. No idea if Im doing the right thing or if he wont disappear on me at some point but I want to feel pursued to some extent. Sorry that other was such a d-bag. I have no idea why d-bags like to play games with women who are looking for something longterm. Why cant they be honest and let us decide...

Thanks, envgirl. I've calmed down since yesterday but I still don't understand why he thought it was necessary to be so deceptive. I just don't understand people sometimes!

Good luck with your new guy! I'm now going to be on my guard against guys who come on too strong. I think it's good that the guy you're dating is the pursuer but not laying it on too thick.

thelio · 06-25-2012, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

The alcoholic guy? Turns out he was just a run-of-the-mill *******. I had a BAD interaction with him last night where he basically told me he hooked up with me because he was looking to "get laid." At 36? That sounds like such a frat-guy thing to say. And why did he pretend that it was something different? I don't get it. I wouldn't have been averse to a purely sexual relationship if we had an understanding that that's what it was. Why the games? Why the dishonesty? Ugh! I feel like such a dummy for thinking he was a decent person. For a MONTH I was fooled.

I'm really demoralized and confused about my dating experiences over the last few months. Now I've had two guys disappear out of the blue after a month of dating. (Not gonna lie, I was kind of glad about the first one.) I feel like a child figuring all this stuff out for the first time. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I want to be careful about this new guy and try to give it the best chance possible. I think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.

No advice, but Dude held out for a month just to "get laid?" I could be wrong, but it sounds like Mr. Drink too much just wanted to hurt you and thats the best he could come up with the few remaining brain cells he had.

multicultcurly · 06-25-2012, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

The alcoholic guy? Turns out he was just a run-of-the-mill *******. I had a BAD interaction with him last night where he basically told me he hooked up with me because he was looking to "get laid." At 36? That sounds like such a frat-guy thing to say. And why did he pretend that it was something different? I don't get it. I wouldn't have been averse to a purely sexual relationship if we had an understanding that that's what it was. Why the games? Why the dishonesty? Ugh! I feel like such a dummy for thinking he was a decent person. For a MONTH I was fooled.

I'm really demoralized and confused about my dating experiences over the last few months. Now I've had two guys disappear out of the blue after a month of dating. (Not gonna lie, I was kind of glad about the first one.) I feel like a child figuring all this stuff out for the first time. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I want to be careful about this new guy and try to give it the best chance possible. I think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.

No advice, but Dude held out for a month just to "get laid?" I could be wrong, but it sounds like Mr. Drink too much just wanted to hurt you and thats the best he could come up with the few remaining brain cells he had.

ITA

spiderlashes5000 · 06-25-2012, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

The alcoholic guy? Turns out he was just a run-of-the-mill *******. I had a BAD interaction with him last night where he basically told me he hooked up with me because he was looking to "get laid." At 36? That sounds like such a frat-guy thing to say. And why did he pretend that it was something different? I don't get it. I wouldn't have been averse to a purely sexual relationship if we had an understanding that that's what it was. Why the games? Why the dishonesty? Ugh! I feel like such a dummy for thinking he was a decent person. For a MONTH I was fooled.

I'm really demoralized and confused about my dating experiences over the last few months. Now I've had two guys disappear out of the blue after a month of dating. (Not gonna lie, I was kind of glad about the first one.) I feel like a child figuring all this stuff out for the first time. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I want to be careful about this new guy and try to give it the best chance possible. I think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.

Both guys were online guys?

I haven't been following the thread too closely but one observation I've made about online dating is that the level of convenience it offers is really a double-edged sword in that it makes relationships (and people) really seem disposable.

Online dating is too easy! You can post a profile Friday morning and have over 100 prospects by Sunday night.

These sites take all the effort, patience, chance, strategy, longing, grief, etc., out of dating. It's immediate gratification.

You can't take it too personally. We just get conditioned that way. You don't pine over lost loves on the internet. You just update your profile and keep it moving.

Yeah, the decent thing to do is to take the time to end these relationships the right way...but sadly, that would be too much effort some folks.

But I'm so sorry to hear that.

eta - I think I read upthread that you have decided to "aggressively" start dating again to get your mind off of him.

Been there. Still there.

Probably not the best idea bc "aggressive" turns into "desperate" and you don't want to invest so much energy into something you have so little control over.

Can you try a multi-pronged approach to getting over him, instead of channeling everything into the online dating? Like dates w/ friends, dates w/ yourself at the gym, a goal to finish reading a new book by such and such date, a volunteer commitment that you can't get out of, and online dates (which can include some no-expectation dates)?

