The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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Aww damn
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
You can bring it up but in a less sarcastic way, the way you would in a business interaction with someone you don't know well. That way he gets the message but saves face.
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Aww damn
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
You can bring it up but in a less sarcastic way, the way you would in a business interaction with someone you don't know well. That way he gets the message but saves face.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly

I don't know how to be diplomatic...

Can you give me an example? LOL
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Aww damn
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
You can bring it up but in a less sarcastic way, the way you would in a business interaction with someone you don't know well. That way he gets the message but saves face.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly

I don't know how to be diplomatic...

Can you give me an example? LOL
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I'd respond with something like "It was nice talking to you, too! I enjoyed hearing all about you. Next time I hope I get a chance to tell you some things about myself, too. :-)"

And then I'd expect him to respond with a "I knew I was talking too much! I was so nervous, I really like you" type of message.

Also, this is a good reason not to have a long phone conversation prior to meeting. What's the point?
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON

You can bring it up but in a less sarcastic way, the way you would in a business interaction with someone you don't know well. That way he gets the message but saves face.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly

I don't know how to be diplomatic...

Can you give me an example? LOL
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I'd respond with something like "It was nice talking to you, too! I enjoyed hearing all about you. Next time I hope I get a chance to tell you some things about myself, too. :-)"

And then I'd expect him to respond with a "I knew I was talking too much! I was so nervous, I really like you" type of message.

Also, this is a good reason not to have a long phone conversation prior to meeting. What's the point?
Originally Posted by Who Me?
Gahh, you took too long. LOL I just wrote back: Yeah, i'm glad u called. U seem like a nice guy.

I know...I know...but restrained politeness isn't my forte. LOL

To which he just replied: That's because I am a nice guy. You just gotta determine if you want to take the chance and find out?

I totally want a nice, decent guy. But I also want someone I can cut up with. LOL
You're so right about avoiding the long conversations before the date (too many opportunities for you or him to mess it up.

however, I do like to get a sense of who they are on the phone beyond just finalizing arrangements for the date. Like if there is a lot of commotion in the background or if they make sexual innuendos or if they are rude.

My free time is short and if they can't conduct themselves on the phone, I'm not going to waste an evening on a date that will go nowhere.

eta -- i thought it was multi who reponded. Sorry Who me. I sometimes keep the margin pushed to the side o there won't be a bunch of avatas on my screen at work.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 09-04-2012 at 01:13 PM.
Sorry Spider lol. I would have joked about it and said something like "you're quite the talker. I couldn't even get a word in." if you're laughing then he would realize you were teasing him. I'm pretty blunt so I understand not wanting to be restrained polite. :-)
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To which he just replied: That's because I am a nice guy. You just gotta determine if you want to take the chance and find out?

I totally want a nice, decent guy. But I also want someone I can cut up with. LOL
You're so right about avoiding the long conversations before the date (too many opportunities for you or him to mess it up.

however, I do like to get a sense of who they are on the phone beyond just finalizing arrangements for the date. Like if there is a lot of commotion in the background or if they make sexual innuendos or if they are rude.

My free time is short and if they can't conduct themselves on the phone, I'm not going to waste an evening on a date that will go nowhere.

eta -- i thought it was multi who reponded. Sorry Who me. I sometimes keep the margin pushed to the side o there won't be a bunch of avatas on my screen at work.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Has he actually asked you out?! Because I would cut the guy off right here if he keeps basically suggesting you have to go out with him, but never ACTUALLY asks you out. If a guy has so little in the way of balls he can't up and ask me out, I'm not interested. Ugh. Not someone I want to waste my time with.

I also don't think you should be wasting a lot of time on those "first dates". In fact, it should be a meeting, that if it goes well if followed up by a first date. I suppose if there's a long commute involved, a phone call may make sense first. After a few emails someone should suggest meeting (for coffee, a drink, whatever). The meeting should last less than an hour. And if it goes well, one of you should ask the other out on a real date. Don't waste whole evenings on guys you've never met in person! A phone is a terrible way to gauge how you will really interact with someone.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
To which he just replied: That's because I am a nice guy. You just gotta determine if you want to take the chance and find out?

I totally want a nice, decent guy. But I also want someone I can cut up with. LOL
You're so right about avoiding the long conversations before the date (too many opportunities for you or him to mess it up.

however, I do like to get a sense of who they are on the phone beyond just finalizing arrangements for the date. Like if there is a lot of commotion in the background or if they make sexual innuendos or if they are rude.