Date like a man...always keeping an eye open for something better instead of trying to bag up the first live one you catch. LOL

rouquinne · 06-25-2012, 02:25 PM

i went to a wedding this month of a couple that met on Plenty of Fish 3 years ago.

granted, they are both in their 50s, but still...

i've met MORE than enough 40 and 50 somethings that still have the "kid in a candy store" mentality that online dating brings.

ursula · 06-25-2012, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by multicultcurly

Quote:

Originally Posted by thelio

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

The alcoholic guy? Turns out he was just a run-of-the-mill *******. I had a BAD interaction with him last night where he basically told me he hooked up with me because he was looking to "get laid." At 36? That sounds like such a frat-guy thing to say. And why did he pretend that it was something different? I don't get it. I wouldn't have been averse to a purely sexual relationship if we had an understanding that that's what it was. Why the games? Why the dishonesty? Ugh! I feel like such a dummy for thinking he was a decent person. For a MONTH I was fooled.

I'm really demoralized and confused about my dating experiences over the last few months. Now I've had two guys disappear out of the blue after a month of dating. (Not gonna lie, I was kind of glad about the first one.) I feel like a child figuring all this stuff out for the first time. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I want to be careful about this new guy and try to give it the best chance possible. I think I'm going to hold back a little, like GoddessCurls suggested. Anyone else have suggestions for me? We've only been out once so far, but it was great and we have plans for this coming week. We've also been sending flirty sort of texts almost every day since our date. He seems sweet but I don't want to get caught up in things. I have a tentative date with another guy this week too, partly in hopes that it will help me to not be tempted to jump in too fast with the first guy.

No advice, but Dude held out for a month just to "get laid?" I could be wrong, but it sounds like Mr. Drink too much just wanted to hurt you and thats the best he could come up with the few remaining brain cells he had.

ITA

Ha ha--thanks for that, thelio and multicultcurly! I kind of agree. He wanted to disappear and, when I forced a confrontation, he acted out of discomfort. He was really cold to me.

I forgot to mention too that we randomly know someone in common. Someone I know is close friends with his ex. So apparently he was living in fear that I would find this out and ask the friend about him and discover what a piece of **** he has been in the past and still is. This all came out the other day.

ETA: I have to admit that I am very tempted to email this person, whom I'm really only on a "hello" basis with and have never emailed before, to find out more and also to "let slip" that I'm well over Alcoholic Guy & dating other people, hoping that that will get back to the ex and then get back to him. But the rational part of me (which, believe it or not, still exists beneath all this crazy) realizes that might be a bad idea. Like Molly Ringwald says in "Pretty in Pink," I just want him to see that he didn't break me!

ursula · 06-25-2012, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Both guys were online guys?

I haven't been following the thread too closely but one observation I've made about online dating is that the level of convenience it offers is really a double-edged sword in that it makes relationships (and people) really seem disposable.

Online dating is too easy! You can post a profile Friday morning and have over 100 prospects by Sunday night.

These sites take all the effort, patience, chance, strategy, longing, grief, etc., out of dating. It's immediate gratification.

You can't take it too personally. We just get conditioned that way. You don't pine over lost loves on the internet. You just update your profile and keep it moving.

Yeah, the decent thing to do is to take the time to end these relationships the right way...but sadly, that would be too much effort some folks.

But I'm so sorry to hear that.

eta - I think I read upthread that you have decided to "aggressively" start dating again to get your mind off of him.

Been there. Still there.

Probably not the best idea bc "aggressive" turns into "desperate" and you don't want to invest so much energy into something you have so little control over.

Can you try a multi-pronged approach to getting over him, instead of channeling everything into the online dating? Like dates w/ friends, dates w/ yourself at the gym, a goal to finish reading a new book by such and such date, a volunteer commitment that you can't get out of, and online dates (which can include some no-expectation dates)?

Date like a man...always keeping an eye open for something better instead of trying to bag up the first live one you catch. LOL

Yes, both guys were online. The first one, like I said, I wasn't sorry to see go. I was just surprised. I was sending him clear signals that I wasn't that interested anymore, so maybe he just thought it would be easier to disappear.

"Disposable" is the perfect word. That's what hurts about it. He ended up treating me like such an object and I'm still not sure what the motivation for that was. It feels now like he tricked me, when he didn't have to do that--I still would have slept with him! After ending a really long-term relationship recently, I'm in a "sowing my wild oats" stage!

I sort of wanted to stop seeing him after our last disastrous date, so I'm fine with the fact that he didn't want to see me anymore--the way he handled things was the messed up part. I guess I'm too innocent and trusting and want to believe that people are inherently good.

I like what you said about the multi-pronged approach. I am kind of doing that (I've recently taken up a couple of new hobbies) but I will try to keep it in the forefront of my mind. You are very wise, spiderlashes!

ursula · 06-29-2012, 07:54 AM

So I went out with a new guy a couple of times this week and last, and the second date wasn't a success. The first date was pretty good, and we kissed afterward. But the second date was awkward and no kiss at the end. I guess I won't be hearing from him again. Oh well. Not a tragedy.

I have a date with another guy on Tuesday--fingers crossed!

spiderlashes5000 · 06-29-2012, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

So I went out with a new guy a couple of times this week and last, and the second date wasn't a success. The first date was pretty good, and we kissed afterward. But the second date was awkward and no kiss at the end. I guess I won't be hearing from him again. Oh well. Not a tragedy.

I have a date with another guy on Tuesday--fingers crossed!

Can you pinpoint the nature of the awkwardness? Was it coming from you or him? Worth folowing up about?

Well, good luck on the next date!

rouquinne · 06-29-2012, 03:52 PM

*sigh*

i HATE the ones who don't read the profile!

his says:

Seriously, a belief in God is a must. No compromise there.

mine says:

If religion and/or spirituality of ANY flavour are of even slight importance to you, please go to another profile.

geez...

rouquinne · 06-29-2012, 04:05 PM

and he SWEARS he read my profile "all the way through".

obviously we have a failure to communicate...

ursula · 06-29-2012, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rouquinne

*sigh*

i HATE the ones who don't read the profile!

his says:

Seriously, a belief in God is a must. No compromise there.

mine says:

If religion and/or spirituality of ANY flavour are of even slight importance to you, please go to another profile.

geez...

I wonder if he thinks that belief in God is a must for a woman he plans to have a relationship with, but that it's not necessary for a woman for "right now." Not to be crude...

rouquinne · 06-29-2012, 04:28 PM

don't know.... and certainly don't care!!!!

i don't give his type a chance...

ursula · 06-29-2012, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

So I went out with a new guy a couple of times this week and last, and the second date wasn't a success. The first date was pretty good, and we kissed afterward. But the second date was awkward and no kiss at the end. I guess I won't be hearing from him again. Oh well. Not a tragedy.

I have a date with another guy on Tuesday--fingers crossed!

Can you pinpoint the nature of the awkwardness? Was it coming from you or him? Worth folowing up about?

Well, good luck on the next date!

I think the awkwardness was coming from both of us. I think we're both just awkward people.

Dates go better when one person is extroverted. He seemed kind of nervous around me: I noticed that when he was showing me a picture on his phone, his hand was shaking! I wouldn't have thought the weirdness was worth following up on but I guess he did because he sent me a weird text today. He said he was sorry our goodbye was so awkward & different from our first date but he's trying to just meet people without starting anything romantic.

Sounds to me like an excuse to explain away why he wasn't as interested the second time around, but whatever--neither was I. Either that or he's gay.

Thank you for the well wishes about the next guy! (Oh dear, what a conveyer belt...) I'm also going out tonight with a guy from a couple of months ago just for a good time. Yes, I'm a "good time" girl now. SMH.

spiderlashes5000 · 07-02-2012, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000

Quote:

Originally Posted by ursula

So I went out with a new guy a couple of times this week and last, and the second date wasn't a success. The first date was pretty good, and we kissed afterward. But the second date was awkward and no kiss at the end. I guess I won't be hearing from him again. Oh well. Not a tragedy.

I have a date with another guy on Tuesday--fingers crossed!

Can you pinpoint the nature of the awkwardness? Was it coming from you or him? Worth folowing up about?

Well, good luck on the next date!

I think the awkwardness was coming from both of us. I think we're both just awkward people.

Dates go better when one person is extroverted. He seemed kind of nervous around me: I noticed that when he was showing me a picture on his phone, his hand was shaking! I wouldn't have thought the weirdness was worth following up on but I guess he did because he sent me a weird text today. He said he was sorry our goodbye was so awkward & different from our first date but he's trying to just meet people without starting anything romantic.

Sounds to me like an excuse to explain away why he wasn't as interested the second time around, but whatever--neither was I. Either that or he's gay.

Thank you for the well wishes about the next guy! (Oh dear, what a conveyer belt...) I'm also going out tonight with a guy from a couple of months ago just for a good time. Yes, I'm a "good time" girl now. SMH.

Shaky hands? Ugh, what a turn off. Can you imagine what sex would be like? LOL

In a way, I'm kind of living vicariously thru you guys bc I'm dealing w/ a kind of complicated dating issue that I doubt anyone understand or be particularly sympathetic to.

So keep the humorous stories coming!

envgirl · 07-02-2012, 05:50 PM

Spider, no pressure but you may be surprised what we can understand and have been through.