My free time is short and if they can't conduct themselves on the phone, I'm not going to waste an evening on a date that will go nowhere.

eta -- i thought it was multi who reponded. Sorry Who me. I sometimes keep the margin pushed to the side o there won't be a bunch of avatas on my screen at work.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Has he actually asked you out?! Because I would cut the guy off right here if he keeps basically suggesting you have to go out with him, but never ACTUALLY asks you out. If a guy has so little in the way of balls he can't up and ask me out, I'm not interested. Ugh. Not someone I want to waste my time with.

I also don't think you should be wasting a lot of time on those "first dates". In fact, it should be a meeting, that if it goes well if followed up by a first date. I suppose if there's a long commute involved, a phone call may make sense first. After a few emails someone should suggest meeting (for coffee, a drink, whatever). The meeting should last less than an hour. And if it goes well, one of you should ask the other out on a real date. Don't waste whole evenings on guys you've never met in person! A phone is a terrible way to gauge how you will really interact with someone.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
No, he has not actually asked me out.

I've only spoken to him once on the phone.

I've never gone on a date w/ someone from a dating site w/o at least a couple of phone calls first. That's pretty customary.

It's a little different than IRL bc you have so many options online, if you don't go through the weeding out process, you'll be on a date every night of the week, and most men don't have the money or the time for that.

I'm not worried that he won't ask me out. He's basically leaving it up to me bc he knows I have a crazy schedule.

Haha, he texted me again to ask if we could talk again tonight. I said OK...and "I assume you'll let me get a few words in this time?"

He LOL'd me back and asked me if I was saying he talked too much.

Then he texted again and said he would let me talk! LOL

Seems like a nice guy.
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3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Aw, he sounds cute. I'm glad you didn't completely hold back with the smartassedness. Smartass comments--as long as they're not mean--are a great way of flirting! And "LOL" makes everything better!
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I also don't think you should be wasting a lot of time on those "first dates". In fact, it should be a meeting, that if it goes well if followed up by a first date. I suppose if there's a long commute involved, a phone call may make sense first. After a few emails someone should suggest meeting (for coffee, a drink, whatever). The meeting should last less than an hour. And if it goes well, one of you should ask the other out on a real date. Don't waste whole evenings on guys you've never met in person! A phone is a terrible way to gauge how you will really interact with someone.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
Curious why you think this, especially the bold parts. It seems so rigid and prescriptive. But I say this as someone who has never been on a one-hour date (or pre-date)--I don't understand the value of cutting a date short if you're having a good time. I can understand that "wasting" time might be an issue if you're really busy like spiderlashes, but do you think this is a good rule of thumb in general, even if you have a lot of free time (as I do)? Why? Dates are fun, not business transactions.
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I also don't think you should be wasting a lot of time on those "first dates". In fact, it should be a meeting, that if it goes well if followed up by a first date. I suppose if there's a long commute involved, a phone call may make sense first. After a few emails someone should suggest meeting (for coffee, a drink, whatever). The meeting should last less than an hour. And if it goes well, one of you should ask the other out on a real date. Don't waste whole evenings on guys you've never met in person! A phone is a terrible way to gauge how you will really interact with someone.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
Curious why you think this, especially the bold parts. It seems so rigid and prescriptive. But I say this as someone who has never been on a one-hour date (or pre-date)--I don't understand the value of cutting a date short if you're having a good time. I can understand that "wasting" time might be an issue if you're really busy like spiderlashes, but do you think this is a good rule of thumb in general, even if you have a lot of free time (as I do)? Why? Dates are fun, not business transactions.
Originally Posted by ursula
I personally prefer the real date (tho it can be lunch...once it was an outing to a dog park). I try to put some effort into looking nice and I attend to all my business ahead of time so I am not on the phone or preoccupied. So I want to make to make the effort worth my while and would like it to include food or some kind of entertainment or an activity or something. And bc I have spoken to the person several times, I know at least I will enjoy the person's company for a couple of hours, even if there is no romantic spark.

No matter what you do, you will pretty much have to spend at least 45 mins on a "meeting" or a date or whatever. Why not just extend it to an hour or two and get a meal, maybe a drink and a bit more conversation.

The quick "meet and greet" idea seems a little awkward to me as if each one is giving a once-over and saying OK, "you pass...you look good enough to be seen on a date with." Or "you look good enough for me to spend $25 on."

I think the two people should just roll w/ it however they want. But should go into it w/ the idea "I think I will like him/her and this will be a lot of fun."
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

Do u guys wait for a dude to message u? Or would u message him first?
Originally Posted by GoddessCurls
I meant to weigh in on this, but I forgot. Here are my thoughts: I've been online dating pretty aggressively for about 7 months now and I think I have gone out with 20 guys. Yes, I counted! Three of them were one month "relationships" (), and most of the others were just one or two dates each.

Out of the 20, I was the one to initiate contact in 5 cases. Two of those guys lost interest in me after 2 dates, and the other 3 did turn into something, but that something wasn't necessarily good.

As much as I don't want to accept it, it really is true that the man wants to be the one doing the chasing. With the 5 guys I contacted first, there was always a weird dysfunctional dynamic between us, like deep down they thought they were too good for me because they didn't actually choose me. And, not to be cocky, but in all of these cases these were guys who were clearly not good enough for me! OK, well, to be a little bit cocky...

On the other hand, none of the 15 men who contacted me first were exactly what I was looking for, so those situations didn't work out either. So all of this is to say that I don't know what the solution is. I am still trying to figure that out.
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Last edited by ursula; 09-04-2012 at 04:29 PM.
Do u guys wait for a dude to message u? Or would u message him first?
Originally Posted by GoddessCurls
Yes, been meaning to weigh in, too.

No, I don't msg guys.

Not saying I am an expert in this by any means but I met my exhusband on a site (decent guy, just not right for me) and I have been in three approximately year-long relationships w/ guys I met on another site -- 14 months, 9 months and 14 months).

I have had plenty of one-time dates and two short term things. They all have contacted me...except one.

Msg, don't msg, whatever you want to do. I guess my reason for posting this isn't to tell you whether I think msging men is good or bad but to say that relationships do happen from online dating, so don't you (gy) get too discouraged. Sometimes you meet someone, sometimes you don't.
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I dont understand why the guys I message never reply! So, no more initiating conversation for this girl!

And I also noticed the matches they have for me are not very attractive either. I guess I can kind of know I'm weeding out bad ones because I have kids, but it still sucks. Especially after the last guy. I shared the story with a co-worker, and although he said he was sorry I had to go through that, he also made jokes out of it and made me feel a lot better. He'd say things like, "hey, don't get mad because I want you to commit to using a strap on in our relationship", which helped me see the situation in a more humorous light.

I just wish I could get someone who is worth my time and who deems me worth theirs. With the few guys I've tried to date, it seemed they were either too eager, or completely uninterested. Where's the median?!
25", hennahead, CO, goal: hip
I dont understand why the guys I message never reply! So, no more initiating conversation for this girl!
Originally Posted by CoCoLoCks
It's true that you have to have a thick skin to do it. To get those few positive responses (it was actually 6; I forgot one), I had to contact around 60 or 70 people. So, yeah, I ended up going out with less than 10% of the people I contacted. And then there were 5 or 6 people who agreed to go out with me but then canceled or disappeared.

I'm not saying everyone will be as unsuccessful as me, but obviously I am proof that it's not unheard of to get ignored or turned down by almost everyone you contact. And I am a catch, believe it or not! If anything, I'm probably out of their league for most of the guys I've contacted! It's really hurtful to get rejected--especially by guys who are not that good looking and don't seem to have much going on in their lives--but for some reason I have convinced myself that it's not the same as getting rejected in real life. There's not as much at stake when you're behind a computer.
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I dont understand why the guys I message never reply! So, no more initiating conversation for this girl!
Originally Posted by CoCoLoCks
It's true that you have to have a thick skin to do it. To get those few positive responses (it was actually 6; I forgot one), I had to contact around 60 or 70 people. So, yeah, I ended up going out with less than 10% of the people I contacted. And then there were 5 or 6 people who agreed to go out with me but then canceled or disappeared.
Originally Posted by ursula
I can't help but wonder what percentage of replies guys get from females? Probably about the same.

Didn't meet BF online, but I initiated contact by inviting him to a party. And, then I let him 'hunt' me
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
If we're talking physical attraction...black men have the things I'm looking for. And yeah..I make my preference known
Originally Posted by GoddessCurls
But no 2 Black men have the same physical characteristics. There are some white men with darker skin than some Black men, some white men with bigger you-know-whats than some Black men, etc.
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@ Diaspora I do understand being turned off by the racial fetish. I've run into guys like that and it makes me uncomfortable. However I do understand that because of what someone is attracted to, those preferences may eliminate certain races out of the options. Sometimes it's environmental and sometimes it's just biological.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Nearly all physical characteristics, if not all of them, can be found in someone of any race.

Eliminating entire races or deciding you like only one... keep doing that if it's that's just you, I'm not trying to hate, but like I said, I think that often people with these preferences are have developed them based on stereotypes they have come to believe and/or ignorance. It creeps me out.

An exception-- I have a couple of Black or biracial women friends who only date Black men-- this I understand because they want someone who understands the experience of being Black in American first-hand. Now, not every Black man is even going to have the same level consciousness about racism, so it's still trial and error, but this is not the same as having a fetish for a different race (or the same as white people not being open to dating Black people).
Formerly Urbancurl.
Medium-high density, fine-medium, low-normal porosity, 3b/c, permanent color.
CG, no heat, combs, brushes, parabens.
Fall/Winter HG=Alba Botanica Soft Hold Style Cream.
Spring/Summer HG=MGA Sculpting Gel
Current fave LI=Madre Labs Made by Nature for Baby Conditioner.
Limit oils, butters, glycerin.
@ Diaspora I do understand being turned off by the racial fetish. I've run into guys like that and it makes me uncomfortable. However I do understand that because of what someone is attracted to, those preferences may eliminate certain races out of the options. Sometimes it's environmental and sometimes it's just biological.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
Nearly all physical characteristics, if not all of them, can be found in someone of any race.

Eliminating entire races or deciding you like only one... keep doing that if it's that's just you, I'm not trying to hate, but like I said, I think that often people with these preferences are have developed them based on stereotypes they have come to believe and/or ignorance. It creeps me out.

An exception-- I have a couple of Black or biracial women friends who only date Black men-- this I understand because they want someone who understands the experience of being Black in American first-hand. Now, not every Black man is even going to have the same level consciousness about racism, so it's still trial and error, but this is not the same as having a fetish for a different race (or the same as white people not being open to dating Black people).
Originally Posted by diaspora
I guess we can agree to disagree. Lol

IMO there are certain features more prominent in certain races than others. I also can see not being interested because of being drawn to certain cultures more so than others. You may be one of those people who are attracted to certain features that are prominent in many races so you may not naturally have a preference for one race over others.

It is safe to say that we won't agree on this so I'll let it go now.
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Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
If we're talking physical attraction...black men have the things I'm looking for. And yeah..I make my preference known
Originally Posted by GoddessCurls
But no 2 Black men have the same physical characteristics. There are some white men with darker skin than some Black men, some white men with bigger you-know-whats than some Black men, etc.
Originally Posted by diaspora
True...but their essence still isn't the same. The act walk and talk differently...I generally prefer dark skin black men....I don't care how ran a white dude is...he will not be mistaken for a black man...lol I find something abr a black man inherently sexy...and white guys don't do it for me.

I am also a biracial woman who grew up with black people...the first boy I ever had a crush on was black. And don't girls tend to wanna find a dude that reminds them of daddy...my dad was the blackest man I knew...lol
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I dont understand why the guys I message never reply! So, no more initiating conversation for this girl!
Originally Posted by CoCoLoCks
It's true that you have to have a thick skin to do it. To get those few positive responses (it was actually 6; I forgot one), I had to contact around 60 or 70 people. So, yeah, I ended up going out with less than 10% of the people I contacted. And then there were 5 or 6 people who agreed to go out with me but then canceled or disappeared.
Originally Posted by ursula
I can't help but wonder what percentage of replies guys get from females? Probably about the same.

Didn't meet BF online, but I initiated contact by inviting him to a party. And, then I let him 'hunt' me
Originally Posted by Rubber Biscuit
Oh, but I wouldn't say my results are typical for women. I imagine most women get a higher percentage of replies. I still haven't gotten to the bottom of why I get so few but I think I have to just accept it and keep on keeping on.

I imagine the average woman gets a higher percentage of replies than the average man.
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